


The Crossroads

by MarriedToBigfoot, sipjackerryjuice



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, My Name Is Lily Madwhip, Tales from the Gas Station, r/nosleep - Fandom
Genre: Canon Divergent, Crossover, Eventual Happy Ending, Jackerry, Lily Madwhip TFTGS crossover, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Parent AU, Possible Character Death, SPOILERS!!!!, implied robrien, it starts after the events of I'm Lily Madwhip and You Can Keep This, jackxjerry, possible fan arc for TFTGS Volume 4?, spoilers for Lily Madwhip, spoilers for TFTGS, tw body horror, tw detailed injuries, tw mentions of abuse, tw mentions of drugs/drug paraphernalia (bc Jerry lol), tw violence, very important spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 59
Words: 166,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarriedToBigfoot/pseuds/MarriedToBigfoot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sipjackerryjuice/pseuds/sipjackerryjuice
Summary: Lily Madwhip can see the future, but she can't see what she's going to do without her family.Jack Townsend is used to weird things happening at the shitty gas station at the edge of town, but he's not prepared for a very special little girl to turn up looking for help.
Relationships: Jack/Jerry (Tales From the Gas Station)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 37





	1. I'm Lily Madwhip and Everyone I Love is Dead

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone!  
> this is an incredibly massive fic, and my most ambitious project to date  
> special and overwhelming thanks to Jess (MarriedToBigfoot), there's no way this would exist without you  
> special thanks to Anne for being our own personal focus group  
> thanks to everyone else in Pain Gravy for being a constant and humongous source of support and joy  
> as always leave a comment/kudos if you liked it and enjoy!!
> 
> p.s. ;)
> 
> also p.p.s. if you ever see something underlined in my fic, its probably a link so click on it

I thought I was done going to funerals when Roger died. My mom told me funerals were a part of life. I wish she was here to say that to me that now.  
But she's not.  
Instead, her ashes are in a vase sitting on a table at the front of the room, next to the vase with Dad's ashes. I don't know why they put them in vases. Vases are for flowers.  
I'd much rather flowers be in there. Maybe some pretty roses or daffodils. Violets?  
Mom also told me that it doesn't always rain when there's a funeral because then it would never stop. But it's raining now. It's been raining all day. I think maybe it only rains for the extra sad funerals, like the ones for best friends or parents.  
Everyone hugs me and tells me that I'm brave. Everyone tells me that I'm strong. That's what Paschar said. That I'm strong.  
But I don't feel strong. All I feel is sad. All I feel is wanting to run up there and hug the ash vases to my chest. I don't want to be strong. I just want my mom and dad back.  
After the preacher says all the words (the oology), they take the vases away, and I don't even get a chance to say goodbye. I couldn't even understand most of what he said, which isn't fair because it's my parents he said it for. The lady with dry, black hair who smells like cigarettes, the one who's been sitting next to me this whole time, gets up and takes my hand. She's my social worker. Her name's Debrah, but she told me to call her Mrs. Corvin. She looks kind of like an ugly bird. I'm not sure what she does, but she took me to get McDonald's before the funeral.  
"Your husband is going to get into a car crash," I told her.  
"That's nice."  
I knew she didn't believe me. No one ever seems to. She wasn't even listening.  
No one would take me. Not my Uncle George and Aunt Harriet. Even though their daughter got hit by a boat, and their house is probably really lonely. They still didn't want me. No one did.  
No one wanted a little girl who could see things before they happened and had dead parents. That made me a 'warn of the state.' I don't know why I had to warn the state about anything, but I don't really care. I follow her out to her big grey car.  
I fidget my fingers. I usually have Paschar to hold onto, but not since I got rid of him. Mrs. Corvin had bought me a plastic dragon to hold, but when it started talking to me in Paschar's voice, I stomped it into pieces. My hands are lonely now. They have each other, but they miss having something to hold.  
Mrs. Corvin opens the door for me. There's a small bag in the back of the car with the new clothes she bought for me in them. They don't have any pretty colors like my clothes at home did. They're gloomy dark colors. That's how I feel right now, though. I feel gloomy and dark.  
I get in the back seat, and then Mrs. Corvin starts to drive. It's quiet at first. Then after a few minutes, she starts talking to me. I don't want her to. I know she isn't going to say anything I would like, but she does anyway.  
"So Lily, it's time we got you settled. I'm going to take you to where you'll be staying for a while."  
"Where?" I ask her. None of my family wanted to take me, so where was she taking me now?  
"It's a group home. You'll stay with other kids like you."  
Kids whose parents are dead, she means.  
"It's in a place called Limekiln. That's in Louisiana, so it's a bit of a drive. They should have a room set up for you when we get there."  
I know where Louisiana is. I always heard about hurricanes there on the news. The way my luck was going, I'd probably get swept up in a hurricane. I'd fly all the way to Australia, and one of those giant spiders they have there would eat me.  
"Why do I have to go somewhere else?"  
"I figured a change of scenery is what you needed the most. A new start. It's a lovely place, I assure you."  
When grown-ups had to 'assure you' of things, they were usually lying. This wasn't any different.  
I want to tell her no, that I want to go home. If I said what's really on my mind, I'd probably have to fill up the swear jar to the tippy top.  
But I don't. Instead, I say "okay" and sit quietly in the back as the raindrops race each other down the windows.  
She's right; it is a bit of a drive. I don't know why adults used little words to describe big things like that. Like when my dad used to say we would be a little late to somewhere, and then we were thirty minutes late. I mean, that's not a little.  
I don't like sleeping in cars because cars really aren't comfy places to sleep. The seatbelt always digs into your chest, and there's no good place to put your head.  
We stop at McDonald's again, so I'm not too mad about having to sleep in the car.  
Eating makes me feel a little bit sleepy, though, and it's starting to get late, so I know I should try.  
I close my eyes and try to get into a decent enough position to fall asleep. I focus on counting sheep and trying not to let the mean thoughts creep in.  
One sheep…  
_You killed your parents._  
Two sheeps...  
_You killed your best friend._  
Th...three sheeps…  
_The angels are never going to leave you alone._  
I open my eyes and sniffle. This isn't working.  
"Hey, Mrs. Corvin?"  
She's sitting in the front seat, sipping a cup of coffee.  
I look out the window and can see that we're driving past lots of dark trees. I can't see much in them, the forest is really thick. I look away from the window though, it's dark out now, and seeing the forest makes me think of all the monsters that live in the forest in fairy tales. The kind of monsters that try to eat little girls.  
"Yes, Lily?"  
"Can you turn on some music? Like, something soft."  
She looks back at me for a moment. I see that look grown-ups get when something bad happens to someone else. Pity, that's what Paschar called it.  
"Of course, honey."  
With the radio playing, I'm able to keep my brain quiet. When I open my eyes, I'm not in the car anymore. I'm standing in a parking lot. It's dusty and smells terrible.  
I walk forward, and I smell gas. My parents always hated the smell of gas, but I think it smells kind of nice.  
Little buggies fly around the big light above the gas pumps. It's a gas station. _Did we stop for gas?_  
I don't see the car or Mrs. Corvin. I'm alone. Well, I'm not totally alone. But there's no one I know with me.  
A man is standing on the curb of the small store. He looks younger than my dad, but older than Roger was when he died. He seems closer to Roger than my dad, though.  
He's just standing there, holding a broom and looking out, directly at me. I don't know why he's holding the broom. He's not sweeping.  
I don't wanna seem like a scaredy pants, and I don't like the way he's looking at me.  
"Take a picture! It lasts longer!" I shout at him.  
Roger had said that to me one time when we were driving to Florida. I did one of those things where you forget where you're looking because you're thinking too hard, and after he said it, my dad told him to stop being a smartbutt, only he didn't say butt, he said something else.  
"Is someone out there?" He calls out.  
"Yes! Me! I'm Lily Madwhip! Who are you?"  
He squints his eyes. He's tall and skinny. His hair is a mess, and he looks like he just got out of bed. I'm not sure if he can hear me.  
He looks a lot like a sleepy monkey.  
"You know, we have a no loitering policy."  
_What does loitering mean?_ I think.  
His face changes, and he looks like he's seen a ghost. Meredith told me that's what you say when someone gets really scared. I've seen ghosts before, and I think they're pretty scary, so that's a good thing to say.  
Meredith…  
"Loitering is when you hang around somewhere for no reason. God, I really should take my medicine."  
I wonder what kind of medicine he takes. He doesn't look very sick to me, just sleepy. Maybe it's brain medicine. I think my parents tried to get me to take brain medicine. When I was in the Veil, my dad would always remind me to take my pills, but I wasn't sick.  
_I'd go back in if it meant I could see him again…_  
He squints hard at the darkness, looking right through me.  
And then he turns around and goes back inside. Everything gets really dark, and then I'm back in the car again. I must've woken up pretty hard because Mrs. Corvin looks back at me. The sun is rising.  
"You okay back there, kid?"  
"Yeah, just a weird dream."  
"We'll be there soon. Would you like Wendy's for breakfast?"  
I give her a thumbs up. My tummy feels weird, but I can't pass up Wendy's.


	2. A Ghost at the Gas Station

I walked back into the gas station, setting the broom to the side. Despite the warm May night, an unnatural chill had settled into my bones, and I couldn't stop shivering.  
Jerry was sitting behind the counter, hitting off a bong.  
"Jerry, where in the _hell_ did you get the slightest inkling that it was okay to do that in here?"  
He blew a cloud of smoke into my face before speaking.  
"Chill out, dude, it's late. No one's gonna come in here."  
I waved away the weed smoke. I was used to it by now, but it was annoying when Jerry made the gas station smell like a college dorm room.  
On second thought, maybe that would be an improvement.  
"I'm in here, Jerry, and I'd really rather not get a contact high."  
Jerry completely ignored me and instead asked, "what's wrong, dude? You look like you saw a ghost."  
I sighed. There was no use in chastising Jerry; he always did pretty much whatever he wanted. I couldn't say I didn't admire him for it, though. Even if it was a hindrance sometimes.  
"Yeah… I think I might have. I mean, I didn't _see_ anything, but I heard a voice and felt like someone was watching me."  
Jerry sat the bong and his lighter down.  
"Woah, what did it say?"  
"It was a little girl, I think. I said we have a no loitering policy, and she asked me what loitering means."  
He raised an eyebrow.  
"You told a little ghost girl not to loiter?"  
"To be fair, I'm not entirely sure it was a ghost."  
"If it was an actual little girl, that's kinda worse, dude."  
"Well, it's not my fault a little girl had nowhere better to be at 2 AM on a Tuesday."  
Ever since what we now referred to as the Head Incident, and finding out that I wasn’t scheduled to clock out of the mortal plane any time soon, Jerry made it a point to make me check the calendar at least once a day. I’d checked it before I went out to sweep away the bug carcasses and various odds and ends the raccoons left at our doorstep and accidentally made contact with the other side. It was early Tuesday morning.  
I came behind the counter and sat next to him.  
"Did she say anything else, dude?"  
"No, I don't think so. I never actually saw anyone, but I could feel her watching me."  
"That's janky as hell, man."  
I sighed. It's always me and my stupid brain.  
"Yeah. I'm not even totally convinced it was real. I need to take my medicine."  
Jerry pulled my bottle of pills from my backpack and handed it to me. His fingers brushed mine for a moment as I took it from him.  
We made awkward eye contact before he tossed me my water. The metal bottle hit me in the shoulder.  
"OW!" I yelped.  
"Sorry haha," Jerry slurred, "I'm really fucking high right now."  
I sighed, opening my water bottle and taking my pills.  
"Don't worry about it, Jer."


	3. I'm Lily Madwhip and I Think I'm in Hell

The longer we drive, the hotter it gets. Mrs. Corvin has the air conditioning on, but it doesn't work very well, so the inside of the car still feels like the inside of an oven. The trees get closer and closer to the road like green monsters creeping up on us. They have big clumps of grey stuff that hangs from their branches like icicles would hang from our porch in winter. Maybe they're treecicles? Mrs. Corvin said that I needed a change of scenery, but so far, this scenery doesn't seem very nice. A deer dashes out of the woods on the right, and Mrs. Corvin swerves, just barely missing it.  
Even the deer here aren't nice.  
Mrs. Corvin takes us down a long and curvy dirt road. It's really bumpy, and the brown dust behind us is thick like fog. We drive over a small wooden bridge and go around a big curve before coming to a humongous white house. It's old and looks like a scary movie house. The white paint on the outside is chipping, and one of the windows has a big crack in it. It doesn't look like anyone should live there, but I can see shadows moving by the windows. It looks like there are kids in there. I guess that makes sense since Mrs. Corvin said there would be other kids here like me. This doesn't look like a house for kids, though. It looks like a house for ghosts, like the Haunted Mansion, only less fun.  
The Dead Parents Mansion.  
Mrs. Corvin parks the car next to the wooden steps. She gets out, then she walks over to my side and opens the door.  
I don't want to get out yet. I'm not ready to see what the inside of the creepy house looks like. Plus, once I'm inside the house, this is my new home, and I don't want a new home. I think about staying in the car. Maybe if I don't move, Mrs. Corvin will just give up and take me back to my real home.  
The car is really hot, though, and I'm starting to sweat. So I take a deep breath and step outside.  
Getting out of the car feels like jumping into a bowl of soup. My t-shirt sticks to my skin as we walk towards the big front door. There's also a loud, constant buzzing. _What is that?_  
"Do you hear the buzzing?" I ask Mrs. Corvin.  
Without turning around to look at me, she says, "those are cicadas."  
"What are cicadas?"  
"They're bugs. They like to make noise around this time of day."  
"Oh."  
Not only do I have to live in this weird, hot state, but now I have to deal with _new bugs?_  
Mrs. Corvin reaches up and knocks on the big iron knocker. It looks like an angry dog with a ring in its mouth.  
A short, thin, old woman in a black dress answers the door. It looks kinda like the dresses the pilgrim ladies wore in my Thanksgiving play. She has glasses with little circle frames on her long, bony nose. Her grey hair is pulled up in a bun. Her face is all thin and wrinkly. She looks me up and down with a very green eye. The other one doesn’t move. I think it’s made of glass.  
She looks like a witch who became a principal—a witchipal.  
"Good evening, I'm Ms. Cloven. You must be Lilian."  
I don't say anything, but I look at her and nod. I don’t tell her “Lily, not Lilian” like I want to. Adults don’t like it when you correct them, even when they’re wrong.  
She looks at me with that fake smile adults sometimes do when they want you to feel comfortable. It never works, though. All her smile does is make me look back down at my shoes.  
"I'm sorry," Mrs. Corvin tells her, "she's just a little nervous."  
"That's perfectly alright. Most children are nervous when they first arrive. I'm sure Lilian will settle in in no time." Ms. Cloven's voice sounds cheerful, but it's fake, just like her smile. I guess it would be hard to actually be cheery when you live in a house full of kids who don't have parents anymore. I don't know why she's pretending. It isn't like her being happy is gonna make me happy about having to live here.  
Mrs. Corvin grabs my bag from the car. She hands it to me and gets down to my level.  
"I'm gonna leave now, Lily. I promise you, it may seem scary now, but you'll feel at home here soon."  
This is my last chance to beg her to take me home. I feel a lump like a golf ball form in my throat.  
I want to tell her how much I hate it here. It's hot and gross, and there are bugs and tree monsters, and I just want my mom and dad back.  
"Okay," is what I say instead.  
She smiles at me and then stands back up. I watch her get into the car and drive away. I want what she said to be right. I want to be able to feel at home and not feel so scared. As Ms. Cloven walks me inside the big house, I cross my fingers and hope that Mrs. Corvin would be right. I hope that things will change and I will be happy again. I hope that I'll feel at home, just like she said.  
When we get inside the front room of the house, I know that she isn't. I know that the other girls in the house won't be nice. They'll tease me just like kids back at school did. I know that I'll end up sad and that I'll get lost with cuts and scrapes on my legs, and I'll see a giant alligator and be really afraid. I see it, and what I feel is the opposite of at home.  
I really don't like it when people make promises that they can't keep.

*******

"I don't want to switch beds, Hannah! You just have to deal with it!"  
"No way, I'm not sleeping next to her again! She screamed in her sleep last night and woke me up! Tonight she'll probably sleepwalk and stab me to death, like Jack the Ripper!"  
"Then why don't we make Opal trade? She can sleep next to Lily!"  
"Opal?" Kaitlynn puts her hands on her hips and looks at Opal, who's sitting curled up on her bed, the one furthest from mine.  
She doesn't say anything, and Kaitlynn and Hannah start arguing all over again.  
I don't say anything either. I really don't care who sleeps next to me. It isn't like any of them are my friends. Kaitlynn and Hannah are just like Lisa Welch back at school, only with funny accents. They think I'm weird, and they like to make sure I know it. They're always fighting over who has to sit by me or who has to talk to me. Opal is a little nicer. She still isn't my friend, and she thinks I'm weird, but at least she's quiet. She doesn't shout or call me names, like Hannah and Kaitlynn do.  
All four of us share a room at the group home. It isn't a big room, but it had enough space for four small beds, two on each side, with a trunk in front of each one for our clothes. Kaitlynn has drawings taped up above her bed, and Opal has some pictures of her family on her part of the wall. The spot above my bed is empty. I haven't felt like drawing since I got to the group home, and all the pictures of my family are gone.  
Opal eventually gives up and switches beds. As usual, I'm the last to use the bathroom, the last to brush my teeth, the last to change into my pajamas. No one wanted to go before the weird girl who screams in her sleep.  
I lie there in the dark and listen to Kaitlynn and Hannah talk about me. They must think I'm asleep or don't care if I'm awake to hear it.  
"I just hope she doesn't wake me up again. It was like she was being murdered last night." Kaitlynn said. Her voice was mean and snappy.  
"Yeah, it was kind of scary."  
"It was. Everything about her is scary."  
I roll over and face the window. Moonlight shines through the gaps in the trees.  
It surprises me when I hear Opal's voice chime in.  
"She is a little scary… Do you think it's true that she can see things?"  
"No, she probably just made it up. That doesn't make it any less weird, though."  
"Yeah, you're probably right…"  
I stare at the moon outside and try to not be too sad. Opal wasn't ever my friend. She just wasn't a bully. I try really hard to stop it, but a tear still slides down my cheek. Hearing them talk about me, especially Opal, just reminds me of how alone I am. Maybe she wasn't ever going to be a friend, but I thought she might not believe I'm weird like everybody else did. I guess that was wrong.  
I try to close my eyes and ignore them so I can fall asleep. It's hard because Kaitlynn has a loud voice.  
I put my pillow over my head and lay my head down on the lumpy mattress. I can still hear them talking about me through it, but faintly.  
"She sounds so weird too. Like she thinks she's better than everyone."  
"I don't know why she thinks that. It's not like anyone likes her here."  
That's it. I'm tired and sad, and I just want to go to sleep. I pull the pillow away from my face, and in the meanest voice I can make, I say, "yeah, well, at least I don't sound like I jumped out of a bad cowboy movie!"  
They get quiet. I lay my head back down and close my eyes. 

*******

When I open my eyes, everything is dark. I'm nowhere. I can't see my hands, and everything in front of me looks like it does when you open your eyes in a dark room with no windows. I can't really feel my body either. It's like I'm just my mind, floating in space.  
A brain just floating in space would look pretty weird.  
"Hello?" I call out into the dark.  
"Who the fuck are you?" A voice calls back.  
It's not angry, just confused. It sounds familiar, but I can't figure out where I've heard it.  
"I… I'm not really sure."  
It's true. I try hard to think of what my name is and what I look like. I could be anyone.  
"That's weird, neither am I."  
"I like the name Alice. I think I'll be Alice."  
"Uh, why not pick something simple. I think I'll be… Jack?"  
"Like a Jack O'Lantern!"  
"Yeah," I can hear his smiley voice, "like a Jack O'Lantern."  
Suddenly, I can see myself. I have tiny hands and a blue and white dress. My hair is long and yellow, and I'm wearing a headband in it. I've got striped tights and tiny feet in tiny black shoes. I look over, and standing a few feet away from me is a tall man in a fancy suit. He has a grinning Jack O'Lantern for a head. It glows when he speaks.  
"Oh, well, this is interesting."  
I wiggle my toes in my new shoes.  
"I think we can control this place? Like, maybe it can be whatever we want it to be."  
Mr. Jack O'Lantern moves closer to me. His pumpkin mouth splits into a bright grin.  
"I'll let you do the honors, then."  
I try to think of in my mind where I'd want to be most right now. I still don't remember anything about who I am, but one place sticks out in my mind. I can't figure out why.  
"Okay, I think I've got a place."  
I watch as the black melts around us, and suddenly we're standing in a small room. Snowflakes fall outside the window, and there's a twinkling Christmas tree in the corner.  
Tears well up in my eyes. _Why am I so sad?_ Everything feels familiar. The brown carpet, the painting of a snowman on the wall, the couch with a dark purple stain on the left cushion from grape juice. _How do I know that?_ The picture frame sitting on the small table in front of the couch. There's a mom, a dad, an older boy, and a little girl.  
I don't realize I'm crying until Mr. Jack O'Lantern says, "what's wrong?"  
"I think I live here. Or maybe I used to. But something bad happened, and it was my fault."  
I sit down in the middle of the floor and run my fingers through the carpet. _I just want to go home._  
Mr. Jack O'Lantern sits down next to me.  
"Did you know God is a whale?"  
I look at him. I didn't expect him to say that.  
I don't know why, but this thought makes me feel better.  
"A whale? What kind of whale?"  
"It was a big black whale. Maybe a right whale?"  
I laugh. _Can a whale be right? What does a wrong whale look like?_  
"No, no," he says, "right is just the name. A right whale is a big black whale. I saw one on a trip once, when I was little. There's a place in Georgia called Tybee Island, and they love the warm water there."  
I don’t blame the whales. Warm water is really nice. Especially when it’s really cold outside and you get take a bath.  
"I like God being a whale. Everyone thinks he's some big bearded old man in the sky, but I'd much rather listen to a whale. Whales are gentle giants, you know."  
I watch as Mr. Jack O'Lantern melts away. I'm sitting next to a little boy now. He has fluffy brown hair and a red shirt with a hippo on it. It's a little too small on him.  
"What's your hippo's name?"  
"Hermes." He says.  
He still has a grown-up voice, even though he's little now.  
"I like that name."  
He turns to face me. He has big, green eyes. They look tired, like how I feel.  
"Someone told me once that the world was going to end, and I'd watch everyone I loved die. I don't really remember who, but I think what that person said to me might be a good thing to tell you."  
"That I'll watch everyone I love die?"  
He moves over and hugs me. He smells like old books and gas.  
"No. She said something else."  
"What was it?"  
He reaches his little hand up and ruffles my hair like dads do sometimes.  
"Don't be too hard on yourself."  
I wake up to Opal shaking me.  
"Come on, we have to get up, Lily. Mrs. Cloven wants us down for breakfast."  
I try to recall the details of what I just dreamed, but it's one of those dreams that likes to run out of your head like air leaking from a busted tire.  
All I remember was someone telling me to not be too hard on myself. Thinking about that makes me feel a little better. 

*******

I tug another weed free from the dusty ground. Mrs. Cloven woke us up early and fed us breakfast before sending us out to do yard work. At first, I think it's awful having to get up at school time to go work outside. But, I soon figure out from the other girls' conversations that this happens a lot, and it’s to avoid the time of day when the sun gets the hottest. I’m already a little sunburnt, so I don't complain.  
Other girls are watering the flowers, mowing the grass, and dusting cobwebs off the house and well. Mrs. Cloven is around the front, spraying the big ant piles with nasty liquid that smells like the cabinet under the kitchen sink. The ants that live in those don't look like friendly sugar ants.  
I'm on weed duty, along with a few others. I don't like pulling up the dandelions, but I make a chain out of the flowers to put around my neck.  
Weeds are really hard to pull. They don’t want to come out of the ground, so I have to pull hard and some of them hurt my hands.  
I'm almost done with a particularly nasty patch of y-weeds when I find it. I'm sure they had an actual name, but I call them y-weeds because the tips are shaped like a Y. They have sticky black seeds on the ends, and they were all over my pants now. Nestled in the last clump is a small object. I pick it up.  
It's an owl!  
It's cold despite the warm sun. It's tiny and made of white stone, with little feathers and a face carved out. It has blue eyes, and it fits comfortably in my pocket. It's nice to have a friend. I name the owl Hermes. I'm not exactly sure where that name came from, but it feels right.  
Just when the sun starts getting way too hot, Mrs. Cloven calls us all inside. We all sit down to lunch, and there's fried chicken! We all hold hands and give thanks to God like usual. Only I know God is a whale and not some old, ugly, bearded dude in the sky. _Wait, how do I know that?_  
I pray that it has lots and lots of plankton (that's what whales eat) and is very happy.  
I put a big piece of fried chicken on my plate, as well as one of the biscuits that are always there, no matter what meal. I don't like most of what this new place had, but the biscuits are so good. Soft and fluffy, like eating a cloud. If you ate a cloud, that's what it tastes like. Except maybe a little bit wetter. _Maybe clouds taste more like mashed potatoes?_  
There's also mashed potatoes, and I put a bunch on my plate. Working outside made me hungry as a horse. My mom would say that sometimes when she came home from work.  
"I'm hungry as a horse," she would say, and my dad would say "me too," and we'd get Chinese food or a pizza that night.  
 _Mom and Dad…_  
"Lilian, surely you mean to eat more vegetables than that."  
I look at the bowls on the table. There's one with carrots in it and something purple too. _Purple things are usually good, right?_  
I pile a few big spoonfuls on my plate and decide to try that first, just in case it's terrible. Then I'd have the rest of my lunch to get the blegh out of my mouth.  
I get some purple on my fork and put it in my mouth.  
"Those are beets," Mrs. Cloven says just as the nasty hits my taste buds, "fresh from the garden. I picked them this morning."  
It's really hard not to spit it back out onto my plate. I chew it as little as possible and swallow it quickly. I want to barf. _Mental note, stay far away from beets._  
I finish the carrots instead. They're soft and sweet and warm. They only taste a little like beet. When I get to the chicken, I discover that it doesn't taste like any fried chicken I've ever had before. It's delicious, but it's hard to not sweat or turn red at how spicy it is.  
Before we're all done eating, I drink several glasses of lemonade to try and cool my tongue down.  
I'm lucky it's not my turn to help wash dishes because I have to run to the bathroom when we're all excused.  
I sit my little owl down on the counter as I wash my hands. I feel funny looking at it. Like it's staring at me. Once I dry my hands, I pick it up again. It feels warm now, almost like it's alive. Maybe that's just because it was in my pocket. I stuff it back in.  
I'm sitting in the big living room at the front of the house when the owl starts talking to me. It has couches, paintings, a fireplace, and two big bookshelves. It's my favorite place to be since I got here a week ago. Everyone calls it the great room, and it is pretty great. It has a humongous fancy light hanging from the ceiling. Mrs. Cloven calls it a chandleer. That's a weird name for a light, but I think it's still a beautiful light. There are animal heads on the wall. Mostly different kinds of deer, but there's also an alligator and a zebra. I feel bad for them. I don't want my head on a wall.  
I'm the only one in here, rereading _Alice In Wonderland._  
"Lily," the owl says, "I've been trying to reach you for a while now."  
It's Paschar. He's the last person I want to talk to now.  
Probably the last person I want to talk to ever.  
His voice sounds just like it always does. Quiet and calm, and it's like he's talking inside my head instead of out loud. Instead of making me calm like it used to, hearing it makes me tense up. I want to cover my ears and try to ignore it, but I know that won't actually work. I'll be able to hear him anyway. So instead, I just try to ignore him and don't say anything at all. For a minute, Paschar doesn't say anything, and I think that maybe I got lucky and he went away again. I'm not lucky, though. I've never been lucky. After I'm quiet for a while, he starts talking again.  
"Lily, I know you can hear me. I need to tell you something important. Will you please listen?"  
I stay quiet and still.  
"You know that I can help you if you listen to me, Lily. I can help you leave this place and go somewhere you would like more. Somewhere nicer."  
I don't want to listen to him, but it's tough when he's saying things like this. I want to leave and go somewhere else. It's all I want. Still, I don't know if I can trust Paschar anymore. Not after what happened with my parents and Meredith and the doggie.  
Paschar betrayed me in the worst way. He saw what was gonna happen to my parents and Meredith and said nothing. Who knows if he's doing that again?  
"Don't you want to leave this place, Lily? I know that you aren't happy here. I can take you somewhere where you'll be much happier."  
 _I was happy at my home before it got turned into ashes,_ I think.  
I don't say it, though. Paschar can probably hear my thoughts, but he doesn’t say anything about it.  
"Why won't you talk to me? I remember when you called me your best friend."  
I feel my eyes start to sting. Paschar is right. I did call him my best friend because he was. But best friends aren't supposed to hurt each other, and Paschar really hurt me. I don't think I can call him my friend anymore. I don't have friends anymore. I try really hard not to cry, but few tears fall anyway.  
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" My voice is quiet, and for a moment, I think maybe Paschar didn't hear me. Then his voice is in my head again, and I know that he did.  
"Something is coming, Lily. I just want to keep everyone safe. You can help do that."  
"Last time I helped you and the other angels, my mom and dad died…"  
"I know, and I'm so sorry, Lily."  
"If you're sorry, why do I have to help again?" I'm crying harder now. I can't help it.  
I'm confused, and I'm scared. Paschar said something is coming, and he's always right. Even if he doesn't always tell me everything. What is it? Will it hurt people? Most of all, why do they need me?  
 _Didn't I already do enough?_  
"Please, Lily, your power can do so much good. You just have to trust me."  
"I-I don't think I can. I'm sorry Paschar…"  
Paschar's voice gets desperate. This is the first time I've ever heard him talk like this.  
"You don't know what you're saying. You don't understand what will happen if you refuse. Bad things could happen, Lily."  
"But you guys are angels! How much could I help? I'm just a kid."  
"You're more than just a kid Lily, you're special."  
"I don't think I want to be special anymore."  
"Lily, you don't—"  
I don't hear the rest of what he said. I ran out the front door and to the well at the side of the house.  
"LALALA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" I yell over his voice in my head.  
I hear Paschar sigh in frustration as I fling the little owl down into the dark water below.  
I feel bad. It was beautiful. But I don't want to know what else Paschar has to say. I'm scared, and I'm tired of being scared. I know he and the angels can figure it out. They have way more power than I do. Maybe Paschar is wrong this time, and they don't need me.  
He's right about something, though. I'm not happy at the group home, and now that the angels can talk to me here, I have to get away.  
I wipe the tears off my cheeks and start to make a plan.  
I sneak back inside the kitchen door. Mrs. Cloven is standing over the stove, stirring a simmering pot. The smell is warm and sugary, and it makes my nose happy. Before I can slip away, she speaks without turning around to look at me.  
"There you are, Lilian. I was wondering where you'd scampered off to. When I was a little girl, I liked to look down the well too."  
I shiver. _How does she know I was at the well?_  
"Would you like to try a praline, Lilian?"  
I've never heard of a praline before, but if it's the thing that smells so good, I'm willing to try it.  
"Sure."  
Mrs. Cloven takes a break from the pot and goes over to the fridge. She pulls out a wire rack with brown clumps on it. It looks like caramel with nuts in it. She hands me one before putting the tray back in the fridge.  
I take a small bite of it. It's still a little warm and sweet. It's nutty. I can feel the sugar between my teeth, gritty like sand.  
"This is really good! Thank you."  
She doesn't reply, going back to the pot on the stove.  
I finish the praline and lick my fingers. My mom always told me that it was rude, but I think it's a compliment. If you lick your fingers when someone makes something, then they know it was really good. Good enough to want to lick your fingers.  
She turns around suddenly, whipping the wooden spoon from the pot. A splash of hot caramel hits my cheek.  
"Ow!" I cry.  
Her eyes look weird, and her voice sounds wrong. Not like it usually does.  
"Don't you see, Lilian? The angels hate coming here. This is where the weird stuff happens. This is where it all begins. There's an unspeakable disaster coming. I've seen it in the cards, I've seen it in the cauldron. The prophecy will be fulfilled, and not even God or an army of angels could stop what's to come. The planet is doomed."  
I raise my hand to my burning cheek.  
"Jesus Christ, lady!"  
Her eyes change back to normal, and she shakes her head like there's a bug in her hair.  
"I'm sorry, Lilian, did you say something?"  
I wipe the brown goo off my face.  
"N-no. I'm gonna go read some more."  
"Such a nice little girl. So unique." She says, as if I'm already gone.  
I race out of the room and back up the wooden staircase to my room.  
Thankfully, no one else is in there. I pack all my belongings into my little backpack that Mrs. Corvin had bought me. When everyone else goes to sleep, I'm going to leave.  
I'll walk until… well until I can't walk anymore. I don't know where I'll go, but the farther I get from here, the better. Maybe I'll walk all the way back to Maryland. I can do that thing where you stick your thumb out and wait for a car to pick you up. I don't know why giving cars a thumbs up gets them to stop for you.  
Adults are weird.  
I hide my runaway bag under my bed and wait by the window until dinner is ready. I play with the soup we have for dinner. It has shrimp and sausage and is hot and spicy. I only have a few bites of it. It's yummy, but I'm not hungry.  
They call it gumbo, I think? I like the name, it's close to Dumbo.  
But I don't think I'd want Dumbo soup. I'd want to fly on Dumbo.  
I try to stay as far away from Mrs. Cloven as possible as Opal and I help wash dishes.  
We climb up the stairs together, and I get ready for bed as soon as we get upstairs. I snuggle under the sheets, hoping to get some sleep before making my escape.  
Kaitlynn and Hannah come in and start talking about boys. After a while, I'm pretty sure I won't get any extra sleep.  
Then Mrs. Cloven comes in.  
"You girls should go to sleep, you know, it's nearly nine. You wouldn't want the rougarou to come and eat you, hm?"  
They get quiet.  
"What's a rougarou?" Opal asks in a whispery voice.  
Mrs. Cloven steps further into the room, where she has our full attention.  
"The rougarou is a fearsome beast that comes out when the sun goes down. A witch crafts it from fire and flesh, and it rises to terrorize the bayou underneath the full moon. It has the head of a wolf and the body of a man, and it eats little girls who don't go to sleep when they should for breakfast."  
She claps her hands, and we all jump.  
The other girls are white. Mrs. Cloven walks back to the door, clicking off the light.  
"You girls would do well to go to sleep. I think I can hear the howls already."  
She chuckles and shuts the door. _I think I can hear the howls too..._  
I imagine the four of us stacked up on a breakfast table with a giant werewolf monster pouring syrup over us. I shiver underneath the quilt.  
"But the r-rougarou isn't real, right?" Kaitlynn squeaks.  
I try to think like a grown-up.  
"I think if it was, someone would've found one already. It would be in a zoo or something." I say. I don't know how much I believe it, but it makes me feel a little better.  
"If the rougarou comes to eat us, Lily can scare it away!" Hannah chimes.  
"She can tell it if it eats us, it'll get sick, or that we'll taste bad!" Kaitlynn added. Opal turns to me.  
"You'll make it go away, won't you, Lily?"  
Pretty soon, they're all laughing, but this time it feels different. I don't feel like they’re laughing _at_ me.  
That's the first time I feel even a little liked. Maybe if things were different, I could stay here and be okay. But I still have to get out of here. I know Paschar will come back.  
When they're all asleep, I take my bedsheets and make a rope.  
Roger used to do that to sneak out of his window. I get my backpack, open up the window, and slide down the side of the house with my rope. I end up landing on my butt.  
The stars are bright up above, and the moon is big and bright in the sky.  
 _I hope it isn't a full moon._


	4. A Little Help From the Gas Station

It was a slow Monday night, and I was on my fourteenth cup of coffee. I was lost in a book about an evil ice spirit that freezes the entire world. It was a bit more intense than I was expecting when I got it, but it was still enjoyable. I had only just gotten to the good part when the coffee hit my bladder. I yelled out to Jerry to watch the register as I went to the bathroom. I did my business, and as I was coming out of the stall, I saw him.  
He was sitting on a wooden stool in one corner of the bathroom that I knew didn’t belong to the gas station. It was wooden, with intricate patterns carved into the legs.  
He was wearing a leather duster jacket and jeans. He was wearing a pink cowboy hat with a dandelion tucked into it. Usually, I don’t pay attention to these kinds of things, but I was fascinated by the odd choice of hat.  
“I like your hat,” I told him.  
“I like yours,” he replied.  
I wasn’t wearing a hat, but I didn’t really have it in me to question it. He was holding a baby goat on his lap. It was black with white spots and had the biggest brown eyes I’d ever seen on a goat. He was holding a bottle to its mouth, and it was drinking the milk inside with relish.  
“What’s her name?” _How did I know it was a her?_  
“Alexandra,” he said, looking down at her and smiling, “the bravest little goat on the whole frontier.”  
“That’s a nice name.”  
“You wanna know something, Jack?”  
That was the first time I’d ever heard the Bathroom Cowboy use anyone’s name directly. It was probably the first time he’d done so ever. I felt strangely honored.  
“Sure,” I answered.  
“Even the strongest people in the world need a little help sometimes. [Without the little bird to pick his teeth clean, the crocodile would get a mighty toothache.](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yYFUa_IBRw56ZDpN02BNUoZKq7FFw29F/view?usp=sharing)”  
The metaphor made enough sense.  
“I appreciate the wisdom, but why are you sharing it with me?”  
He looked back up and gave me a knowing smile. The goat had finished the bottle and fell asleep in his lap. After rubbing his scruffy chin for a moment, he replied.  
“You’ll find your answer in the sky.”  
I had figured he would give me a vague answer, but this felt surprisingly straightforward. I thought about that for a moment. I wasn’t sure if he meant that in a literal sense or if he was still being metaphorical. Or if it was entirely unrelated to what he had said before. I couldn’t decide which option seemed more plausible.  
“Okay, well, thank you,” I told him.  
He waved at me, and I nodded at him before walking out of the bathroom. I tried to be careful when I shut the door behind me. I didn’t want to risk slamming the door and waking up his little goat. That would’ve been just plain rude.  
As I walked towards the door, Jerry caught me.  
“Hey, dude? Where are you going?”  
“The Bathroom Cowboy told me to go outside.”  
Jerry set down the soap statue he was carving with a box cutter and stood up.  
“Oh. Sweet. Can I come?”  
I thought about it for a moment,  
“Actually, why don’t you take the night off, Jerry? You haven’t had an off day in a while, I think.”  
“Are you sure? If things get hairy around here, I don’t want—“  
Things getting hairy was probably the exact reason I didn’t want Jerry here. He was good backup, sure. I knew he could handle just about anything. But I’d feel way too guilty if something happened to him that I could’ve prevented.  
“Seriously, Jerry, it’s alright. I’ll be fine.”  
He took off his nametag and laid it under the counter, stole a pack of cigarettes, and grabbed the keys to the Nissan.  
“Well, thanks, dude. Love you.”  
“Hm?”  
“Good luck. I said good luck to you.”  
I laughed. It came out a lot more shrill and nervous than I expected.  
“Okay, Jerry.”  
I watched him drive off. He’d come and pick me up in the morning.  
I went behind the counter and took my medicine before grabbing Ricardo and venturing outside.  
I don’t know what I was expecting to find when I went outside. But a bloody, screaming, barefoot little girl was not one of them.  
Or maybe it was, but not in the context it was in. A vivid hallucination, sure. But this was way too real for my taste.


	5. I'm Lily Madwhip and I'm Definitely in Hell

I walk down the dusty road in the dark, shining the flashlight I took from the basement in front of me. The trees on either side are thick with leafy vines. It grows all over them like mold. It's like nature curtains.  
I think one of the girls had called this… cod zoo? _No, that wasn't right._  
I don't see any big pawprints, so I think I'm fine as far as roo-garoos. I go around the bend in the road, and I stand on the bridge for a minute.  
The forest is alive. Froggies jump from rock to rock, and I can see fish swimming through the stream. A raccoon sits on one side of it, breaking open clams with its little hands. It's probably the biggest raccoon I've ever seen.  
The wind blows the trees softly, and I can hear all the animals singing to each other.  
_Maybe this place isn't all bad._  
After walking along the dirt road for what feels like a very long time, I reach the main road. The trees on either side are still just as thick. That grey stuff hangs down from the branches, low enough to just nearly touch my face. My gut tells me that I shouldn't let it touch me. It might grab onto me like sticky tape and pull me back up into the tree. _Are there kid-eating trees in Louisiana?_  
I don't like walking by the road, but I don't want to get lost in the woods. I decide to stay just within the trees. As I walk in between trees, I see a field full of big leafy palm trees. They're shorter than I am. _Shorty palm trees!_  
I try to get a little closer, and I trip on a root. I lose my balance and fall face-first into the palm trees. I feel stings all over my legs and arms, and when I stand up, I'm bleeding. The palm trees have spikes all over their leaves.  
"Even the trees are mean here!" I say, whining in pain.  
I try to get out of the clump of trees in as few steps as possible, but my ankles are still cut up bad when I get out of them.  
_I think I'm gonna stick to the road._  
I walk further down the road, looking around to make sure no cars are coming or no big animals are hiding out in the shadows. I take slow steps, trying to ignore the way the cuts on my legs sting. Then I see it. Right in front of me, there's an animal. I don't know how it got there so fast (I'm looking around really hard), but there it is. It's enormous and glowing, and it's bright green. I don't know what kind of animal it is. I can't get a good look at the rest of it. All I can really see is its eyes staring right into mine. They're the darkest green I've ever seen, and they're big. They reflect the moonlight, and it kind of looks like they're on fire. They stare right back at mine, and I can't tell if the look in them is a nice one or not. I stare back as hard as I can, trying not to move and make the animal mad. I pretend I'm in a staring contest with Roger. After a minute of staring, I can't help it. I blink. And then it's gone. There are no dark eyes, no glowing green. It just vanishes.  
_Oh._ I'm seeing things before they happen again.  
I shiver and try to keep walking. I hope that this vision doesn't come true. I'm not sure I want to know what the rest of the green monster looks like. I'm not sure if I want it to actually get that close to me, no matter what it looks like.  
I watch the moon slowly move across the sky as I walk further and further down the road. I take out one of the water bottles I took from the kitchen and drink some, pouring the rest over the worst of my cuts. I don't want to litter, so I hold the bottle as I walk along. Maybe there will be a trash can nearby soon.  
As I walk along, I see something up ahead. I slow down, just in case it's a monster. It's not. It's a deer. It doesn't have antlers, so it's a mama deer. My dad taught me that. Several mama deer follow it before another mama comes out with babies!  
Something about them is a little off. A big daddy deer comes out of the woods behind them. It turns and looks at me, and I smile and wave. I watch it stand up.  
_Wait, what?!_  
It stands up, looking me over. I look down at its feet and figure out why they were weird to me. It has big kangaroo feet.  
"Nice… nice kangadeer. I don't want any trouble."  
It snorts at me before walking into the forest behind the baby kangadeers.  
I watch them disappear into the trees, and even when they're gone, I stand there for a minute in shock. Maybe it's because I was looking at kangadeers, but I'm pretty sure I looked like a deer in the headlights. That's what you say when someone is really shocked and maybe even a little scared.  
_That was really weird._  
I feel a little better after seeing them. Maybe not everything here is scary or mean. They seemed really nice. Weird, but still nice.  
I keep walking along the road. _Are there speed bumps this far into the woods?_  
I'm already too close when I realize that's not what it is. The alligator lets out a big hiss as it turns towards me.  
"Ass!" I yell.  
I'm gonna owe the swear jar a quarter.  
It starts to move towards me much faster than alligators should be able to move. I fall onto my butt as I try to run backward. I kick at the alligator and throw my empty water bottle at it, but it doesn't stop. It gets closer and closer to me, and I try scooting away. It's not much use, though. It doesn't take long for me to know I won't be able to escape. I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for it to make a midnight Lily snack out of me. I try to think about my parents, about Meredith. At least if the alligator gets me, I'll be able to see them again. I hope so, at least. It's a nice thought, nicer than thinking about the alligator's big, sharp teeth anyway. The ground starts to shake.  
I hear another hiss, and I flinch, but the bite never comes.  
I slowly open my eyes, and instead of the alligator, I see a glowing green shape. The alligator is backing away as the new animal makes a loud barking noise. It sounds kind of like a doggie, but louder. So loud that I have to cover my ears, and I can still hear it through my hands. It really works, though, because the alligator is leaving, and it's going fast. I feel safe again for just one second before the bright green animal turns around and looks right at me.  
It stares at me with dark green eyes, and that's when I remembered.  
_The creature from my vision! This must be what I saw._  
It's huge. The head is big, like a bear's head, but it's a raccoon head. It has whiskers, a little bandit face, fluffy raccoon ears, and everything. It has feet with the things in between, like a duck. Like my big toes! It has two pairs of wings, as long as tree branches. They're big and green and look like if a butterfly had dragon wings. Its body is green all over and glowing like a glow-stick. I watch it stand up on its back two legs and watch me with its six eyes. It has eight pairs of legs covered in fur on the thighs and scales below the knees. They end in big, sharp claws. Two big antennas stick up out of its head, like butterfly antennas. Its striped raccoon tail is big and fluffy with thorns and spurs stuck in it.  
"Does that hurt you?" I ask. I hope it doesn't.  
It gets back down on its eight legs and scurries over to me. It opens its mouth at me, showing off teeth bigger and sharper than the alligator's teeth.  
_Maybe I will be a midnight Lily snack after all._  
It leans its head toward the sky and blows out a big stream of fire. Then it looks back down and licks my face with its long, rough tongue.  
"Ewwww," I say, wiping some of the green slime off my face with my arm.  
I see something shiny around its big fluffy neck. I grab it and see it's a collar.  
"Rita? Is your name Rita?"  
Rita's big fluffy tail wags, smacking the ground and making it shake a little.  
"My name is Lily Madwhip. Thanks for saving me from getting eaten."  
Rita barks again, much softer than last time.  
"I see things before they happen. I saw you. Do you see things before they happen? Is that why you saved me?"  
If she can talk, she isn't telling. I reach a hand out and put it on her big raccoony head, giving her a soft pat. I try to be extra gentle. She doesn't seem like she wants to eat me now, but I don't want to risk making her mad. She's still big enough to swallow me in one bite if she really wants to.  
I watch as she lies down in the road, looking up at me expectantly.  
"Uh…? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to— eek!"  
She whips me onto her back with her giant raccoon tail, one of the spurs ripping into my backpack. I hold onto her big raccoon dragon butterfly body as she stands up. Her fur smells like smoke and mud. Also soda? And flowers!  
It's so soft. My eyelids are so heavy. I snuggle my face into Rita's green fluff and close my eyes. I don't need a little plastic dragon to hold. Now I have a real dragon to hold.  


*******

When I wake up, I'm all by myself again, and I'm lying in a patch of dirt underneath a shady tree. The sun is up high, and there isn't a cloud in the sky. I lift myself up off the ground and look at where I ended up. I'm not on the big road anymore. This is a dirt path, and the plants here look even wilder than they did where I was before. I can see a building off in the distance. It looks like a little house. I walk towards it, and as I get closer, I can see that plants are growing all over it. It looks like the house is being swallowed by green leaves. I can't even find the front door. Nearby is a big red water pump. I'm thirsty, and I have no more water in my bag. I try the handle.  
"EW, SPIDER WEBS!" I cry as I fall backward.  
My arm lands in a mound of dirt, only it isn't dirt. It's a big pile of angry ants. You can tell they're angry because they're red. They go up my arm and start biting. I scream and try to brush them off. I stand back up and pry open the rusty water pump, washing the rest of the meanie bugs off of my arm. I end up getting soaked in water. I have a line of ugly white and red dots up my arm now.  
 _Okay, Lily, look on the bright side. At least you got the water to come out._  
I stand up and then slip in the mud. Mud gets all over my butt.  
 _Who am I kidding? I'm wet and lost and muddy and hungry. I don't see any bright side to this._  
Tears sting my eyes as I watch the water run out of the spout. I wipe my eyes, but my hands are wet, so it doesn't work. I wish my mom was here.  
I can't help it.  
"I want my mommy!" I cry.  
"I want my family back, I want my friends back! I don't want to be stuck in stupid Louisiana with evil bugs and scary animals everywhere!"  
I'm crying harder now, and the tears make everything around me look like blobs of color. I'm shouting, even though I know nobody is around to hear me. I just need to shout.  
Maybe the angels will hear it, and they'll feel bad for what's happening to me. It's mostly their fault, after all.  
"None of this would've happened if I hadn't picked up that stupid totem! My parents would still be alive, and Meredith would still be alive, and the doggie would still be alive! And the angels could deal with the stupid Dullahan! This is all my fault!"  
And then I hear a voice in my head. It's a familiar one, but I can't figure out where I've heard it before. It only says one thing.  
"Don't be too hard on yourself."  
I wipe my eyes and stand up.  
 _Okay. I won't be._  
That's what I tell the voice.  
I drink from the running water with cupped hands and wash the dirt and leaves out of my cuts again. I pull down the handle and watch the water turn from a stream to a drip. Then I pick up my backpack (which only has one strap now) and march back in the direction I guessed the road would be in.  
As I get closer to the road, I find a fence covered in small, dark berries. I sniff them, and they don't smell bad. Dad told me that if a plant smells bad, it's probably saying, "Hey, don't eat me, I'll kill you!"  
I pick one off of the vine and put it in my mouth. It tastes sweet like a Sweet-Tart does. If I get poisoned, it won't be the worst thing that's happened to me since I left.  
I fill my tummy with the berries and wipe the purple juice on my pants. They're already torn up and dirty, so the juice doesn't make much of a difference. I make it out to the road and start walking along the side of it again. It's a lovely day. I stay under the trees to avoid the sun. Birds sing in the trees, and I can hear froggies. I even see some flowers and butterflies!  
As the sun sets, I feel less safe.  
When it's below the trees, and the stars come out, I take a break to find my flashlight and drink from the water bottle I filled at the pump. I take off my shoes to get rid of the rocks that had ended up in them. I shake them out onto the ground. I don't even need the flashlight. _Wow, the moon is really bright tonight!_  
Just as I'm about to put my shoes back on, I stop. Something feels wrong. I get that feeling in my guts.  
 _Something bad is about to happen._  
My mind is screaming at me to keep looking ahead, to not look at what's running towards me at full speed. I turn around anyway.  
It's as big as a car. Every bit as beastly as Mrs. Cloven said. It shows its big red-stained teeth at me and roars. I turn around and start running. I know I'll never outrun it. I can already see it happening. It'll pounce on me and eat me for breakfast, just like all the bad little girls who run away. I can feel it getting closer and closer. It's like it's breathing down my neck. And then it hits me with one of its massive paws.  
I go flying into a tree. I gasp. It's hard to breathe. It's like when I broke my ribs, but it doesn't hurt as bad. My shoulder feels like someone shot a roman candle into it.  
Roger did that one time when I was little. He shot a roman candle into his foot and had to go to the emergency room. He almost lost his toes. My mom didn't let my dad go buy fireworks after that.  
My backpack is gone, and I can feel my shirt dripping with something warm. I scramble up the tree, digging my nails into the bark so hard it hurts. The roo-garoo lets out an angry howl, and I scream as I hold onto the branch for dear life. It has dark fur and eyes that glow like a campfire. Its paws are as big as my face, and it has claws like knives at the end of them. It shakes the tree harder, trying to knock me down into its big smelly mouth.  
Again, I'm sure I'll become a midnight Lily snack.  
Suddenly, the roo-garoo stops shaking the tree. It runs off. I look up and see the kangadeer I had seen earlier— the one with the big antlers. It's going fast in the other direction, and the roo-garoo is chasing it.  
 _Is it giving me a chance to run?_  
I get down from the tree and start to run in the opposite direction. I only get a little farther before I hear a loud animal cry.  
 _Did it kill the kangadeer?_  
 _Is that another death that's my fault?_  
I start to cry as I run, and my lungs hurt. My feet hurt, the road cutting into the bottoms of them again. Everything hurts. I can hear it getting closer again. Then I hear another noise. It's a car. A truck is coming, going in the same direction as me. This is my only chance.  
With the last of my strength, I jump. The roo-garoo swipes at me, and I slam hard against the bed of the truck. I press myself into the bottom of it as the car keeps on going, much faster than it originally had been. I sob quietly as the truck gets farther and farther away from the roo-garoo, which is now standing on its back two legs. My shirt is barely a shirt anymore. I have to roll over onto my stomach because the metal hurts my back. There's blood everywhere. I can smell it.  
 _I just want to go home._  
I don't care anymore. If the angels can help me get home again, I'll listen. I'll do anything.  
Tears slide down my nose and make clear spots in all the blood. I try to get up, to move even a little. My back screams. My arms and legs aren't working right. My feet are on fire. My eyes feel so heavy.  
 _I'm so tired._


	6. I'm Lily Madwhip and I Just Want a Hug

I start to wake up when the car rolls to a stop on the side of the road. I hear someone grunt as they get out of the truck, slamming the door. The slam makes me wake up the rest of the way. I hope my arms and legs will be nice now. I pull myself up from the bed of the truck, my shirt making a gross sticky noise as I do. Moving hurts a lot, especially in my back and my chest. When I stand up, I come face to face with a very big man. He's bald and has dark skin. He has a beard and is dressed like a hunter.  
_Is he a little girl hunter?! Is that what will happen to me next?! Will I be little girl hunted?!_  
"Woah, kid, what the hell are you doing in the back of my truck? Goddamn, who put you through a meat grinder?!"  
"I DON'T WANT MY HEAD ON A WALL!!!" I scream before jumping out of the back. Screaming makes my chest hurt. My voice sounds like dry leaves.  
I fall right on my face before getting up and running away. The little girl hunter follows me for a little while, but I outrun him. Maybe I can't run faster than a giant werewolf, but I can run faster than an adult. Especially a little girl hunter.  
When I'm sure that he won't catch up, I stop to catch my breath against a tree. It's hard to catch my breath because it's still hard to breathe. Somehow I manage, though, and once I'm not panting so bad, I puke water and berries all over the tree. My throat burns after that.  
I don't let myself rest for very long. I know I have to keep moving. I trip on roots and rocks as I go and fall onto the ground a whole bunch. My left eye is all swollen by the time I come out of the woods. My hair is tangled and has leaves and twigs in it. There's probably blood in it too.  
I wish my mom were here to brush it out.  
When I see the bright white light, I almost cry. That's a lie. I'm already crying. But if I wasn't crying yet, I would have then. It's a building. A building that will have people in it. Someone who can help me.  
After rubbing my sore and crying eyes, I see it's the gas station from my dream. A man is standing out in front, holding a broom like a baseball bat.  
I don't think about what could happen if I run out of the trees towards him. I just do.  
"Help!" I yell to him, "Please help me!"  
He turns to me, and I see his eyes get huge.  
"Oh my god!" He says. His voice is the same as it was in my dream.  
I run over towards him, and he drops the broom on the ground. My legs give out, and I feel myself falling towards the ground. Before I bust up my nose again, someone has their hands underneath me, catching me. It was the man. He caught me.  
"Wh.. who the fuck are you?! How are you still alive?!" He asks me as he helps me up.  
"I don't know," I tell him. My voice is scratchy and quiet, probably from all of the screaming.  
He helps me stand back up and looks at where I was running from. The little girl hunter isn't there anymore. The man looks at me, and then for some reason, he looks up at the sky and then back down at me.  
"Is something after you?" His voice is quieter now.  
"I… I don't know anymore."  
He takes a deep breath and crouches down. He puts a hand on my shoulder, the one that doesn't hurt so much.  
"Okay, well, you're safe now, alright? We can get you inside and figure out what to do—"  
He stops talking when I jump forwards and wrap him in a tight hug. I usually wouldn't hug a stranger, but right now, I'm scared, and everything hurts. I need a hug, and he seems nice. He isn't trying to hurt me, at least.  
"Thank you!"  
I'm crying again, and I'm sure it's a little hard to understand me.  
He isn't a very good hugger. He stays frozen for a little bit, and when he moves, he puts one arm around me. It's a weird hug, but it's nice. It's what I need. I sniffle as he pulls away, and there's a spot on his sweater where I got tears on it.  
He pats my back. I think he's trying to make me feel better. It's a gentle pat, but it still makes me scream.  
"PLEASE DON'T!"  
It hurts so much. He pulls his hand away fast and looks shocked when he sees that there's lots of blood. It's dripping off his hand, and some of it got on the sleeve of his sweater. He says a swear and then stands up. He's pale like he got the first time I saw him.  
"Come on," he says, "let's get you inside. I think we really need to do something about that."  
"My name is Lily Madwhip."  
I wipe the tears off my cheeks.  
"I see things before they happen."  
He looks down at me.  
"Oh… uh… my name is Jack. I uh… work the register."  
I smile. It all makes sense now. Well, not all of it. A lot of it still doesn't make sense. But I remember my other dream now.  
"Like a Jack O'Lantern."


	7. A Little Girl at the Gas Station

I helped Lily inside the store. I was doing my best not to panic. Her blood was all over my hands, just all over them. I was really not prepared for this sort of situation. I sat her down in a booth and went for the store phone.  
"Lily, how old are you? Where are your parents?"  
"I'm nine. I don't want to talk about my parents."  
"I'm gonna call an ambulance, I think. You should probably go to the hospital."  
"No! Please don't!" She begged.  
"I don't know if I can help you, Lily. I'm not exactly a doctor."  
She started to cry again, slumping down into the booth.  
"They'll take me back. I don't wanna go back. Please don't make me go back."  
I felt that heavy, sick feeling in my stomach. The one I got whenever I thought about my dad.  
_If I took her to the hospital, would I be sending her back to someone like him?_  
I couldn't have that on my conscience. If that got me thrown in jail for kidnapping, at least Jerry would come and visit me.  
I brought Lily into the storage room. Luckily, Jerry and I had recently restocked the Code Yellow box. She looked like she'd been thrown into a pit of lions. It looked like someone had run a lawnmower over her back.  
I didn't have to know that whatever she'd gone through, no little girl should have to go through. Maybe this was a trap, and she was some giant flesh-eating monster in a little girl disguise. But for now, I just wanted to help her.  
I spread a packing blanket out on the floor.  
"Okay, Lily, I want you to lay down on your stomach on this blanket for me. I'm gonna see what I can do about these slashes on you."  
_God, what could have done this to her?_  
"I was attacked by a roo-garoo."  
That made sense. Those furry bastards were relentless. Jerry had a protocol for those kinds of things, which usually involved a SuperSoaker full of slightly-watered-down hot sauce. Not Tabasco, the real stuff. It usually was something with Carolina Reaper or ghost pepper.  
"Oh, a rougarou? A werewolf? I hate those things. They're always eating out of the dumpster."  
Lily stared at me like I had just told her the world was flat.  
"You… you believe me?"  
"Yeah, of course. Tons of weird things like that happen around here. It's nothing new. I'm sorry you had to face one of those things like that, though. They're nasty."  
Lily said nothing, instead laying down on the packing blanket on her stomach like I'd asked her. I took a boxcutter and cut away what was left of her blood-soaked shirt.  
"Lily, if I make you uncomfortable, I want you to tell me, okay?"  
She nodded.  
The injuries were somehow much worse than I'd initially thought. Lily's shoulder would be fine, but the ones on her back were a different story. There were four deep gashes, and they were still leaking a little blood. The fact that she was only bleeding a _little_ was what was most troubling. I realized with dread that they were going to need stitches, and they were going to need them _fast._ When you're in the line of work I am, it's best to procure at least a little medical knowledge. I made it a point to learn a bit extra after Jerry and I got messed up by a particularly nasty insect queen last Halloween. I could stitch her up, but it wasn't going to be fun or easy for either of us.  
"Lily, I'm going to have to give you stitches. I'll try to make it as painless as possible, but I have to do it. I'm going to go wash my hands. I'll be right back, I promise."  
I quickly pulled out the Code Yellow box, made sure the stitch kit was in there, and then went to wash my hands.  
When I came back, Lily looked up at me.  
"Am I gonna die?" She wheezed.  
Truthfully, I didn't know if Lily was going to die or not. The way things stood now, I'd say her chances weren't that great. I'm not one to bullshit people, even kids. But something kept me from telling her what I actually thought.  
"No, Lily. You're not gonna die. Not if I have anything to say about it."  
"That's good."  
Her voice was barely a whisper now. I sat down by her side, pulling out the stitch kit. I cleaned and numbed the wounds with alcohol wipes as best I could before I went to work suturing the gashes on her back. With every tug of the forceps and entrance of the needle, Lily let out little whines of pain. I knew it hurt, but at least it was keeping her awake. With an intense line of horizontal mattress sutures, her back was looking less like fish gills and more like a back again.  
I cleaned the area again before moving to focus on her shoulder. I cleaned it and bandaged both areas, keeping my eyes closed when I had to lift her up to wrap the cloth bandage around her middle. I pulled one of my t-shirts from the Code X box and put it on her.  
I wanted to make sure that she was still breathing. She hadn't been moving much through all of this. Before I could check, though, she spoke.  
"It's hard to breathe." She said.  
It was incredibly soft. I watched Lily's chest rise and fall, and I could tell how much she was struggling to take in breaths.  
"I'm going to check something, okay, Lily? Let me know if it hurts or feels uncomfortable."  
She gave a single nod. It was a little hard to tell she had even done it; she was moving so little. I placed a hand on her chest, trying to feel if she had any broken ribs. I had experienced them before and knew that it made it hard to breathe. It wouldn't have been a stretch with how beaten up she already was.  
When I gently pressed onto part of her chest, she let out a soft whimper of pain. From her reaction, I didn't think it was broken. She would have been in a lot more pain if that was the case. Still, I could tell something was wrong. I concluded that her ribs weren't broken, but one or two were probably cracked. There wasn't much I could do for her there except try to make it a little more comfortable for her.  
I debated with myself for a moment. Lily's back was hurt really badly, and it wouldn't do her any good lying on the hard floor on her back. Still, it would probably be even worse for her to lay on her stomach. It would be too much effort on her lungs. In the end, I ended up pulling my sweater over my head and trying to make it into a cushion so she would be able to lie on her back for a little bit. It wouldn't do much, but she would hopefully be able to get air a little easier. I could fix the stitches later if I had to.  
I laid her down on the rolled-up sweater and then checked to see if she was still conscious.  
I gently placed a hand on her unbandaged shoulder.  
"Lily? Are you there? Can you hear me?"  
"Why do all the bad things happen to me?"  
I'd wondered that many times to myself. But hearing it like this… it felt different. My chest got tight.  
I felt like I had reached the minimum age for dealing with weirdness. Lily, however, wasn't even ten. The most she should have to worry about at her age was what to pack in her school lunchbox, not death by werewolf.  
I rolled up her tattered pant legs so I could get a good look at all the cuts and bruises.  
"Okay, these aren't as bad. Your ankles are pretty gnarly, but they won't need stitches."  
I got out the hydrogen peroxide and cleaned up the scratches and gashes on her legs. Her feet were an awful sight. Blistered and bruised. Some of the blisters had popped and were bleeding. I picked gravel out of them with a clean pair of tweezers before giving them the same treatment. Once she was all bandaged up, I wiped the blood and dirt off of her where I could. She had a black eye.  
"Water, please," she croaked.  
I went and grabbed a jumbo water bottle from the drink case.  
"Here, drink this, and I'll see about those bites. And your eye."  
I took off the cap and lifted it to her mouth. She drained it entirely in about thirty seconds.  
"Okay, good. I'll be right back."  
When I was in the cooler, I pulled out my cell phone. I quickly clicked the last number I'd called.  
He sounded like he'd just woken up when he answered.  
"Jerry? Listen, I need you here, okay? I can explain it when you get here. But can you just come? And bring some pillows. Also, bring that microwave mac'n'cheese. I know it's late, and I told you to take the night off. But I can't deal with this on my own."  
Jerry was quiet for a minute. When he spoke again, he sounded wide awake.  
"I'll be there in two shakes of a gator's tail."  
And with that, he hung up. I grabbed the ice pack I kept on one of the cooler shelves and went back to Lily.  
"Someone is going to rob you."  
I stared at her for a moment before shrugging.  
"What else is new? Could you by chance tell me who? Maybe if I know beforehand, I can give O'Brien more info."  
She looked up at the ceiling as I pressed the ice pack to her eye.  
"Tall. Blond. Goofy."  
"That's just Jerry. He robs us all the time. He'll probably just take a pack of cigarettes. I wouldn't worry about it."  
I didn't have a mind to question her innate ability to tell the future. She'd said it herself. She sees things before they happen.  
_Who was I to question that in this backward ass town?_  
"Okay," she said quietly.  
I rooted around in the Code Yellow box until I found the hydrocortisone cream. I rubbed some on her various bug bites. When I looked back at her face, her eyes were closed. I took another spare shirt from the Code X box and laid it underneath her head. Again, I checked to make sure she was breathing before letting her sleep. Hopefully, with rest and time, her body would replace the lost blood, and her ribs would heal.  
I hoped Jerry showed up with the pillows soon.


	8. I'm Lily Madwhip and Arm-of-Geddon is Coming

When I close my eyes, I'm not in the big closet anymore. I'm in a big white room with a table at the center. Standing around it are tall people in white cloaks. They have big wings that stretch up to the ceiling, only the ceiling isn't a ceiling. It's made of clouds. So is the floor.  
The wings are made of golden feathers made of light, and it hurts my eyes to look at them for too long. Standing facing towards me at the end of the table is Paschar. His skin is like a statue. His eyes shine like suns made of diamonds. His white hair is longer than when I saw him for the first time. It's a tangled mess around his shoulders as if he's been running his fingers through it a lot. My mom would do that when she was irritated. She would run her fingers through her hair. Above his head is… well, it's kind of hard to explain. It looks like a ring of glowing eyes. They're all looking in different directions and are different colors. His face is sad and tired. The other angels look the same way, at least the ones I can see the faces of. Paschar begins to speak. I don't know if he sees me. Part of me wants him too. Even though he hurt me, I still want to run to his side and hug him and never let go. I don't think he can, though.   
"Woe onto us all, brothers. Woe onto humankind. The prophecy has come true. Armageddon is nigh."  
The other angels begin to weep. Weeping is when you cry, but it's so sad that you call it something else. Some of them scratch at their faces. It leaves deep, red marks. Another angel speaks.  
"What can we do? There surely is something we can do to stop the catastrophe that draws near!"  
I recognize that voice. It's Abaddon. The last time I saw him, his wrists got all snapped. I wonder if it hurt as bad as my back does now.  
"We may only try and sway her, and fight against the hands of fate. She is our only hope. Without her, the world of man is doomed."  
When I try to walk closer, I fall to the ground, and everything begins to spin.   
I wake up in the dark. I smell bad, and everything hurts. But not as bad as it did when I went to sleep. It's a little easier to breathe now. I hear voices outside.  
"And you said she just ran out of the woods?"  
I've never heard that voice before. It's a friendly voice. It's a teddy bear voice.   
_Is there a talking teddy bear nearby?_  
"Yeah, man. She looked like someone threw her in a pit of salt and barbed wire. I haven't gotten much of a story out of her yet, but she's in bad shape."  
That's the voice that helped me. Jack. That's his name. _Jack O'Lantern._  
I smile a little bit.  
I try to listen to more of what they're saying, but my ears don't want to work. Everything feels heavy, and I start to drift.   
I close my eyes and fall back asleep.


	9. Help Arrives at the Gas Station

I was sitting behind the counter, trying to calm myself down a bit with my book, when Jerry walked in. He got here faster than I had anticipated. I could only assume that he sped even more than usual the whole way to the gas station.   
I put the book down— it wasn’t helping anyway —and looked up at him.   
“Did you bring the stuff?”  
He nodded, showing me his Dinosaur Train pillow and two containers of microwavable Kraft mac’n’cheese in each hand.   
“So what’s the deal? Are the Cookie Twins forcing you to have a sleepover? Quick, blink twice if you need me to rescue you!”  
I made sure not to blink more than once as to not accidentally set Jerry off into an impromptu rescue mission.  
“No, Jerry. There’s a little girl here. She ran out of the woods.”  
“A little girl? Are you sure she’s not a giant flesh-eating monster in a little girl disguise?”  
It honestly surprised me how often Jerry and I would have the same train of thought.  
“I know, right? That’s what I thought. But no, I think she’s actually a little girl, and I think she might need our help.”  
Jerry sat the pillow and mac’n’cheese down on the counter.   
“And you said she just ran out of the woods?”  
He walked around behind the counter and snatched a pack of Marlboro Reds from the cigarette case, just like I knew he would. I’d known it since before he walked in here.  
“Yeah, man. She looked like someone threw her in a pit of salt and barbed wire. I haven’t gotten much of a story out of her yet, but she’s in bad shape.”  
He walked out from behind the counter, and I walked with him. He looked around, a confused look on his face.  
“Well, where is she?”  
I looked towards the dark back hallway.  
“In the storage closet.”  
Jerry turned to look at me, narrowing his eyes.  
“You sure do like putting people who are in emotional distress in closets, don’t you?”  
I felt my cheeks get hot. I looked down at my shoes.   
“Yeah. Again, sorry about that.”  
He laughed as we walked down the hallway.  
“Nah, I’m just busting your balls, dude.”  
Once we were in the storage closet, Jerry’s face fell when he saw her.  
“Oh, god, man. You’re right. She does look bad. Who could do this to a little kid?”  
My voice came out quieter than I expected.  
“You’d be surprised.”  
He just nodded. I hadn’t told Jerry much about my childhood, and he hadn’t told me much about his. It was an unspoken agreement we had, to not really talk about it.  
He walked over and knelt down next to her, lifting her head up gently and putting the pillow under it. As he moved her, Lily’s eyes fluttered, and she muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “Spaghetti-O’s.”  
“What do we do now?” I asked.   
I really wasn’t good with these kinds of situations, and I could only hope Jerry was. I doubted it, though.  
“We let her sleep. There’s no denying she needs it. And then when she wakes up, we can talk to her about what happened to her.”  
I sighed. It wasn’t a very comprehensive plan, but it made enough sense for now. Jerry pulled the packing blanket up around Lily’s shoulders. She whined in her sleep. I wiped the sweat from her forehead with some paper towels.  
“This gas station is really no place for a little girl,” I said.  
Jerry nodded. He was silent for a minute before speaking.  
“This gas station is really no place for anybody.”  
He was right about that.

*******

A lot of things have happened since that particular moment. A lot of those things were really bad. That moment in time, that one night, was the pivot point. Whenever I stopped to wonder, “would I have done anything differently? If I had known what I started when I took Lily in, would I not have done it?” The answer I always come to is “no.” I wouldn’t change a thing. Maybe things happen for a reason, or perhaps I’m just a stubborn asshole. Regardless, I don’t think my answer will ever change. 


	10. I'm Lily Madwhip and I'm Making New Friends

When I wake up, my eyes are crusty. I hate it when my eyes get crusty. I wipe them as best I can and try to stand up. My feet hurt really bad, and I fall back down. My butt lands on the pillow I was sleeping on. It's got smiling dinosaurs on it. _Where did this come from?_  
My back doesn't appreciate being fallen on, and it lets me know that. I cry out and roll back over onto my stomach. I hear a voice outside the closet.   
"I think she's awake. C'mon."  
I try to get up again. My brain feels fuzzy. _Am I going to have to run again?_  
Someone knocks on the door.   
"Lily, are you awake? You don't have to run away. We're not gonna hurt you."  
It's Jack's voice. He's the guy that brought me here. He put all these bandages on me, I remember it now.  
I close my eyes and try to see things before they happen. I see myself sitting on a stool that's way too big for me, a little controller in my hands. I'm playing video games!  
Mom didn't let me play video games. She said they'd turn my brain to mush. I don't know how playing a game would give you mashed potato brains, but I didn't want to take the chance. It doesn't look like I have mushy brains, though. I look happy. I look different, somehow. Then I blink, and I'm back in this dark closet. It smells funny in here.  
"I'm awake," I say.   
My voice is all dry and weird, and my mouth tastes terrible. I push myself up against the wall, so I'm not staring at the ceiling anymore. It makes my back hurt a lot, but it makes me feel safer. I don't think I'm in trouble, but I want to see it when the door opens, just in case.   
The door opens, and I shield my eyes from the light. Jack is standing there with one of those big water bottles. I like those water bottles. But not a whole lot since when I drink them, I have to pee really, really bad, and the only time I drink them is on road trips.   
Standing behind him is someone I've never seen before.   
Well, that's a lie. I saw him in my vision when he was robbing this gas station, but he doesn't look like a scary robber.  
He's tall, and he's wearing a funny shirt with a cat riding a unicorn on it. He has messy blond hair and is smiling at me. It doesn't look like any adult smile I've seen before. He has the kind of smile kids get on the playground when someone tells a dirty joke. It's a friendly smile. It makes me feel happy.   
"Who are you?" I ask.  
"I'm actually James Buchanan, the 15th president of the United States. That's me. No matter what this guy tells you. But you can call me Jerry."  
He grins and wiggles his eyebrows at Jack. Jack looks at me, then at Jerry, then back at me. He rolls his eyes.  
"This is Jerry, he's my uh…"  
Jack gets a funny look on his face before finishing.  
"He's my best friend."  
That makes me think of my best friend— the one who died because of me.  
"I had a best friend, but she's dead now," I tell them.  
"Dude, what the fuck," Jerry says.   
Jack slaps Jerry in the arm.  
"Jerry, what did I tell you?! No more swearing around small children!"  
"Sorry, that's just… that's just so fucking sad, dude."  
"JERRY!"  
Jerry grins.  
"What?"  
"She's a little girl. She doesn't need to hear you drop a 'fuck’ in every other sentence!"  
If I could get my hands on the swear jar these two have, I could buy a boat. I'd name it the S.S. Donatello. You have to put S.S. in front of boat names. That's the rules.  
I'd probably let them use it too, though. That's only fair.  
Jack comes over, looking at Jerry before looking back at me.  
"Don't mind him. He can be a little dumb sometimes."  
Jerry points his finger at Jack.  
"Hey, wait a minute, you said fuck too!"  
"Jerry, if you don't stop, you won't have any teeth left to say 'fuck’ with."  
Maybe I could buy two boats.  
"You two sound like an old married couple."  
That's what people say when someone bickers a lot. The only married couples I'd met were boy and girl, but my mom told me people can be in love and married and not be a boy and a girl, and that's okay. She told me that one night when she and my dad were watching the news.   
They both stop to look at me for a second before laughing. It's not a "that was funny" laugh. It's the kind of laugh that means "I'm laughing because I feel really weird right now."  
"Are you hungry, Lily?"   
My stomach growls really loud when he asks.   
"I guess that's a yes. Do you like mac'n'cheese?"  
I nod my head. He hands me the water bottle.  
"Jerry's gonna go heat it up, and I'm gonna stay in here with you, okay?"  
I nod, and he sits down next to me.   
"Can you tell me what happened, Lily? Why are you so banged up, you know besides the rougarou attack?"  
I didn't say anything for a minute. Thinking about everything that happened scares me a little, even if it is all over. Plus, I like Jack. He seems nice. I don't want to make him think I'm crazy and have him send me away.   
"It's okay, you know, to be scared," Jack says to me. His voice is really soft.   
"Lots of scary things happen here that I don't want to talk about. I'm only asking you to tell me so that I can help. Do you think you can?"   
I nod, and I tell him the entire story, at least from me getting to the group home. I don't want to tell him about the stuff before that. I don't even want to think about it. By the end, I'm crying again.  
He doesn't say anything as I tell him. He just sits there, nodding every so often. When I finish and wipe my eyes, he looks up at the ceiling and scratches his head. I knew it.  
 _He doesn't believe me._  
"Wow, that's uh… a lot to process. I believe you, you know. But just… I'm sorry all that happened to you, Lily."  
I can't believe it.  
"Wait, you actually believe me?"  
"Yeah, of course. Why would you lie about that? Besides, you said Rita had a collar. I remember Jerry put that on her. It was a hell of a time, but she finally cooperated after enough tuna fish sandwiches."  
"Tuna fish sandwiches?" I ask.  
"Yeah, those are her favorite."  
Jerry comes back in with a little blue container. It's got steam coming from it.  
"Hot from the microwave oven and full of loving, it's Jerry's Own Bac'n'Cheese!"  
He talks like he's announcing that he invented a solar-powered car, or the Eiffel Tower or something. It makes me giggle.  
"Jerry, did you put something into the mac'n'cheese? Please tell me you didn't put something into the mac'n'cheese." Jack says with an annoyed sigh.  
For best friends, Jack sure is annoyed with Jerry a lot.  
"Did you put your back into it?" I ask him.  
"I did. But the only difference you'll notice is the bacon."  
At the mention of bacon, my mouth starts to water even more. He hands me the blue container and a fork. There are little pieces of bacon lost in the cheese sauce.   
"Where did you even get the bacon, Jerry?"  
He just winks at Jack, and Jack rolls his eyes. Maybe Jerry is a magician. A bacon magician.  
Jerry reminds me of Tigger, but without the stripes or long tail. He seems like he might start bouncing around at any moment, and I bet if I hug him, he'd be soft and fluffy.   
I take the plastic wrap off the little fork and take a bite. It's just as good as Jerry announced it to be. Things have to be really good if you announce them. I finish the whole thing in a few big bites. I drink from the big water bottle, and Jerry brings me more of his special mac'n'cheese. I finish it all, and Jerry comes over to me.  
"Looks like your feet are gonna be out of service for a little while, huh?"  
I nod— Jerry's right. My feet hurt a lot. I don't think I can walk on them.  
"Well, you're in luck. I know the best ride around."   
He looks back at Jack and winks before getting down on his knees next to me.  
"Climb on, Lilypad."  
Lilypad? I don't know why, but that nickname makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside. No one has ever called me Lilypad before.  
"Okay!"  
I climb onto his back, wrapping my arms around his neck.   
"Here we go!" Jerry yells before standing up. He smells funky, like cigarette smoke and cherries. He takes me out of the closet, out of the hallway, and into the store again.   
The sun is up and shining through the windows. He takes me behind the register and sits me down on the too-big stool. I look up at him.  
"Do you want to be friends?"   
He looks surprised by my question, but only for a minute.  
"Do you want me to be your friend?"  
I don't have to think very hard about it. I nod.  
"Well, consider me your friend. Jack too. We're kind of a package deal."  
"Like the double ketchup packs at the store?"  
He grins at me.  
"Exactly, kiddo. Jack and I are like ketchup and ketchup."  
Jack rolls his eyes before moving closer to me.   
"Do you like video games, Lily?" Jack asks me.   
I nod.  
"I don't get to play them much."  
Jack looks at Jerry.  
"Jerry and I are gonna go talk outside, and then he's gonna go get his video games. Does that sound good?"  
I nod again.  
"Don't leave me for too long?"  
Jack's face gets all soft like he's looking at a baby bunny. _Do I look like a baby bunny?_  
Jack chuckles a little bit.  
"We won't be gone long, Lily. I promise."  
Unlike most of the promises people have made to me up to this point, I know he'll keep this promise. I don't have to see things before they happen to know that.

*******

I get down from the stool and go to find the bathroom. My feet itch and hurt with every step, but I really have to pee.  
Jerry and Jack are still talking outside. I find it and push the door open. It's a tiny bathroom with only one stall. I go and do my business before coming out to wash my hands. A man is standing by the sink.  
I know I'm supposed to feel weird that there's a strange man in the bathroom, but he seems nice. He's wearing cowboy clothes and holding a trumpet.  
"Hello!" I tell him.  
"Hi there, little river."  
 _A river? Why does he think I'm a river?_ I think.  
"Well, you see, you move like the river does. Ain't nothing too big or too wide to stop you in your tracks. You find a way, or you make one."  
I smile. It's a weird thing to say, and I don't know if I understand it all that well. But it makes me feel nice inside.  
He picks up his trumpet and begins to play. I don't know the song, but it's beautiful. I sit down to listen to it all. It sounds like the CDs my mom would play in the car when we had to sleep in it on long car trips.  
When he finishes, I clap so hard my hands hurt. He lifts me to my achy feet and offers me the trumpet, only it's not a trumpet anymore. It's a big golden lily.  
"Hey!" I tell him, "That's me!"  
He nods and tips his cowboy hat. I wave at him, and he waves back.  
I go back out, and a new person is standing in the store. Jack is standing behind her, looking like I did when my mom would tell me to do the dishes, and then I forgot to do them, and she caught me and used my full name.  
She's short with dark skin and even darker hair. The tips of her hair are pink, though. I wish I could have the tips of my hair a different color. Maybe purple or green. Or blue. My hair is still a mess, though. It's tangled, and it hurts when I try to untangle it at all.  
She's wearing a yellow dress and a jean jacket. That's like a jacket but made out of the same stuff jeans are made of. Her dress has pockets!  
She reminds me of an angel. Not like the angels. But like what angels look like on TV. The one that comes down to the shepherds in the Christmas movie all glowy and bright and tells them that Jesus is born. I don't think she's going to tell me that, though. She looks mad. I wonder if she's mad at me. I don't know what I could have done to her.  
I hope she isn't mad at me. She seems like she'd be a nice friend. 


	11. A Haircut at the Gas Station

Rosa was furious when she showed up and found out the whole story. Jerry had very nearly escaped her wrath, but I knew it was coming when he got back. She actually tugged me by my ear back into the gas station. Rosa was absolutely livid that I didn’t take her to the hospital. When I explained to her that taking Lily to the hospital might put her in more danger than it was worth, she was angry that I hadn’t called her.   
“I love you both, and I mean this in the nicest of ways, but you really don’t know how to take care of a child.”  
She knelt down next to Lily, who’d sat down on the floor. Her feet had begun to bleed again, and the bandages were sticky and red. I knew I’d need to reclean and bandage them after Rosa was done running me through the wringer.   
“Hi,’ Lily said, “I’m Lily Madwhip. Who are you?”  
Rosa gently ruffled her matted, tangled hair.  
“My name’s Rosa. Rosa Vasquez.”  
Rosa turned to me.  
“She’s gonna need a haircut. I can get some of these tangles out, but there’s no way I’ll be able to salvage it all.”  
I watched the color drain from Lily’s face.  
“Are you gonna make me bald?!” She cried.  
“No, no, no! We’re just gonna trim it a little. It won’t be as long, but you definitely won’t be bald, sweetheart.” Rosa assured her.   
Lily looked relieved. Rosa pulled a hairbrush from her purse as I helped Lily back to the stool. Rosa used the spray bottle filled with water I used on the counter sometimes to spray Lily’s hair and started working through all the knots and tangles.  
Around that time, Jerry strolled in with our spare TV and his NES. Rosa shot him a look full of daggers.  
“Well, that’s my cue to leave,” he said as he set the NES and TV down on the counter.  
“Oh no you don’t,” Rosa snapped, “you’re gonna stay here too so I can yell at you. Now bring me the bandage scissors.”  
Jerry saluted and gave a curt “ma’am yes ma’am” before going and grabbing the small silver scissors from the Code Yellow box.   
Rosa had taken a packing blanket and wrapped it around Lily like a smock.   
“Oh, are we giving her a cool new ‘do?” Jerry inquired.  
“No,” Rosa responded, “we’re just getting rid of the knots.”  
“Rosa, are you a hair lady? You’ve got a haircut cape and everything!”  
Rosa laughed and ruffled her hair again.   
“No, but my gran has been a hairstylist since before I was born. She taught me everything she knows. So I know what I’m doing.”  
“You should give her a Mohawk,” Jerry said.  
“No, Jerry, I should not give her a Mohawk.”  
Rosa began calmly cutting away the knots while tearing into the both of us for how irresponsible we were. Jerry’s response was to try and backseat drive the entire thing. By the time it was done, Lily was egging him on, and Rosa looked like she wanted to hit him.   
Lily’s hair was down to her shoulders and looking halfway normal, and she admired it in the mirror Rosa gave her as she swept the hair she cut out off the floor.   
“I look like a fairy princess!” Lily said excitedly before setting the mirror down.  
“I’m glad you like it,” Rosa said, patting her back gently. Lily whimpered.  
“Oh, I’m so sorry, honey!”  
“It’s okay. Just don’t do that again, please.”  
Rosa nodded.  
“I’m gonna change her bandages now,” I said as I started for the storage closet to grab the Code Yellow box. Jerry was setting up the NES.  
“You two should take her home and give her a bath. If what you told me is true, Jack, she definitely needs one.”  
She looked at Lily and quickly added, “no offense, sweetheart.”  
“Yeah. A bath would be nice.” Lily responded.   
I looked at Jerry. He looked at me. I didn’t really know what we were going to do with Lily at this point or what was gonna happen when we both had to go home. I knew she couldn’t stay here. That was a bad idea on multiple fronts.  
Rosa was right. We really had no clue how to take care of a child.  
“When you get done with that, can I talk to you in the cooler, Jerry?”  
“Sure, dude.”   
Jerry loaded up Beerio Kart for Lily, and she was instantly hooked. I went to the cooler and waited for Jerry.   
I could smell his cigarette before I saw him come in.   
“Is this about Lily?” Jerry asked, shutting the door behind him.   
“Yeah. What are we gonna do?”  
The guest room had been unoccupied for a month or two now, ever since that one intense night terror I had.  
“I’m not sure, but we better think of something.”   
“Maybe she could just stay in the storage closet?”  
Jerry stared at me. _What? Why did I say that? I didn’t want her to stay there._  
“Dude, no. I can’t tell if you’re joking or not, but she’s coming home with us. She needs a bath and a place to sleep. Also, a proper meal.”  
I nodded.  
“Yeah. You’re right. Sorry, I just… I don’t know why I said that.”  
I rubbed my forehead, trying to get rid of the killer headache I’d just gotten.   
“I’ll go to the store after we change her bandages. She’s gonna need some clothes and stuff.”  
I nodded.   
“That sounds like a plan.”  
We went back to the storage closet and raided the Code Yellow box. Lily’s bandages were thankfully not as soaked in blood as I thought they would be, and her wounds still looked clean. I prayed they wouldn’t get infected because then we’d have to take her to the doctor. I knew now that Lily wasn’t being abused, but part of me really didn’t want her to have to go back to that group home. That was the same part of me that still had a hard time dealing with the bouncing from foster home to foster home I did as a young child. Stability with us wasn’t guaranteed to be the most normal thing, but stability is stability.   
The stitches were still holding, and I wiped them down with alcohol wipes again.   
“Lily, would you like to have a sleepover at our house tonight?” I asked her as she won another race.  
“Sleepover!” Lily yelled excitedly.  
“Sleepover!” Jerry yelled to match.  
I sighed.   
“Sleepover!” I said, with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. Lily’s eyes grew bright, and her smile grew wide.  
She’d been through a lot. That much was obvious. I’d try to enjoy myself for her sake.

*******

Lily stayed there the entire day.  
She sat behind the register with me and colored in the space-themed coloring book I found in the box that had the board games. She watched me ring up customers and front the shelves. She watched me clean up and adjust the praline display. When she asked for one, I gave it to her.  
Every ten minutes, she’d ask me another question. She made Rosa look like Michael Meyers. I didn’t mind, though. She was just a kid, and kids ask lots of questions. The more she learned about this place, the safer she would be.  
“And make sure you don’t touch the ones with green hats.”  
“Why those?”  
“They bite sometimes.”  
“I wonder if you can get rabies from a gnome.”  
She brought up a good point.  
“Well, let’s not find out, okay? I can stitch up a gnome bite, but I can’t stitch up rabies.”  
Jerry came inside just as Rosa was clocking in for her evening shift. He’d gone home to fix up things for Lily and was back to pick us up now.  
“You ready to go, Lilypad?”  
Jerry came around the counter and got down to her level.  
She nodded.  
“I’m hungry.”  
“Well, I’m gonna cook dinner when we get home,” Jerry replied.  
My stomach did flips at the mention of Jerry cooking. It could be really good or really bad. It was like trying to count grains of sand making a guess as to which it would be.  
“Jerry,” I begged, “nothing weird. Please. No PB&J ramen.”  
“That’s slander. PB&J ramen is not weird. It’s godly. But I was thinking of spaghetti.”  
Lily grinned.  
“That’s my favorite! Not PB&J ramen. I meant spaghetti.”  
Jerry smiled knowingly.  
“I had a sneaking suspicion it would be. Kids love that stuff. But I’m gonna have to make PB&J ramen for you one of these days. Now climb on.”  
Lily latched onto him, and Jerry piggybacked her to the car.  
 _This was going to be an interesting night._


	12. Swear Jar

The car ride back home was interesting, to say the least. For one thing, Jerry was actually obeying traffic laws. That's not to say that Jerry breaks the law constantly when he's behind the wheel, but he's not exactly what you would call a safe driver. At the very least, I usually have to remind him not to speed when we're in the car together. With Lily in the car? Jerry was following the rules of the road to the letter. Both hands on the wheel and everything. That was the first time Jerry ever left his hands at ten and two the whole time I'd known him.  
I assumed it was because he didn't want to risk making Lily uncomfortable because of all her injuries. I was far from complaining, though. It was nice not being thrown all over the car like beads in a maraca.  
When Lily first got into the car, she tapped me on the back.  
"Hm? What is it, Lily?"  
"Not to be mean or anything, but your car smells terrible."  
Jerry began to laugh.  
"Yeah, I know. We've tried everything to get the smell out, but I think it's stuck."  
I liked this kid. She didn't bullshit.  
She nodded and then sniffed like she was trying to figure out exactly what the smell was. She probably wouldn't be able to. I'd had this car for ages and still couldn't figure it out. I was just grateful the smell wasn't bothering her too much.  
Lily sat in the back, humming along to the music playing from Jerry's phone. Lily had liked the Louis Armstrong tape enough at first, but after the 3rd play of _La Vie En Rose_ , I could tell she was getting sick of it. Jerry was kind enough to offer up his collection of illegally downloaded music to assist.  
I was happy to see that Lily seemed much more relaxed than when she first showed up at the gas station. She wasn't fully recovered, there was no guarantee she ever would be, but she was at least smiling. Her breathing was getting less wheezy, too.  
"Hey, Jack?" Lily asked.  
I turned in my seat to look at her.  
"Yeah?"  
"How much further away is your house?"  
"Not too much further. Why?"  
"My back's starting to hurt… really bad."  
I suddenly realized that the cuts on Lily's back were going to need numbing again. The look on her face clearly showed that she was in pain, and you can't just give a nine-year-old a heavy-duty painkiller. I felt my chest tighten just a bit at seeing her expression.  
"Okay, just a few more minutes, and we'll be there. Will you be okay that long?"  
She nodded, and I did my best to smile at her.  
When we got to the house, Jerry helped Lily out of the car and piggybacked her inside. Once she was settled down on a chair in the living room, I got out the supplies I had borrowed from the Code Yellow kit. I got to work tending her injuries while Jerry started on dinner. I cleaned and numbed the area around her stitches again and changed out her bandages. I gave her a couple of ibuprofen too for good measure. I wasn't sure how effective it would be, but it was something.  
While I worked on it, Lily looked around at the living room. She was obviously fascinated by the decor that Jerry had decided to introduce to the house after moving in. There were bizarre statues set up in the corners reminiscent of the ones he had in the Mathmetists compound and strange paintings. Not to mention the cracked linoleum floors and faded floral wallpaper. Everything clashed together in a violent and weird way that sort of worked. Jerry had fairy lights in nearly every room. There was a string of light-up cactuses along the far wall. A grinning statue of an armadillo stood on the coffee table.  
After I was finished, Jerry announced that he was done with dinner and brought a huge pot of spaghetti into the living room, along with some plates and silverware. He piled a considerable amount of pasta onto a plate and then handed it to Lily.  
"Wait," She said.  
Her eyes were about the size of the plate she was holding.  
"We're eating in the living room?!"  
Jerry let out a laugh and nodded.  
"Hell yeah, kid, we're all about comfy in this house."  
"But what if we spill it?"  
"Jack can clean it up."  
"Hey!" I glared at Jerry, but he just laughed again and handed me a plate of spaghetti.  
I would have tried to argue more, except I was actually starving. So the food in front of me took precedent. I could chew Jerry out another time.  
We all ate, sitting around the rickety coffee table in my living room. Jerry took the liberty of turning on the TV for some background noise.  
Lily looked at the random cartoon playing on the TV with alarm.  
"I uh… I'm not allowed to watch TV."  
Jerry looked like she'd just told him she got beat with a rake every night.  
Instead of commenting on how her parents must've been nuns or something like I'd expected him to, he went a different route.  
"Well, the TV is fair game here. Our house, our rules."  
I had to give Jerry some credit. He wasn't always _completely_ tactless.  
"Is there a rule that says you're allowed to swear? Because you guys swear a lot."  
I couldn't help but cringe. Getting called out like that by a little kid wasn't the greatest feeling in the world. Swearing wasn't a huge issue with us, but I'd tried and failed to get Jerry to curb how much he swore around children in the past. I sighed and looked at Jerry.  
"Yeah, we really should have some sort of limitation on swear words."  
Jerry made a face like I suggested that he change his name to Walter and move to Antarctica.  
"Dude. Look at us. There's _no way_ we're going to be able to follow a no swearing rule. I like swearing too much, and you're a creature of habit."  
He had a point. Going cold-turkey no swearing might be asking a bit too much. Still, I felt like there had to be some sort of limitation. Thankfully, Jerry already had a plan.  
"Okay, here's what we do. It's called the Limited Fuck Policy. Once a day, we get free reign to say whatever the fuck swear word pops into our brains. No restrictions, no bullshit, just one fuck, shit, hell, bitch, damn, whatever you please. After that, you're done for the day and are no longer allowed to say fuck, motherfucker, dick, ass, or anything else of the sort. If you do, there will be monetary consequences. The end. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."  
Somehow, we had ended up being worse at this looking after a child thing than I initially thought we would be.  
"JESUS CHRIST JERRY!"  
"What? I just gave us a very efficient plan to make sure we don't completely destroy Lily's impressionable vocabulary."  
"Did you have to swear that much while explaining the one swear rule?!"  
"Hey, I had to get one last bit of freedom before the rule took effect!"  
"Alright, well, consider your one swear used up. That was fucking ridiculous, Jerry."  
"Now you just used up your one swear."  
"I know."  
I looked at Lily to find her looking completely scandalized. I guessed she'd never heard that much cursing at once before in her life. She'd have to get used to it. As solid as this swear rule might've seemed, I knew it wouldn't last for long. Either that, or we were gonna have one hell of a rainy day fund.  
"Wow…" She said, shock heavy in her voice.  
"Sorry you had to hear that," I told her.  
"So… does this mean I get one swear too?"  
"Heck yeah, you do! Use it wisely Lilypad, swearing is a big responsibility."  
Lily nodded solemnly before her face broke into a wide smile.  
"Okay."  
She paused for a second before speaking up again. It was so quiet we almost couldn't hear her.  
"...Fuck."  
Jerry scoffed, and Lily's eyes got big.  
"Oh no, was I not supposed to use it now? Is that word off-limits?"  
"No, no, no," Jerry explained. "I just think you can do better than that! Come on, you get one shot a day. Make it count! I say she gets a redo. How about you, Jack?"  
I wasn't surprised at all that the integrity of this rule was already falling apart. But Jerry was right. That did deserve a do-over.  
"Yeah, why not. But only this once, we can't let the rule go before we've even actually started."  
Lily nodded and took a deep breath.  
"Fuck!"  
It was a little louder this time, but apparently, Jerry still wasn't satisfied.  
"Come on, louder, make us feel it!"  
Jerry got up off his seat and walked over to Lily, picking her up and lifting her onto his shoulders.  
"Come on, Jack, give us a drumroll! This is a big moment!"  
I rolled my eyes. Usually, I wouldn't indulge Jerry in these kinds of things. It got him way too hyper. But the big, genuine smile on Lily's face convinced me otherwise. I gave them a decent drumroll on the coffee table, careful not to accidentally spill any spaghetti.  
"Alright, Lily, let's hear it!"  
"FUCKFUCKFUCK!"  
"ATTAGIRL! HELL YEAH!"  
Lily was laughing, and Jerry was cheering, and I couldn't help but give a small round of applause. Jerry lifted her from his shoulders, tossing her up in the air a few times and catching her. He was extremely careful around her injuries, and Lily squealed in delight. When he was done with that, he sat her back down in the chair.  
"Alright, eat up, kiddo. You definitely need it."  
Lily finished her plate at a speed I might have considered alarming if the circumstances were different. I understood, though. She had been through a lot, and on top of that, Jerry's cooking was kind of incredible. At least, when it wasn't hellspawn creations like Hot Dog Water Jello.  
Lily's face was covered with spaghetti sauce when she was done with her third plate of spaghetti. It reminded me that she definitely needed a bath. It was gonna be difficult with her stitches, but we'd manage.  
I looked at Jerry.  
"We can get her cleaned up, and then I've got to get my leg off. It's killing me."  
Lily sat her glass of water down, coughing like she'd swallowed a bug.  
"Y-Your leg?!"  
I figured Lily was smart enough to understand if I explained it to her. I leaned back in my chair and started taking off the prosthetic.  
"I'm an amputee. I broke my leg, and then I broke it while it was still broken, and then I broke it again. It got so broken, not to mention infected, that part of my leg began to die. The doctors had to take off my leg at the knee to save my life. If they didn't, my blood would've turned bad."  
I took off my leg and set it down on the floor, rolling up my pant leg to show her where my actual leg ended just below the knee.  
"Does it hurt?" She asked quietly.  
"Not usually. Sometimes the stump hurts at the end of the day or when I run a lot because of the plastic bumping against it. Also, I get phantom pains, which is my brain being weird and making my leg that's not there anymore hurt or itch."  
She nodded.  
"Can I hold it?"  
I couldn't lie and say I wasn't expecting her to ask. I could hear Jerry laugh out loud from the kitchen where he was _doing the dishes._ It seemed like Lily had been a good influence on him so far.  
"I'm sorry if that's weird, or if I'm not supposed to ask that! It just… looks so cool."  
I picked it up and passed it over to her.  
"As long as you're careful with it."  
As she looked over the prosthetic, she said, "I've had broken bones too before. They suck."  
"Yeah, they really do."  
"I broke my ribs once in a car crash. Car crashes suck."  
_Good God, who put a curse on this little girl?!_  
I think about the last time I got into a car crash. I swallow.  
"Yeah, Lily. They sure do."  


*******

I switched a bruise on my stump for a bruise under my armpit when Jerry brought me my crutch. I helped Lily to the bathroom, where Jerry was getting out the bath stuff he'd bought for her.  
I sat Lily down on the lid of the toilet.  
"Lily, we're gonna run you a bath, okay? We're going to help you in, and you can clean off what you can, and then Jerry or I will come back in to help you with your back and hair. We don't want to make you feel weird or uncomfortable. Just tell us if we do. Does that sound alright?"  
She nodded. Jerry went to work taking off her bandages.  
By the time we were done, the water was an ugly brownish-red. As I helped Lily out of the tub, I wrapped her in the fluffy white towel I saved for especially bad days. Jerry had thrown the towel in the dryer beforehand, so it was warm and soft.  
She giggled.  
"I'm a Lily-burrito!"  
Once she was dry, I gave her the new pajamas Jerry bought her and helped her get them on, being extra careful not to graze her stitches. I reapplied her bandages, and Jerry came and helped her walk to the bedroom. She'd told us her feet were feeling better, and she wanted to try walking again. I'd told him to lay out my foster grandmother's quilt on the bed. It was blue and had star patterns on it. When I was younger, about Lily's age, it felt like sleeping with a blanket made out of the night sky.  
I was too old to entertain those kinds of thoughts now, but Lily might. I pulled back the quilt, and Lily climbed into the bed. She pulled the covers up and rolled onto her side.  
"Can you tell me a story?" She asked with a yawn.  
Jerry and I exchanged glances. Before I could say anything, Jerry beat me to it.  
"Do you wanna hear about the time I saved Jack's life from giant clowns?"  
Lily's eyes got wide.  
"Giant clowns?"  
"Jerry, I don't know if that's—"  
"I won't tell her the really bad parts, don't worry."  
I sighed. I really didn't know if what happened at the old school was something Lily needed to know about, but I relented anyway.  
"Go on, then. But don't give her nightmares, please."  
As Jerry started the story of how we went to the old school to find Vanessa, I went to fix myself a cup of coffee.  
 _I hope she sleeps okay. God knows I never do._


	13. I'm Lily Madwhip and I Never Want to Sleep Again

I try to keep my eyes open as Jerry tells me the story, but I'm so tired, and this bed is so warm and cozy. Jerry's words get quieter and quieter until I can't hear them anymore, and I'm lost in a big pile of snuggly quilts. Then the quilts get pulled away from me, and I'm cold and in the dark.  
I'm not the only one here. I can feel it in my bones. That's what people say when they're really, really sure of something but don't have any evidence. I hear a voice behind me.  
It's a voice I haven't heard in a long time.  
"Hey assface!"  
I turn around. It's Roger. He looks normal and not all mushed up from getting t-boned. He's wearing one of his metal t-shirts. Part of me wants to run over and hug him, but a bigger part of me knows it's a trap.  
"Roger? What are you doing in my dream?"  
"You're the one who came up with the stupid dream. I should be asking you why I'm here."  
"I didn't come up with anything. I'm just here. How are you not all mushed up? Weren't you doing stuff with Hekate now?"  
I try to remember what Roger called it. A parthenon? A polygon?  
"Didn't anybody ever tell you to mind your business?"  
"Yes. You used to. All the time."  
"Well, you sure never learned how to do it."  
Man, I almost forgot what a jerk Roger could be sometimes. He must be in a nasty mood, too, because he's being extra rude.  
"I'm not trying to be in your business. I'm just confused." I try to explain, but Roger doesn't want to listen.  
"That's because your brain doesn't work."  
"What?"  
Roger is glaring at me now. It's not his familiar annoyed glare either. He looks really, really mad.  
"I said that your brain doesn't work, assface! Your brain is all messed up. You never think enough to do anything right! That's why you're all alone now, isn't it?"  
I took a step backward away from him.  
I don't understand why he's saying all of this. He was rude to me a lot when he was alive, but he's still supposed to be my brother. He's being extra mean to me right now, and even if he doesn't like me, he's supposed to love me.  
"You didn't think about what would happen. You trusted your precious angels, and now our parents are dead, and your weird friend with the messed up face. You even killed a dog. What kind of messed up kid does that?"  
I can't believe it. Roger couldn't know that. And even if he did, Roger wouldn't be this mean. He was a bully. He called me names and stole my stuff, but I know he still loved me deep down. He wouldn't do this.  
And then I realize there's a reason for that.  
I stare back at him, just as mean as he's staring at me.  
"You're not my brother. Roger wouldn't be this mean."  
Roger's face starts changing after that. He isn't glaring anymore, now he's smiling.  
It's an evil smile. The kind that makes my skin crawl.  
"Roger wouldn't be mean? Ah, I guess you got me there. I should try being a little nicer then."  
His voice is different now. He's talking slower, and it's almost like he's trying to sound friendly. It's not working, though.  
"I'm sorry, Lily."  
He doesn't sound sorry. He sounds happy, but it's a terrible type of happiness. The kind of happy bullies have when they're making fun of somebody, but worse somehow. Then I hear something else. It's a loud crunch, like somebody taking a bite out of a celery stick. I look around to see what made the sound, and when I look back at Roger, I know.  
His leg is bent wrong, and I realize that the sound is his bones breaking. It looks like his knee is bent backward. Before I can do anything, the crunching noise comes again, and now his other leg looks broken too. He shouldn't even be able to walk, but he does. He takes a step closer to me.  
"I've missed you, Lily. Isn't that nicer, little sis? I've missed you so much."  
It isn't nice. That's not my brother, and that's not how legs should bend, and it's the opposite of nice.  
I take another step backward.  
"Stop it, don't come any closer!" I shout at him.  
"But I love you, Lily! Come on, don't you want to give your big brother a hug? You never got a chance to before I died."  
"No! You aren't my big brother!" I step back again. I want to run far away from whatever this is.  
There are more crunching noises, and now the fake Roger's arms are twisted and broken. They dangle at his side.  
"I have a no loitering policy!" I yell at him.  
He laughs. It sounds so wrong. It makes me feel sick.  
"Lily, we're family!" Several loud snaps and cracks, and he's bending backward. His back is broken now.  
_Is this what he looked like after he got hit by the truck?_  
He… he doesn't look like a jellyfish.  
"You don't have any other family left. We have to stick together now."  
I can feel tears in my eyes. I try to take another step back, but I stumble, and I'm on the ground. I do my best to crawl, but now everything is hurting, and it's difficult to move.  
"Please... don't hurt me." My voice is quieter now. I know I won't be able to get away.  
"Oh, Lily, I don't want to hurt you."  
Fake Roger gets even closer to me. He's only a few feet away now. There's one last loud crack… and Roger's entire head falls backward.  
His mangled body takes another step closer, and he's right in front of me. Then he stops. Everything is really quiet, and I think maybe his neck breaking finally killed him.  
I'm very wrong.  
The broken, twisted body whips around. I can hear Roger's broken bones crunching. I squeeze my eyes shut because I don't want to see what he looks like. I keep my eyes shut tight, and then I can feel it— his breath on my face. I don't want to look, but I can't stop myself. I open my eyes.  
Roger's face is right in front of mine, upside down and swinging from his broken neck. There's blood dripping down his face from his nose and between his lips. His eyes are still open, and the blood is running through them like blood tears. They run into his hair and drip down onto the dark floor below us. He doesn't say anything, and he doesn't move. He just stands in front of me, breathing into my face.  
When he talks again, it's quiet. His voice sounds messed up. Maybe his neck breaking broke his voice box.  
"I don't want to hurt you, Lily…" He repeats himself. If I didn't believe it before, I definitely don't now with his head hanging upside down and his voice sounding like that.  
"I just want to give my little sister a hug."  
Then he reaches for me, his twisty broken arms trying to wrap around me. I do my best to squirm away. It's hard though, I'm hurt, and somehow Roger's arms are still strong even when they're not facing the right direction.  
"NO!" I shout, and I can feel the blood from his face drip onto my cheek and into my mouth. I spit and cough.  
"Why not? I thought you liked hugs. You were always hugging your little doll, the one with the angel inside. You hugged him, and he was the one who let you kill our parents."  
I'm crying harder now. I don't know what this is, but I don't like him talking about Paschar, even if it is a little true.  
"Shut up! You aren't my brother!" I shout so loud that I'm sure my voice will hurt.  
"You're a liar. You just want to trick me and scare me! But I'm not afraid of you!!"  
Fake Roger stops trying to hug me when I say that. Then he moves away from me and begins to laugh. But it's not Roger's voice anymore. It sounds like a lady.  
"Oh? I'm sorry. Is this not _scary_ enough for you, Lily?"  
Suddenly, Roger is gone.  
"Okay, let's try something a little different then."  
My eyes hurt when I look at where he once was. It looks like a messed up spot on an oil painting, all blurry and weird. And then everything gets blurry and weird.  
I sit up in bed, screaming.  
I throw the covers off and jump out of bed. I have to find somebody, I don't want to be alone, not after that. I run down the hallway and look in the rooms. Nobody is inside any of them, so I run into the living room. I don't see anyone inside, but through the open doorway of the kitchen, I see light and hear a voice.  
Jack is in there, sitting at the kitchen table. I sigh and relax a little bit. I know Jack will be able to help. He'll listen to my dream and say that it's okay. Then maybe he'll get Jerry to tell me another funny story so I can go to sleep again.  
I want to walk up to him, but I stay still when I hear him talking.  
"Yes, sir. A little girl."  
He's on the phone with somebody. _Is he talking about me?_  
"She turned up at the gas station I work at. She's pretty beat up."  
He's definitely talking about me. _Who is he talking to?_  
"No, I'm not sure what happened. I just want to make sure that she gets back home."  
My eyes go wide. I can't be hearing right. There's no way. Jack said that he wouldn't send me back to the group home.  
"She said her name is Lily Madwhip… yes… I see. We can get her ready to leave in the morning."  
I want to start crying again. I thought I would be safe here. I thought that I could trust Jack. I can't believe he lied to me. My chest starts to hurt.  
"I just want to make sure she's okay."  
_Liar_ , I think to myself. If he wanted me to be okay, he wouldn't be trying to send me back!  
"Yes, sir, [she's right here](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1QF7qcBa0KMr3o87B4GH7N8dDOVfg3DAL/view?usp=sharing)."  
I freeze. _How does he know where I am?_  
I think about running away, but I don't have anywhere to run to. This is supposed to be a safe place.  
Jack stands up and turns around. He's still holding the phone, and he looks right at me. He's smiling. It's wrong, though. I haven't seen Jack smile much, but I know he wouldn't smile like this. This smile is terrible. There's no happiness in it. It's a smile full of hate. His smile gets wider and wider until it doesn't look like a people smile. There's a sound of ripping as his cheeks tear from his smile. His eyes go solid black, and his skin turns pale.  
And then I see it— two yellow orbs in his mouth. Before I can even move, something begins to crawl out, shedding Jack like a snakeskin. His blood and organs end up all over the table, making a real mess of the kitchen.  
It has hands as big as my whole body. It has a long snout with teeth bigger than my face and yellow alligator eyes. It's scaly in places and furry in others, and it's an ugly dark green color. It jumps out onto the table, and the remains of Jack turn into dust. The table breaks underneath its weight, and I feel my legs finally unfreeze.  
I run back down the hallway, and it follows after me. I can hear it crashing into the walls and calling out to me. _Why is it still using Jack's voice?_  
I run into the bedroom and scramble under the covers. I know it doesn't make much sense, but part of me thinks that if it can't see me, it can't eat me. Everything gets really quiet, and I think it's gone. I think just for a minute I might be safe and that this nightmare is finally over.  
_That's what this is, right? It's a nightmare... right?_  
Something rips the blanket off of me. I don't want to look. If I can't see it, it can't hurt me.  
I feel the world ripple underneath me, and I'm sent flying through the air. I hit a wall, and my ribs break. I know what that feels like because I got into a car wreck, and I broke my ribs, and it hurt really bad, and this hurts really bad, and I can't breathe.  
I open my eyes, trying hard to get air into my lungs. There's fire all around, and the smoke makes it even harder to breathe. It feels like I'm drowning. In the middle of it all is… well, I don't have any word to call it other than terrifying. It has six long arms that end in claw fingers. It doesn't have legs. Instead, its butt half is seven long black snake tails that stretch out along the ground. They wriggle around like they're alive. This thing makes Snakebutt look like Barbie. Its chest is naked, and it's definitely a lady, so I look away quickly. I may be scared, but I'm not _rude._  
It has the head of a dog or a fox. Maybe a mix of both. I'm not sure.  
When it speaks to me, it's so loud I have to cover my ears, and even that doesn't help. It's so loud my bones shake. I would start crying, but I already am. I have been for a while, I think. It leans its massive head down at me. It could swallow me whole in one bite.  
**"IS THIS SCARY ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW, LILY?"**  
Its voice is a mix of a hundred different voices, all of them screaming at the top of their lungs.  
**"THIS IS JUST THE START OF WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT LIES IN YOUR FUTURE, SO I SUGGEST GETTING USED TO THE FEAR AND THE PAIN. YOU'RE NOT ANYWHERE CLOSE TO ESCAPING IT."**  
I can't scream. I want to, but the sound won't come. I'm frozen, still and silent while the monster screeches in my face.  
**"YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL WATCH THE WORLD BURN IN AN ETERNITY OF AGONY AND FEAR AND BE POWERLESS TO STOP IT! CAN YOU FEEL IT LILY, ALL THE PAIN AND TERROR ON ITS WAY?!"**  
I can feel it. It's like when I see things before they happen. Only I can't see anything. I can only feel it. I've been afraid in the past, really afraid. But I'd never been this afraid before.  
I've also been sad and angry. I've felt lots of bad emotions, and I've been through a lot. Before now, I thought I knew what it was to hurt.  
But I'd never been in this much pain before.  
The scary fox-snake woman begins to laugh. It gets so loud that my ears start to bleed. She leans down and swallows me whole. I can't breathe.  
And then, all of a sudden, it gets super quiet and dark. It happens so fast that I get a horrible headache.  
I can breathe again, but my head hurts so bad. I'm sweating, and I'm pretty sure I wet the bed.  
I'm scared to sit up, to pull the blanket off. I'm afraid of what I'll find.  
I want to just shake it off as a nightmare, but I can't. Deep down, I know that something _really_ bad is going to happen.


	14. Will You Stay Awake Until I Fall Asleep?

I was making myself a cup of tea when I heard it— running, stumbling footsteps toward the kitchen, and panicked breathing. I thought for a moment that Jerry might've smoked some bad weed or was having a bad trip, but I realized the footsteps were too light. I took my cup of hot tea and turned around. Lily was standing in the doorway, staring at me. She was shaking all over, and I could tell she would need a clean pair of pajamas. Seeing her like this was like stepping into a time machine. Only instead of comfort, all I'd get was yelled at.  
"Lily? What happened?"  
She doesn't answer.   
"Lily?"  
Her voice was shaky when she finally spoke.   
"I'm just waiting to see if your face splits open."  
I didn't mean to laugh, really. But it caught me off guard.   
Lily's face screwed up, and I could tell she was about to start crying again.  
'No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh like that. I'm sorry, Lily. I understand that's a genuine fear, but did you have a nightmare or something?"  
She took a cautious step into the kitchen.   
"I… I think so. There was a big demon lady. Something bad is going to happen. Jack, something _really bad_ is going to happen."  
I swallowed whatever anxiety that stirred up inside me, and I walked over to her slowly, as not to spook her.   
"Why don't we get you cleaned up? And then I'll make you some tea, and we can talk about it."  
She nodded, and I took her hand. It was small and trembling like a leaf.  
I got her cleaned up and threw the sheets and quilt in the washing machine. I'd never had someone to do this for me when I was her age, so I decided that I would do my best to be that source of comfort for her. Lily sat at the kitchen table, her feet swinging back and forth nervously. I filled a mug with hot tea and sugar and handed it to her.  
"I dreamt about my brother. Only it wasn't my brother. It was a monster. And then it was you but then a monster again. And then there was a big lady monster. She... said something about pain. I can't remember very well. When I think about it too hard, I feel sick."  
Lily turned slightly green before quickly taking a sip of the tea. My curiosity and dread were at an all time high, but I didn't want to press her any further, lest she puke on the floor.  
"Well, I don't know about your brother. But I'm certainly not a monster. At least, I don't think so."  
Lily didn't look very reassured. I sat down next to her and patted her back gently, making sure to avoid the stitches.   
"If I'm not a monster, then logically, your brother can't be a monster. It sounds like this is a kind of all-or-nothing deal. And I'm definitely not a monster, last time I checked at least."  
"My brother is dead. He died before my parents did. He got all mushed up by a big truck."  
I sighed. I wanted to see who was in charge of watching over her because they weren't doing a very good job of it.   
"I'm sorry, Lily. But look at it this way. If he's dead, he's probably not a monster."  
Lily was quiet for a moment before nodding.  
"You're right. Roger didn't look like a zombie. Or at least, he didn't try to eat my brains. He just said it was messed up."  
I fervently wished people could mind their own damn business when it came to someone else's mental health. Even if this was a nightmare, it was just something that always got on my nerves. She took another sip of her tea before continuing.  
"The demon lady said something about an eternity of agony and fear? I don't really know what that means, but…"  
I felt prickles of ice down my back. There was something so wrong about that, yet so familiar…  
"I used to get tons of nightmares when I was your age. When I'd wake up, I'd always move and sleep somewhere else, and I wouldn't have a nightmare again. Do you wanna try that?"  
Lily considered this for a moment before nodding.  
"Alright. I have an idea. Lily, would you go get me a pillow from the couch?"  
She jumped up and eagerly brought me back one of the green decorative pillows from the living room. She was practically vibrating with excitement. I found it somewhat adorable that her mood could shift so quickly.  
I walked down the hallway and into the bedroom. Lily followed behind me. I opened the bedroom door and, after aiming, pegged Jerry's sleeping head with the pillow.  
"Cinnamon rolls?!" Jerry slurred as he shot up in bed. Lily burst into a fit of mischievous giggles.  
"You guys are funny."  
Jerry rubbed his eyes and blinked.  
"C'mon, man. I was having a sick ass dream."  
I looked at Lily and smirked. She smirked right back.  
"You say it," I whispered to her.  
"Oh no. I insist. Go ahead," Lily whispered right back.  
"Aaaand it's past midnight, so that was your one swear today," I tell him, matter-of-factly.  
"What?! No fair!"  
Lily and I snickered as I turned on the lamp.  
"Okay, we need your help with something. You're the brawn in this house."  
"Who's the brains?" Lily asked.  
Jerry and I just looked at each other and laughed.  
"What brains?"  
About ten minutes later, we had a nice, soft makeshift bed on the floor next to our bed. We raided the house for spare blankets and pillows and fixed them up on my side of the bed, Jerry carrying the heavy quilts to our bedroom. Lily snuggled down into the blanket nest. Jerry ruffled her hair, told her goodnight, and turned out the light. He was out in minutes.  
"Jack?"   
Lily's voice was soft and still slightly tremulous.  
"Yes, Lily?"  
"You're not gonna leave, right?"  
"No, Lily. In fact, I'll stay awake. You go to sleep, and if any monsters come, I'll fight them off."  
I thought for a minute before adding:  
"I'll keep you safe. I promise."  
She was quiet for a while after that. I pulled out my book and reading light. For the nth time, I was rereading _The Great Gatsby_. I figured I wouldn't get any sleep in tonight, but I was okay with that.  
Just when I thought she was asleep, I heard her little voice again. It was soft and sleepy.  
"Are you still awake, Jack?"  
"Yes, Lily."  
For a moment, I don't feel alone in my brain, if that makes any sense. It felt like when Jerry would come behind the counter and stand behind me, but the feeling was inside my head instead of over my shoulder. Someone was looking at my thoughts and memories. Their presence didn't threaten me, but I definitely noticed it.  
"Why can't you sleep? Like I mean, you _can't_ sleep. Not a lot anyway. Not like the normal I can't sleep. You want to sleep, but you _don't._ Your body won't let you sleep a whole lot."  
"Oh, I uh, have some stuff wrong with my brain— a sleep disorder. I usually don't get much sleep. And sometimes I'll fall asleep when I'm not supposed to and not realize it. But most of the time, I can't sleep on my own. I have to take medicine."  
"Oh. I hope your brain gets better."  
I smiled. Lily wasn't being sarcastic or mean. She didn't know that my condition was permanent. She genuinely hoped my brain got better.  
"Thanks, Lily."  
She yawned, and I listened to her breathing get slower and even out.  
I tried to focus on my book, but it was no use. I couldn't stop thinking about what Lily had said. I wanted to write it off as some little kid's overactive imagination and too much spaghetti, but Lily deserved more credit than that. If she did have this power she claimed to have— which I was almost fully certain she did —then I was scared that this dream could have implications I wasn't fully aware of yet.   
I remembered the Dark God's words from what felt like so long ago.  
 _There is something coming._  
Was it already here? Had Lily seen it?


	15. I'm Lily Madwhip and Possums Make Cool Pets

I feel something tickling my nose. I rub at it, and it goes away. But then it comes back. I open my eyes, and Jerry is standing above me with a pink feather boa. He's dangling it over my face so it tickles my nose so I'll wake up.  
"Ah, Sleeping Beauty is finally up!"  
Before I can say good morning, he's lifting me up onto his shoulders from my blanket nest. He wraps the feather boa around my neck and ducks down as we leave the bedroom. My ribs and back still hurt, but Jerry is making me feel better.  
"Wee!" I yell, holding onto his head.  
He whooshes me into the bathroom and sets me down in front of the sink.  
"Alright, Lilypad, brush your teeth, then I'll make breakfast."  
I brush my teeth with the new toothbrush Jerry gives me. It's green with dinosaurs on it, like his pillow, except these dinosaurs look real and not like cartoons. The toothpaste is so minty it makes my mouth hurt. I use the mouthwash sitting by the sink. It tastes funny and bad and burns my mouth. I spit it out.  
Jerry sees me holding the bottle. It's kind of heavy for a mouthwash bottle. His eyes are big. He looks like I'm holding a giant rat or a tarantula. Those are the humongous, hairy spiders that live in the jungle. _Ick._  
"Lily… did you drink that? Or spit it out?"  
"I spit it out. Your mouth wash is weird."  
Jerry lets out a big breath like he just barely missed getting hit by a bus.  
"Yeah… yeah… why don't you wash out your mouth with water, hm?"  
I wash the bad taste out of my mouth, and Jerry picks me up.  
"So, maybe don't tell Jack about you using the... mouthwash, okay? It'll be our special little secret."  
I nod.  
"Our secret."  
We pinky promise, and then Jerry carries me to the kitchen table. Jack is just starting to pour pancake batter into a hot frying pan. I sit down, and Jerry takes over for Jack, and Jack comes and sits down next to me.  
"How'd you sleep?"  
"I didn't have any more nightmares. My neck hurts a little bit, but I slept good."  
Jerry laughs and looks back at us.  
"You should pop it! Jack can show you how to do it. His joints pop like an old creepy doll."  
"Wouldn't popping my neck kill me? I don't know if I wanna do that."  
They both laugh a little before Jack twitches his head to the side. His neck makes a loud, popping noise.  
"Like that, see? It helps your neck if it feels really stiff."  
I try it, and my neck does its own little crack. It feels better now.  
Jerry sets a plate full of chocolate chip pancakes and a glass of milk in front of me, and then the same in front of Jack. The stack still has steam coming up from it, and it's got to be some of the best food I've ever smelled. The chocolate chips are all hot and melty.  
"You can go ahead and eat. I'm gonna cut up some strawberries."  
I usually didn't get to eat breakfast like this at home. Not since Roger died. My dad would cook breakfast on weekends, but it was just a PopTart and a juice box on school days.  
Jack helps me cut up my pancakes, and I grab the syrup.  
"Wait, wait, wait!" Jerry says.  
I freeze, and a little drop of syrup drips out of the bottle and onto the stack.  
Jerry turns to me with a blue box in his hands and asks, "have you ever tried powdered sugar on pancakes?"  
" _Sugar?_ Like _actual sugar?_ " I ask him.  
"Jerry, I don't know if we should be giving Lily straight-up sugar like that…" Jack says.  
"Let her live a little, Jack. She's been through a lot." Jerry says as he dusts my pancakes in what looks like flour. I get a bite on my fork and eat it. My eyes get big.  
_It's like a fairy party in my mouth!_  
"Here, Jack, let me put a little on yours."  
"No thanks, I'm fine."  
As Jerry is going to put the sugar on his pancakes, and Jack is going to stop him, their hands brush together. They look at each other in the eyes. Jerry's face gets just a little red.  
And then I'm not there anymore. For a moment, I'm extremely confused. But it doesn't take me long to realize that, _oh, I'm seeing things before they happen again._  
I'm still looking at Jack and Jerry, but it's different now. They're not in the kitchen anymore. Instead, they're outside. It's night time, and they're looking up at the stars.  
They're in front of the gas station, sitting up against it. Jack is sitting between his legs and leaning up against him. Jerry has his arms around him.  
That's the way I would sit with my mom when we went to watch the fireworks every Fourth of July. I'd always end up falling asleep on her with popsicle juice all over my face, and she would carry me to the car. I feel tears stinging my eyes. _Focus on the vision, Lily._  
Jack is holding a dark red bottle in his hand. It's got the top off of it, and I can smell it. I recognize the bottle. My mom used to drink that stuff a lot. My face is wet with tears. _Stop that, Lily!_  
I'm standing in front of them, and I can see both their faces. Jack is laughing, and I know it's because Jerry just told him a joke. Jerry has a funny look on his face.  
He's got that look I get when I want to tell someone something really bad, like when I have a vision. _But Jerry doesn't get visions, does he?_  
"Jack, I—"  
Jack sets down the bottle and points up at the sky.  
"Look, a shooting star! Make a wish."  
Jack nudges Jerry gently. I turn around and see a star zipping across the sky, only it's not going from one side to the other. It's coming straight toward them.  
_Am I gonna have to see them get mushed by a star?!_  
Just like in the dream I had last night, this vision wasn't just me seeing things. I could feel the emotions of it. It wasn't like watching a movie anymore. It was like being in one.  
_Were my visions getting stronger?_  
I watch as the color drains from their faces. For a moment, I can hear Jerry's thoughts.  
"Wait… wait, is that coming towards us?!"  
_'There's always gonna be something, isn't there? I'll never get just one moment long enough to tell him, will I?'_  
As the star's light grows brighter, I watch a tear slip down his cheek. His hopelessness overwhelms me like a tidal wave until it turns into anger. Then I hear another one of his thoughts.  
"Jerry?!"  
_'Not this time. Fuck you, Universe.'_  
He gently puts his hands on the side of Jack's face and tilts his head up just enough to press his lips to his forehead. They make eye contact. Jack's eyes are wide.  
And then I'm back in the kitchen.  
Jerry and Jack are kinda quiet for a while after that. Jerry gives me a little bowl of strawberries.  
It's not long before they're back to acting normal, though. I finish my breakfast and put on the new clothes they bought me. The shirt has a kangaroo on it!  
As I pick out what coloring book to bring with me, I hear Jack and Jerry talking in the kitchen about whether they're going to bring me to the gas station today or not.  
I hope they do. _I don't want to be here alone._  
I hear Jack sigh.  
"We can't leave her alone. Not after everything she's been through."  
Jerry comes out, handing me a little plastic container. It looks like the ones my mom would take to work in her lunchbox. He also gives me a Capri-Sun. I love Capri-Suns!  
He hands Jack one, too, with a bottle of juice.  
"It's just a ham sandwich and some apple slices, but it's better than a gas station burrito and a frozen drink."  
Jack folds his arms over his chest and narrows his eyebrows.  
"You're one to talk, Mr. Cotton Candy Pickle."  
I gag.  
Cotton candy pickle?! _Gross!_  
"Hey, it's not like I'm eating a cotton candy pickle for every meal."  
I think he would probably die of grossness overload if he did that.  
"Well, I guess you've got me there."  
Jack rolls his eyes, but he smiles and takes it.  
Jerry drives us to the gas station. The car still smells bad, but there's a little green tree hanging on the mirror, and it doesn't smell _as_ bad.  
I like the gas station. It's weird, but it feels almost like it's welcoming me. I'm excited to explore more of it.  
Rosa is just finishing her shift. She ruffles my hair and gives me a TicTac before she leaves. _How does she know I love TicTacs?_  
That's when I hear it— the thump-thump up in the ceiling. I tug on Jack's shirt as he's messing around with the register.  
"Do you hear that, Jack?"  
He nods.  
"It's best to just ignore it. Weird things happen a lot around here, Lily. The general rule is the more you ignore, the better off you'll be."  
But he's wrong. I see it now. There's a furry thing in the vents, and it's found the air conditioning wires. It'll chew through them and die! And then it'll get really hot in the gas station and smell really bad.  
"We can't ignore this, Jack!" I tell him, "There's a squirrel, and it's going to break the air conditioner!"  
Jack looks at me for a minute and then yells, "JERRY! CAN YOU COME HERE? BRING THE LADDER!"  
Jerry comes in with the ladder, I show him where it is, and pretty soon, he's climbing up into the top of the gas station. Jack doesn't look as surprised as I do when he pulls the squealing, squirmy possum out of the ceiling. It hisses at us like a kitty cat before trying to play dead.  
"That's definitely not a squirrel."  
Jerry accidentally drops it, and it screams when it hits the floor. Like an actual scream, it sounds like a lady. And then it runs around all over the floor, and Jack grabs a broom, and Jerry falls off the ladder and onto his butt, and I try not to laugh, but it's really funny.  
Jack eventually catches it in a milk crate.  
"FUCK! JERRY, GO GET THE CAT CARRIER!" Jack yells. He's out of breath.  
Jerry runs to the hallway and comes back with a small plastic crate with a door on the front. Jack uses a cheese cube to lure the possum into the cat crate before latching the door. When it knows it's trapped, it starts making a weird squeaky bark noise. I feel bad for it. It's probably scared, and I don't think cat carriers are a nice place to be.  
"See? I told you." I tell them.  
"How did you know what was up there, Lily?" Jerry asks me.  
"I see things before they happen. I get visions."  
Again, I don't think they'll believe me. And again, I get a surprise.  
"Woah! How often does that happen? Can you control it?"  
"I… no, it just happens. I can't control it. I don't really keep track of all the times it happens. It just happens, I guess."  
"Well that's bitchin'."  
"I don't think so. You can have it. I don't like knowing the future."  
Jerry scratches his head. Jack looks nervous.  
"Lily, you probably shouldn't tell anyone else around here you can do those kinds of things. It could be dangerous. Just keep it between us, okay?" Jack says.  
I know why he says it. It seems like they believe me, but I don't think anyone else will. They might try to put me in the "funny farm." That's what my dad called it when he thought I wasn't listening. I don't think the funny farm is very funny, though. Or a farm. It's just a place where people put people like me when they don't want to deal with them anymore.  
"So, who's gonna go let it out in the woods?" Jack asks.  
"Let it out? In the woods?"  
Jerry looks like Jack just suggested we push his grandma off a cliff. He holds the cat carrier close to him.  
"Oh, no. No, no, no. We are _keeping_ this delightful creature. We _have_ to. It's meant to be. Besides, the little guy _needs_ us."  
The possum screams again. Jack rubs his face like my mom would do when she was really, really annoyed.  
"Jerry, are you crazy? I don't even think that's legal. We _cannot_ keep this possum."  
Jerry didn't give up, though.  
"We totally can. I know! Let's put some baby socks on its ears. We can say our dog is a little deformed and very angry."  
That seems like a pretty good idea.  
"Yeah! Let's do it!"  
"No, Jerry. You and I both know that's not going to work."  
"Well, I know a guy who does backroom veterinary work. What do you think, Lily? Should we keep the possum?"  
Jerry looks at me, grinning, Jack looks at Jerry, and he's not grinning. He looks very mad. Still, I can't resist the call of a new pet. It's been forever since I had my last turtle.  
"Oh yes, can we keep him, please?"  
Jack sighs like he just lost a game. I think I was the tiebreaker.  
"Fine. But you've got to make sure this thing doesn't have rabies."  
"Possums are actually very rarely susceptible to rabies!" Jerry says excitedly. Jerry is really smart, even if he's dumb sometimes.  
Jack pulls a book out of his bookbag and sits down behind the register.  
"Why don't you two go to Jerry's weird backdoor vet and to Petsmart in Alexandria and get some stuff for…"  
"Mr. Possy!" I say.  
"Yeah, Mr. Possy. I'll stay here. You two have fun, though."  
Jack looks down at his book.  
"Also, Alexandria is close to my middle name!"  
Jack looks back up at me.  
"What's your middle name?"  
"Alexandra."  
Jack gets a funny look on his face.  
"Well, my middle name is Mr. Cool!" Jerry says proudly.  
"No, it's not. Your middle name is Toulouse. Besides, that's two words."  
I blink. I know I'm right. _How do I know that? I didn't get a vision._  
Jack and I make eye contact. His big caterpillar eyebrows furrow in confusion. Jerry looks like he just swallowed a bug, but it doesn't last long.  
"Aren't you just a little Miss-Know-It-All?" He grins as he says it, and I know he's teasing.  
He lifts me onto his back and carries Mr. Possy and me right out the door.  
"Hey, Lily?" He says.  
"Huh?"  
"If a cop pulls us over, tell them I didn't kidnap you."  
I giggle.  
"Do you want me to not tell them you kidnapped me? Or actually tell them you didn't kidnap me?"  
Jerry rubs his chin for a moment or two.  
"Tell them I didn't kidnap you. That way they'll know for sure."  


*******

The ride is long, and I watch the trees and swamps go by. Jerry plays music from his phone, and I sing along with the songs I know. I open my lunch and feed Mr. Possy bits of ham as we ride along. It reminds me of that one scene from Ponyo. I love Ponyo. My mom let me watch Ponyo all the time.  
We're halfway through singing Don't Stop Believin' when Jerry pulls into the parking lot. We have the windows down because it just stopped raining. I can smell flowers and soap.  
There's a store next to the Petsmart called Bath & Body Works.  
"What's that? Can we go in there?" I point to it.  
"Oh? Sure Lilypad. Let me just leave Mr. Possy some water."  
He does, and he holds my hand as we walk across the street. We go inside, and Jerry buys me hand sanitizer that smells like peaches and some candles for the gas station. I don't think it will make it smell much better, but it's worth a try.  
We walk into Petsmart, and it smells like doggies. I try not to think about the doggie I killed. But of course, it doesn't work, and now I'm thinking about it.  
"What's wrong?"  
I blink really fast to try and keep myself from crying. Jerry crouches down in front of me and puts a hand on my shoulder.  
"Hey, what's going on, Lily?" He looks worried, and that just makes me want to cry more. I shake my head at him. I don't want to talk about killing a doggie. I want to look at pets and try not to be sad. But then if I look at the doggies, I'll think about it and be more sad.  
Jerry is quiet for a minute, but then he nods.  
"Alright, that's okay. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. C'mon. Let's go do some shopping, Lilypad." He stands up again and holds out his hand.  
I take it, and we start to walk through the store. As we move through the aisles, Jerry starts thinking out loud. But not like he's thinking, and I can hear it. He's talking to himself. That's what grown-ups call it because if you talk to yourself, you're crazy. But if you're _thinking out loud,_ it's okay.  
"So, I'm thinking we're gonna need a cage for him. Like, as much as I'd love to let him run amok like a cat, Jack isn't going to approve."  
Jerry pulls out his phone and starts looking through Google.  
"Ahhh, this bitch needs a wheel."  
 _Well that was mean!_  
"Hey! Don't call Mr. Possy that!"  
"Hm?"  
I put my hands on my hips.  
"Don't call him…" I lowered my voice, "a bitch…"  
"Oh, no, no, no, bitch isn't always bad. Like if you say 'oh, she's that bitch’ or 'hey bitch what's up.' There's a lot of nuances to swearing. Don't tell Jack I told you that, though. I don't think he'd approve of me teaching you the intricacies of using such high-class vocabulary."  
I try to process this.  
"Did I use up my one swear?"  
"Nah, this one's on me."  
"So, Mr. Possy isn't a bad bitch?"  
"Mr. Possy is definitely a bad bitch, but not like a _bad_ bitch. Bad means cool. Sometimes. The English language is entirely subjective, my dear friend. If you wanna call an apple an orange or fragment your sentences or splice your commas, do it. Let your subject and verb disagree. Use the wrong article. Make a new word. Who the hell cares? If they do, it's none of their business."  
"You're confusing me."  
Jerry grins at me.  
"You and everyone else, kiddo."  
"What's comma spice?"  
"Nothing you need to worry about."  
One of the ladies in a Petsmart uniform stocking a shelf is trying not to stare at us. Jerry winks at her.  
We walk to the cages. Jerry is busy looking at the little cat beds on the shelf. I'm busy thinking about beds. But not pet beds, a different kind of bed. A people bed.  
"Did I steal your bed?"  
He looks back down at me.  
"Huh?"  
"You and Jack had to share last night. Is that because I took your bed?"  
Jerry gets a funny look on his face, and then he looks away. He seems extra focused on the little beds now. It takes a second for him to answer.  
"Nah, you didn't steal my bed." He sounds a little funny too. He's less loud than he was before.  
"Jack doesn't sleep a whole lot, but when he does, he gets bad nightmares. And I don't like sleeping alone. It benefits both of us. That's what best friends do, right? Help each other out."  
His face looks sad when he says that last bit.  
It makes me think of the vision from breakfast again. Jerry had the same sad look right before he kissed Jack's forehead. I feel like there's something I'm missing.  
I try to remember all the times I've seen Jerry make that funny face.  
 _Why does he make it? What's happening whenever he makes it?_  
He made that face a lot around Jack. I never saw him look sad like that around anybody else. He never looked at me like that, but maybe that's because he doesn't know me that much? Jerry and Jack are best friends, though, right? I don't think best friends are supposed to look at each other with big sad eyes like that. At least not as much as Jerry does. _Is Jerry keeping a secret from him?_  
But they're best friends. _What kind of secrets do best friends keep from each other?_  
Maybe he's hiding a secret about Jack. If I was hiding a secret about Meredith, I would tell her, though. Or at least, I probably would...  
I guess I kept it a secret from Meredith that I was scared of her at first, at least until weasel-faced Felix made me tell her. I don't think Jerry would be scared of Jack, though. Jack isn't scary. Plus, even if it was a secret, I don't think he would want to share a bed with somebody he was scared of. Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know any best friends who share a bed like that.  
Maybe Bert and Ernie, but I don't think they count. The only people I can think of right away are my mom and dad— _ohhhh._  
"Are you and Jack married?" I ask him, confident I've figured it out.  
Jerry makes another weird face. His eyes get huge, and his mouth gets all crooked and weird. He gets really red, and he looks a little like I probably do any time I get caught doing something against the rules. It's actually a little funny. He says something really quiet that I can't hear all the way. I'm pretty sure he says another swear, though. Then he looks at me.  
"Can you read minds too?"  
I'm a little confused. That doesn't answer the question at all. It doesn't even make sense.  
"I don't think so."  
I'm not really sure if I can or not, actually. How I knew Jerry's middle name earlier is a mystery. Maybe I _can_ read minds. I could be one of those people on TV who talks to people about their family and stuff and makes lots of money. What do they call them? Spy chicks? _No, that's not right._  
Anyway, what do reading minds have to do with them being married?  
"Then how did you get the idea we were married?"  
"Well, the only best friends I know who share a bed are moms and dads. They're best friends, and they're in love, so they share a bed. Is that like you and Jack?"  
"Well, uh. Not really. We aren't married."  
His sad face is back again.  
 _Is he sad that they aren't married?_  
"Do you want to be?"  
"That's…" Jerry pauses for a long minute. He looks like he's trying to figure out a tough math problem.  
"I don't want to lie to you, Lily, but I need you to pinky promise me you won't tell Jack I said this, okay?"  
He holds out his pinky to me.  
So I guess he does have a secret he doesn't want Jack to know. I feel a little bad about keeping a secret from Jack, but I really wanna know now. So I hook my pinky with Jerry's so he'll tell me.  
"Okay. Jack and I aren't married. I would like that, though, if we were. But I think that's a little too forward right now."  
That doesn't make a lot of sense.  
"Oh...did you ask, and he said no?"  
"Nope, I haven't asked."  
"Are you going to?"  
I think it would be kind of fun to go to a wedding. Especially Jack and Jerry's, if they had one.  
"I don't think so. Not for a long time at least."  
"How come?"  
"Jack uh...he doesn't know I…"  
Jerry doesn't finish his sentence, but I think I know what he's going to say. It's not hard to guess.  
"Is that your secret? You have a crush on Jack?"  
Jerry gets really red again, and he nods.  
"Yeah. It's top-secret though, so let's not let Jack know, okay?"  
"Okay," I say, and I smile at him.  
I don't know a lot about crushes. I've... never really had any. Nope. Not one. I sometimes heard girls at school talk about them. Apparently, they're really important and really secret. They make girls really mean sometimes too. I once saw a girl push another girl off the swings because they liked the same boy. I don't think Jerry would be mean like that, though.  
"Maybe he likes you too," I tell him.  
I want to make him feel better. He shouldn't have to feel so sad.  
"I dunno, Lilypad. I sure hope he does."  
"Well, he does share a bed with you. I'm pretty sure only people who love each other do that."  
"You're a pretty smart kid, you know that?"  
I smile at him.  
"You're smart too, Jerry."  
Jerry smiles back at me.  
"Thanks, Lilypad. Alright, let's go get the rest of this possum gear."  
Jerry and I get most of the stuff for Mr. Possy. We even get him his own cage with a little wheel, some treats, and some toys!  
We're walking down the dog food aisle, and Jerry turns to me.  
"You wanna look at the pets, Lilypad? It might take me a little while to find possum food."  
That reminds me of my mom and the time I killed all the pets. But that won't happen here. Not with Jerry around. Besides, there are no angels nearby, right?  
"Okay!" I say.  
I'm super excited to go see the animals.  
"Meet me at the registers when you're done, alright, Lily? Don't talk to strangers, and be careful."  
I nod and run off to find the rabbits.  


*******

I'm standing in front of the turtles now. I went and saw the rabbits and the glo-fish. I even saw a chameleon and a chinchilla! They had cats and snakes and hamsters and even mice. Now, all that's left is the turtles.  
The little turtle swims around for a bit before crawling up onto its rock. It looks up at me and blinks its tiny eyes. It looks like Michelangelo. _I miss my turtle buddies._  
I stare at the turtle for a minute. He's a tiny bit bigger than Michelangelo was.  
He seems friendly. I imagine him opening his little turtle mouth and talking to me.  
He'd say, "Hey, Lily? How are you? Everything's just fine down here in Turtle Land. I had turtle food for breakfast. What did you have?"  
And then he _does_ start talking to me. Only it's not the little turtle voice I imagined.  
"Lily."  
He only says my name, but I know the voice enough to already know that it's Paschar. He found me again.  
"No…" I whisper.  
I take a tiny step away from the little turtle's tank. Why did Paschar have to come back again? And why does he have to use a cute little turtle to talk to me? That just makes it so much worse.  
"Lily, I know you're afraid, but I need you to talk to me, please."  
"I told you, I don't want to help again. Can't you find somebody else?"  
I just want him to go. Talking to him makes me sad now. It doesn't make me feel better the way it used to.  
 _I wish he would leave the turtle alone._  
"I just want to help you, Lily. Things are changing. I want to keep everyone safe."  
"Why would I not be safe?"  
I feel safer now than I did at the group home. I feel safer now than I have in a long time.  
"Maybe now, but there are things in the future that will change the way you feel. You've already felt it."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Your powers are going stronger. You've sensed that I know. Then there are your dreams…"  
My eyes get big, and I remember the dream from before. I did feel something really bad in that dream. It felt like something really bad was coming when I woke up. I feel it again just thinking about it.  
Is that what Paschar means? _Is my dream going to happen for real?_  
"Can't you see Lily? Bad things are coming. Your new friends may be nice, but they won't be able to stop them from happening."  
"Why can I stop it, but they can't help? They're grown-ups."  
"They aren't like you, Lily. They can't do all of the things you can."  
What Paschar is saying feels wrong. I don't know why. Maybe it's just because I don't know if I can trust him anymore. I don't think he's right, though. At least, not about Jack and Jerry not keeping me safe. They've done a really good job keeping me safe so far.  
"Maybe they aren't like me. But Jack and Jerry believe me. And they understand me. No other adults do that."  
Jack and Jerry are like a needle in a haystack. I don't think I'll ever find anyone who believes me like that ever again if I have to leave them. _Please, don't make me leave them._  
"I've always understood you, Lily."  
"Yeah, but you're not an adult. You're an angel. Which I guess is kind of an adult? But not really."  
Paschar doesn't say anything for a minute.  
"Things may seem okay right now, Lily. But the longer you stay with them, the worse things will get. Is staying here really worth the pain that will come from it?"  
I feel tears well up in my eyes.  
"Where else am I supposed to go, Paschar? My parents are dead. The rest of my family doesn't want me. The group home is creepy. No one else wants to be around a little girl who can see things before they happen. Jerry and Jack are nice to me, and they're not fake. They believe me, and I think they even care about me. I'm actually happy. Why do you want me to leave? Don't you care about me?"  
Part of me feels like it already knows the answer to that is _no._  
"Lily, I understand that, but the fallout from this is much greater than you can understand—"  
I don't hear the rest of what he has to say. I run away. I can't stop crying. My chest hurts.  
I don't stop running until I've run right out of the store. I hear Jerry yelling after me.  
I don't care. I just have to get out of there.  
I get to the car and press myself up against it, sliding down to the ground.  
It doesn't take long before Jerry's beside me.  
"I w-wanna go h-home J-Jerry."  
"Lily, what's going on?! Are you okay?!"  
I can't talk, I'm crying too hard. I just shake my head and look at Jerry.  
He grabs my hands. They're shaking.  
"Lily, look at me. We're gonna take deep breaths, alright. Just do what I do, okay?"  
Jerry takes a big breath in, and I try to copy him. It's hard because I'm still crying. He makes me copy him when he lets the air go. Then we do it again. We take deep breaths until I'm not crying so hard, and I can talk again.  
"Is that better?" Jerry asks.  
I nod.  
"I think I'm okay now."  
"Alright, can you tell me what happened?"  
I sniffle, and he wipes my eyes.  
"You promise you won't think I'm crazy?"  
Jerry smiles at me. It's a different kind of smile than his other ones. It makes me feel like he really cares about me.  
"Lily, even if you were crazy, who wants to be normal anyway? Normal is boring. Normal has no flavor. I'm crazy, and I'm proud of it. Now, if you're asking me if I'll believe you? Of course I will."  
I look down at my hands and fidget with them.  
"I have an angel. He follows me around. I used to be okay with it. We were friends. But he betrayed me. He keeps trying to talk to me… but I don't want to talk to him."  
Jerry rubs his chin for a minute.  
"Don't feel obligated to keep toxic people in your life, whether they're supernatural beings or not. Fuck that dude. You don't have to give him the time of day."  
I don't really know what that means. I'm sure Paschar always knows the time of day. I look at him.  
"He keeps telling me staying with you guys isn't good for me."  
Jerry helps me up off the ground.  
"Lily, let me tell you something. Grown-ups aren't perfect. Sometimes they make mistakes, even though they try to act like they can't. Sometimes they can be bad people. Sometimes they can not want what's best for you. They can be just as fucked-up as you please. You don't always have to listen to them. And I don't know about this angel dude, but I think he may not want what's best for you either."  
"Maybe you're right."  
Jerry squeezes my hand.  
"Now, I'm gonna go back in the store and buy the stuff because I just left the buggy in the middle of one of the aisles."  
"Buggy?"  
"Oh, shopping cart. Yeah, I forget you're not from here."  
"You call it a buggy? That's so fun!"  
He ruffles my hair and laughs.  
"Alright, well, I'm gonna go pay. Do you wanna come with, or stay in the car?"  
"I think I'll stay out here with Mr. Possy."  
He unlocks the car, and I get inside. Mr. Possy is drinking water. He screams when he sees me.  
When Jerry brings the cart back to the car, I help him put the bags in the backseat.  
"Hey, why don't we go for ice cream? I bet that'll make you feel better."  
I nod, and Jerry takes us to a little ice cream shop. He gets me the most giant ice cream cone I've ever had in my life. It's vanilla and mint brownie. When I'm done with it, my hands and face are sticky, and my tummy hurts.  
"You know Lily, I don't know a whole lot about this angel dude. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. Everyone has secrets."  
I think about Jerry and his secret. _I wonder if Jack has any secrets._  
"But if he's the kind of guy that betrays someone as nice and kind as you? He doesn't deserve any space in your brain. I wouldn't worry about it. Now, we've got a sketchy ass vet to visit."  
I smile. Hearing Jerry say that makes my insides feel all fuzzy and warm.  
"Thanks, Jerry."  
I don't care what Paschar says. Jerry and Jack are nice to me, and I'm not leaving them.  
 _  
[Besides, what would happen to Mr. Possy?](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LZ5yli6612qYjokAY1Q_haq2xBqGZGK4/view?usp=sharing)   
_


	16. Operation Relaxation

Lily skipped in, holding a much calmer Mr. Possy. He had a red collar with a gold pendant on it, just like Rita's collar. It read Mr. Oliver Possum III. That creative choice must've been Jerry's idea. He looked a lot cleaner and a lot happier. They were gone almost the whole day, and I'd had shitty customers the entire time. My head was really beginning to ache.  
"I'll be back in a minute. I'm gonna go take a smoke break." Jerry said, already making for the back door. It was funny how Jerry's _smoke breaks_ would often last an entire shift.  
"Don't call it a smoke break if it's not a break from anything!" I called after him.  
Still, I figured he probably didn't want to smoke around Lily. I could at least respect that. Lily came around the counter and sat down on the floor next to my chair. Mr. Possy hissed at me.  
_He sure doesn't like me, huh?_  
Lily spoke to me without moving her lips.  
_'I don't know, maybe he's still a little scared.'_  
Lily looked up at me. I looked down at her. My muscles tensed, and I got a strong sense of deja vu. I'd felt this connection before. It was cool and all, but it wasn't worth the trouble it brought along with it. I was hoping I'd never have to feel it again. But here we were.  
_What the fuck just happened?_ I questioned without speaking.  
_'I'm not really sure. Also, I'm telling Jerry you used your swear for today.'_  
Lily grinned a smug little grin before returning her attention to petting Mr. Possy.  
Jerry wouldn't care. He was too pissed he stole the wrong kind of cigarettes earlier.  
_Wait, where did that come from?_  
Jerry came in with an annoyed frown on his face.  
"I grabbed the Silvers. Ugh. Blackjack, would you be a doll and hand me a pack of Reds?"  
I just stood there for a minute, staring at him.  
"Earth to Jack, come in Jack."  
"Oh… oh, sorry."  
I was too dumbfounded to even reprimand him for always stealing. I just handed over his cigarettes. I could hear Lily's voice again, inside my head. I felt a ball of white hot electricity in my stomach, psychic backwash from Lily's excited and nervous realization.  
_'Paschar was wrong. It's happening to you too, isn't it? You can see things before they happen. Or at least, you know them.'_  
I sighed.  
"Do you ever get used to this?"  
Lily shrugged.  
"Not really."  
I walked out from behind the counter to go refill my coffee cup. I'm not gonna lie. I was getting really tired of this shit. Bedside Manor was awful enough, but this was just water over the side of the tub. Maybe it was neat at the very beginning, but I never signed up to have psychic powers. I can barely keep my shoes on the right feet. I can't even keep hold of all my limbs.  
_Whoever decided to give me freaky brain magic must be really bad at their job._

*******

The sun had just set when Farmer Junior came in. That was one thing from the reset that I was not too happy about. Sure, there were plenty of positive things that came out of the reset. Farmer Junior being a nuisance again was not one of them. Lily was still sitting beside me on the floor, coloring while Mr. Possy slept. It was way past the little critter's bedtime.  
"Hey, FJ.”  
"There you are, Jack. I've been trying to talk to you for the past week."  
Lily looked up and cringed. I felt it too. It radiated off of her. She could see this interaction was not going to go well. But you didn't have to be psychic to know that.  
"Ah, I guess you must've missed me. Things have been crazy lately."  
"Oh, don't give me that bullshit. I know you've been avoiding me."  
I rolled my eyes.  
"I know why you're here, FJ. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. We don't have any more handplants. We haven't had any for months now. And even if we did? I probably wouldn't tell you. You're kind of a dick to me, and I don't really see why I should be jumping to help you. So, you know, buy something or leave."  
I remembered that Brother Riley had paid FJ for the handplants. But I guess since the Guardian's rewrite, it had become just a weird sex thing like I'd thought it was. At least, that was what I was gonna explain it away as. Another world-ending super-dictator? Not my business, not my problem.  
 _Gross._  
FJ muttered to himself before buying a sack of chicken feed.  
I rang him up, and Lily peeked over the counter.  
"Hi there. This your kid?"  
I just wanted him to leave. If I told him no, he'd probably ask more questions. Small town rumor mill be damned, I had no energy to drag this interaction out longer than necessary.  
"Yeah."  
"She's cute."  
"Mhm. Bye, FJ."  
"You suck."  
"It was nice seeing you, FJ."  
"If I find out there are any more of them plants, I'm gonna kick your teeth in."  
I tried with just a little more force.  
"See you later, FJ."  
"See ya, Jack."  
And with that, he left. If Lily had anything to say about me claiming her to be my kid, she didn't share it.  
"That dude was weird. But that was kinda mean."  
"Huh?"  
"Paschar always told me you have to be nice to people, even when they aren't so nice to you."  
I was really beginning to hope I'd get a chance to give whoever this Paschar guy was a piece of my mind. With a chair. Usually, I'm not a confrontational person, but this dude was really fucking insufferable.  
"Well, I'm not sure who this Paschar dude is, but he's wrong. You don't have to kiss up or act nice to people who don't act that way to you. You gotta know your self-worth. A close friend once told me, 'don't hitch your wagon to an asshole.' That means don't try to suck up or take it when people act shitty to you. That's how people beat you down, Lily. People will walk all over you if you let them. So don't hitch your wagon to an asshole."  
Lily seemed to think about this for a moment.  
"You know, I think you're right. I won't hitch my wagon to an asshole, Jack."  
She gasped.  
"Oh no, did I use my one swear?"  
I laughed.  
"This one can be on me, kid. But yeah, Farmer Junior is kind of a bi— an annoying person. But there's someone I used to know who was a _lot_ worse."  
"Who?"  
 _Did I really wanna tell this nine-year-old girl about Calvin Ambrose?_  
"Tell me, tell me!! Spill the tea!!"  
I laughed out loud.  
"Where did you hear that?"  
"Jerry!"  
"Of course you did."  
I sighed. I might as well tell her. Maybe I could make a lesson out of it. It seemed like no one was teaching Lily any of this stuff. I seriously doubted I had to tell Lily not to be racist, but it would be a good lesson to not be a shitty person like Calvin.  
"Well, I used to work with this guy named Calvin Ambrose. I—"  
"I know somebody named Ambrose," Lily interrupted, "he had Paschar before me! I think he's still stuck in the Veil, though..."  
I was seriously curious about who or what this "Paschar" was, curious in a "fuck that guy" way. Still, I wanted to wait until Lily brought it up to me herself.  
"Yeah, well, this Ambrose, Calvin. He was the worst. He always acted super weird, and he never respected personal space. He made everybody really uncomfortable all the time, and he was a huge jerk on top of it all. Also racist. Like, _really_ racist. He tried to fire Jerry too. He really sucked. And now he's dead."  
"Oh. The Ambrose I know wasn't like that."  
Lily paused for a second.  
"I know somebody who is like that, though! His name is Felix, he's like a human weasel! I don't know if he's racist, though."  
"Yeah, Calvin was like a human mayonnaise sandwich. Like mayonnaise and bread. Nothing else."  
Lily scrunched her nose up and stuck out her tongue.  
“Ewwwwwww!”  
"Yeah, very ew. That Felix guy sounds pretty ew too."  
"He is! He's really mean and creepy. He tried to kill my friend and kidnapped me twice! I got my ribs all broken because of him."  
I was thrown off by that. Seriously, what all had happened to this little girl? It seemed like she couldn't catch a break. Whoever is in charge of fate or whatever seems really messed up to let her go through this much.  
"That uh… that is seriously messed up. I think Felix might actually be worse than Calvin, and that's not an easy feat to accomplish."  
Jerry came in from outside, smelling heavily of cigarette smoke. I could tell he was stressed out. He clapped his hands and then rubbed them together.  
"Alright, here's the plan!"  
I was already dreading hearing what Jerry had come up with this time. We already adopted a possum today! What else could be in his plans?  
I decided that if he suggested a bonfire, I would start crying.  
"Jerry, let's not do anything crazy, okay? It's been a long night."  
"Oh, don't worry. This will make the rest of your night much better. Next shift is supposed to start in an hour, right?"  
"Yes?"  
"Good. That gives you enough time to plug in some part-timers so you can take the rest of the night off. If not, close. Doesn't matter, hoe, we just gotta go."  
"What?"  
"You're taking the night off!"  
"Let me rephrase that. _What?_ "  
"You said it yourself. It's been a long night. You're stressed, I'm stressed, Lily's stressed, and I'm _sure_ Mr. Possy is stressed. I mean, just look at him!"  
Mr. Possy stuck out his pink tongue and then made a noise that sounded scarily close to a woman screaming. I'd have to get used to hearing that in the middle of the night.  
"See? He agrees!"  
"So we're just going to go home and...relax? Is this some kind of trap?"  
The idea honestly sounded ridiculous. _When did we ever just sit down and relax?_ That's not how things worked with us. But I guess things were already much different.  
"No, Jackblack, we're just gonna relax. No tricks. No traps. Nothing trying to kill us. Do what you gotta do, and let's get the beans outta here!"  
As absurd as it seemed, Jerry had a fair point. So, I did what he said. I found some part-timers to take over and got the store ready so that we could leave as soon as they showed up. This wasn't what I had expected for the rest of my night, but it was kind of hard to complain. Not when Jerry and Lily seemed so excited.  
Within an hour, we were all loaded up in the car and on the way back to the house. Mr. Possy made a few more loud screeching sounds as Lily set him in the back seat, which Jerry took to be sounds of excitement.  
"Jerry, if he pisses in my car, you're cleaning it up."  
"Look me in the eyes and tell me this car hasn't seen worse than a little possum piss, Jack."  
"Look at me in the eyes and tell me 99% of those instances weren't somehow your doing."  
"Touché."  
Lily giggled in the backseat.  
The night of relaxation didn't get off to a great start. On the way back to the house, Mr. Possy somehow managed to squirm away from Lily and crawl up Jerry's pant leg. The ensuing chaos almost made us crash the car.  
Things went a little smoother once we actually got inside the house.  
For his crimes, Mr. Possy was sentenced to a shower of gifts. Jerry and Lily set up his new cage and filled it with all the new things they had bought him. I was a little annoyed that he was getting off so easily when he almost killed us, but there wasn't much I could do about it. He needed a place to sleep after all. And why waste all the things they bought for him? We'd almost crashed from far worse things than a little possum up-the-pant-leg.  
Once he was set up, Jerry started in on what he dubbed 'Operation Relaxation.' Lily was delighted that it rhymed.  
Step one of Operation Relaxation involved making sure everybody was well fed. According to Jerry, cooking dinner went against the whole plan, so we went with the classic delivery pizza choice. When I called in the order, I was surprised to find that the pizza place _hadn’t_ blacklisted me like I thought they would have. I was equally surprised when there wasn’t a gun in either of the boxes this time.  
We ordered two pizzas. One was pepperoni and feta, with bacon on half for Lily. The other was what Jerry had dubbed the "ham and cheese" pizza. It was alfredo sauce and prosciutto. It was better when Jerry cooked it from scratch, but it was good nonetheless.  
While we waited for the pizza, Jerry sifted through our supply of secondhand board games.  
Lily picked Monopoly, just like I knew she would. An endless supply of knock-off or thrift store board games, and they always choose Monopoly. Not that I'd ever really had kids in my house before.  
I was a little nervous. Jerry tended to get really competitive when it came to that game. I figured he would go easy when it came to Lily, though.  
We got the game set up on the coffee table, and everyone picked out their tokens. Lily immediately chose the dog.  
"Jack, you should be the shoe!"  
She handed me the tiny shoe token, and I raised an eyebrow.  
"Why the shoe?"  
"It just fits, plus, it's better than being the iron."  
I couldn't argue with that logic, so I placed the shoe piece on go.  
Jerry, in classic Jerry fashion, decided to forego the traditional Monopoly pieces all together. His token of choice was the small marble queen piece from the chess game we never use because we only have half the pieces.  
"No fair!" Lily said. "I wanna be someone else too!"  
"Be my guest then, Lilypad."  
So now our Monopoly consisted of a shoe, a green mouse from Mouse Trap, and a chess piece. Not exactly traditional, but nothing about us really was.  
The pizza got there soon after, and the game began.  
Things started out civil enough. We all took turns buying up properties and moving around the board. The real chaos started when I managed to land on Boardwalk on my third turn. Jerry really did his best to hide it, but I could see it in his eyes, he was pissed. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. The second I got that, there was war in Jerry's eyes.  
My prediction was correct though, he toned things down for Lily. If it was just the two of us, he definitely would have started up the trash talk. Jerry's trash talk can get oddly specific and weird. With Lily there, he went for a different approach.  
He got Lily to team up with him so they could gang up on me.  
His tactic was incredibly subtle, too. Jerry was a bastard, but he was nothing if not a clever one.  
After I bought Boardwalk, I caught Jerry slipping money to Lily a few times. If I wasn't aware of what an underhanded move it really was, I would have found it kind of adorable. Especially with how excited Lily got when she would look over and see Jerry handing her a fifty dollar bill under the table.  
Then Jerry ramped it up a little. He traded Lily one of his railroads for a property he needed— needed being an incredibly loose term. It was honestly a terrible deal for Jerry, but it worked to get Lily pretty much entirely on his team.  
After that, it was a slow, slow march to my doom. I may have gotten Boardwalk, but Lily and Jerry had an alliance. Whenever Jerry landed on a property that Lily needed for a monopoly, he would buy it and sell it to her. Lily also gave Jerry free passage from rent on one of her properties when his money started running low.  
For a while, I thought I might be able to pull back the win. I had gotten a Monopoly of my own and had saved up enough for some houses. I managed to get Jerry quite a few times with property tax.  
The victory was short-lived, though, because then Lily had enough for hotels.  
By the time everyone was finished with the pizza, I had mortgaged half my properties, and Jerry had a smug smile plastered on his face.  
He wasn't even winning either. He was just pleased that he managed to make it so I was losing. Jerry could be a real asshole when he wanted to be, even if it was all in good fun.  
Eventually, I went bankrupt. Lily won, of course. As annoyed as I was at Jerry, it was impossible not to fall victim to Lily's infectious joy.  
"Round two, Jack?" Jerry purred.  
I picked my shoe up off the board.  
"I'll be back. Lily, we have popsicles in the fridge. Do you want one?"  
"Victory popsicle!" Lily exclaimed.  
I put the shoe back in the box.  
"Reset the board, Jerry," I said over my shoulder as I walked out of the room into the kitchen.  
I fixed myself a cup of coffee and grabbed two popsicles from the fridge.  
When I came back, I gave Lily her popsicle, sat down my cup of coffee, and went back to the board game box. After digging around for a moment, I found what I was looking for.  
I walked back over to the table and looked Jerry right in his smug little face.  
"Of course you know…"  
I sat the king chess piece down on the board.  
"... this means war."  
Jerry went red in the face. I sat down to enjoy my coffee and my popsicle. Lily looks very amused but also a little confused.  
The house rules were that the winner goes first, so I handed Lily the dice to start the second game.  
She took her turn, landing immediately on Reading Railroad. Last round, Jerry had been sure to teach her the Railroads' importance, so she bought it right away.  
Then it was my turn.  
I picked up the dice, glaring at Jerry as I rolled and picked up my piece. I could already see Jerry's eye twitch a little. I rolled doubles.  
I moved the two spaces, landing on the Community Chest. I couldn't help but smirk when I picked up my card. So far, this round was going just as I had hoped it would. I read it aloud, glancing up at Jerry as I did.  
"Grand opera opening, collect fifty dollars from each player."  
I knew Jerry was already annoyed, but I decided to ramp things up a little more. I looked at Lily.  
"You won the last round, so you don't have to pay for this one."  
Then I looked at Jerry again. I raised my eyebrows at him. The frustration radiating off of him was palpable as I silently and expectantly held out my hand for my fifty dollars. He handed it over to me, slapping into my hand in a far more aggressive manner than necessary. I couldn't blame him, though. He knew that I was playing dirty now.  
Lily gave me an appreciative hug, and I ruffled her hair.  
During the next few rounds, there wasn't much excitement. Just the usual buying of properties. It wasn't until Jerry landed in jail that things really started to pick up again.  
If Lily wasn't here, I can almost guarantee Jerry would have flipped the board by now.  
I could tell that he wanted to when I landed on chance and got one of the two 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards on my next turn.  
Jerry and I had played against each other enough times that he was well aware of what I was planning.  
"No way. Not happening, dude. Forget it."  
"It's up to you, Jerry. You can either give me Electric Company or stay in jail. The odds of you rolling doubles aren't great, though, and I know you don't want to spend fifty dollars."  
"God, I wish I didn't use my one swear already."  
He didn't give up Electric Company right away. He was too proud for that. It wasn't until he failed to roll doubles to get out twice that he finally caved and handed it over. By that point, Lily had managed to get two more railroads, and I had gotten my first Monopoly.  
I'm not ashamed to say that I probably looked like a smug prick when I took the card from him.  
"I hope you choke on your next sip of coffee, Jack. I really do."  
I just chuckled and handed him his ticket out of jail.  
As the game progressed, I could practically see Jerry's blood pressure rising. Sometime during the last round he'd begun muttering under his breath.  
"What was that?" I ask him, "Did you say you wanna put a quarter in the swear jar?"  
Jerry narrowed his eyes at me.  
"I wanna shove a quarter right up your—"  
"DOUBLES!" Lily cried.  
I honestly didn't factor in just how much not being able to swear would add to his annoyance, but it was certainly fun to watch. Not to mention him being annoyed only made him worse at the game. It took him two turns to realize that he had a Monopoly and could finally start buying houses. He couldn't buy many, though. Lily had managed to take a sizable amount of cash from him when he landed on her Park Place, which happened to have a hotel.  
When Jerry mortgaged his first property, I knew that he wasn't going to be recovering. Not if I had any say in the matter.  
When he landed on the Electric Company space I had taken from him the second time, he stood up and leaned over the table, getting in my face and glaring at me.  
"What are you playing at here, Townsend?!"  
"I have no idea what you're talking about."  
"Lies and slander!" He shouted, tossing a chunk of pizza crust from one of the boxes at me.  
I couldn't help it, I started laughing.  
I hadn't seen him get this mad about the game in ages. I honestly think he was a little embarrassed to be losing so bad in front of Lily. But it didn't make it any less hilarious. Lily already thought he was cool. A lost board game wouldn't tarnish his reputation.  
"Dude! You're breaking my heart over here!"  
"I'm sorry, but throwing pizza? Really?"  
Lily was giggling too now, and Jerry let out a dramatic gasp.  
"You too, Lilypad! I thought we were a team! I thought what we had was special!"  
"Sorry, Jerry!" She said. It didn't sound incredibly genuine through her fit of giggles, but she was trying.  
Jerry slumped back down into his seat, pouting at me.  
"You're really mean, you know that?"  
"Only to you, Jerry, only to you."  
I had a little bit of pity on Jerry. I let him out of paying property tax the next two times he landed on one of my properties.  
I'm sure he thought I had decided to play nicer after his outburst. That couldn't have been further from the truth.  
As soon as I had the ability, I got ready to completely crush him.  
The look of pure betrayal on his face when Lily took half his money was already entertaining enough. Him landing on Electric Company and Waterworks one after the other and losing everything else he had? That was _priceless_. He knew he had lost, and he placed his head on the board in defeat.  
"You're an evil, evil man."  
"You started it, Jerry. I was just rising to your level."  
I slid the last of his money across the table to my side and then picked up his Queen from the board.  
"I believe that's a checkmate."  
Jerry looked up at me, and the look in his eyes was a mix of anger, admiration, and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. It only made me even more proud of what I had accomplished with this game. I didn't get excited about these things often, but I'd really enjoyed myself.  
Lily frowned.  
"We aren't playing chess, though?"  
This finally got Jerry smiling again.  
"We aren't, but Jack's a filthy cheater."  
"No filthier than you, Jerry."  
Jerry rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.  
"How about this? I'll extend an olive branch and make us all ice cream sundaes."  
Lily looked like I had just told her she won the lottery.  
"A popsicle and ice cream sundae? YOU GUYS RULE!"  
I went to the kitchen and left Lily and Jerry to clean up the game. As I got the ice cream out, I could hear Lily and Jerry laughing about who knows what in the other room.  
Jerry came in a bit later with Lily on his back. Lily sat down at the table, excitedly waiting for her sundae. As I was finishing up, Jerry came up to me, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer.  
"Hey, I know things got a little intense back there, and I just wanted to apologize."  
Jerry smiled and closed the fridge. He put a hand on my shoulder.  
"Don't worry about it. And, for what it's worth…"  
He leaned close, catching my gaze.  
"... you're really good at Monopoly. We should play again sometime, just you and me."  
I looked away, trying to hide my quickly reddening face. Jerry joined Lily at the table.  
I busied myself with dishing out the ice cream. I got Jerry's ready first, partly because this was technically an olive branch for beating him so severely at Monopoly, and partly because I know exactly what he wants. He likes a bizarre combination of mint ice cream with gummy bears on top. I have no idea how he eats it, but it is what it is.  
For Lily, I kept things a little more traditional— chocolate and vanilla, with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and sprinkles. I put a few gummy bears aside for her in case she wanted to add some. For myself, I just got a bowl of vanilla ice cream.  
It may have been fun for Lily to have ice cream and a popsicle, but I didn't want to go overboard with my own sugar intake.  
I walked over to the table and set the bowls in front of the two of them, then took my own seat.  
Lily's eyes went wide as she saw the huge bowl in front of her. I couldn't help but smile. It was nice to see her so excited. It was a serious shift from when she first came to the house.  
Jerry's eyes also got big, although he was only doing it to mess around.  
"Awwww, Jack, you made it just how I like it!"  
He put a hand over his heart and pretended to swoon. I just rolled my eyes at him.  
"Eat your ice cream, Jerry."  
Lily took the pile of gummy bears I had set aside for her and sprinkled them on top of her own ice cream before taking a big bite. It was pretty evident from the smile that spread across her face that she liked it.  
We all ate together, Jerry occasionally making a joke or making funny faces at Lily.  
"Did I tell you about the time my brother got a gummy bear stuck up his nose? I wasn't born yet, but my mom told me about it."  
"You definitely didn't tell us about that!" Jerry said.  
He already looked wholly enraptured.  
"It was really funny! He had to go to the hospital and everything because it was so deep in his nose. My mom said she didn't let him have gummy bears for a year after that!"  
Jerry started to laugh, and I let out a chuckle of my own. Lily kept going.  
"After mom told me, I asked Roger about it, and he said if I ever told anyone he would put a gummy bear so far up my nose, it would never come out! I was scared to eat gummy bears for a little bit after that. Then I thought about how mom would get really mad, and I figured Roger probably wouldn't do it for real. Now they're one of my favorite treats!"  
Jerry was laughing harder now, and I was too. Lily was smiling, like she was proud to have said something that made us both happy.  
I leaned over to Lily and whispered to her.  
"Be careful, talk about it too much, and we'll have to bring Jerry to the hospital because you gave him too many ideas."  
Lily started laughing then, and soon the whole table was full of the sound of all three of us cracking up.  
Jerry was the last to stop. For some reason, he found the whole story particularly hilarious. Once he did, we managed to finish up our ice cream.  
I collected the bowls from everyone and started walking them to the sink. I probably wouldn't wash them now. That could be a job for tomorrow Jack. After all, this was supposed to be a night of relaxation. Some people had a total hard-on for cleaning— ahem, Calvin Ambrose —but I was definitely not one of those people. I put the bowls down and started to put the toppings away. Lily gasped. I whipped my head around, worried that she had seen something in the present or in the future.  
"What, what is it?!"  
"We didn't give Mr. Possy any ice cream!"  
Lily shouted like we had committed the worst crime possible. I let out a sigh of relief.  
"Shoot, you're right! It's his first night in the house. We can't neglect him like that!" Jerry said.  
Lily jumped out of her seat and started walking to the fridge.  
I quickly stepped in front of her.  
"Woah there, I feel like Mr. Possy will be fine with the treats you bought him at the store."  
Lily looked at me with big, sad eyes.  
"They aren't as good as ice cream, though!"  
"Yeah, but… ice cream might kill him."  
Jerry stood up next and put his hands on his hips.  
"Bullshit, possums eat out of the garbage. No way ice cream would kill him!"  
He had a point, but I wasn't about to let him know that. Oh no. That was _my_ stress ice cream. They could have some, but I drew the line at feeding the possum.  
"Jerry, you already used your one swear. And I have a suspicion that that isn't the only time you've broken the rule today. So you're going to have to put a quarter in the swear jar."  
"We don't have a swear jar."  
"I'll find one."  
I opened up the fridge and looked inside. I caught sight of a mostly empty pickle jar and pulled it out, marching over to the sink to dump out the pickle juice still inside.  
"What the hell, dude?! I was going to drink that!"  
I rolled my eyes and set the jar on the counter next to the sink.  
"That's two quarters now, Jerry."  
The entire time the two of us were arguing, Lily watched us and tried to hold back giggles. I looked at her and remembered the reason this started in the first place. I continued my original train of thought.  
"Second, Mr. Possy is a pet now. He doesn't eat garbage or anything that might accidentally sabotage his digestive system."  
"Come on, Jack! Let the little guy live a little! He was in the ceiling today!"  
"Yeah!"  
Lily agreed, and now both of them were looking at me with big puppy dog eyes, and I couldn't hold up against it. I caved and opened up the freezer, pulling out the container of vanilla ice cream.  
"Fine, but only a little!"  
Lily clapped her hands and ran to go and get Mr. Possy out of his cage.  
I heard his ungodly screaming as she carried him into the kitchen. She sat down on one of the chairs, and I handed her one spoonful of vanilla ice cream to feed him.  
He lapped it up eagerly, and Lily watched him like a mother watching her baby drink a bottle. It was honestly a little hilarious, in an endearing way.  
When Mr. Possy was done with his ice cream, he indicated that he'd like to be put back in his cage by screaming like a baby on fire.  
I'm going to be honest; I didn't expect him to be so vocal. I knew possums could be a bit wild at times, but I really had not been expecting such a level of outspokenness. Mr. Possy really liked to make his feelings known.  
Once her new pet was situated in his cage, Lily returned to Jerry and me.  
"Are we going to do anything else for relaxation night?"  
I didn't have an answer for her, so I turned to Jerry. This whole thing was his operation, after all.  
"Of course we are! You said you weren't allowed to watch TV, right?"  
Lily paused for a moment.  
"Sometimes I could watch a little, but not a whole lot. Mostly little kid shows."  
"Well, we're going to watch enough TV to get you caught up on everything you missed. I already have the perfect show in mind."  
Jerry kept his perfect show a secret while he got the living room set up, piling pillows and blankets onto the couch. Once everyone was situated, Jerry pulled up Disney+. Getting the service had been a back and forth battle between us for a while, ever since it was announced that they would have Hamilton available for streaming. Jerry was adamant that we needed it, telling me that while he didn't want to support a monopolistic, capitalist empire, Hamilton was Hamilton. He eventually wore me down, reminding me that they would also have _The Simpsons_ , and everyone likes _The Simpsons_. At least the first few seasons.  
I guess it worked out that he won the argument since we had a kid in our house now.  
I couldn't help but cringe a little when I saw the show that Jerry decided to pull up. _That's So Raven_ may be a masterpiece, but I couldn't help but wonder if it would be hard for Lily to watch.  
Thankfully, I didn't have to worry. After the first episode, Lily was utterly hooked. I realized I shouldn't have underestimated Jerry and his ability to read the room. He really did know what he was doing. I joined them for a few episodes before going to get a shower.  
I took my time in the shower. When I was done, I popped my sleeping meds and was able to get about an hour and a half of legitimate sleep.  
I woke up to the TV still going in the living room, but it was otherwise quiet. I got up and got dressed, knowing I had work in a few hours.  
I got a bag ready with some reading material, my phone charger, and my pills. I walked out into the living room, and that's when I saw them.  
Jerry and Lily were still curled up on the couch together, but they had fallen asleep. Jerry's head was falling back, his hair even more of a mess than usual, and he was snoring softly. He had one arm limp at his side, and the other was draped over Lily.  
Lily was curled up into Jerry's side, and she was clinging to him like she was a koala bear, and he was a big tree. She was definitely drooling on him, but I doubted he would mind when he woke up. There was a blanket lazily draped over both of them, half falling off Jerry's shoulders. Still, they looked comfortable. They looked peaceful.  
In the time that followed, I frequently thought back to this moment. It was one of the last moments that were genuinely peaceful before everything went to shit.  
When it all started to fall apart, there wasn't a whole lot I could look back on in my life to remind myself of what I was fighting for. That one image, though, of Jerry and Lily curled up together on the couch. That was one of the few things that helped hold me together when the world was burning around us, and there was barely enough blood left in my body to keep my sorry heart beating. Knowing that if we made it through everything, there could be more moments like that.  
I walked over and pulled the blanket in around them. Jerry's eyes slipped open.  
"Hm?"  
"Just go back to sleep, Jer."  
His eyes slipped closed again, and I heard him mutter to himself. I heard what he said. I just chose not to say anything. He could sleep. There would be time to talk about things later.  
Looking back on it, I wish I could've gone back and punched myself right in the face for being so stupid and nearsighted. _God, why couldn't I have just said something?_

*******

I started the car and pulled out of the driveway.  
As I drove to work, I kept thinking about the whole night with Lily and Jerry. I honestly had a hard time believing I could’ve been at work that entire time.  
I was honestly happy Jerry had convinced me to take the night off. I don't think I realized how much I needed it until I had it.  
Jerry had a knack for knowing what people needed before they did. It was one of the best things about him. It was easy to see it with Lily too, he had done a fantastic job of talking to her and making her feel comfortable. I definitely wouldn't be doing as good of a job with her if Jerry wasn't around.  
Somewhere in my mind, I knew he had needed a break just as much as I did. He'd been acting funky ever since he and Lily got back, and Jerry was the type to keep his feelings buried deep inside. As lowkey as Jerry acted, I knew he wasn't made of stone.  
I made a mental note to try and take more time off whenever I could. Jerry was a good friend to me. Better than most people would be. Too often, I lost myself in routine. I needed to remind myself to take more time away for him.  
Jerry made everything feel less serious. We could be dying together in some Hell dimension, and Jerry would say some witty quip, and things would feel just a bit lighter. Maybe that was a bad thing sometimes, but it becomes a vital asset when your life continually feels downhill. There was a long gap in time when I couldn’t think of any moments where I would have considered myself happy. Since Jerry came into my life, I could think of lots of moments. Tonight was just one of them. It wasn't just Jerry, but Jerry was responsible for a good chunk.  
Jerry had to deal with a lot in life. There's a lot I still didn't know about him. But nine times out of ten, he was like a ray of sunlight in human form. Not many people can be like that, even people who haven't been treated nearly as badly as he has. I don't tell Jerry as much as I should, but I really _do_ like him. There were… more things I wanted to tell him. I just didn't know exactly how to say them.  
I got to the gas station and took over for Benji. I clocked in and counted down the till as Benji went down the hallway and out the back door.  
I fronted the shelves, and then I went into the cooler to grab a few six-packs to restock the drink case. Sitting on the shelf at eye level was a gnome. It had a white shirt and a blue hat. I went to grab it and put it with the others when it started _talking to me._  
"Jack Townsend."  
I jumped at the sudden calling of my name. About a second later, I realized the more startling fact that the voice hadn't actually spoken aloud but had spoken inside my head. This was certainly a new development.  
 _Was it one to write in my journal under my list of symptoms? Or was it one to go straight to the blog?_  
I was gonna be really pissed if I started having a psychic connection with the gnomes.  
"Um... yes?"  
"I didn't want it to come to this, Jack, but I need to speak with you. It is a matter of utmost urgency."  
I wasn't sure what a gnome could want with me that was _of utmost urgency._ I couldn't guess as to why it sounded so goddamn pretentious, either. I figured I would try to listen and make my case before I got my head bitten off by a lawn decoration.  
"If this is about me putting you guys up for sale, I feel like it's kind of your own fault. This is a place of business, after all."  
"No, Jack, that's not what this is about. I need to talk to you about Lily. I'm using this form to communicate. Using a host is much better for both of us than showing up in person."  
I already did not like the sound of this. I was so tired of dealing with gods and deities and the supernatural. Couldn't it once just be something ordinary? Like a bear? Bears can be shot. Bears can die. Bears don't use "forms" to talk to you. They just try and maul you. Simple and fun.  
"Oh. So you aren't a gnome?"  
"No. I chose this form because I am to believe that it would be the easiest one for you to acclimate to."  
This guy sounded like he was trying to be president of the Biggest Words Club.  
"You couldn't be a puppy or like... a book?"  
"Jack, this is a waste of both of our time. Time is a precious commodity, now more than ever."  
If whoever or whatever this was wanted to cut to the chase, then so be it.  
"Alright, well, who the hell are you then?"  
"I am Paschar, watcher of Arabath, steward of Cassiel, and executor of the Seven Potestates. I speak on behalf of—"  
"Wait, wait, wait. Did you say Paschar?"  
I remembered Lily mentioning a Paschar earlier. I also remembered that he sounded like a complete tool. Just the douchiest douchebag that ever douchebagged.  
"Yes. Paschar, watcher of Arabath, steward of—"  
"Yeah, and I'm Jack. Watcher of the gas station. You know, it's kind of messed up to go around telling little girls that they should always be nice to people even if those people suck."  
"I'm sorry?"  
"You told Lily that, right? It's kind of a sucky lesson. I understand the whole 'do unto others' thing, but I feel like the rule kind of goes out the window when people treat you like shit all the time."  
"This isn't why I'm here Jack, I need to speak to you about—"  
"About Lily, yeah, you said that. What about her?"  
"She is vital, Jack. She is part of something much bigger than you can comprehend."  
"Isn't she like... nine?"  
Maybe I was missing something, but the idea of a little girl being a part of something 'much bigger than I can comprehend' didn't quite sit right.  
"Her age does nothing to diminish her importance. Her youthful trust and faith allow her to truly follow the path of light so she may help play her part in the grand plan."  
"That's a really pretentious way of saying 'she's a kid, so it's easier to get her to listen and do what I want.' I don't know who made you king of _I'm Better Than You_ land, but you gotta change your tone up if you want people to ever listen to any of the bullshit you have to peddle."  
He hadn't even been talking for more than five minutes, and I could already tell I was going to hate him no matter what.  
"Jack, I understand that you care for Lily. But you aren't aware of how your being near each other will impact the course of events in the world."  
"Why don't you enlighten me then? Nobody else ever keeps me in the loop about these things. Maybe you can be the first."  
I set the gnome down on a shelf and crossed my arms, staring it down. If this guy wanted to get Lily away from Jerry and me, he would have to give me a damn good reason for it.  
"There is a prophecy."  
 _I hate it already._  
"It states that when the one who sees crosses paths with another who sees, their powers will grow, and they will awaken the terror that slumbers in the Veil. Trumpets will sound before the Veil is torn. The sky will burn, and the world will be plunged into agony. Heaven and Hell will weep, and only the child may end the suffering. She will become a martyr for all of humanity and—"  
"Wait, hold on a fucking second."  
Ordinarily, I try not to involve myself in these things too heavily. When I get tangled up in whatever deities have planned, it always makes my entire existence an absolute mess. But what this guy was saying had me absolutely furious. I knew what it felt like to have the powers that be fuck with your life and have no control over it whatsoever. And I'd be damned if I was gonna let Lily have to go through that hell and end up dead for no other reason than some fucking supernatural force dictated she had to die.  
It was **bullshit.**  
"Jack, you must let me finish—"  
"No, oh no. You're not getting away with that one, buddy. Did I just hear you correctly? You're saying you and whatever fuckers you work with want a nine-year-old girl to be a martyr? You do know what that word _means_ , right? You're expecting Lily to sacrifice herself, are you fucking insane?!"  
"Calm yourself, Jack—"  
"I will not FUCKING calm myself! She's a little girl! You can't seriously think I would be okay with you taking her away to use her as a goddamn human sacrifice!"  
"This is the only way, Jack."  
"Find another fucking way! You're powerful enough to read prophecies and foretell the end of the world. You should be powerful enough to solve the problem without expecting Lily to kill herself and solve it for you!"  
I'm glaring at the gnome on the shelf still, but the image is blurred. I can feel hot tears of rage stinging in my eyes. I wasn't sure if I'd ever been this angry before. It was a close race, though. I'd been absolutely enraged plenty of times.  
"Please, Jack. I implore you. The fate of humanity rests in your hands. Turn Lily over to us."  
"Fuck you. Go shit yourself."  
I pick the gnome back up off the shelf, wiping the tears away from my eyes. I can still hear him talking, but I don't plan on listening to it anymore.  
"You don't realize what you're doing, Jack. This is the way it must be."  
"Bullshit. I don't care about you or your stupid fucking prophecy. You're not touching Lily."  
Before he can get another word out, I take the gnome and slam it against the wall of the cooler. Its head breaks off and hits the ground, shattering into dozens of pieces.  
I'll have to clean them up, and I'm pretty sure I messed up my hand a little in the process, but it felt good to shut him up.  
I couldn't believe what I had just heard.  
 _How could anybody expect Lily to be a martyr for any cause? Hasn't she already been put through enough?_  
I decided right then and there that Lily wasn't giving her life for fuckall. Not if Jerry and I had anything to say about it. 


	17. I'm Lily Madwhip and Maybe Some Things Aren't as Bad as I Thought

"I win!" I shout as I race across the gas station and put my hand on the slushie machine.  
"No fair!" Jerry says, "You got out before the car stopped! I couldn't cause I was driving!"  
Jack looks up from his book and sees me. His face looks funny. Then he smiles.  
"Morning, Lily. How're you doing?"  
"I didn't know you could have chicken for breakfast!" I tell him.  
"Oh, Jerry made chicken and waffles again?"  
"Jerry is such a good cook. I ate three platefuls!"  
Jack looks at Jerry.  
"Don't boost his ego. The last time I told him he was a good cook, he made Monster mashed potatoes."  
"What's Monster mashed potatoes?"  
Jack turns a little green, and Jerry just grins.  
"Trust me, you don't want to know."  
I wonder what monster mashed potatoes would look like. Would they be green? And hide under my bed?  
"C'mon dude, they were good!"  
"Sure, Jerry. Tell that to the hour I spent in the bathroom puking."  
Now I'm extra curious, but I decide not to ask. Jerry will probably tell me later anyway. Plus, Jack is talking again.  
"Hey, Lily?"  
I look up at him, and he looks a little worried.  
"Do you want to go explore outside for a little while? I need to talk to Jerry about something. We can hang out some more after, and I can tell you about the other weird things Jerry makes."  
I wonder what he wants to talk about. It must be serious grown-up stuff, or else he wouldn't ask me to go outside.  
"Okay!" I tell him.  
I don't mind having to leave. I'm actually excited to get to explore outside the gas station. There's lots of weird, cool stuff inside. Maybe there's even more outside!  
"Be careful, Lily! You know the rules!" Jack calls after me as I run down the hallway to the back door.  
"I will!" I shout back.  
Jack has already told me to not go into the trees, no matter what I see or hear. I promised him that I won't. He's also told me lots of other stuff. Don't talk to anybody I don't know, even if they're nice. Don't get in anybody's car. If I see a bunch of lawn gnomes, like five or more in one place, come tell him. If I see or hear a weird looking radio, come tell him. If I see a ventriloquist doll, come tell him. If I see something that looks like a hand growing outside, come tell him. If I start to feel floaty or light, come tell him. Don't go near any animals, unless it's Rita or a kangadeer. Always be aware of what's going on.  
Then I'm walking through the back door into the warm air outside.  
I look around, trying to see if anything is interesting near the doors. The only thing I find is something that looks like green fingers poking up from a crack in the ground.  
_That's definitely a nope._  
I start to walk around the side of the building.  
When I go around the corner, I crinkle up my nose. The first thing I see is a great big black box. It's all gross looking, and it smells a little worse than everything else at the gas station.  
I take a step closer to it and try to figure out what it's for. It looks like something you might put garbage in, but that can't be right. I already saw the great big dumpsters where the trash goes. When I get close enough to touch it, I hear a loud hiss.  
I jump back, and a great big animal crawls out from behind the box. It has big red eyes and is almost as tall as I am.  
It stands in front of the box for a second before hissing again and dropping onto all fours. I realize what kind of animal it is when I get a little closer. I don't want to get very close, though.  
It's another raccoon, like Rita. He's a normal raccoon, though, with no green glow and no big wings. Well, normal isn't right. He looks extra nasty. He makes the raccoon I saw when I left the home look like a baby raccoon. He lunges at me, and I stumble back. I fall right into something.  
Before I can see what I fell into, a huge shadow appears from behind me. It covers up the angry raccoon, and he runs back to his spot behind the box.  
"Go on, get out of here, Rocco, you furry bastard."  
A voice comes from behind me, and I feel a shiver run down my back. I've heard that voice before. I get up slowly and turn to look at the person making the shadow and the voice.  
My eyes get big, and I take a step back. It's him— the little girl hunter from before.  
_Why is he at the gas station?!_  
He looks right at me, and I jump.  
"Hey, you're that kid."  
_Oh no, he remembers me. He's going to catch me and put my head on his wall for real this time!_  
I open my mouth and scream at the top of my lungs.  
The little girl hunter looks shocked and covers up his ears. I don't know why he seems so freaked out though, I'm the one who's going to get hunted by him!  
Jack and Jerry come outside then, running over to me.  
"Benji, what the hell did you tell her?!" Jack shouts.  
_Does he know the little girl hunter?_  
I run over to them and hide behind Jack.  
"He's going to put my head on his wall!!"  
"Dude."  
Jerry looks at the little girl hunter. _Benji?_  
He doesn't look like a Benji. Benji's not an evil name.  
"That's kinda messed up to say to a little kid."  
"I didn't tell her that! I have no idea where the hell she got that idea!"  
"You must have done something to freak her out this bad."  
He crossed his arms and furrows his eyebrows. Paschar would've said he looks _indignant._ I think he just looks mad.  
"I didn't!"  
I tug on Jack's shirt, and he looks at me.  
"Jack, how do you know him? You aren't friends with a little girl hunter, are you?"  
Jack raised an eyebrow at me.  
"A… little girl hunter?"  
Jerry starts to laugh, even though he tries to hide it.  
"Where did you get that from?" Jack asks me.  
He's trying not to laugh too, but I don't think it's very funny.  
"He's the man from the truck when I was running away from the roo-garoo!"  
I tell them, remembering the way he jumped out of the truck and shouted at me.  
"He was gonna kill me!"  
"I was tryna help you, kid! Damn thing nearly took out my back tires!"  
I remember how scary it was. I wouldn't be upset if I killed _that_ doggie.  
"It tried to eat me!"  
"That's what they do. They're werewolves. That still doesn't explain why you think I'm some sort of kid-killer!"  
Jack walked over to Benji and stood next to him.  
"Lily, Benji isn't a little girl hunter. He works at the gas station. He's a friend. You don't have to worry about him trying to hurt you."  
I look at Jack, then at Benji.  
He still seems scary, but I guess he didn't actually try to kill me before Jack and Jerry came outside. Plus, he scared off the raccoon. Maybe he could be a friend.  
"Why don't you give him a chance?" Jerry asks as he kneels down beside me.  
I usually don't like it when adults do that. But with Jerry, it feels like he wants to talk to me. It doesn't feel like how adults talk to a child like they know so much better. With Jerry, I feel like an equal.  
"Okay, I will."  
I walk over and stand in front of Benji. He holds his hand out, and we shake hands like grown ups do when they're really serious. He has big hands.  
"I'm Lily."  
"Benji. Nice to meet you."  
Jack smiles at us and nods.  
"See? We can all be friends. Nobody is trying to kill anybody."  
"I still can't believe she thought I was going to kill her."  
"Yeah, well, you can be a little intense, dude, no offense," Jerry tells Benji while he walks over to us again.  
He has a point. Even if he isn't a little girl hunter, Benji is still a little scary.  
I look at him.  
"Yeah, you're kind of scary. But Paschar told me I should never judge a book by its cover. I know I've been trying not to listen to a lot of the stuff he's told me, but I think he's right about that. Do you want to be friends?"  
Benji looks surprised when I ask him. It's like nobody has ever asked him to be friends before. He stares at me for a long minute and then nods.  
"Yeah, kid, friends it is."  
His mouth twitches just a little bit like he's trying not to smile.  
"Why don't you and Benji spend a little time together, Lily?" Jack says to me.  
He looks over at Jerry, and his face gets really serious.  
"Jerry and I still need to finish talking."  
"Yeah!" Jerry said. "You two can hang out. Benji can teach you how to ward off werewolves!"  
I look at Benji.  
"Could you really?"  
He shrugs at me.  
"Sure, why not. You could use some self-defense skills if you're going to be staying out here. You should, at the very least, learn how to fight better than Jack."  
"Hey!"  
Jack looks embarrassed and annoyed. Benji just laughs.  
"Don't get offended by the truth, Jack. You fight like a baby."  
Jack makes a face, and it looks like he wants to say something back, but Benji cuts him off.  
"Just go inside Jack, I'll keep an eye on her."  
Jack sighs and nods.  
"Alright, just. Don't turn her into a crazed doomsday prepper."  
Then he turns around and walks inside with Jerry.  
"Alright, kid, you ready to learn?"  
I smile and put my hands on my hips, trying to look as ready as possible.  
"Let's do it!"

*******

Benji teaches me all sorts of things I never knew before. He starts by telling me about the roo-garoo and how to keep them away. He says that there's a legend that if you leave 13 pennies outside your house, the roo-garoo will count them before coming inside. But they can't count high enough to get to thirteen, so they just leave!  
Hearing that makes me giggle, but I make a mental note to ask Jack for thirteen pennies to leave outside tonight.  
Benji says that silver is a better way to keep them away. For some reason, they really don't like silver, just like normal werewolves.  
I think that's all he's going to teach me, but I'm wrong. Benji has lots of cool stuff to share.  
I learn how to punch somebody. Benji teaches me a lot of other things like that. He says it's essential to know how to fight, so if you don't have a weapon, you can still keep yourself safe.  
It's probably good for me to learn since I don't have any weapons at all.  
Well, I guess now I do. Benji gives me a little knife to keep in my pocket, just in case. He says it's a butterfly knife. I don't know why it's called that. It doesn't look like a butterfly.  
I've never had a knife before. I remember that Roger did, but he wasn't actually allowed to have it.  
Benji shows me the right way to hold the knife and open up the little case and turn it into a handle. He can do lots of little tricks with it. I'm not sure I'll be able to do that stuff any time soon. It's still cool, though.  
Benji teaches me other stuff, like how to get out of handcuffs and how to camouflage myself. Stuff that is important but isn't fighting.  
He teaches me something else, too, something I never thought I would learn.  
He teaches me how to shoot a gun. First a small one, then a big one. A pistol and a shotgun are what he calls them. He says they have fancier names, but I don't need to know that yet.  
Benji has lots of guns. He puts cans on the ground and lets me shoot holes in them.  
I look at the gun in my hand. It's silver and still smoking. It has an odd scratch on the side where I think numbers used to be.  
"Do you have a name for it?"  
"Hm? Oh, it's a Taurus Raging Bull. But you don't really need to know that."  
"No, no, like a name. You should give it a name. Like Lucy or Mark or Bridget."  
Benji rubs his chin like he's thinking but doesn't say anything. Instead, we go back to target practice.  
Guns are a lot more powerful than I thought. My shoulder is bruised by the time we're done, and my hands are tired.  
Benji says we should call it a day after that.  
He tells me to go back inside the gas station, and he goes into his tent. Apparently, that's where he lives, outside the gas station in a tent. That's not a very nice place to live, but he seems to like it. It's a fancy tent, though, like for camping.  
I walk around to the front of the building and see a great big school bus in the parking lot. There are a lot of people inside, but I don't get a good look before the bus drives away. It seems a little weird to me, but maybe school busses came to the gas station a lot, and I just didn't know it.  
I come inside and go over to the drink cooler. I grab a funky looking bottle of something blue. It's called Bug Juice.  
Jack looks annoyed and a bit alarmed. I wonder if the farmer guy came back.  
"Can I have this, Jack?"  
He looks at me.  
"Sure, Lil."  
I walk back outside and spend the next few hours drawing in the thin sand near the store's front. The sun goes down, and fireflies begin to come out. They look like little Christmas lights, but the broken ones that blink.  
They're beautiful, and I watch them float around for a while, and then one of them lands on my arm.  
She sits there for a moment, blinking and crawling on me before flying away to join the rest of her firefly friends.  
"Enjoying the fireflies, hm?"  
I look behind me and see Jack standing there, an open water bottle in his hand.  
"They're really nice! They would come out like this back home, but they're so much brighter here! Like tiny stars."  
Jack opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn't get the chance. The ground begins to shake. For a moment, I think something bad is about to happen.  
But thankfully, it doesn't. Instead, Rita comes bounding out of the trees on the other side of the road. She looks as green and glowy as ever. Her feet stomping across the ground is why it's shaking.  
Rita may be a monster, but she's a friendly monster.  
Rita stops in front of Jack, thumping her great big tail. She licks Jack's face, getting bright green slobber all over him.  
"Okay, Rita, calm down!" Jack yells at her.  
It's not an angry yell. Jack just has to be loud so that she can hear his voice over the sound of her tail hitting the ground.  
Jack scoots away from Rita and then goes back inside the gas station.  
When he comes back, he’s holding a paper bag. He reaches inside and pulls out a tuna fish sandwich, and holds it out to Rita. She takes it from him and eats the whole thing in one bite.  
Jack feeds her a few more sandwiches and even lets me feed her one. When she's eaten enough, she sits down on the curb next to me like a doggie.  
"Did I tell you the story of Starburst?"  
"No, you haven't. It better not be about a yellow Starburst. Those are gross."  
Jack grins.  
"I knew you were smart, Lily. You've got good tastes."  
I smile back at him.  
"So what's the Starburst story?"  
Jack sits down next to me, on the side Rita isn't sitting on. I run my fingers through her fur. She makes a deep rumbling noise, like if a bear purred.  
"A long time ago, I was working, and I saw this caterpillar outside by the dumpsters. He was green, and he glowed. I gave him a Starburst, and it was a really nice moment. He went into a little cocoon, and I thought a big butterfly might come out. It kind of got ruined when Rita came along and ate him, though. That was back when she was just a normal raccoon."  
I think Jack hears me gasp a little when he tells me Rita ate the cocoon because he puts a hand on my shoulder.  
"It turned out okay in the end, though. We didn't get a big butterfly, but instead, we got Rita here. Our weird butterfly-raccoon-dragon."  
Jack leans over and gives Rita a pat on her great big head, then he looks back at me.  
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, sometimes you might think things are going to turn out badly, but a lot of the time they work out okay in the end. Sometimes even better than you might have hoped."  
I think about that for a minute.  
It's a really nice thing to hear. I don't think it's just Jack trying to make me feel better about everything that's happened to me either. He sounds like he really believes it.  
"Maybe you're right, Jack. I hope you're right, at least."  
"Thanks, Lily, I hope so too."  
He stands up and holds his hand out to me.  
"Come on, let's head back inside."  
I take his hand, and he helps me up off the curb. I pet Rita one last time before following Jack into the gas station.  
When we go inside, I see the candies on the shelf, and I find the Starbursts. I don't even have to ask. Jack just smiles and nods at me.  
We sit down behind the counter together, and I open it up, taking out the first Starburst. It's a yellow one, the worst kind. I unwrap it and toss the candy into the little trash can behind the counter. I keep the wrapper, though.  
I put it away in my pocket.  
I think it will help me to remember Jack's story. That way, the next time I'm scared, I can think about it, and maybe I won't be so scared anymore. 


	18. Beltane at the Gas Station

Lily's light snores brought me out of my book. After conducting a thorough investigation of the tar pit, she sat down to color behind the register. She had leaned back against the cigarette case and was dozing off, her head tilting slightly to the side. I was scared that if it went on for much longer, she'd fall and bust her nose on the floor, so I got up from my stool. I was worried for her wellbeing, but also, as many times as I'd cleaned blood up from the dirty checkered tiles, I knew what a bitch it was getting up. I figured it was probably time for her to head home anyway.  
I leaned down and gently wrapped my arms around her, making sure I didn't wake her up. She was light, so it was easy enough to pick her up and carry her out from behind the counter. I made sure to be careful of her stitches. Her head rested on my shoulder, and I heard her mumble in her sleep as I started my search for Jerry. All I had to do was follow the smell of bad weed.  
I found him lounging in the storage closet hammock. The room was filled with smoke, and I would've been madder than I was if we didn't have a frisbee for a smoke alarm. _I really should get us an actual one of those._  
"Really, Jerry?"  
He looked over and me and hopped down from the hammock, blowing out a huge puff of smoke.  
"Hey, dude! What’s going on in Jack’s world?"  
"Jerry, you're supposed to be on the clock. Why am I paying you to hotbox the storage closet?"  
Jerry gave me that guilty smile. He looked like a puppy who'd been caught digging through the trash.  
"Because you're a really cool boss? And my best buddy?"  
I sighed. It was really no use arguing with Jerry. Especially when he was high. It wasn't a huge deal anyway. It's not like I ever planned on firing him, and not much would've really improved around this place if he actually did his job. He was just around to fill the air with various and mostly illegal smells and to be the comic relief. I wasn't that mad about it, though.  
"Well, you can take off for the night. Lily needs to get home. Sleeping at a gas station probably isn't good for her. Or anybody."  
"No problem, man."  
Jerry stretched and stepped out of the closet, leaving the door open behind him so that it could air out.  
"You need me to take her from you?" Jerry asked.  
He gestured to Lily curled up in my arms. I nodded, and Jerry took her. He held her close as we made our way outside to the car. Just like me, he was careful not to fuck up her stitches.  
Jerry set Lily down in the back seat, making sure she was in a position that would be comfortable and then fastening the seat belt around her.  
Once she was situated, Jerry shut the door and then stood outside, leaning against the car as he lit up a cigarette. I looked up. An errant cloud or two drifted across the otherwise clear sky. The stars were insanely bright. It looked like you could reach out and snatch one up.  
"Are you sure you're going to be alright to drive her home? That looked like a lot of weed smoke Jerry."  
"Dude, I've driven on acid before. This is nothing. Besides, it's not actually that strong of weed. I didn't want to risk Lily opening the closet door and getting a serious contact high."  
That was… actually strangely sweet of Jerry.  
"Alright, as long as you're sure."  
"Yeah, I'm sure. Trust me, if I didn't think I could drive safely, I wouldn't take her."  
That sentiment was one I appreciated, for both his sake and for Lily's. I nodded at him. Things were quiet for a second while I stood there, and Jerry smoked.  
"We still have to talk, you know," I said.  
Jerry and I had never gotten to have the conversation that we needed to have earlier.  
We were going to after Lily decided to spend some time with Benji, but then the Mathmetists showed up. They came in a busload, and Jerry booked it into the cooler. I knew the minute I saw them that we were about to be cleaned out.  
Jerry had educated me on the various holidays the Mathmetists celebrated. Most of them were rooted in Wiccan and pagan culture. I knew I'd probably never need a lot of the information he was giving me, but I decided to humor him anyway. It was April 30th, and I knew the next day was one of their sacred holidays. It was called Beltane, or the Mayday festival. They had a feast, danced naked around a bonfire, and there was a maypole that they also danced around. Also, they had an orgy, but let's be honest, those guys would use any excuse to have an orgy.  
This meant that they were gonna clean us out. The same tall blonde woman I'd seen ages ago came to the counter and supervised as I rang up 85% of my inventory. She had the air of a snake charmer armed with a mega-python— nothing but serene confidence. Her blue eyes centered in on mine. I was not a fan of the intense eye contact we were having.  
"A blessed Beltane to you, Jack." She cooed.  
I'd have been alarmed if my name wasn't prominently displayed on my chest. I may've been a bit annoyed and slightly terrified, but I wasn't _rude._  
"Happy Beltane to you too."  
She leaned in close, setting her elbows on the counter and tenting her fingers. She rested her chin on top of them and hooded her eyes as she continued to gaze long into my own.  
"This is a very special Beltane, you know. The spirits are bleeding through the veil of the living and dead now more than ever before. It marks the beginning. The fires will burn the highest on this Beltane. And, soon enough, they will reach the skies."  
I blinked. None of that really made any sense to me, but it still felt wrong. That deep sense of dread one gets when the Internet says that an asteroid will hit Earth for the million and third time. It's not something to take too seriously, but there's always that small part of you that goes... _what if?_  
"That's… nice?"  
I didn't want to piss off the leader of the Mathmetists, but I really had no idea what to say to her.  
She was quiet for a moment, giving me a languid smile full of perfectly straight and white teeth. I'd expected her to have fangs. She was looking at me like I was a clueless, cute child. Then she looked over to the back hallway, like she knew exactly where Jerry was.  
"Is our little lost lamb with you?"  
That pissed me off. I'd kept my cool until now, but it was slowly slipping.  
"He's not a lost little lamb. You guys left him. I'm not big into whatever you have going on, but that was seriously mean. Jerry didn't deserve that."  
She tapped her thin nose with a long, slim finger for a moment, a devious grin on her face.  
"Tsk tsk tsk. Is that what he told you?"  
I blinked. _What? What was that supposed to mean?_  
"Look, I appreciate your business, I really do, but might we please hurry this exchange along?"  
I was seriously getting uncomfortable now. I dug my nails into the wood on the underside of the counter. This only seemed to fuel her more.  
"There are some things I think you'd do good to address this Beltane, Jack. It is the time of love and fertility, you know."  
I narrowed my eyes at her.  
"What are you implying?"  
Her grin grew ever wider, and she raised her eyebrows at me.  
"I think you'd do good to discuss that matter with _Marlboro._ "  
With that, she paid and left, her flock picking up their provisions and following behind her. By the time Jerry came out of the cooler, the moment was lost. My nerves were thoroughly shaken, and the cult leader’s words were bouncing around in my brain too much to focus.  
"Something happened last night." I told him, as he ashed his cigarette.  
Jerry got a peculiar look on his face.  
"Yeah. I know. Look, Jack, whatever you're about to say, I just want you to know that I—"  
"Wait, you know? Did he talk to you too?!"  
Jerry stared at me like I was speaking in tongues.  
"Wait… what are we talking about?"  
"The guy that talked to me last night. Paschar. You said you know?"  
"Uh… no, I don't actually. I kind of thought this was about something else but— wait, you said Paschar?"  
I was honestly a little confused. _What else could Jerry have thought I was talking about?_ I shook the confusion away, though. I really needed to tell Jerry what Paschar had said.  
"Yeah, Paschar. He showed up at the gas station last night. Well, he didn't actually show up. But he possessed a gnome and talked to me. He said some things about Lily. Bad things. I don't know if he's like a demon or a god or—"  
"Paschar? Lily mentioned some dude named Paschar. She said he's an angel. That he won't leave her alone."  
"An ANGEL?"  
I honestly couldn't wrap my head around that. I thought that I had to have heard him wrong. Apparently, that wasn't the case.  
"Yeah, dude, Lily said he was an angel. Like, the biblical kind and shit."  
I rubbed my eyes, trying to make this new information fit together. It was like jamming a puzzle piece where it doesn't fit and breaking it.  
"You've got to be fucking kidding me. There's absolutely no way this guy is an angel. You don't know what he said to me, man. If he's an angel, then Heaven must be a really shitty place."  
"I mean, Lily made him sound like kind of a dick."  
"Trust me, Jerry, whatever Lily said about him. It's worse. Way worse. This is... really bad. This is not good at all."  
"Alright, enough with the foreplay Jack, what the hell did he say?"  
I tried to think of the right way to phrase this correctly. Then I decided fuck phrasing things correctly. It really didn't matter how the message got across.  
"Apparently, he and the other angels are planning for Lily to stop the end of the world. Just, y'know, with her life. Armageddon is coming, and in their eyes, she's the perfect human sacrifice. He said that they want her to be a martyr for humanity."  
For a second, I wasn't sure if Jerry had heard me. He didn't say anything. He just took another long drag from his cigarette. Once he was done, he dropped it, grinding it into the ground to snuff out the ember.  
Then he turned to face me, and I knew that he had definitely heard.  
The look in his eyes was one that I had never seen on a human before, such was its intensity. He looked like he could level an entire continent if he wanted to.  
His voice was scarily calm. I don't know what was worse, his eyes or his voice.  
"I'm sorry. Did you just say the words 'Lily' and 'martyr' in the same sentence?"  
I couldn't say anything. All I could do was nod. Jerry looked at Lily, sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat, and then back at me.  
"Yeah, that's not happening."  
His words were so casual, but the weight behind them was immense.  
"If they want Lily, they can pry her from my cold dead hands. I don't give a fuck what powers they have. They're not touching her."  
Jerry was barely speaking above a whisper, and yet it felt for all the world like he was screaming. It was like he wasn't even talking to me. He was speaking directly to the heavens, making sure that the angels heard his thoughts on the matter.  
I knew that Jerry would be pissed off when I told him about this, but I underestimated just how much. Pissed off wasn't even the right word. He was livid. He was violently enraged.  
"Yeah," I told him, "I feel the same way."  
Jerry's knuckles were ghostly white from how hard he was clenching his fists. I was scared he would break his fingers or pop a vein or pull a muscle or something.  
"How could angels," I wondered out loud, "literal angels want to make a _martyr_ out of such a young girl? I mean, hasn't she been through enough already?"  
"You wanna know another really fucked up thing about this? These so-called _angels_ are the ones who put her through all of that shit, Jack."  
I felt my entire body tense at his words.  
" _What?_ "  
"Yep. Lily said that Paschar betrayed her. I don't know what all that entails, but it can't be good. Not only do these fucks want to make her sacrifice herself, but they're doing that after basically destroying her life. I mean, she said she came from a group home. Her parents don't seem to be in the picture. What happened to them? The gap isn't a hard one to bridge."  
I could feel my blood boil. I already knew that Paschar was an irredeemable asshole, but this was the nail in the coffin. It wasn't difficult to put the puzzle pieces together. Her life was destroyed because of these angels. Now they wanted her to give what was left of it up for them?  
I mean, I got the fact that something evil was coming to destroy all mankind or whatever, and it had to be stopped. There was particular importance to that. But these are fucking angels. All-powerful celestial beings. They could find another way.  
Jerry took a deep breath and looked up at the sky.  
"Perseus is bright tonight."  
"Huh?"  
Jerry looked over at me. I could still see the rage in his eyes, but it was muted by something else. He smiled.  
"The constellation, Jack. Perseus. It's bright tonight."  
Jerry proceeded to point out each star and name them to me. I felt the rage sink down below the surface for a little while. I enjoyed hearing him teach me about stars. But for some reason, the longer he talked about this particular constellation, the uneasier I felt.  
When he was done, he handed me the keys.  
"Will you start the car for me? I'm gonna go behind the gas station and scream for a minute or two."  
"Sure, man. I don't blame you."  
I sat there in the slowly cooling car, listening to Lily's quiet snores and Jerry's angry screaming and cursing. I could tell he was kicking shit around too. At one point, Rocco and his harem scampered out from the side of the building, running off into the woods.  
Jerry took Lily home once he'd gotten out all the rage he could manage for now. I went back into the gas station and picked up my book, going back to where I'd left off.  
After a good hour of reading, I went to refill my coffee cup and breath in some fresh air from the light rain that had only just stopped.  
As I looked up to the sky again, I noticed that Jerry was right. That particular constellation was quite bright tonight.  
When I saw it, I rubbed my eyes and decided that now would be an excellent time to take my medicine.  
_I know stars are supposed to twinkle,[but that really felt like a wink.](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hVikA_Hry2czCvKkNm8t2NRI0SNIxf2U/view?usp=sharing)_


	19. I'm Lily Madwhip and Life is Getting Better

"Last one to the couch is a rotten egg!" He cries.  
Oh no. I'm _not_ letting Jerry beat me at Couch Race again. He throws open the door, and I dash past him through the front room, running into the living room. I jump over the coffee table and land right in the middle of the couch. It makes a huge, victorious fart noise.  
"I WIN!!" I cheer.  
Jerry comes in and smiles that kind of smile when you get beaten, but you're not mad about it.  
"Seems like you were just a bit faster than me today, Lily, hm?"  
I'd been living with Jack and Jerry for almost two weeks now. Whenever I wasn't learning about how gas stations work from Jack, I was exploring the house.  
Jerry is really good at decorating. Their house is filled with weird paintings and sculptures, and I've found a secret room or two. I have a special clubhouse through the door behind the blue bookshelf. There's an old phone behind the china cabinet. It has a spinny thing and everything. There's an alligator statue under a floorboard in the hall closet. I leave all my secret treasures in there for Viking the Alligator to protect. I named him Viking because he looks like a Viking. Or at least what a Viking would look like if it was an alligator.  
There's some old people stuff, though, like the couch. It's big and green, and the cushions make fart noises if you sit on them the right way. It smells like coffee and old books most of the time, just like the rest of the house.  
The gas station doesn't smell like that. Usually, it smells like puke. But Jack says I'll get used to it eventually. There are lots of good hiding places, and Jerry and I play hide and seek a lot when he's supposed to be working. There are lots of new friends too. The Bathroom Cowboy is the cowboy dude I met in the bathroom. There's Benji. There are Rocco and the other raccoons. Rocco is the tall one with the red eyes who's super scary. There's Rita, who shows up a lot to get fed. And sometimes, the kangadeer will show up. One night the big one with the antlers came in, and I was very relieved to know the roo-garoo only left him with a few scars. Then there's Rosa, Jack, and Jerry. Also, another lady that I'd seen only a few times. I'm pretty sure she's a police officer. Jack always shoos me away when she comes around.  
"So Lilypad, you wanna watch TV? Winner's choice. We can watch South Park—"  
"No," Jack yelled from the kitchen, "you definitely cannot watch South Park!"  
"Okay, so how about Spongebob?"  
I didn't get to watch much TV at all before now. It's not something that bothers me, though. My mom didn't want me to have nightmares. I got those a lot. I only got to watch things like Sesame Street and The Upside Down Show.  
"I've never seen Spongebob."  
Jerry looks like I just told him that he has a spider in his hair.  
"You… You've never seen Spongebob? Kid, that's like an entire chunk of pop culture. Okay, well, I know what we're doing today."  
Jack comes in with a bowl full of popcorn. He put cheese on it, and it smells so good. This is his first day off in a while. He looks happier than usual. Not as tired.  
"So I guess we're marathoning Spongebob." He says.  
I shrug. Jack shrugs. Jerry shrugs.  
"Why the hell not? I've got nothing better to do today." He says as he smiles.  
"That's your one swear for today!" I remind him. He ruffles my hair.  
"Okay, Lily, you're right. I'm glad you're here to keep us in line. What would we do without you?"  
I don't know what I'd do without them. Jack sits down on my other side. I'm sandwiched between Jack and Jerry now. I feel very protected.  
We spend the whole day watching TV, and Jerry makes pizza for dinner. He even makes the dough! It's so good, and Jerry puts on The Princess and The Frog after dinner. I haven't seen the whole thing, but close to the end, it's getting hard to hold my eyes open. I wanna see what happens so bad, but my eyelids are so heavy.  
"Can we watch it again later? I don't wanna miss the ending." I tell him.  
"Of course, Lilypad. Just get some rest."  
I close my eyes and lean against him. I can feel Jack stroking my hair. I remember how my dad used to do that. It feels nice.  
I feel warm all over.  
I'm still sad. I'm still worried. I'm still scared. Paschar says something is coming, and Paschar never lies about stuff like that. Those thoughts are still swimming around like meanie sharks in my brain. They're ready to bite at a moment's notice.  
But right now, I feel safe. Jack and Jerry are my friends. Things may end up bad or scary, but this moment is nice. I can focus on it and forget about the things that are coming. Right now, they don't matter at all. I feel loved again. I feel cared about again. I have friends again. And I don't think they're going to leave me any time soon, angels or no angels.


	20. A Warning at the Gas Station

Lily was sitting at the counter, watching the register while I went to the bathroom, when I felt it. I couldn't put my finger on why, but a wave of hot, panicky fear swept through me. But I quickly figured it out.  
_'Oh no, that's not good.'_  
I could hear Lily's thoughts from all the way in here. She'd just seen something. I couldn't see what. I could see _something,_ but it was very blurry.  
I couldn't really explain the connection we'd apparently formed. It was near identical to what I'd had with Claire. I should've realized then that nothing good comes from having a psychic connection with someone. Bedside Manor was proof enough of that.  
I washed my hands and quickly left the bathroom. Lily was already on her feet and heading towards me.  
"Jack? Who's Spencer?"  
I froze. No. _No._  
"I.. I'm sorry. What did you just ask me?"  
Lily looked away like she was scared she'd said something she wasn't supposed to.  
"There's a man named Spencer, and he's gonna be at the gas station soon. I don't like him. I think he's a vampire. Like, a mean one. One that bites dogs for fun."  
I would have laughed if I wasn't two seconds away from panicking. Scratch that, I was panicking. I was in Super Defense Mode the moment the name "Spencer" left her lips. There was no hiding it either. Lily was ghost white. I knew she could feel my fear.  
"Lily, stay here. I'm gonna go find Jerry. Actually, go behind the counter. If you see Spencer come in, hide."  
I knew I'd scared Lily, but this was a serious situation. There's not always time for niceties or bullshit. She went behind the counter and sat down on the floor.  
Despite the severity of the situation, I felt the need to ease her mind.  
"Don't worry, Lily. I won't let him near you."  
She nodded. She knew I was telling the truth. I picked Ricardo up from beside the cigarette case and went to find Jerry.  
Jerry was in the cooler, fighting a raccoon.  
"Jerry! Things are happening!"  
"Hold on, I've almost got this little bastard!"  
"I understand the importance of that, but we have bigger problems right now! Spencer problems!"  
Jerry dropped the broom, and the raccoon ran between my legs and out of the cooler.  
"Spencer's here?"  
Jerry's demeanor shifted slightly. It wasn't much, but it was enough to know that Jerry was aware of the seriousness of the situation.  
"Not yet, but Lily says he will be."  
"Shit, we'd better get ready then. Did you call O'Brien?"  
"Not yet. I came to get you first."  
"I'll call. You go get somewhere where you can protect yourself, okay? You know he's coming after you, not me."  
Jerry was right, of course. Spencer wouldn't strictly avoid hurting people other than me, but if he's turning up at the gas station, he isn't going to be hunting down Jerry first.  
"Alright, after I call O'Brien, I'll raid the Code Black box."  
I didn't know how much firepower I wanted around Lily, but I couldn't argue. I knew Lily had said he was coming.  
But I underestimated just how fast he would.  
Lily was pressed up against the counter, holding her hands over her mouth.  
Spencer, in all his crazed, dickish glory, was standing on the opposite side.  
_'You said you wouldn't let him get me. Please don't let him get me.'_  
I lost my breath. It felt like someone had torn a knife through my chest. I looked down to make sure it was only just the sensation, and Spencer hadn't mind-murdered me.  
He had his hands on top of the counter and was shouting.  
"C'mon kid, aren't you going to tell me where Jack is? I know you two are friends. I'm a good friend of his too! Why don't you tell me where he is, and we can all spend a little time together?"  
"YOU AREN'T JACK'S FRIEND! YOU'RE JUST A NO GOOD VAMPIRE!" Lily shouted from her hiding spot.  
Maybe hiding spot wasn't the best word. Obviously, Spencer knew where she was. He was just toying with her by not going after her.  
"Hey!"  
I could hear Jerry muttering swears to himself back in the cooler. I hoped for all our sakes he was doing it as he dialed O'Brien.  
Spencer turned and looked at me.  
"Hey there, Jack! Long time no see. I was just asking your little friend here where you were."  
He grinned that stupid, shit-eating grin. _God, I hated him so much._  
"Leave her alone Spencer, this is between you and me, and you know it. She's got nothing to do with this."  
"What, I can't ask the girl a question? Come on, Jack, you seriously think I would hurt a little kid?"  
I stared at him. He might as well have asked me what two plus two was. The answer was obvious.  
"Yes. Yes, I do."  
"That's cold, Jack, and after I came all this way just to see you."  
I was already starting to get tired of his little friendship act. It's not like anybody was actually buying it. We all knew he was here to try and do... something sinister to me.  
"Why are you really here, Spencer? I mean, other than to try and kill me again."  
"God, Jack. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. I don't want to kill you. I don't want you to die. I want you to have to live through what's coming, and I don't think you'll have to wait too much longer. I wanted to come and tell you personally."  
As much as I didn't want to give this asshole the satisfaction of scaring me, my blood turned to ice. Lily looked at me, her eyes as big as dinner plates.  
Hearing Spencer say that something was coming was ominous enough, but it made it far worse knowing that Paschar had said the exact same thing. How Spencer would have access to the same information as angels, I wasn't sure. It didn't matter though, all that mattered was his cryptic message matched up a little too well to be a coincidence.  
Before I could say anything in response, Jerry came out with his katana.  
"Yo, Spencer!"  
Jerry held the weapon out in Spencer's direction. He had a confident smirk on his face and was in a fighting stance.  
"Why don't you get your crusty ass out of here, dickbag?"  
Lily looked as if she was considering this new swear.  
"Jerry, you don't even know how to use that thing."  
"How do you know I can't use it? Why don't you fuck around and find out, huh?"  
Spencer looked about ready to bite Jerry's head off. I wouldn't put oral decapitation past him.  
I honestly couldn't tell if he was mad that Jerry was continuously insulting him or mad because Jerry was in his way. It didn't matter, though.  
We all looked towards the door when we heard the siren.  
If I didn't know better, I might have thought Spencer looked surprised.  
Unlike Jerry, O'Brien's memories trickled back to her slowly. There were still memories she was gaining about the gas station and me, even now. I don't know if the Guardian was doing it on purpose or if his wipe job on her memories was just shoddy. But either way, I wasn't particularly bothered by it.  
Jerry had a look of triumph on his face.  
"Guess you'll never get to see my kickass sword skills, Spencer. Sucks to suck."  
I couldn't help but smirk just a bit. It would be a bit more difficult for Spencer to avoid arrest this time.  
He didn't try to either. He watched as O'Brien entered the gas station, with a look of deep thought.  
The look on her face was one of pure annoyance. Clearly, she didn't want to be dealing with this particular brand of gas station crazy right now. I could understand that. She had already had to arrest Spencer more times than anybody should have to.  
Lily peeked up from behind the counter. She and O'Brien locked eyes, and then O'Brien gave me a funny look before looking back at Spencer.  
_'She's pretty. She looks like she could fight a bear and win.'_  
I stifled a laugh.  
_You're probably right about that one._  
She had her gun in her hand and pointed right at Spencer before she even started to speak. Typically she wasn't the type to shoot first ask questions later. Still, when it came to Spencer, her caution was understandable.  
"Alright, Middleton, let's not make this any harder than it has to be."  
"Come on, Amy, you know this whole song and dance is pointless."  
"That's Sheriff O'Brien to you."  
Any kept her gun pointed at his face. Jerry flanked him from behind with the katana.  
As slippery as Spencer was, there was no getting out of this one.  
That was all thanks to Lily.

*******

Spencer was sitting in the back of O'Brien's cruiser as she talked on her walkie talkie. Lily was sitting on the curb and hugging her knees.  
"Jail can't hold me for long, Jack. I think you know that by now."  
I tried to think of a good comeback, but nothing came to me. I just glared at Spencer before going over to Lily.  
"Lily, what's wrong?"  
Her eyes were big and full of fear. It radiated off of her like heat off a bonfire.  
"He's going to get out."  
Her voice was trembling, but she was still loud enough to hear.  
"You saw it?" I asked.  
She nodded at me.  
"He's got a knife. He's going to use it to pick the lock and get away. It's stuffed inside the sole of his shoe."  
I took in the information and nodded.  
"Okay. Do you know if anybody gets hurt?"  
"I don't think so."  
O'Brien finished her angry conversation with one of her deputies.  
"Hey, Amy?"  
She turned to me, but before I could explain what Lily had told me, she cut me off.  
"Listen, Peg Leg, I'm really not in the mood to bullshit right now, so I'm just going to come out and ask. Who's the kid?"  
I blinked for a second. I knew this line of questioning was coming eventually. In truth, I'd been trying to put it off for as long as possible. Lily had been with us for nearly a month. But it still surprised me a little. The way you get surprised when you run out of milk, even though you knew you had barely any left.  
"Oh um… Lily, why don't you introduce yourself to the Sheriff?"  
I helped Lily up off her spot on the ground, and she stood in front of Amy.  
"I'm Lily Madwhip." She said.  
She spoke softly. She didn't seem nervous exactly, just a little shy around Amy. I could understand that. She was undoubtedly intimidating at times.  
"Amelia O'Brien."  
Amy extended her arm to Lily, and they shook hands.  
It was a short, to-the-point introduction, but it was a good one compared to her meeting Spencer.  
"She's my daughter."  
My heart and blood pressure immediately kicked into overdrive.  
 _Wait, what? What the fuck? Why did I say that?_  
I waited for O'Brien's call of "bullshit," but it never came.  
"Well?"  
I blinked. What was she waiting on?  
"Well, what?"  
"You never answered my question, Jack. It's very nice to meet her, but who is she _to you?_ "  
"Oh, she's my uh, she's my foster niece. I'm looking after her for a while, so my foster sister can take care of some things."  
I did my best to not show how relieved I was that I hadn't actually called Lily my daughter in front of Amy.  
I definitely wouldn't have been prepared for the shitstorm that would have caused.  
She gave me a skeptical look but eventually accepted it. Thank God Lily went along with it.  
Before I could change the subject and tell her to check Spencer's shoes, she was back on the walkie talkie.  
Spencer was staring at Lily. And he was grinning like a witch on Halloween.  
The look in his eyes was one that I really didn't like seeing. It was like he had just put together some sort of puzzle.  
 _Shit._  
Before I could warn O'Brien, she got in and drove off with Spencer in tow. 

*******

Jerry took a long drag from his cigarette.  
"I think he knows, Jerry."  
"Yeah, I think you're right. The only question is what we can do about it."  
I had told Jerry what had happened. With Lily's vision and the way Spencer had been watching her, we had concluded that Spencer had figured out that Lily had abilities.  
The only issue was that I couldn't actually think of what the hell to do about it.  
"It's a pretty big question to have. I mean, Spencer's not going to be behind bars for long. Even if Lily hadn't seen it, you and I both know it. He's going to turn up again, and we might not be prepared for it next time. He might..."  
I couldn't bring myself to think long on it. Panic started to rise in me. Spencer Middleton was always something that set me on edge. Him knowing Lily had powers only made it worse. He had claimed that he wouldn't hurt a kid, but there wasn't a single part of me that believed that. I don't know what I would do if he hurt Lily somehow.  
Even if he didn't hurt her physically, I had no doubt in my mind that he would try to use what she could do for his own gain.  
 _God, I hated him so much!_  
"How can we keep her safe from him, Jerry? I mean, we can't even keep _me_ safe from him. I really don't want to see Lily end up kidnapped or missing any limbs or worse. We've got to figure something out, dude, I mean—"  
I had started getting really worked up and was on the verge of hyperventilating before Jerry tossed his cigarette onto the ground and put his hands on my shoulders.  
"Jack. Calm down."  
I looked at him, trying my best to do what he said. It was difficult, but I managed to calm down just a little bit. I wasn't about to start hyperventilating, at least.  
"We're gonna figure out what to do about this, okay? We can't do that with you panicking, though. I'm here with you. We'll solve it together, alright?"  
He ran one hand up and down my arm, bringing me back down to earth.  
Jerry looked like he was about to say something. But then the sky filled with fire.  
We both looked up at the heavens as meteors streaked across the sky. I thought about what the cult leader had said about the sky being on fire.  
I thought about a lot of things she said. I slid my arm down, so Jerry and I's hands met.  
"Hey, Jerry…"  
He looked back down at me. _Was I really gonna do this?_  
His voice was softer than usual.  
"Yeah? What is it?"  
"I—"  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
Jerry and I both jumped. We looked at each other before racing inside. Lily was standing on the other side of the counter, out of breath and pale.  
"Lily?! What's wrong?!'  
She looked up at me. She had a strange, uneasy look in her eyes.  
She kept quiet for a long moment. I wasn't sure what was going on inside her head.  
When she was upset by something, it didn't take much coaxing for her to tell Jerry and me, but now, she was holding back for some reason.  
"Lily?"  
I tried to look at her, but she shied away from my gaze.  
"I... I don't…" Her voice was shaky.  
She sounded like she was afraid of me, not just of what happened. I could sense her distancing herself. _Oh god, what happened?_  
I felt my chest tighten at the thought of Lily being scared of me.  
"Lily... It's okay. It's just me. Whatever happened, you can tell me. I'll believe it."  
"I…." 


	21. I'm Lily Madwhip and Spencer Ruins Everything

I'm sitting behind the counter and drawing with the markers Jerry got me. They're fancy markers. They have a pleasant smell. Today has been a bad day, but drawing and marker smell makes me feel better. I'm drawing a picture of Jack, Rita, and I. Drawing helps me not think about Spencer.   
He was scary in my vision, but it was even worse in real life— _stupid vampire Spencer._  
Then I had my second vision about him getting away, and I got scared all over again.   
I hope that it won't come true. Maybe something will happen to change things and to stop it.   
That rarely happens with my visions, but maybe this time it can. I remember the times where it has happened. Like when I saved Jamal from getting all skewered up.  
I try not to think about it, though. I focus on my drawing, making sure I get Rita's big tail just right. I want to look at Jack to make sure that I got him right, but he and Jerry are outside right now. I guess they have more stuff they need to talk about. Either that or Jack is trying to stop Jerry from playing fetch with Rocco again.  
 _They sure do talk about stuff a lot._  
It's okay, though. I can check when Jack comes back inside.   
It's quiet in the gas station, so I hum to myself while working on the picture. Then a loud sound fills up the whole store, covering up the song.   
It's the phone ringing. At first, I think I can ignore it. When my parents were still alive, we had an answering machine, and if no one picked up, it would answer for us.  
But it keeps on ringing and ringing. Jack told me not to answer it, but I just want the ringing to stop.  
I pick it up and put it to my ear.  
"Hello there, Lily."  
My tummy feels sick. I want to slam the phone back down, but I don't.  
"I don't think I should talk to you, Spencer."  
"Awww, come on now, Lily. I wasn't so bad, was I?"   
He was so bad. He was horrible. I don't want to talk to him, but I don't know if I should hang up either. Should I wait until Jack gets back so he can hear it and tell the police Spencer got out?  
Before I make up my mind, Spencer starts talking again.   
"Jack makes it sound like I'm so terrible, but I'm really a decent person. Jack's the one with all the problems. If you knew half the things that Jack's done, you would realize that I'm not the bad guy."   
I'm a little confused. What could he mean by that? Jack's a really good person, he's always nice to me. What was Spencer talking about?   
"Do you know the things Jack's done, Lily? I'm sure you do. You're special like that, like how you knew about the knife in my shoe. What do you know about Jack?"   
I get goosebumps on my arms when Spencer says he knows I'm special. It scares me that he heard me seeing things before they happen. Most people just don't believe it and just ignore it. I don't know what somebody scary like Spencer would do if he believes in my powers.   
His question makes me nervous too.   
I know that Jack works at the gas station, that he's best friends with Jerry, That he's been taking care of me. But I only know what he's told me…  
I know I shouldn't, but I keep talking instead of hanging up the phone.  
"Jack can't have done anything that bad. He's nice to me."  
I try to sound confident, but I think my voice shakes.  
"Maybe he's nice to you, but he's not so nice to everyone else. I bet you saw that big scar on my neck, right?"   
I did see it. It looked like Spencer got hurt really bad.   
"Jack did that to me. I almost died because of what he did to me. Some people weren't as lucky as me. Some people have died because of Jack. He's hurt people, Lily."  
My mouth got dry.   
_That can't be true, can it? Jack wouldn't hurt people like that. He's too nice._  
I tell myself that, but I don't feel much better. There's still a part of me that isn't sure. What if Spencer is telling the truth? What would that mean?  
 _Am I safe staying with Jack?_  
"Jack wouldn't hurt people. You're wrong." I tell him, even though I'm not sure I believe it.  
Spencer starts laughing. Just a little, but it's there. It doesn't sound like a happy laugh at all.   
"You should ask him yourself if you're so sure. You don't sound very sure, Lily."   
I swallow. I'm so tired of people betraying me and not being who they say they are. But for now, I'm mostly just mad at Spencer. He ruins everything.  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!"  
I slam the phone down and run out from behind the counter. Part of me wants to run out and run away. But why would I do that? Spencer was just lying to be mean, right?  
 _What if he wasn't lying?_  
I don't even have time to think about it. The back door slams open, and Jack and Jerry come running inside.   
"Lily?! What's wrong?!"  
I don't know what to tell him. I don't even know if I want to be around him. I try not to panic or run away.   
I don't say anything. I just look at him.   
He doesn't look like he would hurt anybody. He looks just like he usually does.  
"Lily?"  
I don't know what to say to him. I don't know if I can trust him.  
"I… I don't…" My voice was shaky.  
"Lily... It's okay. It's just me. Whatever happened, you can tell me. I'll believe it."   
"I…"  
I don't know what to do. I want to trust Jack, but I still feel a little scared of him. I know I shouldn't listen to what Spencer said, but I can't help it. Everyone I love has either gone away or hurt me, and I can't handle that again. _**I just can't!**_  
He comes over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I flinch just a little. I don't mean to, but I can't help it.   
"Lily, can you look at me?" Jack's voice is really quiet.   
I look at him, and I can see it in his eyes. He can tell that I'm afraid… and he looks sad.   
_Why does he look sad?_  
I stare at him, trying to figure out how to feel.   
I don't know if what Spencer said was true. I don't know if Jack ever hurt people like that. I know that Jack looks upset about me being scared, and I don't think somebody who wants to hurt me would be sad if I was afraid of them. I also don't think somebody who wanted to hurt me would be so nice. But then I remember Paschar and how that's not true.  
Jack looks away from me and looks at Jerry. Jerry just shrugs at him. Jack sighs and turns to me again.   
His green eyes stare into mine, and I hear his voice in my head.   
_'Please, Lily? I don't know what's going on, and I can't help if I don't know.'_  
His hand is still on my shoulder, and I feel his grip get just a little tighter. His inner voice sounds almost desperate. Not desperate in an _I need her to trust me so I can hurt her_ way. It's more of an _I'm gonna be really sad if she's scared of me and doesn't trust me_ way.  
I decide at that moment to trust Jack, even if I'm still doubtful. I want to trust him. He trusts me. I know he does.  
"I'm okay," I tell him, "I just saw a rat. A huge rat."  
He doesn't believe me, I can tell. But he doesn't call me out on it.  
His grip loosens a little.   
"Okay... that's all?" He still sounds nervous, but not quite as much.   
I think he's happy I said anything at all, even if it was a lie.   
"Yep, that's all. A great big rat. With huge teeth."   
I do my best to make it sound extra scary, even though I know that nobody believes it.   
I don't want to tell them about Spencer calling me, though. I'm still unsure what to think about it, and I don't want anybody telling me what to think.   
I can trust Jack. That's all I care about.  
"Alright, well, it looks like the rat is gone now. Are… are you going to be okay?"   
Jack said one thing, but the look on his face said something else.   
_'Are you still afraid of me?'_  
I look at him and smile. It's only a little one, but it does the trick.   
"I think I'll be okay now. Thank you for checking on me."   
Jack lets out a breath and nods, taking his hand off my shoulder.   
"Of course, Lily. I just want to keep you safe."   
I'm not sure if Spencer was telling me the truth or not… but I know that Jack is telling me the truth now. Even without relying on the connection we have, I can sense it.


	22. Comfort Food

Lily was back to her drawing when Jerry came out of the storage closet. He smelled like smoke. I couldn't blame him for stress-smoking, though. _I wish I had my stress ice cream._  
"Jack, it's been a while since you've taken a night off. Not since Monopoly night. And we're all stressed out from today's events. How about we plug in some part-timers and go grab something to eat together?"  
"Yeah!" Lily cheered.  
After the day we'd all had, I couldn't find the heart or the energy to argue. Plus, it would probably get Lily's mind off things.  
"Okay, let's do it. I could use a break. So where are we going?"  
"I was thinking of Cracker Barrel."  
I knew he would say that.  
"Jerry, that's almost an hour away."  
Jerry rolled his eyes as if I'd just given him some lame excuse.  
"I don't mind! Mini road trip!" Lily said quickly.  
"Lily, have you ever been to Cracker Barrel?"  
Lily rubbed her chin and nibbled at her knuckle for a moment as if lost in thought.  
"Sometimes I'd see it on road trips, but we never ate there."  
"Okay, so we'll take her to Cracker Barrel. Simple as that."  
As much as I was annoyed by the drive, I couldn't argue. Cracker Barrel was an experience, and I knew it was one Lily would enjoy. She deserved that after the day she'd had. We all did.  
Plus, the farther away from Spencer I could reasonably assume we were, the better. And I could read. I had a brand new book about some sort of space Nazis I was excited to crack open.  
I made some calls and worked out a few hours of off time for us. Jerry gassed up the Nissan, and I helped Lily pick out what coloring books to bring.  
When Benji came in to start his shift, I clocked out and grabbed my bag. Jerry and Lily were already waiting in the car.  
I settled in the passenger seat as Jerry pulled out of the gas station parking lot. As excited as I was to get into my book, I didn't get a chance to. Not long into the drive, Jerry and Lily had drawn me into I Spy and Twenty Questions. Lily didn't even touch her coloring books. The drive felt like ten minutes more than fifty.  
When we got there, Jerry had barely parked when Lily hopped out of the car. I got out and followed her, knowing Jerry would want to smoke before coming inside. She was just as enchanted by the inside as I had expected her to be. It was all decorated for summer.  
Jerry came in, and by the time we got to sit down, Jerry was planning on buying Lily more candy that she would ever know what to do with. As much as I liked seeing Lily happy, we needed to make a serious effort to give her less sugar.  
We all ended up with some breakfast food variant, and Lily fell in love with the fried apples. Jerry had insisted she get those, and his suggestion wasn't misplaced.  
After finishing a mouthful of warm, cinnamony apples, Lily looked up at me.  
"Jack?"  
I took a sip of my drink before answering.  
"Yes?"  
"Do you have any more stories about the gas station?"  
I rubbed my chin. Before I could come up with an appropriate response to that, Jerry answered.  
"Oh yeah! Totally. Jack has a blog and books and everything. He's kind of an Internet celebrity. He's even published! It's supposed to be an autobiography, but so far, not many people believe that."  
"Jerry, I'm _not_ an Internet celebrity."  
Lily looked astonished.  
"You're a writer?! That's so cool!"  
"God Jerry, you know a good chunk of that is stuff Lily probably shouldn't read, right?"  
Lily looked mildly offended.  
"I'm a big girl! I'm not scared."  
I thought about all the inappropriate content in my accounting of the events at the gas station.  
"No, Lily, that's not why."  
I shook my head and muttered something under my breath that made me owe the swear jar at least a dollar.  
"How about this? I'll edit some of it and let you read it.”   
"Okay!" She said excitedly.  
"Yeah, you might wanna scrub it clean. Make sure you take out that whole interaction with the Ledfords too. Hey, what ever happened to John-Ben and Little Sister?"  
I immediately sprang for damage control.  
"Jerry, maybe we should talk about that later."  
But it was too late. Lily had already seen the memory that I'd unconsciously brought up at Jerry's words.  
It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Lily was an orphan herself. And even then, I could feel it. The pain and sadness radiating off of her were strong enough to taste in my mouth, bitter and cold. The connection between us strengthened as she poured all her emotions into me. I could hear her thoughts. They were all some version of _why me?_  
I felt my chest tighten when Lily's eyes filled with tears. She sniffled and wiped her eyes.  
"I hate being an orphan," Lily muttered under her breath as teardrops splashed onto the wooden table.  
I looked over at Jerry. He looked like a train had hit him. I could tell that he was deeply regretting what he'd said.  
I reached across the table and took Lily's hand. She looked up at me, and the look in her eyes was like a knife in my heart.  
"Lily, you don't have to tell us anything if you don't want to. But if you do, we'll listen. We're here for you."  
Lily wiped her eyes, and I noticed a slight shift in her demeanor. A jolt of energy shot up my spine. It was angry and fed up.  
"No. I want to talk about it. I'm tired of keeping everything inside. I'm tired of dealing with everything on my own. It's so hard, and it hurts. I just want my mommy and daddy back."  
I got up from my place at the table and moved next to her, kneeling down. Maybe it looked a little weird to the other people, but I didn't care. I just wanted Lily to feel better. I took her little hands in mine.  
Jerry scooted his chair closer.  
"We're listening." His voice was soft in a way I rarely heard. He was trying not to cry.  
Lily wiped her eyes again before spilling the entire story. It took her a little while, but I would've sat there all night if I had to.  
I felt a lot of emotions after she finished, not all of them my own. They were swirling around inside me like a hurricane. I did my best to keep hold of them and push them down for now.  
Jerry said the only thought that either of our minds could express coherently.  
"Lily, I'm so sorry."  
She sniffled and wiped her eyes on my sweater sleeve.  
"It's okay. I… I feel better. I think I needed to tell someone. Thank you for listening."  
Without thinking twice about it, I wrapped my arms around Lily. She melted into the hug, clinging to me so tightly it was hard to breathe.  
I held her until her crying had worked its way down to an errant hiccup or two. Jerry rubbed her back, being careful of the spots that were still tender.  
Jerry was the first to speak.  
"Why don't we get dessert? I think that'll cheer everyone up, and we can talk more about this later. Lily, you can pick. That sound good?"  
Lily smiled and nodded. It took Lily just about as long as I expected to single out the chocolate Coca-Cola cake.  
"Can we get that one?" She asked tentatively.  
Jerry smiled a knowing smile.  
"I knew you'd pick that one."  
We were about halfway into dessert when it started. Lily had gotten a Sprite, and I knew firsthand that crying and chocolate both make you incredibly thirsty. Lily downed the drink at an impressive speed, and about a minute later, a burp erupted from her mouth.  
It wasn't honestly that loud, but she still looked a little embarrassed. Her embarrassment turned to nervousness when Jerry let out a gasp.  
"Excuse me!" She blurted out quickly like she was worried that Jerry would reprimand her for being impolite.  
It's hard to believe that she hadn't caught onto the fact that politeness wasn't anywhere near the top of Jerry's priority list.  
"That was weaksauce," he shouted out, "watch this!"  
I was already bracing myself for it when he let a much louder, much prouder burp rip from his chest. Lily let out a burst of giggles. Clearly, she hadn't been expecting him to do that.  
"Bet you can't top that one!" Jerry said, challenging Lily with a triumphant smirk.  
"You actually want me to burp again? My brother Roger and I did that sometimes, but my mom and dad always got mad at us." Lily seemed utterly shocked that Jerry would be encouraging her, but she also seemed a little excited about it.  
"Better out than in, I always say! Show us what you got!"  
Lily got a very determined look on her face, and then she summoned up a burp far louder than the first. Loud enough to rival Jerry's impressive effort.  
"Hey! Not bad! Alright, my turn again!"  
Jerry took a deep breath, but before he could take his turn, I cut him off.  
"Guys!"  
Jerry froze, along with Lily. They looked a little nervous. I'm guessing they thought I would tell them off for having a burping contest in the middle of a restaurant. Whatever they expected, it definitely wasn't what they got.  
I paused for a second, leaving them in suspense, before letting out my own burp.  
I watched Lily's eyes get huge, and Jerry's face was full of more admiration than was probably necessary for the situation.  
In truth, I hadn't meant for it to be so loud. I hadn't expected to surpass Jerry. I just wanted to surprise them by even participating.  
I had surprised them alright, and I surprised myself.  
The burp that came from me was loud enough to wake the dead, and I saw several tables turn their heads in the aftermath.  
"Holy shit..." I whispered.  
"Dude, did a demon just exit your body?"  
I ducked my head as Jerry started to applaud.  
"Jack wins!" Lily cried.  
"Dude, knock it off! People are already staring. You don't have to make it worse!"  
"Are you crazy? You expect me not to applaud something that impressive?!"  
I let out a groan. This was definitely one of my more embarrassing public moments.  
It was only made worse by the waitress coming over with our check, sporting an incredibly uncomfortable expression.  
"Here you go… I-is everything okay? Did the food not sit right with you?"  
I'm sure my face was bright red as I did my best to respond.  
"No, everything's fine. Just… everything's fine. Thank you very much."  
_How did I always manage to embarrass myself in public like this? This is why I never go places._  
I would have to leave her a hefty tip after this.

*******

While I paid the bill, Lily and Jerry picked out all the candy they intended to buy. We got out to the car, and Jerry walked off to smoke while I got Lily situated in the back.  
"The fudge smells so good, but I'm so full."  
I ruffled her hair.  
"It'll be there for you to eat later, don't worry."  
Lily began to run her fingers along the seatbelt like she did on the way up here. I reminded myself to get her something to keep her hands occupied.  
"Hey, Lily? Can I tell you something?"  
"Okay! Is it another gas station story?"  
I scratched my head before answering.  
"... Sort of. I just wanted to tell you that I understand how it feels to be betrayed like that. It wasn't as bad as yours, but it still sucked. Nobody took my parents away from me.... but someone I thought I could trust turned out to be an awful person. Not even a person. More like an evil god."  
She listened intently as I told her the story of The Collector, or as I'd known him, Brother Riley. She was on the edge of her seat until the end.  
"So he was going to take over the world? And then just leave when it ended?"  
I nodded. Lily summed it all up in two words.  
"That sucks."  
I nodded.  
"It really really does. But we don't have to worry about him anymore. I think the thing we should be worried about is what he said about the world ending. Brother Riley said it, Spencer said it, Paschar said it, the Dark God said it. Now that I think about it, a _LOT_ of people said the world was going to end. Plus, there's your dream… so I don't think it's a lie or a fluke. If it is, everyone has a knack for theatrics."  
"Who's the Dark God?"  
"That's a story for another time."  
Lily nodded.  
"I think it'll be okay, as long as I have you guys."  
I couldn't help but smile at her optimism.  
"That's a good way to think, Lily. Keep your chin up."  
Jerry came back and helped me off the ground where I'd kneeled next to Lily, and my leg had become stiff. His hand lingered in mine for just a moment longer than necessary. I tried not to pay attention to how it made me feel.  
Once our hands separated, Jerry and I got into the car, myself in the passenger seat and Jerry starting to drive.  
We got back on the road towards home. For the first stretch, the only sound in the car was music softly playing from Jerry's phone. After a short while, Lily broke the silence.  
"Hey, Jack? Jerry?"  
"Yeah, Lily?"  
"Thank you for listening. Also, for believing me about Paschar. Nobody ever has before."  
I tensed in my seat. I would have been able to piece it together for myself, but hearing Lily admit that nobody had ever really believed her before was a special kind of painful.  
"Of course, Lily, we'll always believe you."  
I did my best to make sure that she knew I was genuine. I didn't want her ever to think I doubted her. She deserved to know that she had somebody in her corner.  
Jerry nodded but didn't say anything to add on.  
I looked at Lily in the rearview mirror to see her smiling just a bit.  
I thought about everything she said to us at dinner, what Paschar had done to her and her family. It was difficult not to get mad thinking about it. I didn't want Lily to see me pissed off like that. Still, I had a hard time comprehending how somebody could ever do all of that to Lily, how somebody could hurt such a sweet kid like that.  
I tried to shake away the thoughts. I unclenched my fists. I hadn't even realized when I started to ball them into fists in the first place.  
There were more important things to focus on than how shitty the angels were.  
We had to focus on keeping Lily safe from them now. That's what was important.  
I took a deep breath to calm myself and then turned in my seat to face Lily.  
"Lily, I know that everything's scary right now. I don't know what's happening with this end of the world stuff, but I know that we're going to keep you safe, okay?"  
Lily looked thoughtful as she took in my words. There was a mental struggle going on in her brain. I could sense that she was deciding whether to trust me or not.  
After a moment, she held her hand out to me, sticking her pinky out.  
"Pinky swear?"  
I smiled a little as I hooked my remaining pinky into hers.  
"Pinky swear."  
Lily smiled at me, and the rest of the car ride passed in calm silence. 


	23. I'm Lily Madwhip and I'm Not Glass on a Beach

I walk down the hall to my room. My hair is wet and smells like strawberries, and I'm wearing footie pajamas. I always wanted a pair of these, and they have bunnies on them. Jerry tucks me into bed and reads _The Monster at the End of This Book_ to me. He does the voices and everything.  
As much as I've been trying not to think about it, as Jerry leaves and turns out the light, what Spencer said bounces around my brain again. I have to get rid of it. There's not enough room for all the bad in my brain anymore.  
"Jerry!" I call out, hoping he isn't too far away to hear me.  
He comes back in.  
"Yes, Lilygoat?"  
I giggle.  
"That's a new one. I like it!'  
He grins.  
"But what is it?"  
I try to think of the right way to explain it.  
"Spencer got out again. He called today when you guys weren't there. That's why I was upset. There wasn't a rat. I mean, there might've been, but I didn't see it. He said Jack has done bad things, and he's hurt people, but I don't think I believe him."  
Jerry comes over and sits down on the bed.  
"Lil, Spencer is the kind of person who tells you only what he wants you to hear. He'll bend the truth and leave stuff out, and he'll do it all just to get a cheap laugh. He's the worst kind of person, and you shouldn't be worried about anything he has to say. He hates Jack too, so he's gonna stop at nothing to make his life shi— worse. That includes trying to break whatever trust you have in him."  
I smile, and he takes my hand, squeezing it.  
"Jack wouldn't hurt a fly, and he certainly wouldn't hurt you. He cares for you a lot more than you realize. We both do."  
I yawn.  
"Thanks, Jerry."  
He stands up and ruffles my hair. I like it when they do that.  
"Get some rest, kiddo."  
I nod and close my eyes as he walks back out the door.  
And then I'm not in bed anymore.  
I'm standing on a beach. It's raining, but the rain is warm. It feels nice on my skin. The sound of the waves makes my ears happy. I try to wiggle my toes and squish them in the sand, but...  
Under my bare feet isn't sand. Instead, it's smooth pieces of what looks like… [glass](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YJjELL9g1cW-PeLBELl3xpgROc1cJ-rq/view?usp=sharing). I've never heard of a glass beach before. The glass pebbles are all different colors and all smooth. They don't cut my feet. It's a strange place, but it's beautiful. They make little tinkly noises when the waves wash over them, like bells.  
I lean down and pick up one of the shiny pieces of glass. It's green, like a Sprite bottle.  
I want to put it in my pocket and take it with me, but I'm pretty sure I'm not actually here, wherever here is.  
I'm not upset about it, though. This is one of the nicest dreams I've had in a while. I walk towards the ocean and let the waves wash over my toes.  
"It's beautiful, isn't it, Lily?"  
I turn around, and there he is.  
He's not wearing the big yellow suit this time. He's wearing a white dress. But not a girl dress, an angel dress. His face looks like one of those old white Italian statues. His hair is white and long, but he must have brushed it recently. He has feathery white wings, different from the golden ones I've seen before. He's not wearing his goggles, but his eyes aren't so bright. They glow, but I don't have to shield my eyes and punch myself in the face again.  
"Fuck," I say under my breath. I think I still have my one swear, and I think now is an excellent time to use it.  
I expect Paschar to get mad at me, but he doesn't. He just laughs.  
"I see your friends have had some interesting influence on you, Lily."  
I put my hands on my hips.  
"It's been nice being with them. Not like you said. Jack and Jerry are nice to me. They care about me."  
Paschar sighs. It's the way he sighs when he's trying to explain something to me, and I get confused or don't know what he means.  
"Lily, there are so many things you cannot understand. What I said to you before is still true. The worst is yet to come, and being with them will only bring it to pass."  
"How? You keep saying I can't understand it, but how can I even try if you don't explain it?"  
Paschar never used to talk to me like this. He didn't make things confusing. He always made sure I understood things. Now it feels like he doesn't actually want me to understand— not the way he used to, at least. It hits me all at once.  
_Paschar is hiding something. Something big._  
There were some things Paschar wouldn't tell me. Like what those sea lions at the zoo were doing to each other, because they weren't playing leapfrog, I know that. That time, he told me that he would _explain when I was old enough._ But with this, I don't think he wanted to tell me. I think it's like when he didn't tell me my parents would die if I did what they told me. He doesn't want to tell me the answer, because he knows I won't like it.  
Paschar doesn't answer. Instead, he bends down and picks up a handful of glass pebbles.  
"Aren't they fascinating, Lily?"  
I can tell Paschar is dodging my question, but I decide to answer his question anyway.  
"Yeah, they are."  
He turned one over in his hand. It's dark blue and so lovely.  
"It's truly a work of divine nature. How something so jagged and broken as a glass shard can be molded and shaped by the ocean to form the pebbles that make up this beach."  
I don't really know what Paschar is trying to tell me. A lot of times, he'd try to teach me things by using examples. But this one is weird, and I don't think I like it.  
"We all have our own purpose in life, just like this sea glass. Some of them are more important than others. You have a purpose too, Lily. Yours is very important. I know you enjoy their company, but Jack and Jerry are hindering that purpose."  
I watch the waves crash against the beach, and then I turn to look at Paschar. He's looking at me as if he wants me to say something. So I do.  
"Is my purpose in life to be sad all the time? Because that's what it feels like."  
"Lily, I know you've endured a lot of pain and heartache. You are truly the bravest little girl I have ever known. But I promise that if you listen to me and fulfill the purpose that Heaven has planned for you, you won't have to endure any more."  
Something about that makes me feel weird. What Paschar's saying seems nice, but I feel like I'm missing a piece to this puzzle.  
"I don't like this anymore. I want to wake up."  
Paschar gives me a serious look.  
"Lily, you need to know just how important this is. The whole world is at stake. All of mankind is counting on you."  
I feel tears welling up in my eyes.  
"I don't want this. I don't want any of this. I want my mommy and daddy back. I even want Roger back. I don't want to have to save the world. Get someone else to do it. I'm just a little girl. Find someone else to count on."  
Paschar looks at me with pity. Like I'm a baby deer with a broken leg.  
"Sometimes we have to do the things we don't want to, Lily. That's the way the world works."  
I look down at the beach glass and then back at him.  
"Yeah," I say, "I guess we do."  
I pick up a handful of the pebbles and throw them in his face. I turn and run towards the ocean, swimming out until my feet can't touch the bottom. Paschar calls after me, but I'm not listening anymore. I let the waves pull me down into the cold ocean.  
I sit up in bed, sweaty, and shaking. There are glass pebbles all over the bed. They're all green, like a Sprite bottle. I wipe my eyes because they hurt a lot.  
At least Paschar is gone now. I let out a little sigh of relief at that.  
It's different. Before, Paschar would comfort me if I was afraid. Now he was part of why I was afraid.  
I had new people who could comfort me, though.  
I get out of bed and start to walk downstairs. I'm sure that Jack is still awake since he doesn't sleep much. He can help me feel better, just like he did at the restaurant today.  
I get halfway down the stairs when I can hear voices. Jack sounds super upset.  
"I just can't believe it, Jerry, I really can't."  
"Me either. I knew that they fucked her over, but...this is a whole different level of fucked up."  
I'm surprised to hear that Jerry actually sounds angry. I didn't realize Jerry could sound like that. They're gonna owe the swear jar a lot of quarters.  
"God Jerry, she's just a kid. How the fuck do they expect her to help the like that?"  
_Are they talking about me?_  
"I know. And they still want her help too. Some fucking angels. Who kills a kid's parents and then asks her to give more? I sure hope they're not _guardian_ angels."  
_They're definitely talking about me._  
"I don't know if I've ever been mad like this before, Jerry. I'm serious. I feel like I could bite a nail in half or something."  
"Trust me, I know. I am too." Jerry said in a low voice. It sounded like a growl.  
"If I could, I'd track that angel down and throw rocks in his face. It's what he deserves."  
I think Jerry would be happy if I knew what happened in my dream. At least the bit about me throwing the beach glass at Paschar. I don't think you can count it as rocks, but it's close.  
"You think Lily's going to be okay?"  
I peek down the stairs and see Jack in the living room, looking at Jerry with big, tired eyes. Jerry puts his hand on Jack's shoulder.  
"We're gonna make sure of it. Those guys aren't gonna hurt her any more than they already have."  
"I'll have some rocks at the ready for you if they try."  
Jerry smiles just a little, and Jack smiles back.  
I feel my own mouth start to curl up.  
Maybe they couldn't keep Paschar out of my dreams, but they could keep him away when I was awake. Jack and Jerry will keep me safe. I know that now. I know what Spencer said is wrong. I know what Paschar said is wrong.  
Jack is a good guy, and I'm not beach glass.


	24. Unwanted Guests at the Gas Station

After a few subsequent nightmares, including the beach dream, she told us about, I was staying up pretty much all night and checking in on Lily periodically. Sometimes, I'd just sit in her room and read as she slept. If she was tossing and turning, I'd usually wake her up and save her from a nightmare. Then I'd stay with her until she was asleep again.  
I was seriously worried about her. Even my nightmares as a child hadn't been this bad, and they were pretty bad.  
The mornings where she looked well-rested were becoming scarcer and scarcer. And I only grew more and more worried.  
Today was different, though. Lily walked down the hallway and into the kitchen with a bright smile on her face. The bags under her eyes were a bit lighter, and it was just _so_ refreshing to see.  
Jerry had breakfast cooking on the stove, and Lily sat down at the table, waiting eagerly.  
"Did you sleep well, Lily?" I asked her.  
"Yeah! I had a good dream. I was having a picnic with Bill Murray. He was in Ghostbusters. My parents let me watch that with them one Halloween. Roger and I had a popcorn fight afterward."  
That made my brain twinge, but I couldn't figure out why. I got that familiar sense that I forgot something important. That kind of thing was at least a daily occurrence for me, though. I rubbed my forehead and poured Lily a glass of orange juice.  
"That sounds like a very nice dream. I'm glad you slept well."  
"Yeah, he told me to tell you he says 'hi.'"  
I shrugged. Lily scrunched up her nose, trying to figure out what Jerry was cooking by smell. I shouldn't have known that that was what she was doing, but Lily and I had a connection that was only growing stronger.  
"Hey, I got all the editing done, so that'll give you something to do today."  
Lily's turned back to look at me, her face lighting up even more.  
"More gas station stories?"  
Jerry set a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon in front of her. Lily picked up her knife and fork eagerly.  
"Mhm. Be warned, some of them are pretty crazy."  
She gave me a look, raising her eyebrow.  
"Jack, I eat crazy for breakfast."  
And with that, Lily dug into her bacon and eggs, and I sipped my coffee as I read. Jerry forced me to eat something and then went and took a shower.  
After that, we were on the way to the gas station. Lily held the books I'd given her to her chest like they were precious jewels. There were a lot of white-out marks and sticky notes in them, but I knew she'd enjoy what I'd left for her. When we got there, she raced behind the counter and took her spot against the cigarette case. Before I could even clock in, she was already lost in the first volume.  
Most of that day was normal. I had to run Rocco out of the bathroom, but that was the most eventful thing that happened. Lily was deeply involved in the books for the entire day.  
At about nine at night is when things took a turn. That's when the lights went out.  
It took Lily longer than it should have for her to realize the lights were suddenly gone. She set the book down and looked around. Her face looked like she was staring at a mushroom cloud seconds before the blast hit.  
_'Oh no. He's already here. I'm too late.'_  
Had she already seen something and not said anything? Had my book captured her interest _that_ much? I felt her intense panic pulsing through me.  
"Lily…" I started to ask, my voice already shaking, "who's already here?"  
I really didn’t need to ask. I had a pretty clear idea of who it was.Not many people would cut our power like that. Still, I had to be sure.  
Lily's held the book in her hands with a white-knuckle grip.  
"Spencer. He's going to hurt you. He already locked Jerry in the cooler."  
Lily looked like she was about to cry. I could feel her guilt for not telling me this sooner. It was heavy. I walked over and helped her up off the ground.  
"Lily, it's okay. I understand the merit of getting lost in a good book, trust me. We can handle this together. Don't be scared."  
Lily let out a breath.  
"Okay, I'll try not to be."  
I reached under the counter for Ricardo. We didn't have the foresight to call O'Brien this time, so we were going to have to fight.  
I picked up the store phone and, just as I had predicted, it was dead. I walked back around the counter to Lily. She was trying to leave, but I knew that wasn't really gonna accomplish much.  
"Hey, hey, wait. We need to go get Jerry out first. I don't want him to freeze to death. That would suck."  
Lily turned around, and I looked past her, out to the parking lot.  
"Jack…" Lily said quietly.  
"Once we do that, we'll introduce Spencer to our little friend Ricardo."  
"Jack?"  
I looked back at Lily. She was ghost white again, and her eyes were as big as dinner plates. That was when it hit me.  
"He's behind me, isn't he?"  
My question was answered when the shovel made contact with the side of my head. I guess that was when it _really_ hit me. I was sent sprawling to the ground, landing face-first in the tar pit. Blood trickled down the side of my head as I pulled my face from the sticky filth. I felt incredibly dizzy. I wiped the syrupy sludge and insect corpses off my face as best I could. It was as thick as hot fudge sauce and not nearly as pleasant.  
"Hey Jack, happy to see me?"  
I turned my head to see Spencer, sporting the most shit-eating grin I had seen in a long time. He was also sporting a pretty nasty black eye.  
"Not really."  
Lily was sneaking up behind Spencer. _What was she doing?_  
_'Trust me.'_ Lily told me, directly through our crossed brain wires.  
So I did.  
Whatever it was, I wasn't about to let Spencer notice her while she was doing it. I did what I could to keep him distracted. I stayed on the ground but turned over so I could keep an eye on Lily easier.  
"You know for someone who claims not to be the bad guy, you sure are handy with a shovel."  
"I'm not the only one here good with a shovel Jack. You've had plenty of practice yourself. If that makes me a bad guy, then just what does that make you?"  
That's when I realized what Lily was trying to accomplish. In a flash, Spencer's phone was out of his pocket and in her hand. It was silent, and he was completely none the wiser. I felt my chest swell with an odd sort of pride.  
_Attagirl._  
Lily started to creep slowly backward. I scrambled for something to say.  
"It makes me a good gardener."  
"You're full of shit, Jack. Always have been."  
I kept talking just as soon as he'd stopped.  
"Maybe I'm full of shit. Who isn't, right? I mean, half of my memories probably aren't even real, so, naturally, I'm at least half bullshit. That's how that works, right? That's me, the King of Bullshitting, right? But y'know, at least I feel bad about some of the things I do. Have you ever felt guilty, like, ever? You don't act like you do, and I'm honestly starting to believe you don't have any other emotions besides anger. Were you like born from a volcano or something?"  
I really hoped he didn't sense the manic tone of my voice. I had to keep him distracted. The last thing Lily needed was for him to notice what she had done when she was still in the range of that shovel. Spencer looked extremely annoyed.  
"Do you ever shut up?"  
"Nope. Never. Life is effort, and I'll stop when I die."  
"That can be arranged."  
Spencer raised the shovel, and I closed my eyes, expecting a blow right to my head or ribcage or wherever. But it didn't come.  
I opened my eyes, and Spencer was frozen, holding the shovel above his head. His look of determined anger suddenly turned into a malicious smirk.  
He patted his pocket. And then he wheeled around.  
Lily was holding the phone to her ear, looking like he'd caught her with a hand in the cookie jar. I felt dread build in the pit of my stomach, far worse than when I thought the shovel was coming for me.  
"Now now, Lily. You know you're not supposed to take things that don't belong to you."  
Lily didn't miss a beat.  
"And you're not supposed to hit people. I guess neither of us likes following the rules."  
"You're a feisty little thing, aren't you?"  
Lily took another step back. Spencer matched it with a step forward.  
"I'm not scared of you, Spencer! You're nothing but a big bully! You deserve that scar on your neck!"  
Spencer lost all pretense of being a smart-ass.  
"Come here, you little brat!"  
Lily ran down the hallway and into the storage closet. Spencer ran after her.  
"LEAVE HER ALONE!" I yelled as I got up.  
I almost fell several times as I ran after them. Lily had pressed herself up against the cooler door, trying desperately to get it open.  
Once Spencer had her cornered and knew she couldn't keep running, he switched tactics away from violence.  
"Come on now, Lily, how about we start over. We can be friends. I think you could really help me with that neat little power of yours."  
My blood boiled. Lily was whimpering, still trying to get the cooler open. I could just barely hear the thumps and rage-filled screaming on the other side.  
"NO!" Lily shouted.  
When she realized that she wasn't going to get inside the walk-in, she decided on another course of action.  
She kicked Spencer as hard as she could in the shin.  
I'm doubtful that it actually hurt him, but it surprised him just enough for Lily to try and dart away like a spooked lizard. Spencer didn't let her get far though, he grabbed the back of her shirt, holding her in place. Lily tried to yank herself free, but he held tight.  
"Alright, kid, I tried to play nice with you, but playtime's over. You don't wanna be nice and share your visions with me, fine. I guess I'll just have to make you."  
Hearing Spencer's words set something off in me.  
Within a split second of hearing him threaten Lily, I saw red. My body shook with the force of the anger. I could feel hot blood on my palms from where my nails were digging in.  
_**"Put a hand on my daughter, and I'll make what I did with that boxcutter look like a fucking kiss on the cheek!"**_  
I can't be sure, but I think I was screaming at him. My ears rang. The walls trembled. The air felt electric. My skin buzzed. The walls trembled. _Was that an earthquake? Did we get earthquakes here?_  
I picked up the closest thing to me, which just so happened to be a lawn gnome off one of the shelves, and got ready to chuck it right at Spencer. My hands were burning bright, like a Jack O’Lantern on fire. He was reaching for something.  
In a split second, he had the gun in his hand, and the sound of it going off was a clap of thunder in the small room. Lily's eyes were wide, and there was a ring of dark red spreading from her chest.  
_**"NO!"**_  
"JACK, MOVE!"  
I recognized O'Brien's voice. I collapsed to the side, and I heard the buzz of electricity as she fired her taser. Spencer dropped the gun and began to convulse. I looked over to Lily, expecting to see her bleeding out on the floor, but she wasn't. She was pressed into the corner, shaken but unharmed.  
I felt my hands shake. The gnome I had been holding fell and broke into a million pieces.  
_What the hell did I just see?_  
I didn't know, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know. The image of Lily bleeding, her eyes wide with fear and pain, was burned into my brain. I wasn't ready to figure out what this was until that image had faded slightly.  
I went over to Lily, putting a hand on her shoulder as O'Brien put Spencer in handcuffs for the second time in the last few days. We let Jerry out of the cooler. Despite how beat up he was, he immediately turned his attention to seeing about Lily.  
"Lilypad?! Are you okay?!"  
Jerry pulled her into a tight hug.  
"I'm fine. Your nose is bleeding."  
He wiped it with his shirt and let out a relieved chuckle.  
"I don't mind losing a little nose blood. I'm just glad you're okay."  
Once Spencer was detained, and my head was bandaged up, O'Brien turned her attention to different matters. The look in her eyes was serious. Much more serious than when I killed Calista.  
"Jack, we need to talk. _Now._ "  
Just as I had started to calm down a little from the shock of what I had somehow seen, my nerves spiked again for a whole new reason. Those words were never fun to hear. They were some of the most anxiety inspiring words in the human lexicon. But the _now_ just made it so much worse. Hearing them from O'Brien just had that special extra sprinkling of anxiety.  
I wasn't entirely sure what O'Brien wanted to talk about, but I knew that whatever it was, I was about to get ripped a new asshole. I did my best to not panic, and then I panicked. _Oh well, at least I tried._  
I looked over at Lily and Jerry standing next to each other, and Jerry nodded at me.  
"Go ahead, dude, I'll keep her safe."  
I smiled at him as much as I could muster, then took a deep breath and walked over to Amy.  
"What's going on?" I asked her.  
Instead of answering me, she just grabbed my arm and marched me outside.  
Once we were safely outside, Amy stopped and looked at me.  
"So. I looked into your _foster niece._ "  
She said those last words with heavy air quotes. My pulse began to race and my blood pressure began to rise.  
_Oh god. Oh shit. Oh god oh shit._  
"She said her name was Lily Madwhip, right? Are you aware that she has the same name as a kid that's currently listed as a missing person?"  
I swallowed. _Here it comes._  
"Now that alone makes me really suspicious of your whole story. Insanely suspicious, Jack. But you know what makes me doubt you even more? You just _called her your daughter_ back there."  
I didn't say anything for a second. I was too busy processing what she had just told me, and I was never good at coming up with excuses on the spot.  
I hadn't even realized at the moment that I had said it, but Amy was right. I had called Lily my daughter. I didn't know how I felt about that. It was something I'd blurted out spur-of-the-moment.  
"You do realize I could arrest you for kidnapping right now, right? I'm not going to do that, but I could. What's really going on here, Jack?"  
I did my best to think of a way to explain the situation, which wouldn't lead to Lily getting sent away. I couldn't let that happen to her.  
"Please, Amy, I know it looks bad, but we're trying to protect her. You didn't see her when she turned up here. She was a wreck. She was terrified and inches from death, and one of the first things she did was beg me not to call the hospital because she would get sent back to her group home."  
Amy didn't look at all swayed.  
"Jack, kids run away from places like that all the time. They aren't always the best places to be, but that doesn't mean you can just keep her here with you. She might not be happy there, but she's still safe. Safer than here arguably, she just almost got shot."  
I closed my eyes as the image of Lily bleeding from a mortal chest wound surfaced to my mind. I did my best to shake it off to focus on what I needed to tell Amy. I needed to convince her to let Lily stay.  
"I'm not sure she's safe at the group home."  
Amy raised an eyebrow at me.  
"There's... There's somebody from Lily's past. He's trying to get to Lily, and he found her at the group home. He's relentless, but so far, Jerry and I have been able to keep her safe. We can't do that if she goes back."  
Amy sighed. I reasoned to myself that it wasn't lying. I was just leaving out the part where this person wasn't a person, but an angel. I knew Amy trusted me, but I don't think telling her that would do my case any favors. She didn't need to know that part yet.  
"Dammit, Jack, do you have any idea how big what you're asking for is?"  
"Yeah, I do."  
Amy looked conflicted, which wasn't great, but it was certainly better than the murderous look she was giving me earlier.  
"I'm not gonna be able to look the other way on this forever, Jack. I have a job to do."  
I opened my mouth to respond, but Amy held up a hand.  
"Let me finish. As much as I don't like this situation, I trust you. If you say Lily's in danger, then she probably is. You've got a week, okay? That's as much as I can give you."  
I nodded at her but didn't say anything.  
I knew that she was being far kinder than anybody else would be by giving us a week to figure things out. I still didn't like it, though. A week didn't seem like nearly enough time.  
Amy picked up on my silence, and her eyes hardened again. It wasn't as angry as before, but it was a look that screamed, _don't fight me on what I'm about to say._  
"I want to get something else straight with you here. Lily _isn't_ your daughter. You need to take a good look at how attached you're getting to her. You can't keep her forever, Jack. You're going to have to let go. It's not good for you or her to act like she can stick around."  
"Yeah…" My voice was strained, and the word came out as a whisper.  
I knew Amy was right. Despite the connection we had, Lily wasn't my daughter. But that didn't make the harsh reality of things any less painful.  
"One week. Figure this out, Jack, or I'm getting involved." Amy said.  
With that, she left me, standing outside the gas station by myself.  
What neither of us knew then is that this ultimatum wouldn't even matter. In less than a week, taking Lily back to the group home would be the furthest thing from either of our minds.

*******

Lily was much calmer after O'Brien left, thanks to Jerry. She was behind the counter again, halfway through a chocolate milk and the second volume, when I came in. Jerry stopped doing his impression of one of the monster clowns and turned his attention to me.  
He flashed the bottle of wine in his hoodie pocket as he walked toward the front door and coaxed me outside with a casual "wanna share?"  
After the day I'd had, I couldn't refuse. I hated to leave Lily alone, but she was busy, and we wouldn't be far. Plus, I knew she'd send me a psychic Life Alert if she was in danger.  
Jerry sat down on the curb, and I took my place next to him.  
He opened up the bottle, and for a moment, we just sat there, passing the bottle back and forth in silence. Eventually, Jerry was the one to speak up.  
"Hey man, I hate to ask, but what exactly was Amy out here yelling at you over?"  
He was doing his best to sound nonchalant, but I could see he was concerned.  
"I think I have a pretty good guess, but I wanna know for sure."  
I sighed, taking a long drink from the bottle. I usually preferred coffee to alcohol, and when I did drink, it was generally harder stuff. But the wine was pleasant enough if a little bitter.  
"She uh, she knows about Lily. She knows that she isn't supposed to be here." My stomach dropped a little as I said it. It hurt to say. It made it too real.  
"Shit, is she going to take her?"  
Jerry's eyes were wide, and he looked a little panicked.  
"Not yet. Amy gave us a week to figure things out."  
"You think we'll be able to figure out how to get rid of literal angels in a week?"  
"I don't know. I hope so."  
I passed Jerry the bottle and leaned forward, putting my face into my hands.  
O'Brien's words kept echoing in my head. I couldn't shake them no matter how hard I tried.  
 _Lily isn't your daughter._  
"Fuck." I whimpered, my voice cracking.  
 _Why did it hurt so bad?_  
I sat up again, and I saw Jerry looking at me with eyes full of concern.  
"Jack?"  
I couldn't say anything else. Even if I could get my voice to work, I wouldn't have known what to say. I just shook my head at him.  
I tried to ignore the tears welling up in my eyes. Jerry's expression softened, and he set down the wine bottle.  
"Jack… c'mere."  
I leaned into him and let him wrap his arms around me as the tears started to run down my cheeks. He wiped my tears away, and I picked up the uncorked wine bottle, taking a long drink from it.  
"I just…" I tried to keep my voice from shaking too much. There were still a few tears, but not quite as many.  
"I'm not sure I'm going to be able to let her go, Jerry."  
He sighed and nodded. When he responded, his voice was solemn.  
"Me either."  
It was quiet for a second again, before Jerry once again broke it.  
"It's going to be extra hard on you since I won't have a reason to censor myself anymore. It's gonna be sexual innuendos galore again."  
I couldn't help but let out a laugh. It was watery and pathetic, but it was genuine.  
Jerry was really doing his best to help, and I appreciated it.  
It helped more to hear him say that he felt the same way, though. It made me feel less crazy for getting so attached so fast.  
"You say that like you've actually been censoring yourself. Honestly, it's like the rule doesn't even exist. You've been a terrible influence so far, you know?"  
Jerry shrugged. He shifted our positions so that I was sitting with my back to his chest in between his legs.  
"Who else is gonna teach the girl how to be vulgar the right way? It's information that she needs."  
I laughed again and took another long sip from the wine bottle. It got quiet again. This quiet was different. It felt tense.  
"Jack, I—"  
Something caught my eye in the expansive night sky. I sat the bottle down.  
"Look, a shooting star." I told him as I pointed to the bright light streak in the sky.  
I nudged Jerry. He didn't respond. And then I realized it wasn't moving _across_ the sky.  
"Wait… wait, is that coming towards us?!"  
Jerry still didn't say anything.  
"Jerry?!"  
Jerry put his hands on the side of my face and tilted my head up. His eyes stared into mine as he pressed his lips to my forehead. My whole body warmed up ten degrees.  
Before I could even form a coherent thought about what he just did, we both saw a bright light in front of us and heard a loud, clear voice.  
"Be not afraid. I mean you no harm."  
The light faded, and we could see him. He was wearing a white robe and dark goggles. His skin was pallid and grey like a marble statue. He had a pair of massive golden wings, and his bare feet hovered above the ground. His hair was long and pure white, like snow on crack.  
Jerry stood up.  
"Yeah, I'm gonna need you to cut that self-righteous crap right now."  
He ignored Jerry, instead continuing to speak.  
"I am Paschar, Angel of Vision, watcher of Arabath, steward of Cassiel, and executor of the Seven Potestates. I speak on behalf of our creator."  
Jerry cracked his knuckles.  
"Oh, so YOU'RE Paschar?"  
Jerry took a few steps closer, but Paschar was still except for his wings. His gaze was intense, even though I couldn't see his eyes.  
"Well, I think you should know that these hands are rated B for bitch, and after everything I've heard about you, I'd say you fit that criteria perfectly."  
Before I could say anything to stop him (for his own sake, not for Paschar's), he'd already swung at him. Before his fist connected, Paschar's arm shot up at lightning speed and grasped his wrist. Part of me was disappointed. Most of me was worried for Jerry.  
"I understand your tendency towards violence, Jeremy. But might we please be civilized?"  
I stood up. He dropped Jerry, and Jerry stuttered for a moment before muttering something I couldn't hear. I could see dark, finger-shaped bruises on his wrist.  
"Actually," I took a step closer to the angel as I spoke, "he isn't the only one who feels like hitting you right now. If I didn't know for a fact that you would be able to stop me, I would probably be trying to rip your head off."  
Paschar didn't look at all phased by my threat.  
"Hello again, Jack."  
Paschar's voice was calm, but the condescending tone only made me more pissed off.  
"And a happy fuck you to you too. I thought I made it pretty clear before that you weren't welcome here."  
I hoped Lily stayed involved in the book and didn't look outside.  
"I must implore the both of you to please relinquish Lily to us. I know it is… difficult for both of you to see the bigger picture, but it is the way things must be. The fate of humankind rests in your choice."  
Jerry stood up again.  
"Yo, Jack, did this angel just call us idiots?"  
"I think so."  
I turned back toward Paschar.  
"Where do you get off, dude? You've put her through things no little girl should ever have to go through. You tricked her into murdering her own parents and best friend. And now you seriously have the audacity to want her to give up her life?"  
"You are not aware of the circumstances that led to those actions. Some things must be done, no matter the cost. Lily will understand this when the time comes for her to make the ultimate sacrifice. When all is said and done, she will be reunited with her parents. She will be happier and will suffer no more."  
Jerry didn't miss a beat.  
"The parents that you _took away from her._ "  
"Nothing happens without reason, Jeremy. If it could have been helped, we would not have done it."  
Before Jerry could respond, I cut him off.  
"Listen. It's really neat how you came here and all. I really appreciate the little visit. But you are _not_ getting Lily. Over my and Jerry's dead goddamn bodies. Do whatever the fuck you want. Bring a whole army of angels. _You won't get her._ You've done enough to her. This ends _now._ "  
"Jack—"  
"No. I don't want to hear anything else. You've made your pitch, and honestly? It sucks. She's a little girl, and even if you don't care about her, we do. And we've dealt with some pretty nasty things here before. I'm sure we could figure out how to get rid of you for good if it came down to it. So this is the part of the story where you crawl back to whatever hole you came out of and leave Lily the fuck alone. Got it?"  
Paschar was quiet for a moment. The air was hot and thick with tension. I got that feeling. The one Lily got so many times.  
 _Something bad was about to happen._  
"Jerry, look away. Close your eyes."  
Jerry, thankfully, didn't take the time to question me. He turned away and pressed his hands over his eyes as Paschar ripped off the goggles. The light surrounding him intensified to such a degree that it was like staring into the sun. His eyes burned with a fiery, powerful light. It reminded me of the blinding, agonizing white I experienced when I first met the Dark God.  
"I will return, and you will have no say in the matter. Despite your feelings, this is what must be done. Someday you will see that it is for the best. Until then, we will not allow you to stand in the way of the Will of Heaven any longer."  
With a whoosh, Paschar was gone. The noise was the only way I could tell he'd left. Everything was white.  
"Jerry? Jerry, where are you? I can't see you."  
"Jack, I'm right here."  
 _Oh no. No no no no no. Please no._  
"I can't see you, Jerry. I can't see anything."  
I blinked repeatedly, but I couldn't make my vision come back.  
"Jerry!" I could feel the panic rising quickly.  
I had no idea how long this would last, that is, if it wasn’t a permanent thing. Who knew what Paschar was capable of. For all I knew, his stupid pissed off face could've been the last thing I ever saw.  
I was hyperventilating now. I couldn't help it.  
Then I felt a soft pressure on my shoulder.  
"Hey, I'm here, okay? Deep breaths."  
I felt his hand trail up and down my arm. I grabbed onto it and held it tightly.  
"I'm right here. Everything's okay."  
I did my best to focus on Jerry's touch. I took a few deep breaths until I wasn't hyperventilating again.  
"Alright, let's get you inside."  
Jerry wrapped an arm around my shoulders and started to slowly guide me back inside the building. I stumbled a bit on a crack in the sidewalk, but Jerry quickly steadied me.  
I could tell when we stepped into the gas station. Even if I couldn't see it, I knew the smells and sounds like I knew my own name.  
I could hear Lily get up and move around the counter.  
"What happened?!" She cried.  
"Don't worry, Jack's just… he's just dead."  
I took back what I said. Jerry had no tact at all.  
"JERRY!"  
"What?! Do you want me to tell her the truth?!"  
"WELL, DON'T TELL HER I'M DEAD, DIPSHIT!"  
"You saw Paschar. You saw his eyes, didn't you?"  
Jerry didn't reply. He was probably trying to come up with another wild excuse.  
"Jerry, there's no use trying to lie to her."  
I tried to look in Lily's general direction, which was incredibly difficult as I couldn't see her. Lily would later tell me that I was instead staring intensely at the pork rinds.  
"I did. He came to talk to us, but he's gone now. You don't have to worry about him."  
Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say to her after Paschar's threat. But I didn't want to scare her.  
"Are you sure?" She sounded a little scared, but thankfully not too much.  
"Yes. I'm sure." I lied.  
Once the initial panic had subsided a bit, I started to realize just what a pain it was to not be able to see. Even with Jerry guiding me, I would bump into shit every three seconds. _So much for knowing this place like my own name._  
"Lily, do you have any clue how long this will last?" I asked her, picking up the soda cans I knocked over only to have them fall again.  
Lily was quiet for a moment before answering.  
"I don't think you're blind forever."  
"That's good. Maybe we should all go home."  
The cans fell for the fourth time. One of them busted, and I could hear it spraying its contents everywhere.  
"Fuck it, I'm closing."  
"That's a quarter for the swear jar!" Jerry sounded all too pleased to be the one calling me out for cursing this time.  
"Jerry, no offense, but I'm gonna shove the swear jar right up your ass."  
"Tsk tsk tsk. Someone's cranky when he's blind."  
Maybe my eyes weren't useful for seeing at that moment. However, I was still perfectly capable of rolling them at Jerry, which I did.  
"Jerry," Lily asked, "can I use my one swear?"  
"Sure, kiddo."  
I heard Lily go "hmm" before speaking.  
"I'm sorry Paschar was such a dick to you, Jack. Can we get the fuck out of here now? Oh… oh no, wait, I said two. I'm sorry!"  
Jerry and I both sighed at the same time.  
"That second one's on us tonight, Lily." 

*******

Jerry carried a sleeping Lily inside to the bedroom. When he came back, we made a mutual agreement to take the day off tomorrow. My sight was gradually coming back. I could see different shades of light and make out vague shapes.  
It wasn't much, but I was sure now that the rest would come back eventually. I was grateful that I wouldn't have to go through the tedious process of learning Braille. Not being able to read like I was used to would suck so much. The next day was uneventful. Jerry spent the entirety of it using my laptop for something he wouldn't disclose.  
 _At least he wasn't watching porn on it._  
Lily spent the day enraptured by the third volume. It was a quiet, peaceful day. One of the last before the shit hit the fan.  
When it was time for bed, I tucked Lily in tight. My vision had almost entirely returned.  
"Jack?"  
"Yes, Lily?"  
"Will you sing to me?"  
I considered her request for a moment. I wasn't very good at singing, but I would do it for her if she really wanted.  
"What do you want me to sing?"  
"The Dumbo song."  
Lily scooted over as if asking for me to climb in the bed next to her. I did so, and she laid her head on my chest. My chest felt warm and full. Her happiness flowed through me like a circuit.  
I was pretty sure I could remember the words.  
 _Well, here goes nothing._  
"Baby mine, don't you cry…"  
Lily yawned and pressed her face into my chest.  
"Baby mine, dry your eyes…"  
Lily's breathing began to slow.  
"Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine…"  
I stroked her hair.  
"Don't stop singing even if I fall asleep. If you sing, it'll keep the bad dreams away." Lily mumbled. I couldn't argue with that logic, nor did I have the heart to.  
"Little one, when you play… don't you mind what they say…"  
Lily turned her face up to look at me. She opened her sleepy brown eyes just a little and smiled at me.  
"Let those eyes sparkle and shine, never a tear, baby of mine…"  
She closed her eyes again, but the smile never left her face. I kept singing, just like she'd asked.  
"From your head to your toes…"  
I tried not to think of O'Brien's words. I tried really hard.  
"You're so sweet, goodness knows…"  
I felt tears running down my face again. I did my best to keep my voice even.  
"You are so precious to me, cute as can be, baby of mine…."  
Lily's breathing was even and slow. I laid there for a moment with her, stroking her hair and hoping that she had good dreams. I kissed the top of her head before sliding out from underneath her. I made sure she was comfortable before going for the door. I turned out the light and looked back at her.  
For a second, I saw her lying there and sleeping peacefully. And then I didn't.  
I saw her sitting in the back of our car. She was sobbing, and black paint and tears ran through her fingers. She was hurting so deeply, and all I wanted to do was reach out and hug her. To tell her it would be okay, even if things were really, _really_ bad right now.  
Before I could do anything, I was standing in the bedroom again, watching her sleep.  
I made a promise to myself then and there that I would protect her, even if everything and everyone else said she wasn't mine. I'd keep her safe, no matter the cost. 

*******

Jerry rolled over to face me.  
"You're crying again."  
I wiped my eyes quickly.  
"Me? Crying? That's ridiculous."  
He sighed.  
"Jack, I know how bad this is affecting you. It's messing me up too. I've been looking into the adoption process. Spent the entire day on it."  
"Jerry, I appreciate that, but we... don't really have that kind of money."  
The words were right, but that didn't make them any less hard to say.  
"Yeah. I figured that was what you'd say."  
I put my book down and tried to get comfortable. Jerry reached out and wiped the tears from my eyes.  
"Thanks anyway, Jerry. You always try to make me feel better. I appreciate it."  
He pulled me in, and I didn't fight it. I wasn't much of a hugger, but Jerry's hugs always felt nice. I felt the medicine I'd taken a little less than an hour ago kick in. Before I could move onto my side of the bed, I slipped away. 


	25. I'm Lily Madwhip and Normal was Never an Option

I'm walking down a giant staircase. The steps are big and white but covered in dust. I can see my footprints when I look behind me, but I'm not supposed to look behind me. I know that if I look behind me, I'll stop. And I can't stop. Everything around me is dark. Super dark, like a room with no lights or windows.  
My body is weak and tired. I just want to lie down and rest. My pajamas are torn up, and my hands are skinned and bruised. I liked these pajamas.  
The rest of me is bruised too. My hair is tangled. I don't smell very good, either.  
It's just me and the staircase. Well… me, the staircase, and the voices. The voices are everywhere, and they all sound different. A lot of them are crying and screaming. It sounds like a messed-up church choir.  
Above it all, I can hear a big, booming voice. It sounds like what I imagine a Dark God would sound like. I'm gonna have to ask Jack if this voice sounds right.  
_**"The planet is damned. There is something coming. A being of nearly inconceivable power and hunger has found our world amidst the eternal void and turned its senses our way. When it arrives, it will implement a planet-wide torment of such intensity that the booming echoes of agony reverberate backwards across time. As humans continue their daily toils, angels and demons gouge out their eyes at the unspeakable visions of what is to come."**_  
My ears hurt with how loud it is. But I know I have to keep going. As tired as my body is, and as sad as I feel, I know I can't stop. As much as my feet hurt, I have to keep going down the staircase, further and further into the darkness. There's no end in sight. Maybe I'll just keep walking forever. Maybe I'll never see anyone I love ever again.  
_Keep going, Lily._  
I don't know if that's my voice in my head or someone else's.  
I hear another loud voice. It's Paschar.  
_**"When the one who sees crosses paths with another who sees, their powers will grow, and they will awaken the terror that slumbers in the Veil. Trumpets will sound before the Veil is torn. The sky will burn, and the world will be plunged into agony. Heaven and Hell will weep, and only the child may end the suffering."**_  
The voices all begin to cry out to me.  
"Help us, Lily!" and "Save us, Lily!"  
I fall a few stairs, busting up my knees. I pick myself up and keep going. It's getting hard to see because my eyes are blurry from tears. When I try to see where I'm going, all I see is a spiral that leads further down into the darkness.  
_Why can't everything just be normal? Why's it gotta be me? Always me. Always Lily._  
Dark hands grab at my ankles as the crying and screaming get louder. The black lights up with flashes of bright orange light. The stairs are covered in slippery red now. I don't want to think about that. It's… it's just grape juice. _Yeah, grape juice._  
"Stop it _stop it **stop it!!**_ " I scream back at them, but they won't listen.  
I run down the stairs as fast as my aching feet will go. I have to get away from here. I stumble and fall again, but this time I don't stop after a few stairs. I fall, tumbling head over heels until I can barely breathe, and I think my arm breaks.  
By the time I can pick myself up again, I'm covered in blood. I don't know if it's mine or not. It's dark again, and there are more dusty stairs stretched out in front of me. My arm hangs at my side like a dead fish. It's quiet now.  
Until I hear a voice, just one.  
"Lily? Lily, sweetheart?!"  
It's my mom. She sounds like she's underwater.  
"Mommy?!" I cry out. My voice is all shaky.  
Her voice gets clearer.  
"Lily, you have to keep going, okay?"  
I'm crying and hiccuping. Breathing hurts, and so does my arm.  
"Mommy, I just want to go home. Please, can I just go home? Please?"  
"Lily, I know you want to go home, but you have to keep going."  
It's my dad. His voice is shaky too. _I miss them both so much._  
"Lily, we'll stay with you, baby. I promise. We won't ever leave you."  
"You already left me! I'm all alone! And the angels want me to save the world, but I'm just a little girl! I can't save the world! I just wanna come home and be a family again! I even want Roger back! Please! Can I just be a little girl again?!"  
My mom is crying. I can tell.  
"Lily, we've never left you. Not for a minute. We're always watching over you. We're so sorry. Watching everything you've been put through is agony."  
My dad's voice gets angry— a sad sort of angry. Like the way his dirges used to sound.  
"Lily, we believe in you. You're in good hands right now. They'll keep you safe."  
As soon as he says that, I can hear a hiss coming from everywhere and nowhere. Like someone doesn't like what he's saying. He continues, louder and more determined.  
"You're strong, Lily. My strong, brave little bumblebee. You've got to keep going. We know you can do it. And we'll be right there with you, every step of the way."  
It's raining now. It washes the blood off of me and makes me feel a little better. I get up and turn to keep walking, but before I can, I hear another voice.  
It only says one thing, but it's all I need to hear.  
"Show all those fuckers what for, Assface."  
I can hear the smirk in Roger's voice as he says it. It's not mean. Unlike my last dream Roger, I know this one is the real deal. Thunder rolls, and lightning flashes up above. It makes me feel brave. It makes me feel powerful. _Did Roger do that?_  
I continue down the stairs as fast as possible, and I see the light grow down below. I run faster than I think I ever have in my life. The screaming and weeping start up again, but I don't care. I just have to get to the light. I have to get out of here. The air grows thick with black smoke, and I can smell fire. The stairs burn my feet.  
I hear someone calling my name. I run straight into the hallway of light and into someone's arms. Everything feels hot and bright.  
"Please don't leave me, Jack! Please don't!" I say.  
"I won't leave you, Lily. I promise. Everything is going to be okay."  
Then I'm sitting up in bed.


	26. It Can't Open Doors From the Inside

I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. It took my mind a minute to realize where I was and who I was. A quick glance at the bedroom window told me it was still dark outside.  
_Why had I woken up before the alarm?_  
I sat up slowly, trying not to wake Jerry. Usually, he was a heavy sleeper, but with the way we'd have to get up at least once a night to soothe Lily from a nightmare, that had changed.  
Jerry groaned with the annoyance of a guy who just wanted to sleep off the six glasses of cherry schnapps he'd had before bed.  
"What time is it?"  
I looked at the analog clock on the nightstand. The numbers glowed softly in the darkness. 12:04.  
"It's just after midnight."  
Jerry sighed and sat up in bed.  
"I'll go see what she wants."  
That's when we heard what had woken us. My movement hadn't woken Jerry. We were both awakened by Lily crying out from the guest bedroom.  
"JACK! JERRY!"  
I was suddenly filled with worry.  
_How long had she been calling out to us like that?_  
"Where are my house shoes?" Jerry muttered groggily. He was still half asleep.  
"Jerry, what? You don't wear house shoes."  
He rubbed his eyes, yawning, and stretching.  
"Let me grab a shirt."  
"No, don't worry about it. I'll go. It's my turn."  
Jerry shook his head as he pulled one of his t-shirts out of the laundry hamper, sniffing it.  
"Nah, dude. I'm at least coming with you. C'mon."  
He put on the shirt, and we both ventured out into the hallway, following the line of nightlights that stood vigilant watch. We'd gotten them for Lily a few days ago. She had lovingly named each one of them. We passed Vanessa, Tom, Donald Glover (yes, the full name), Travis, Aggie, and Rita. She'd written each of the names on a piece of duct tape and stuck it onto the light. Donald Glover— a blue star with a picture of a frog on it —was Jerry's favorite. He gave a jovial, "morning, Donald," as we passed.  
You may ask why we had so many outlets in a small hallway, and the short answer was Jerry. The long answer involved a hammer, an impromptu wiring kit, and way too much fear that I'd lose my house in an electrical fire.  
Lily was sitting up in bed, yelling for us. Her face was pale, and she was sweaty.  
"Lily? Did you have another nightmare?"  
She nodded, and Jerry and I both came to her side. Before I could say anything, Jerry cut me off.  
"Do you want to sleep in our bed tonight?"  
Lily nodded enthusiastically, and I couldn't bring myself to shut the idea down. I knew Lily would probably sleep better if she knew for a fact she was where the monsters couldn't get her. Jerry picked Lily up, and I followed him as he carried her down the hall to our bedroom. She buried her face into Jerry's shoulder. All I could see were her sleepy brown eyes and messy bed hair.  
"Do you wanna talk about it, Lily?" I asked.  
She thought for a moment before shaking her head. Still, she shared it with me anyway.  
_'Something bad is coming, Jack.'_  
_I know. We'll figure out what to do._  
I knew she could tell just how unsure I was of that. It was hard to comfort her when she had a direct, psychic line to my innermost brain.  
We laid back down, and she snuggled in between us. It didn't take long for her and Jerry to fall asleep. I didn't close my eyes again that night. I was too worried about the things to come and how they would affect Lily. Lily's words and the Dark God's warning bounced around in my skull.  
"Something is coming," and "something bad is coming."  
_Well, what if that something was already here?_


	27. I'm Lily Madwhip and I've Had Enough of Angels

Jerry and Jack let me sleep in their bed, and I feel warm and safe the rest of the night. Then Jerry wakes me up with Tickle Monster.  
After I'm up, he carries me to the breakfast table. I'm relieved when I find out my pajamas aren't ripped up. I love these pajamas. Jerry bought them special for me.  
Jerry makes fruit salad and toast for breakfast, and he makes sure I have plenty. There are lots of weird fruits I've never heard of in it, but it's delicious. _I wonder if a dragonfruit looks like an actual dragon._  
"Lily, I think you should stay here today," Jack says as he sips his coffee.  
I shake my head. _There's no way that's happening. Jack promised he wouldn't leave me! They can't leave me alone!_  
"I don't want to be here alone. You can't leave me here by myself… please."  
Jack's face twists, and he stares down into his coffee cup.  
"Lily, I don't know if you should be at the gas station," Jerry says.  
"It's not really a good place for a little girl," Jack adds.  
He can't meet my eyes.  
"Please don't make me stay here alone, you guys. Please don't. Me Possy can't protect me if Spencer shows up! He can bite him, but I don't think that'll stop him!"  
Jack finally looks up at me and sighs.  
"Okay. But if anything weird happens, I'm bringing you home."  
I go to my room and get dressed. I bring the third book with me when we get in the car because I'm not finished with it, and I'm gonna finish it today. I was able to scratch off most of the white-out, and I want to see if Jack murders an old lady or not. I don't know why he used something so easy to get off. Jack is pretty dumb sometimes, but he's still my third best friend, now and always.  
Jack and Jerry keep looking at each other while Jerry drives. I can tell how nervous they are, but I'm not sure about what. Their thoughts are weird, and all over the place, like they're trying to hide something from me. Jack is thinking about how some guy had to eat rotten milk to invent cheese and how gross that is. Jerry is thinking about a lady in a tiny bathing suit playing on weird monkey bars. I'm thinking about if every powdered donut I've ever eaten had human hair in it.  
I sit behind the counter all morning and read. I'm at the part with the gods in cages when I get really thirsty.  
"Hey, Jack? Can I have some water?"  
There's no response. I look up and see Jack sitting at the register. He's not moving.  
"Jack?"  
I stand up and look at him. His face is frozen in fear, and his chest is barely moving. He's as still as a statue.  
I look over and see Jerry sitting against the drink case. Smoke is still rising from the tip of his cigarette, and he has the same expression as Jack. He's not moving either.  
"Guys… I don't like freeze tag. This isn't funny."  
Neither of them moves, except for their eyes. They're darting around like scared rabbits do. Or just rabbits in general. Rabbits seem to always be scared.  
I shake Jack. He barely moves. It's like he's frozen solid. Even his skin is cold.  
"What do I do?! How do I fix this?! Don't leave me like this, please! I need you!"  
Jack's eyes stop and look into mine. His gaze is intense.  
_'Lily. Run. Now.'_  
His voice in my head is barely even a whisper.  
_What? Why do I need to run? What's going on?!_  
Jack's eyes dart around again, all panicky. I can feel how scared he is.  
_'You're not safe here. You need to run away. Find Rosa or O'Brien or Benji. They can help you. You just need to- oh god.'_  
That's when I see it. The wall of light that moves fast across the parking lot toward the front door.  
_Angels._  
There's nothing else it could be. My heart jumps into my mouth. I feel cold, shaky, and sick. My heart doesn't _actually_ jump into my mouth, but I imagine that this is what I'd feel like if it did. I try to run into the hallway to hide, but the angels are inside before I can. It's not just Paschar. None of their feet touch the ground. They hover. They're all barefoot. Their feet are clean and smooth, and I bet they don't ever smell bad.  
It's a whole bunch of them. I recognize Dumah's spooky Skeletor face and his grey robe.  
_I thought he was watching the Veil?_  
I see Paschar, too. He's just how he looked on the glass beach, except he's wearing those dumb goggles again, the ones he wore in the Veil. They're both in the back.  
Next to Dumah is an angel I've never seen before. But I have a pretty good idea of who he is.  
He's totally on fire. Like, not just his hair or his clothes, all of him is caught in a big orange flame. His angel dress is red. His eyes are solid black, and smoke drifts up from them. They're the color of the coal my dad would use when he barbecued. His face is covered in a thin layer of what I think is ash. He has big grey wings that look like they're made of ash too. His yellow hair is a part of the fire, I think. My eyes kind of hurt when I look at him.  
It's Nathaniel, the angel of fire. _Meredith's angel._  
Well, I guess he isn't Meredith's angel anymore.  
On the other side is another angel I haven't seen. But I still pretty much know who he is.  
His angel dress looks like someone spun gold. I didn't know you could spin gold, but apparently, there's a fairy tale where a lady spins gold or something. Spinning something means turning it into cloth. He has four big wings made of shimmery air. I can smell rain and taste watermelons when I look at them for long enough. His hair is made of rainbows. It's not rainbow color, it's made of rainbow. I can see through him, kind of. His skin is made of light. Like, actual light. It reminds me of sunlight on the beach. His eyes are like the prisms from science class, and it hurts to look at them for long. They catch the light and reflect little mini rainbows all over the gas station. Seeing him makes me think of what it was like when I took the doggie's collar before the angels made me murder my parents and best friend. It was a moment of total light and beauty before everything got so incredibly dark.  
This is Jophiel. He's the angel of everything that's pretty.  
I don't think parent-murder or best-friend-murder or doggie-murder is pretty, so I don't believe that.  
He's an archangel, so he's like a boss to the other angels. I don't know how I know that. Maybe they're telling me this stuff in my mind.  
At the front is a lady angel. _I didn't know there were lady angels!_  
She's tall and has big muscles like those guys who lift weights at the circus. I've been to the circus before, but I don't go a lot because I don't like the clowns.  
She's wearing shiny armor, and she has six enormous golden wings. Her eyes light up the whole gas station and make it feel like I'm standing in the middle of the sun. I have to shield my eyes. Her hair is long and golden, with loose curls. She's holding a shiny trumpet in one of her big, strong hands and a sword in the other. Her pale skin glows in the light from her eyes.  
She lifts the trumpet to her lips and gives a loud, powerful blast. My ears ring. Oh, she's the angel that told the shepherds about baby Jesus. If that's true, she's super old. She's been alive for millenniums. She doesn't look old, though. She looks like she's Jack's age, whatever age that is.  
I don't think I'd want to be alive for that long. The past was super boring, or at least that's what I learned in history class. I also learned that if you made Meredith laugh hard enough, she snorts really loud, and we get detention.  
Gabriel's an archangel too. When she speaks, her voice shakes the ground. It's deep, but she still sounds like a lady. She sounds like a president or a queen sounds— a president queen. She looks directly at me, and I have to close my eyes tight. I can see the inside of my skull. It's so bright.  
"I am Gabriel, herald of the Almighty Lord, watcher of the Heavenly Skies, the Holy Warrior Envoy. Those observing are Jophiel the Muse, Nathaniel the Inferno, Paschar the Prophet, and Dumah the Vindicator. Lilian Alexandra Madwhip, I come bearing a message directly to you on behalf of our creator."  
It sounds a lot like what Paschar said to Hekate in the Veil. I guess angels always talk like that when they want to be serious. Gabriel makes me feel different than the other angels, though.  
"I must speak with you about your place in the events that are yet to pass. I know you have been informed that this world will be thrown into a place of anguish, and yet you have refused the pleas for help given to you by Paschar. I must ask that you truly realize what is at stake each time you flee from the Great Plan, Lily."  
I look at Jack and Jerry. They still aren't moving. They can't. The angels must've done something to them.  
"Did you do this to them?"  
Gabriel looks at both of them. They squeeze their eyes shut tight when she does. Jack is thinking about how it feels like standing in a lighthouse, right in front of the big light bulb.  
"Steps had to be taken so that they did not interfere with my delivery of this message to you. I assure you, they will not be harmed. To take them from you in such a manner would be unfair and unnecessary. I am an angel of duty, not of cruelty."  
I feel like I can trust her more than the other angels, at least. I try to not trust her too much, though. I used to think I could trust the other angels, and they betrayed me. Maybe she isn't as nice as she seems.  
"They just want to keep me safe," I tell her.  
Jack and Jerry would only 'interfere' if they were worried about me. The angels make them worry about me a lot, I think.  
Jophiel responds for her.  
"We understand that, however, they do not realize what is truly at stake, and they will not let us explain to them what needs to be done."  
"Maybe you just aren't explaining it right? You guys can be really confusing sometimes."  
I don't think that would be too hard to believe. Jack and Jerry are smart, but the angels really can be hard to understand.  
"The fault does not rest on our shoulders. They refuse to speak to Paschar at all or cooperate in any capacity. They have forced our hand in the matter. This is why all five of us are here today."  
_Ugh, Dumah still sounds so snobby._  
"Please, Lily,"  
This time Paschar is talking. He doesn't sound as snobby. He sounds tired. He sounds like my mom does when Roger and I would fight a whole bunch on road trips.  
"We need you to try and listen to us this time. Time is running out."  
I feel myself getting nervous again, the same way I did all the other times Paschar tried to talk to me about this.  
"What am I even supposed to do? You keep saying that I'm supposed to save the world, and I have to help you, but nobody wants to tell me what I'm supposed to do to save it."  
Paschar frowns.  
"We'll explain everything to you once you come with us, Lily. I promise."  
"Why can't you explain it now? Maybe I would actually want to go with you if I knew what you wanted me to do."  
If Jack's voice was a whisper earlier, it was a super mega whisper now.  
_'Lily. Please don't.'_  
Then Paschar says something I never thought he would say. It sounds wrong coming from his mouth.  
"Lily, you know that Jack and Jerry won't be able to protect themselves from what is coming. If you don't help us, they're going to die with everyone else."  
I feel my fists clench.  
"Like my parents died? Like Meredith died? Like Roger died? They're gonna get taken away from me, too, right? Like you've taken everything I've ever loved away from me, right?"  
Paschar doesn't say anything. None of the angels do.  
"Is that what's going to happen this time? I'm going to help you guys, and it's going to make everything even worse than it already is? Why don't you just tell me the truth this time? You're not telling me what I have to do because you know that it's going to be bad. Probably even worse than everything else. You know that if you tell me, I'm not going to want to do it."  
"Lily, please—"  
"No, Paschar! You hurt me more than anybody else! You were supposed to be my best friend, but you let me hurt people! You knew what would happen to my parents and you didn't say anything, you just let me think that everything would be okay! If you were really my friend at all, you would have told me!"  
I can feel tears in my eyes now. They aren't sad or scared, though. They're angry. I'm so angry that I'm crying.  
"I loved you, Paschar, but you ruined everything! You took away my family, everyone I ever loved! And now that I actually feel even a little happy, you want to take me away! It's like you just… it's like you just always want me to be fucking sad all the time!"  
I wipe my eyes and try to keep going through my tears.  
"You're supposed to be _my_ angel. You're supposed to protect me and love me and keep me safe. But you're no angel. You're a monster."  
Paschar is supposed to see things before they happen. But right now, he looks shocked. And sad. But I don't care.  
I think I've wanted to tell him all that for a long time now. I've been keeping it inside so long, but now that it's out, all I can do is hurt. Jack told me that help doesn't always feel good, though.  
"Control your anger Lily, we are not your enemies. You must put aside your emotions and fulfill the duty that has been placed upon your shoulders."  
Dumah's voice only makes me angrier.  
"Yes, you are! You're not just my enemy. You're a great big snob too!"  
It's not hard to yell at Dumah. I don't like him at all. It feels great to say that right to his face. I'm not done yet, though.  
"And you tried to make me kill my best friend! Do you know how bad that is? It's awful! Aren't you supposed to be good and heavenly? You used my own dad to try and make me get revenge on a little girl! That sounds like something straight out of Hell, not Heaven!"  
Dumah looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn't. I keep thinking about Meredith. Meredith is dead now. Dumah didn't kill her. As much of a snob as he is, he didn't have a hand in Meredith's death. But there's someone who did.  
I turn to Nathaniel.  
" _You._ "  
There's so much that I want to say to him, I'm not even sure where to start. I just let the words spill out of my mouth without thinking.  
"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH YOU HURT MEREDITH?! SHE COULDN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU THE WAY I COULD TALK TO PASCHAR! SHE WAS ALL ALONE AND SCARED! SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHY SHE COULD BURN THINGS, AND ALL YOU EVER DID WAS MAKE IT WORSE FOR HER! THEN YOU JUST LET HER DIE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HER ANGEL, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO SAVE HER!"  
I'm screaming now, but I don't care. Nathaniel hurt my best friend, and he needs to hear this. Someone has to care about Meredith. Someone has to stand up for her. Someone has to miss her. Someone has to lay in bed at night and cry thinking about that one time she held my hand.  
"DO YOU ANGELS JUST GET OFF ON PARENT MURDER?! YOU MADE MEREDITH MURDER HER PARENTS TOO!"  
I'm not really sure what "get off" means, but Jerry says it when he's angry about stuff.  
"Lily, you cannot begin to understand—"  
_God, even his voice sucks._ He sounds like a dickbag. That's what Jerry would say if he could talk right now.  
"I'M NOT FINISHED! YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO STOP IT WHEN DUMAH WANTED ME TO MURDER MEREDITH! YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WHEN DUMAH WAS _TRYING TO KILL HER!_ YOU JUST SAT THERE IN YOUR STUPID NAKED BARBIE BODY AND LET HIM DO IT! AND NOW SHE'S DEAD! AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO? YOU'RE JUST GONNA FIND SOMEONE ELSE, BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABOUT US, IT'S NEVER BEEN ABOUT US! YOU JUST NEED A HOST, SOMEONE YOU CAN TELL WHAT TO DO, AND WHEN BAD STUFF HAPPENS TO US, IT DOESN'T AFFECT YOU!"  
Nathaniel is silent. His flames burn low, and his eyes are fixed on the floor.  
_Good. He should feel bad._  
Jophiel moves past him to get closer to me. He's the last person I want near me. I know he's supposed to be beautiful, but he's just ugly to me now.  
"Lily, Meredith is happy now. She is with her parents. She is at peace. You must not let your anger take hold of you like this."  
I look back at Jack.  
_'Lily. Don't let these bastards tell you how to act or what to do or think or feel anymore. Whatever you do, do it for you. Be your own person. Be the Lily that I know you can be.'_  
I turn back to the angels and try to sound mean. But it doesn't really work. I just sound upset, but I am upset.  
"That's BULLSHIT! MEREDITH WAS MY BEST FRIEND! SHE STILL IS, SHE'LL ALWAYS BE! SHE DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE LIKE THAT! SHE DESERVED TO GET OLD AND HAVE A HAPPY LIFE! SHE DESERVED TO GET THAT PUPPY SHE ALWAYS WANTED! THE ONE SHE WAS GONNA NAME ROCKY! WE WERE GONNA GET A LITTLE HOUSE BY THE OCEAN AND WATCH THE DOLPHINS TOGETHER! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER?! ALL SHE WANTED WAS FOR THINGS TO BE NORMAL! WE'RE JUST LITTLE KIDS! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO YOUR JOBS AND LEAVE US ALONE?!"  
My voice is breaking. It sounds like there's a bunch of froggies in my throat.  
"YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE THE TOTEM, AND YOU KNEW IT WOULD KILL MY PARENTS! YOU AND PASCHAR! I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU! I'M DONE TRUSTING YOU! WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO DO, I WON'T DO IT! YOU KNOW WHAT?! I'LL SAVE THE WORLD, AND I'LL DO IT _MY_ WAY! I DON'T NEED ANY DUMB ANGELS! ALSO GABRIEL, I THINK YOU'RE NICE, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T FREEZE PEOPLE LIKE THAT! THEY DON'T LIKE IT!"  
All the angels look like they don't know what to say to me. I'm glad. I don't want them to talk any more. They've said enough. My eyes are burning, and my face hurts.  
Jophiel opens his mouth to say something, but Gabriel shakes her head. The rest of the angels leave in silence— all except one.  
Jack and Jerry unfreeze, but they don't move much. I think they're still afraid of him.  
_'Lily, come here.'_ Jack tells me.  
But I don't. I can't. All I can do is stand there and watch him as he comes down out of the air.  
Paschar walks over to me. It takes me a little bit to realize that the small streams of silver running down his marble face are tears.  
He kneels down next to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. It's warm.  
"You're right, Lily."  
I don't know why those words make me feel so strangely coming from him. It's like I never expected to hear him say them.  
"I've been an awful best friend. I've hurt you more than any little girl should ever have to hurt. More than _anyone_ should have to hurt."  
_Was this real? Is this just another dream?_  
"I want you to know that I'm sorry. I don't think saying that can make up for what I've done, but I want you to know it regardless."  
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I just stand there, looking at him. The tears don't feel as angry as they did before. They're the kind that make your throat hurt.  
Now I know I'm wrong. He's terrible at showing it, but Paschar does care about me. It doesn't make me any less hurt or angry at him. _You don't betray the people you care about._  
"I believe in you, Lily. You are a light in the darkness. You are far stronger than any person I've ever known. I believe you will find a way."  
Paschar pulls me close, wrapping his arms around me.  
_All this time, I just wanted for him to hug me and tell me it would be okay, and this is the way it happens?_  
"The others will leave you alone now. I won't ask for your help again, prophecy be damned. But please know that I am always with you. All you have to do is call, and I will be there. I love you, Lily."  
Part of me wants to push him away and run somewhere where I don't have to see him anymore. But the bigger part of me, the one that spent too much time loving him, stops me from doing that. That part wants to wrap my arms around him and hug him back and cry into his dumb angel dress, but I can't do that either. I'm stuck just standing there as he holds me, and it hurts so bad.  
"Okay," is all I can say.  
He stands up, and I watch him leave. I know it'll probably be the last time I'll ever see him. I sob a chokey sob.  
I don't realize Jack is standing next to me until I fall. He holds me as I cry into his shirt.  
It feels like part of me is gone. As much as I'm still angry at Paschar, this feels so wrong.  
"It's okay, Lily. Just let it out. I know it hurts, honey. I'm right here."  
I cry onto him until his shirt sticks to my face. He doesn't say anything else, just hugs me and rubs my back. Jerry comes over at some point, and I'm in the middle of a comfort sandwich.  
I don't remember much after that. I'm exhausted and thirsty. After I'm given a few water bottles, I fall asleep.  
I don't have any dreams.  
I'm happy about that. I don't know what kinds of dreams would come after a night like this, but they wouldn't be good.  
When I wake up in the morning, Jack is there. He's sitting next to my bed, looking a little more tired than usual. I can feel how worried he is about me. It's a dark blue, swirling around inside him and making him feel yucky.  
_Did he stay with me all night?_  
"Morning Lily, how are you feeling?"  
"Better, I think."  
My heart still hurts, and my throat is really scratchy from all of the yelling, but I don't feel quite as upset as I did last night. Having Jack there helps.  
So does the smell of food coming from downstairs. Jerry must be cooking.  
I think Jack hears my stomach growl because he gets up off his chair and gestures to the door.  
"You ready for breakfast, Lil? Jerry made something special for you."  
I nod and slowly climb out of bed. I yawn and stretch and get ready to go downstairs.  
I wasn't excited to start the day, but I couldn't say no to Jerry's cooking no matter how sad I might still feel.  
Jack walks with me downstairs. He holds my hand. His hand is a lot bigger than mine, and it's rough but warm. His hand makes my hand feel safe. I have happy hands now.  
When we get to the kitchen, we sit down at the table, and Jerry comes over to us. He sets a plate down in front of Jack. The food on it is something I've never seen before. It looks a little like the French toast my dad used to make sometimes, but a lot better. It's got thick brown sauce on it and smells so _so_ good.  
"This is one of my personal favorites. I've been waiting for a special occasion to make it for you, Lilypad. It's caramel French toast!"  
Then Jerry sets a plate down in front of me. Mine is a little different from Jack's. It's still got the caramel French toast and bacon on it, but my French toast has a massive scoop of vanilla ice cream on top!  
_Ice cream for breakfast?! Is that even legal?!_  
Jack laughs and ruffles my hair.  
_'Lots of illegal things happen in this house, but ice cream for breakfast isn't one of them.'_  
Before Jerry can even give me a napkin, I've already wolfed down half of it. When you wolf something down, it means you eat it really fast like wolves do.  
"So, what's the special occasion, Jerry? If I remember correctly, it's just a normal day."  
Jack asks. His mouth is full of French toast. He's wolfing his down too.  
"Don't you worry your pretty head about that, Jack. I've got the whole day planned out for us!"  
"I wasn't worried until you said that."  
"Wait," I say, setting down my fork, "we're spending the day together? Like, not at the gas station?"  
Jerry sits down with his own plate and smiles at me.  
"Sure are, Lilygoat! Just the three of us. We deserve a nice day off!"  
I can't argue with that. I don't really want to go back to the gas station today, not after yesterday. A fun day with Jack and Jerry sounds really nice. No angels, no nightmares, no giant scary monsters.  
Just me and my new friends.


	28. A Fair Warning

I hadn't been made aware that Jerry had planned a day for the three of us until he told Lily about it. He'd taken a shower this morning, which wasn't something I was super used to from him, but I just thought yesterday had worn him out. After making sure Lily was okay, he passed out on the couch when we'd gotten home.  
This was a pretty sneaky tactic on Jerry's part because he knew I wouldn't be able to shut it down and disappoint Lily like that. I was still a little stiff from being frozen for so long yesterday, but I couldn't complain too much. A day together did sound nice.   
Once breakfast was cleaned up, and everyone was dressed, we got everything we needed for the day. Jerry packed a backpack full of things we might need, including my meds and a fork for some reason, and let Lily be in charge of carrying it. I could tell it made her feel important.  
The car ride to the fair was full of Jerry and Lily singing various Disney songs and me trying not to dwell on the experiences I had at the carnival last year. I wasn't much of a fair person. I'd always prefer a soft blanket, a fireplace, and a good book over screaming children, hot sun, and criminally unhealthy fried food.   
It rained the entire way there. Only when we made it to the fairground did the dark clouds roll away and expose the sun.  
Jerry had decided that a day of greasy fair food and rides would do us all good. As bad as the last time I'd been to anything like that was, I was trying to be optimistic for Lily's sake. She needed a day like this. The vultures circling high in the sky when we got to the fairground made it hard to stay positive, though. This all smelled horribly of every horror movie cliche ever. And I can say that knowing I was probably the exposition of one only a few months ago.  
Jerry parked the car, and while Lily cheered in the back, I turned to him. I didn't want to disappoint Lily, but keeping all of us safe was more important.  
"Jerry," I said quietly to him, "can we maybe just go home and have a movie day? I have an awful feeling."  
He looked up at the vultures and then back at me.  
"What, those? They're just birds. Don't worry. Today is gonna be nice."  
Before I could say anything else, Jerry hopped out of the car. He came around and held the door open for me.   
"C’mon, Peggy, shake those tail feathers, let's go!"  
If it had been just us, I probably would've convinced him to go home. But it was apparent that this was making Lily feel much better, and I knew Jerry wasn't going to budge. I decided to go with the very popular and fashionable "pretend like everything is alright." I got out of the car, and Jerry opened the door for Lily.   
Before I could get out the word "wait," Lily was already racing to the front gate like a cheetah on paint fumes.  
"I've got her!" I called out to Jerry, knowing he would probably want to smoke before we went in.   
Just when I thought the fact that I was missing a leg would make me lose this race, I caught up to her. Before she got through, I scooped her up off the ground.  
"Oh, no! The big scary pirate's got me!"  
"I'm a pirate? That's an interesting choice. I figured you would've gone for vampire or demon or something."  
"You're missing a leg! You're Peggy the Pirate!"  
"Oh yeah? Well, I think _Peggy the Pirate_ just found his _dinner!_ "  
Lily squealed and kicked, but I held her tight.  
"I'm gonna eat ya!"  
Jerry ran towards us, brandishing an imaginary sword. He had a grin on his face and a cigarette in his mouth.  
"I'll save you, fair maiden!"  
He pulled her from my arms and slung her onto his back.   
"Alright, enough fucking around, let's go have some fun!"  
Jerry bought us tickets, and I bought us the ride wristbands. Jerry had to help Lily put her wristband on. She was enthralled that hers was purple.  
"So what are we gonna do first?" Lily asked. She was holding on tightly to Jerry's hand as we walked along. He tapped his chin with his other hand. I just looked up at the clouds drifting by, hoping it wouldn't rain again.  
"Well, the smartest thing to do would be to ride one of the spinning rides before we get any kind of food. That's common sense."  
We walked through the kiddie ride area, and I could see Lily staring at the spinning dragons. I'm sure Jerry saw it too.  
"Can we go on the dragons?" Lily asked, just like I knew she would.  
"Sounds like a plan to me," Jerry said enthusiastically.   
There wasn't much of a line, and Lily could pick the dragon we got in.   
"It's green, like Rita!" Lily exclaimed.  
Jerry took a dramatic bow to the giant hollow dragon.  
"Tis an honor to meet thee, Rita the Second."  
Lily giggled as Jerry shooed us into the inside of the dragon. Lily was in the middle, and I could see her practically vibrating with excitement.  
"Jerry, don't be as intense as you usually are with these things. I don't want Lily getting sick."  
Lily shut that down quickly.  
"No, Jerry! Go fast! Go fast! Go super fast!!"  
I sighed. Even if I got a headache, it was worth it to see Lily happy. The ride started, and Jerry began to turn the silver wheel with his strong hands.   
Only a few minutes into the ride, we were spinning faster than toy tops in a blender. Lily was squealing in delight, and I found myself laughing too.   
When the ride was finally over, my French toast was dangerously close to making a reappearance, but we were all laughing. I was right, though. I did get a headache.  
Jerry pulled Lily up onto his shoulders.  
"You know, it's weird how they make you come in the kiddie section."  
"Kiddie section?! I'm not a kid! I'm a big girl!"  
Lily had an indignant look on her face. I tried to backtrack.  
"Lily, I didn't mean—"  
She put her hands on her hips, wobbled a bit, and held onto Jerry again.  
"I'm a big girl! I'll prove it!"   
Lily looked ahead, her eyes scanning the bigger rides in the distance. I knew which one she would point to before she did.  
"That one!"   
She outstretched her arm toward one of the tallest rides. It was yellow and black and had an arm that swung around 360 degrees. Looking at it made me feel faint.  
"I wanna ride that one! I'm a big girl!"  
"Are you sure, Lily?" Jerry asks her.  
A note of unsureness crept into Lily's voice.  
"Will you ride it with me?  
Thankfully, Jerry volunteered to ride it with her, so I didn't have to. I wasn't great when it came to big rides like that.   
It's not like I was afraid of them. I mean, I can handle it when the gravity goes haywire at the gas station. A carnival ride was nothing. But the concept of being put upside down by something that was assembled less than a full two days ago made me incredibly anxious. When you live the kind of life I live, you don't go to the thrills. The thrills come to you. Actively seeking them out is overkill.  
We walked through the midway and over to the Stinger. Lily's confidence faltered just a little bit when we were standing right by it. I think she may have underestimated just how massive the ride was. She kept on a brave face, though, even when Jerry asked her if she was sure she wanted to ride. She was certainly determined to prove that she wasn't a "kiddie."  
When it was their turn to get on the ride, Jerry paused, giving Lily one last chance to opt-out. She wasn't having it, though. She grabbed his hand and dragged him into their seats on the ride. Once they were strapped in, Lily looked over and waved at me. I gave a wave back, and then the ride started up.   
Lily and Jerry's screaming was very easy to pick out among the bunch, although Lily's was decidedly more terrified than Jerry's.   
I had a sneaking suspicion that Lily regretted her choices, and her face as she was getting off the ride only confirmed said suspicion. She looked utterly traumatized and a little green.  
I grinned at her. Don't get me wrong; I wasn't enjoying her reaction. I'd never laugh at something like that. _Nope, never._  
"Well? Did you enjoy yourself?"   
Lily scowled at me. That's when Jerry started monologuing out of the blue.  
"Lily, you shouldn't let what other people think of you influence your decisions. If you want to like something, fuck anything anyone else thinks as long as you're not hurting yourself or someone else. If you want to like a ride that people think is for little kids? Good. Those rides are fun. If big kids can still enjoy it, it isn't just for little kids. If it makes you happy, then that's all that matters. You do what makes you happy, and don't do things that make you feel crappy just because you think it's what other people think you should do."  
I was… _not expecting_ that from Jerry. Lily smiled wide, and he squeezed her hand.  
"Now, I think we should go ride the bumper cars while Lily's nausea wears off. And then we can get some food."  
We all agreed that this would be a pretty good plan. Bumper cars seemed like a pretty safe and comfortable ride that all of us could enjoy. Lily would have fun driving, Jerry would enjoy crashing into things, and I would like remaining firmly on the ground.   
It turned out to be a pretty great time, and it helped Lily quickly get over her upset from the Stinger incident. She and Jerry ganged up on me like I knew they would. They got incredibly competitive with who could push my little green car the furthest. Lily won, although I'm pretty sure Jerry let her. Either that or Jerry got a messed up car. It could have easily been either.   
When our time on the bumper cars was up, Lily looked significantly less green, and we were all ready to indulge in some incredibly unhealthy fair food.   
Jerry let Lily lead the way, and we ended up at a stand that sold all kinds of sweets. Lily's vice of choice ended up being cotton candy. Jerry got her a large, which ended up a lot larger than any of us expected.  
"It's as big as my whole head!" Lily exclaimed.   
The young woman running the stand laughed, obviously taken by Lily's adorableness.  
"Is this your daughter?"  
I blinked at the woman, caught entirely off guard by her inquiry. I would have questioned whether she was talking to me if we weren't the only ones at this particular stand. I hesitated for a moment. My initial instinct was one that would have shocked me a few weeks ago. I almost said yes.   
Then Amy's words echoed in my mind, and I remembered that that wasn't true.   
Then I realized that it would be incredibly weird to say no because then it might look like we kidnapped her. Then I realized that I was staring at this poor lady, and it probably looked incredibly suspicious. So I went with my initial instinct anyway.   
"Yeah, she is."  
Lily looked up at me. I expected her to look weirded out, but she didn't. Her sugary pink smile radiated a different energy entirely.  
"She is so adorable!" The woman cooed.   
I nodded, ruffling Lily's hair.   
"Yeah, she kinda is."   
Jerry looked ridiculously offended.  
"Kinda?! She's the most adorable person in the world!"   
Jerry lifted Lily onto his shoulders yet again. I expected the girl's smile to falter into a judgemental look but was pleasantly surprised when it didn't. Maybe the buzzcut and nose ring should've tipped me off, though.  
I mean, I understood why people would think that about us. It wasn't the first time it happened, and I was sure it wouldn't be the last. Even if we weren't... _you know_ … it was refreshing to see someone who didn't get their panties in a bunch about the idea that we _could be._  
"Alright, second most adorable person in the world, are you planning on getting anything from this stand?"   
I looked over the menu again, seeing various sweets that made me feel a little nauseous just thinking about it.   
"Nah, something sweet sounds good, but… this is a little much for me."   
Jerry grinned and gave the girl at the booth a small wave before starting to walk away.   
"Alright, well then I want to go get some _MEAT!_ You guys can enjoy your sugar, but the third most adorable person in the world needs a giant turkey leg!"   
Lily burst into wide open laughs. I rolled my eyes a little at his phrasing, but I saw that the stand he was walking towards had churros, which seemed like the right amount of sweet. Certainly better than pure sugar or deep-fried cheesecake. So I followed along to the other booth.   
Jerry got his giant bird leg, and I got a churro dusted with some sort of strawberry sugar. Jerry also had the foresight to get something to drink, but not enough foresight to get more than one drink. It seemed like there wasn't enough foresight to go around.   
When he grabbed two straws, I had to wonder if he did it on purpose. We sat down at some sticky picnic table. He put the straw in, and I hadn't expected him to lean in for a sip at the same time as me.   
Our noses bumped, and for a second, we stayed there, staring at each other in surprise. Our faces were only a centimeter apart. _It would be so easy to just..._  
As soon as my brain caught up with the situation and reminded me just why that was a bad idea, I quickly pulled my face away from his.   
"Hah, sorry about that, Jer."   
The awkwardness radiated heavily from my voice.   
Jerry shrugged a little, grinning.  
"No worries, dude, that was half my fault."   
I took a bite of my churro, and Jerry started laughing. I instantly felt a little nervous. _Was my fly down or something?_  
"What?"  
"Nothing, nothing."  
When Jerry said it was nothing, it was almost always something. Still, I took another bite. Jerry snickered again.  
"Jerry, seriously, what is it?"  
He took a long sip of our drink before answering.  
"Nothing, I swear."  
Lily looked just as confused as I felt. I took another bite, a particularly large one. Jerry snorted, and Dr. Pepper came out of his nose. Lily gasped.  
"You enjoying that churro, Jack?"  
My brain finally put the pieces together. _Oh my god._  
"OH JERRY CMON, WHAT THE FUCK!"  
"That's your one swear!" Lily so diligently reminded me.  
I elbowed him.  
"Cut that shit out."  
"You owe the swear jar a quarter now!" Lily exclaimed.   
It was almost like she was enjoying this. Jerry, for his part, looked incredibly smug.   
"Dude, I can't believe you didn't figure it out sooner."   
I glared at him, but there was no real malice behind it. He was an idiot, but he was a harmless idiot.   
"Well, excuse me for not having my mind in the gutter all the time, Jerry."   
"You're the one who wants to talk about me having my mind in the gutter? Have you even _read_ what you wrote for that third book? Do you know just _how_ many times there are dick jokes in there?"  
"JERRY!"  
"What?"  
"You can't say dick in front of children! I don't know _how_ many times, even since Lily came!"  
"What is a dick, anyway?" Lily asked innocently.  
"Something for us to know and for you to find out about when you're older."  
Lily pouted, and Jerry just grinned, like he was proud of himself. I looked at the half of my churro still left and sighed.   
"Are you going to let me finish this in peace, or do I have to waste perfectly good food?"   
"Sorry, I'm done now."   
I'm sure he was trying his best to keep true to his word, but I still caught him trying to stifle laughter when I took another bite. I didn't say anything about it, though. The last thing he needed was encouragement.   
Plus, I didn't want to draw attention to it again and risk having to explain why Jerry was laughing to Lily. As Jerry picked his turkey leg clean, I looked over towards the trash can, and I felt sick. Picking at a half-eaten churro someone had dropped was a raven. Now, we had crows in Louisiana. Plenty of them. They were annoying and loud. One of them had tried to sell me MLMs and get me to kill a guy.   
But this was a _raven,_ bigger, and an omen of death. It looked up and made eye contact with me. My mouth went dry. It let out a loud, echoing _caw._  
I tore my eyes away from the birds and turned to Jerry.   
"Dude."   
He turned to look at me, and I did my best to communicate with him without worrying Lily. I gestured over to the raven and tried to make a face that said, 'I've got a really bad feeling right now.' And then I realized that I was an idiot, and there was a perfect way to do that.  
"Casper van Dien," I muttered, quiet enough so Lily couldn't hear it. Jerry didn't seem to have the same amount of concern as I did.   
"Jack, chill out, man. It's just a big bird, nothing to stress over. Come on, let's play some games. Watching me get scammed by carnies might help take your mind off of it."   
I sighed. Maybe Jerry was right. I'd never really gotten less paranoid, even if I could sleep now. Lily's eyes got big.  
"I love carnival games!"  
"Well, good, because I'm gonna win you something Lilypad."  
"Really?!"  
"Absolutely!"   
He scooped her up off the bench and slung her onto his back again.  
His confidence in his ability to win something was charming but also a little concerning. When Jerry set his mind to something, he didn't give up. He was right about one thing. I was about to watch him get scammed. Probably for a long time.   
Before Jerry could find a decent place to get scammed, Lily was drawn to one of those squirt race games.  
"Ooh, ooh! Let's play this one!"  
We wouldn't have been able to say no to her even if we wanted to. Her excitement was a little infectious, and in less than a minute, the three of us were all lined up and ready to start the game.   
"Go easy on Jack, okay Lily? He's not great at games like this." Jerry said.   
He was leaning over to Lily, cupping a hand over his mouth and pretending to whisper while speaking at a very audible volume.   
"Jerry. I am right here."   
Jerry feigned surprise.   
"Oh shit, really? Did you hear all that? Sorry man."   
"Swear jar, Jerry!" Lily chastised.  
"Okay, well, I'm gonna kick both of your asses," I tell him.  
"You guys really just don't like following the rules, do you?"  
"Well, Lily, sometimes rules are stupid."  
"Jerry, you probably shouldn't be telling her that."  
"What? She's gotta learn it eventually."   
I sighed. I guess for every really good lesson Jerry taught her, there would also be some really bad ones. For every _don't let people make you feel bad about what you like,_ there would be an _anarchy is the best policy._  
"Yeah, well, maybe we should try to add a little more nuance to the lesson? Some rules are there for a reason. Like the 'Jerry can't give the raccoons beer ever again' rule."  
"Like I said, some rules are stupid. The raccoons are some hardcore party animals."  
"You literally almost lost an eye last time you gave them alcohol, Jerry."   
Lily was laughing out loud by this point, and even the carnie was very amused.   
"Like I said, party animals. Now enough fucking around, I've got a game to win."  
Before she could say anything, Jerry cut her off.  
"Yes, Lily, I'll tip the swear jar a crisp ass five-dollar bill when we get home."   
Then the game started up, and there was no more room for banter. Everyone was focused on trying to win. I usually wouldn't have been very competitive with a game like this, but I really wanted to beat Jerry after his jabs.   
My determination paid off in the end. I managed to beat Jerry, with Lily coming in just behind him. I indulged in the victory. Smirking, I scanned the prizes, eventually picking out a small stuffed raccoon.   
The carnie held it out to me, but I shook my head.   
"That's going to go to him," I say, gesturing to Jerry.   
He looked a little surprised as the carnie set the little toy down in front of him.   
"For me?" Jerry sounded a little surprised.   
"Yep," I told him, "that way, you can always look at it and remember your tragic loss."   
Jerry grinned.  
"Alright, you smug bastard. You know what this means, right?"   
"That I'm really cool?"   
"Yes, but also that I need to win something too so that I can take you down a peg."   
I realized about a second too late that my goading had just guaranteed that Jerry was about to waste all the cash we brought on carnival games.   
"I don't think that's necessary, Jerry."   
He put his hands on his hips.  
"It totally is. I can't let you have all the glory! Besides, I've got to win Lily one of the big prizes!"   
"Don't lose all your money for me, Jerry," Lily added.  
"You're worth every penny, Lilypad. You don't have to worry, though. I'm gonna win the first try, and money won't be a problem."   
I didn't voice them, but I had serious doubts about his abilities to make good on that claim. Still, Lily seemed excited, and I figured it couldn't hurt too much to let him try.   
If I could have seen even a few hours into the future, Jerry getting scammed would've been the farthest thing from my mind.


	29. I'm Lily Madwhip and I Can't Be Happy

I walk with Jerry and Jack, looking at all the different carnival games. Jerry says that he had to find "the perfect game" to play to win me something. I'm excited to see which game he picks out. There are lots of really cool looking games and lots of people shouting at us to play their game. Jerry ignores them all, though, until he finds the game he wants. When he does, he stops and lets out a big, funny gasp. He puts his hand on his chest as he does it like someone just told him something super shocking.  
Jerry does that a lot. He's a very dramatic guy.  
"There it is!" He shouts.  
"There what is?" I ask him.  
"The perfect game! I'm gonna win you a prize from the lilypad game, Lilypad!"   
I like it when Jerry calls me Lilypad. He points at the booth, and I see the sign.  
It's bright green and blue, with the words "Leapin' Lilypads" written on it in big, bold letters. It's got a big picture of a grinning froggy. It's kind of creepy.  
Jerry pulls Jack and me over to it. He pulls out his wallet, and I can see it's got Dora the Explorer on it. It's got a bunch of different kinds of bills in it. I don't think all of it is American money.  
"Your wallet is so cool!"  
He ruffles my hair.  
"Thanks, Lilypad! Dora is my role model."  
"You have a good role model," I tell him.  
"I sure do! Now, are you ready for me to win you something awesome?"   
I smile at him and nod. Jerry pulls a five-dollar bill out of his wallet. I like five-dollar bills the best because they have purple on them.  
Then the carnival man hands Jerry three toy frogs.   
The game doesn't look too hard. It's got a little catapult, and you use it to launch tiny toy frogs at the lily pads. The lily pads are sitting in a pool of water, spinning it around to make it harder to get the frogs to land on them. That's why it's called 'Leapin' Lily Pads.' Because the frogs leap onto the lily pads, and f you get the frog on the right lily pad, you win a prize!  
As Jerry puts the first frog onto the launch thingy, Jack puts a hand on his shoulder.  
"You can totally do this. Remember the pumpkin launcher."  
"Pumpkin launcher?"  
Jack looks at me with a smile.   
"Yeah, it was a catapult Jerry made. He used it to launch pumpkins over the top of the gas station. He broke a window with it the first time he used it, but after that, he was a pumpkin launching master."   
I wish that I could have seen it, it sounds really cool. Jack must be able to tell what I'm thinking because he pulls his phone out of his pocket.   
"I can show you the videos we took during the car ride home."   
He showed me a few photos. I imagine Jerry launching pumpkins up into the sky and over the roof of the gas station.  
Jerry's first two shots miss, and he has me kiss the little frog for luck with his third shot. It doesn't turn into a prince like I thought it might. And I don't turn into a frog. Jerry and Jack and I watched The Princess and The Frog, and the girl turns into a frog in that movie, but I don't think that's how it works. Also, I don't want to be a frog.  
Jerry lands on one of the lily pads, but not the one he wanted.   
"Alright, well, I'm still gonna win you something big, Lily. So Jack can pick out one."   
Jack picks out a small stuffed dolphin.  
"What're you gonna name it?" I ask him.  
Jack rubs his chin for a minute. He does that a lot when he's thinking very hard.  
"Name it something cool, Jack. Not like Flipper or some shit." Jerry says.  
"Hey, you're gonna owe the swear jar a fortune!" I tell him.  
"How about…" he looks around for a minute, "Watermelon?"  
Watermelon is a funny name for a dolphin. But it also makes sense because they live in the water. I wonder if dolphins like melons.  
"Watermelon! I love it!" I tell him.  
Jerry grins.  
"Interesting choice, Jackrabbit. I like it."  
Jerry pays the man and launches three more frogs. He misses three more times. I feel bad and try to tell him that he doesn't have to win me anything, but he doesn't listen.   
I know if he keeps trying to win a big prize, he never will. And then I see it, a shiny toy trumpet hanging with the other medium prizes. It reminds me of the trumpets the Bathroom Cowboy and Gabriel had. It's blue and pink and is just the right size for me.  
"Will you win me that one, Jerry?"  
Jerry looks at the trumpet and then at me. He grins.  
"That's the one you want? Of course I'll win it for you, Lilypad."  
Jerry concentrates, and he gets it for me on the first try. The lady in the red and blue striped shirt hands Jerry the trumpet, and he hands it to me. I run my fingers over the little plastic tube.  
"Well, go on, Lily, give it a try," Jack says.  
I put it to my lips. I get a weird feeling in my stomach before taking a deep breath and blowing. It makes a loud, wheezy sound. For a second, everything is red, and I hear the screams— so many screams. And then I'm back standing in front of the carnival game.  
"Alright, Louis Armstong!" Jerry says excitedly.   
Jack laughs. I shake my head, trying to get that weird vision out of my brain. I feel a little sick. Maybe if I shake it out of my mind, it won't happen.  
Jack gets a funny look on his face before speaking.  
"Hey, why don't we go do something else now? I don't enjoy watching you waste your money, Jerry."  
Jerry nods, and we walk away from the carnival games. A lady is painting a little boy's face. He's getting a dragon on it. I wonder if I'd look good with a dragon on my face.  
"Can I get my face painted?"  
"Why don't we all get our faces painted?"   
Jack looks at Jerry with an annoyed face.  
'Awh c'mon Jack, don't be a stick in the mud!"  
Jack sighs and goes, "fine."  
We walk over to the lady painting faces, and she gives us a great big smile.   
"Hi! I'm guessing this little lady wants her face painted?"   
She looks at Jack and Jerry when she asks, even though she's talking about me. I don't like it when adults do that. Why not just ask me the question? I'm perfectly able to answer a question like that.  
She seems nice, though, so I guess I'm not too mad this time.   
"Yes, I do," I say, answering the question even if the lady wasn't asking me.   
"Actually, we're all going to be getting our faces painted today! This one might seem upset about it, but that's just his resting face. I assure you, he's very excited about face paint."   
Jerry points at Jack when he says it.   
He's right. Jack doesn't look very happy. He doesn't look mad. Just worried. And a bit annoyed.  
The face paint lady looks like she's trying not to laugh.   
"Alright then, well, which one of you wants to go first?"   
She's looking at me, but Jerry steps forwards.   
"I know it's customary for the youngest to go first, but if Lily doesn't know what she wants yet, I will gladly volunteer as tribute."   
I think for a second and then nod. I'm still not sure if I want a dragon or something else, so it would be nice to let Jerry go first.   
"You can go, Jerry."   
"Really?"   
"Mhm!"   
"SWEET!"   
Jerry jumps into the chair in front of the lady and starts explaining what he wants to her. It ends up being a big pink, blue, and purple butterfly. I wish butterflies looked like that in real life. It's so pretty.  
Jerry stands up from the chair and flips his hair like girls sometimes do in movies.   
"Well, how do I look, folks?"   
"You look amazing!" I tell him.   
"Very loud and proud, Jerry. It's nice." Jack is smiling a tiny bit when he says it.   
I don't quite understand why a butterfly would make Jerry look proud, but Jerry seems really happy about it anyway.   
"Alright, who's next?"   
I smile and point at Jack.   
"His turn!"   
Jack's eyes get a little bigger, and he tries to shake his head and say no, but Jerry has him sit down in the chair before he can.   
"Come on, dude, live a little!"   
"Jerry, I don't wanna have to wash this off later!"   
"I'll wash it off for you if you're that stressed about it!"   
"Dude, seriously, do I have to do this?"   
Jerry sighs.   
"Fine. If you're that against it, you don't have to."   
Jack starts to stand up out of the chair, and I frown a little. I was excited to see him with his face painted so we could all match.   
He looks at me for a second and then sits back down.   
"I guess… it wouldn't hurt all that much."   
I smile a little, and Jerry cheers. Jack still doesn't look excited, but he doesn't look upset at all. He's smiling just a little.   
"Alright, what would you like today?"   
Jack shrugs.   
"Why don't you guys pick? You're the ones who were so adamant about me doing this."   
Jerry looks like he's going to say something, but Jack stops him.   
"Nothing inappropriate, Jerry."   
"Lame."   
I look at the pictures the face painting lady has of different face paints and tug on Jerry's shirt.   
"I have an idea!"   
Jerry looks away from Jack, and I point to the picture I found. Jerry smiles, but then he lets out a big gasp.   
"No, wait, I have an even better idea!"   
Jerry leans down and whispers in my ear.   
"That's perfect!"   
In a few minutes, Jack's face is all painted up.   
The lady gives him a little cat nose and whiskers and even puts some tiny cat ears on the top of his forehead. He's a kitty now!  
I had pointed at a picture of a tiny cat, but Jerry's idea to turn Jack into the cat was a lot better. Jerry looks at Jack with a big smile as he takes a picture to show Jack the face paint.   
"Dude, you look adorable!"   
Jack raises an eyebrow at the picture.   
"A cat?"   
Even though I'm not sure if it was supposed to be, Jerry doesn't answer his question. Adults do that sometimes, ask questions they don't mean for you to answer. It's called a historical question.  
"You're a Jackitty!" I inform him.  
Jack and Jerry look at each other and laugh.  
"I propose we call Jack Mittens for the rest of the night."  
"I'm going to veto that. If you start calling me Mittens, I'll smear the paint off." Jack tells Jerry.   
"Don't you dare! I need at least fifty more pictures!"   
"Well, then I guess you'd better use my actual name."  
I look at Jerry and whisper to him.   
"I don't think Mittens is in a very good mood."   
"Yeah, me either, kiddo."   
Jack wrinkles his little pink nose at us.   
"My turn!" I remind them.  
"Hell yeah! What are you gonna get Lilypad?" Jerry says while I sit down in the chair across from the lady.   
I still haven't picked out what I want. I look at all of the little pictures on the table. The dragon looks really cool, and so does the unicorn one. They don't feel quite right though, none of the little pictures do. I think for a second, then I look at the face paint lady.   
"How about you pick? You can paint whatever makes you happy."   
She looks a little surprised. But then she smiles at me and nods. She picks up her paintbrush.   
"I think I have a perfect idea."   
She starts painting my face. The paintbrush feels cold and wet on my cheek. It tickles, but I try not to smile too much. I don't see what colors she's using, but I don't think she's using a lot because she's only using one or two brushes. When she did Jerry's, she had to use different brushes for each color. That's okay though, I just hope the color she's using is pretty.   
"All done!" She says.   
She puts down her brush, and Jerry takes a picture of my face paint on his phone.   
"Lookin' cute as a button Lilypad!"   
"Let me see!"   
I reach for his phone, and he hands it to me. I look at the picture, and my smile gets huge.   
_It's a doggie!_  
I look at it a little longer, looking at the little details the painter lady added, like a tiny pink nose and big brown eyes.   
My smile goes away when I think about how familiar the dog looks.   
I remember the big black dog that followed me before I met Hekate. This dog looks kinder than that one, but it still makes my tummy twist a little looking at it.   
I do my best to smile anyway when I look at the lady.   
"Thank you!" I tell her.   
I don't think you can tell how I'm really feeling just from my voice. I'm glad. It's not the painter lady's fault that big black dogs make me nervous.   
Jerry pays the lady for our face paint and then points out the haunted house.  
"Why don't we go do the haunted house next?"  
 _He's hoping Jack will get scared and hold onto him._  
I'm not really sure _how_ I know that. I just do.  
I don't think Jack would get very scared of the haunted house, though. Not unless it's really, really scary. He's seen way scarier things than a cheap haunted house. He's seen actual gods before.  
"Jerry, you remember what happened the last time we went into a haunted house together?"  
I don't like the sound of that. Jerry grins.  
"What's the odds of us finding an actual dead body twice?"  
"A DEAD BODY?!"   
People passing by give us weird looks. But they've already been doing that, so I don't really notice.   
Jack is glaring at Jerry again.   
"Dude, really? Lily did not need to hear that!"   
Jerry rubs the back of his neck and nods.   
"Yeah, that uh, that might not have been great on my part. Sorry, Lily."   
"Did you guys really find a dead body?" I whisper.   
"Well…" Jerry pauses and looks over at Jack, who shrugs.  
"Yes. I won't lie to you. But we don't have to worry about that happening again, okay? It was under bizarre circumstances that probably won't repeat. We're all safe now."   
I like Jack. He doesn't lie to me, even if it's bad.   
"I think we'll be fine, Jack," Jerry tells him.  
Jack agrees, but he doesn't sound very sure of himself. We walk over and get in line. It's not a super long line.  
When we get in the car, we're all squished together. The carnival guy closes the front. The front is like a cage. The cart is a cage, and we're the birdies.  
After some other people get on the ride, the little car starts to move. It goes through the small wooden doors, and suddenly we're inside a dark hallway.   
There are lots of flashing lights and fake fog everywhere. The car moves slowly and makes a loud, screeching noise as it does. It sounds scarier than the spooky music playing inside the ride.   
The walls are painted with pictures. There's a zombie on one part of the wall and vampires on another. And everything has blood splatters on it. It's not really that scary. It's only a tiny bit scary when the little cart screeches past a hole in the wall, and a fake body pops out of it.   
We go around a corner and pass a few more holes in the wall. Inside those ones, there are masks on sticks, like they're supposed to be cut off heads. They don't look scary, though. One of them is a Spiderman mask. _This is really lame._  
We're almost to the end of the ride when I see something that actually does scare me a little. In the dark, hiding in the shadows, there's a little girl.   
She has dark hair hanging over part of her face, but her eyes don't look as sad as they usually do.   
_I know her._  
She smiles at me. It's a nice smile. I didn't get to see it all that much.   
"Meredith?"  
I blink, and she's gone.  
Jerry looks at me.  
"You alright, Lily?"  
I blink a few more times, but she still isn't there. Maybe she was never really there.   
_Was that me seeing something before it happens? That doesn't make sense, though. Meredith is dead._  
I blink away the tears.  
"Lil?"   
Jack is looking at me now too. He looks worried.   
"Sorry I'm okay!" I don't sound like I believe it that much.   
Jerry and Jack glance at each other. Then we're blinded a little when the car scoots through the exit doors, and we're outside again.   
As we're getting off, the carnival man grabs me by the arm. I look up at him.  
"You forgot your trumpet, Miss."  
He hands me my trumpet and winks, smiling at me. He has a pretty smile. It's super white and super straight. He looks kind of… familiar, but I can't figure out where I've seen him before.   
_Whew, I'm glad I didn't lose it! Jerry probably would've been sad if I lost it._  
We walk down the little steps until we're on the ground again and ready to go do something else.   
Jerry puts a hand on my shoulder and looks at me.   
"Sorry if that one spooked you a little Lily, or if what I said before did."   
"It's okay," I tell him.   
I don't want to think about what I saw. It made me feel sad and nervous. Today was supposed to be fun.   
"Okay then," Jerry says. "How about we go do something else, something where we can make some new good memories? Forget about all the scary stuff?"   
I smile at him and nod.   
"That sounds like a great idea."   
"Yeah, I like that, Jerry. New memories."   
Jack gets a smile on his face too.   
"Neither of you is scared of heights, right?"   
"I'm scared of cliff heights. But not Ferris wheel heights!!"  
Jerry grins wider.  
"Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go kick some Ferris wheel ass!"   
"I don't think that makes sense, Jerry. But sure, let's kick some Ferris wheel ass."  
Jack's smile gets bigger as he talks.   
"Yeah!" I shout. I'm so happy, I don't even remind him about the swear jar.  
Then Jerry scoops me up and puts me on his shoulders again, and starts to run in the direction of the Ferris wheel. We slow down after a minute, though, so that Jack can catch up.   
We stop while we wait for him, and when he gets back next to us, we start going again, this time walking instead of running.   
We stop again for a second so Jerry can adjust me on his shoulders, and that's when a couple runs by us, almost knocking Jack off balance.   
They were holding hands, with the girl pulling the boy along.   
"Come on! We have to go do the Tunnel of Love!"  
"I'm coming, I'm coming!"   
They head off in the direction of a pink ride covered in lots of hearts and pictures of baby cupids.   
Jack grabs Jerry's arm to steady himself, and Jerry looks away from the couple to look at Jack.   
"Those uh, those guys are really eager to get to the Tunnel of Love, huh?"   
"Yeah, they sure are."   
They're quiet for a little bit after that. Jerry keeps looking back at the tunnel and then back to Jack. Jack is looking everywhere except at the ride.   
"So uh, Ferris wheel, right?" Jack asks.   
His voice cracks a tiny bit when he says it.   
"Yep! Ferris wheel!" Jerry is a little too loud when he says it, and he's still glancing over at the big pink ride instead of the Ferris wheel.   
Then, he turns really fast and starts walking towards the Ferris wheel. He's not running, but he isn't walking slow, and Jack has to try a little harder to keep up.   
Before we get much closer to the Ferris wheel, three furry little cats run across our path. It's a mama cat and her two kitten babies! They're fluffy and black.  
"Aw, look at the kitties!"  
Jack looks pale and is tugging at Jerry's arm.  
“Casper Van Dien, Jerry.”  
I have _no_ idea what that means. Jerry looks around like he's searching for something and then looks at the cats. They're running away between two tents.  
"Jack, they're just cats. You gotta quit being so skittish. Everything is gonna be alright, okay?"  
"What's a Casper vandeen?"  
Jerry laughs like he always does when I say something wrong.   
"Casper Van Dien is a code phrase we use when something is wrong, or there's danger. Jack's just a little jumpy tonight, though. Everything is fine."  
"That was three black cats, Jerry! They crossed our paths and everything!" Jack says.   
He sounds really nervous.   
Jerry puts a hand on Jack's shoulder, and Jack takes a shaky breath.   
"C'mon Jack, deep breaths. This isn't a shitty Halloween slasher movie. Not everything is a bad omen. You're safe, dude."   
Jack does what Jerry says and takes deep breaths, but he still looks really pale.   
"I've just got a horrible feeling Jerry."   
"Listen, how about we ride the Ferris wheel, and then we can start heading home, okay? One last bit of fun, and then we can get out of here."   
Jack thinks for a second before nodding.   
"Okay, yeah. That sounds good. Thank you, Jerry."   
"Of course, man, I don't want you stressing out all night. We can finish up our fun day at the house. Let's go see a nice view first, though."   
We start walking again. Jack stays really close to Jerry as we get closer to the Ferris wheel. That's when I spot it.   
There's a booth with big purple curtains and a sign in front that says "Fortunes" with an eyeball drawn on it. The eyeball has lightning coming out of it. I don't think lightning coming out of your eyeballs would be as cool as the sign makes it look.  
I can see a little bit past the curtains, and it looks like a woman is sitting inside. I can just barely see her through a crack in the curtains. She must be the fortune teller.   
I stare at the fortune booth, thinking maybe she'll use her fortune-telling magic to figure out I'm staring and come outside to talk to me. It might be kind of nice to have somebody read _my_ fortune instead of me always knowing everyone else's. Maybe she would have a really nice fortune for me too, one that would make me less nervous about Jack being so scared.   
The lady doesn't come out from behind the curtains like I thought she might, though. Instead, I just watch her from my spot on Jerry's shoulders. I lean so far back as I'm trying to see her that I almost fall off. Jerry stumbles a little, trying to keep me from falling on the ground. Once he has me steady, he lets out a laugh.   
"Whatcha looking at, Lilygoat?"  
"They have a fortune teller!"   
Jerry stops for a moment and looks over at Jack. Jack still looks a little scared, but he gives me a tiny smile.   
"You want us to take you to the fortune teller?"  
I nod. Jerry puts me down and hands me a five-dollar bill.  
"Go on then, we'll be right out here waiting."  
I take the money and walk in through the crack in the thick velvet curtains. The air smells like smoke and some sort of flowers. The air is all hazy.  
Inside, a table is set up with a dark red table cloth covering it, and a giant crystal ball sits in the middle. The table is low to the ground, and there's a big purple pillow on my side of the table. It's not very bright in here. There are lots of weird candles and statues.  
The fortune-teller is sitting on the other side. She's beautiful, with dark curly hair and big green eyes. She's wearing a dark dress with long flowy sleeves, and there are lots of rings on her fingers.   
"Hello, young lady."   
Her voice is deep, and she sounds like she's trying to be extra mysterious.   
"Have you come to ask for your fortune?"   
"Yes, Miss," I whisper.   
I'm not sure why I whisper. I guess it feels like I'm supposed to.   
"Take a seat, child, and hold out your palm."   
I do what she says, sitting down on the big squishy pillow across from her. I hold my hand out, and she takes it, looking at all the little lines on my palm.   
Her cool and mysterious attitude starts to go away. She just looks nervous.  
"The cards have foretold a great disaster. I can see now that you are linked with this disaster."  
 _Of course._  
"The lines within your skin show me much pain in your past and more to come in the future. There will be terror, and you shall watch the world break apart bit by bit. My child, I am so sorry… The world will end, and you will be there to witness it taking place."  
I yank my hand away from her and stare.   
"You— you're lying! You're just trying to scare me!"   
She looks at me with her big green eyes and shakes her head. She doesn't look like she's trying to scare me. She just looks sad.  
"I'm so sorry, I don't want to frighten you, but I haven't got a choice. You must know your own fate. The hour draws near. There is not much time left."  
My head hurts, and it feels hard to breathe.   
"Please don't say that I don't want to hear it! Why do people keep telling me the world is going to end?!"  
I try to run away, but she grabs my hand so I can't.  
"Remember Lily, two heads are better than one, and _viam inveniam aut faciam._ "  
I want to ask her what she means. I want to ask her how she knows my name. But mostly, I just want to get out of here.   
I wrench my wrist free from her and drop the five onto the table before running out.  
I don't listen to anything else she has to say.   
I run out, straight into Jerry.  
“Casper Van Dien! Casper Van Dien!” I yell at him.  
Jack goes ghost white, and even Jerry looks a little worried.  
"What is it, Lily? What's wrong?"  
"People keep telling me the world is going to end! I don't want the world to end! I just want to be a little girl! Just a normal little girl!"  
Jerry strokes my hair back and picks me up. I cry into his shoulder.  
"Hey! Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. Those carnival fortune-tellers are more show business than anything."  
I can hear Jack's voice inside his head.  
 _Okay, Jack. Don't let her know you're just as worried as she is._  
Jack rubs my back.  
"Trust me, Lil. Fortune tellers are a load of crap. And even if this one isn't, well, we'll figure out what the fuck to do about it together."  
"Jack?"  
"Yes?"  
I wipe my eyes.  
"You owe the swear jar a quarter."  
Jack gets a funny look on his face. And then he laughs. I haven't gotten to hear him laugh much. Then Jerry is laughing. Then I'm laughing.  
Then I can't really remember what I was upset about.   
Jerry gets a funnel cake to share. It's got that powdery sugary Jerry puts on my pancakes. They let me have most of it.  
Then we head to the Ferris wheel. It's dark now, and the stars are starting to come out. The Ferris wheel is all lit up like a Christmas tree. As we wait in line, Jerry tells me the story of how a bug queen came to the gas station one Halloween.   
We get to the end of the line and have to wait for the Ferris wheel to go around a time or two. The sky is full of stars now.  
Jerry helps me get in, and we begin the ride to the top. Jerry is looking at Jack, and Jack is looking at Jerry.  
They both have that funny look on their faces. Then Jerry turns to me and smiles.  
"Hey Lilypad, how about you play a little victory song on your trumpet when we get to the top? Really let the folks down below us know who's the coolest around here!"  
My tummy feels all weird when he says that.  
"Are you sure?"  
Jack smiles too.  
"Yeah, Lily, why don't you give us a nice Louis Armstong?" He says.  
They both are smiling so big, and I can't say no to that.   
Jack and Jerry look so happy. I smile back at them.  
"Okay!"  
We get to the top, and I lean over a bit so everyone can hear me. Jack must be worried that I'm going to fall because he puts his hands on my hips. I let out a long blast on the trumpet. I'm pretty proud of it. It was a lot louder than I thought.   
And then the sky rips open.   
It's like someone took a knife and cut a hole through a curtain. I can see the millions of red eyes in the darkness of the crack. The sky starts turning red as if it's been stabbed, and it's bleeding outward. As something enormous begins to crawl out of the hole. I can hear people screaming down below. The Ferris wheel starts to move. The only thing I can think about is how I went and did it again.   
_It's always me, huh? Lily always ruins everything, huh?_  
I hear Jack whisper "Casper Van Dien" to Jerry. If my mouth wasn't so dry, I would've said it too.  
"Jerry? Jack?"  
Jerry's voice is quiet. It's hard to hear over the screams.  
"Uh-huh?"  
"Can I use my one swear?"  
"Uh-huh."  
"Fuck."


	30. Something is Here

When the Ferris wheel was close enough to the ground, Jerry took Lily in his arms and jumped. When she was safely on the ground, he told me to jump. I did, and he caught me. Something had its titanic hands firmly latched to the edges of the tear in the sky and was pulling itself out. Hah! Those _were_ bad omens! Jerry didn't believe me, but I knew I was right!   
_Oh god oh fuck I was right._  
None of us had to say anything. We were all thinking the same thing.  
 _We have to get out of here._  
We weaved through the panicked throngs of people. Somewhere along the way, the strap on my leg came undone. I face-planted very gracefully onto the dirty, wet ground. Jerry stopped to help me, but I shooed him away.  
"Just get Lily to the car and get it running! I'll meet you there!"  
He had to yell back to be heard.  
"No! I'm not leaving you!"  
Lily was whimpering. I could see her watching the chaos that was unfolding.  
"Jerry, just go! And keep Lily's head down!"  
He pulled a very pained expression before finally listening. I watched as he and Lily disappeared into the crowd, her head pressed into his shoulder. I refastened my leg and pulled myself up out of the mud. Looking up, I saw what I can only describe as a cosmic terror crawling out of the hole in the sky. It had thousands of massive black arms and millions of glowing red eyes. It had long black hair made of infinitely headed serpents. It had thin lips that nearly split its head in half. I could only see its top half. Judging by other things I could see, it was definitely a woman.  
When all her millions of eyes focused on me, I felt vomit rise in my throat. I could smell burning plastic and blood. My mouth tasted sour. Her face split with a grin. She had too many teeth to count, all sharp and hungry.   
She waved one of her giant hands at me, and suddenly I wasn't there anymore.  
I'm standing in the rain, bleeding from my head and sniffling. I can see the taillights fading into the distance.   
_Hic. Hic._  
I'm beside the road and all alone. It's gonna be a long walk to the hospital from here. My arm hurts really, _really_ bad.  
 _Hic. Hic._  
I don't understand why my dad hates me so much. I don't know where my mom went. I wish Sabine were here. Sabine would know what to do.  
 _Hic. Hic._  
 _Why can't my life just be normal? Is this what Lily feels like?_  
No one deserves to feel like this.  
 _Hic._  
A cruiser's headlights cut through the rain. There's a policeman inside with tired eyes and dark brown hair.   
This was where he stopped. This was where I met Tom for the first time, though I didn't officially meet him until much later. This was where CPS took me away from my deadbeat, abusive meth-head of a father.   
But all I could do was just sit there and watch the cruiser roll right past.  
 _What?_  
A burning hot sadness took hold of my chest. It was agonizing. It felt like it was sucking the life out of me, snuffing out my soul. And then I was back, standing amid the chaos of the muddy fairground. My eyes seared with pain as I looked away. I bent over and threw churro and funnel cake up all over the ground. I could hear laughter inside my head. My chest still ached, and the sound was deafening.  
I kept my eyes away from the sky as I ran to the car. Jerry already had it started, and I jumped in the front seat.  
"GO!" I screamed at him.   
He didn't have to be told twice. Jerry put the pedal to the floor.  
I didn't really know where we're going. I didn't know if there was anywhere _to_ go. The same message was repeating over and over in my head.  
 _Trumpets will sound before the Veil is torn. The sky will burn, and the world will be plunged into agony. Heaven and Hell will weep, and only the child may end the suffering._  
I looked out the window as Jerry gunned it down the highway. The sky was a bright, fiery red.  
I could hear Lily crying in the backseat. I turned back to look at her, and I saw what I had seen in my vision. She was shaking, with her hands pressed over her eyes. Little trails of black face paint and tears ran through her fingers.  
I'd been there before. I was sure this felt like a rock bottom for her just as much as I'd felt at rock bottom when Jerry came back and found me talking to a severed head.  
"Lily?"  
"I did it again. I tore the Veil. I ended the world. I ruined everything."  
I reached back and took her hands off her face, holding them tight.  
"Lily. Whatever this is isn't your fault. We're gonna figure it out and get through it together, okay?"  
"Yes, it is. I cut the Veil. I did this before."  
"The Veil?"  
"It's Hekate's domain. The angels keep it closed, but I've ripped it open once before. This thing has to be from the Veil. It came from the rip in the sky. There was a rip in the sky last time. I'm so stupid. I can't believe I did it again."  
"Well, you didn't mean to. So it's not your fault. We'll fix it together."  
Her eyes were watery. At that moment, we both shared a vision. I didn't really know how to explain how I knew we were sharing it, but I just did.  
We were standing in a pillar of bright white light. We were holding hands, and though we were both indescribably tired and sad, we weren't afraid.   
Lily wiped her eyes and nodded.  
 _'You saw it too.'_  
 _I told you, I'm not gonna leave you. We'll get through this together._  
"Okay."  
"Lily, keep your head down. Don't look outside." Jerry said.  
It was wise of him to say so because the ride back home was an absolute shit show, to say the least.  
Jerry parked the car in the dirt driveway.  
"Okay, here's the plan. We're gonna go in and get supplies— load up on food and water and whatever weapons we can manage. And then we're gonna go to the gas station. We'll figure out what to do from there."  
I agreed, and so did Lily. Neither of us really had any better ideas.  
"Well, at least things can't get much worse."  
I laughed a little. I thought Jerry was right. But for all his brilliance, this wasn't even close to what the Universe had in store for us. Soon we'd find out that this was just the tip of the iceberg.  
We had no idea what we were in for.


	31. I'm Lily Madwhip and I'm Still the Knife That Cuts the Veil

Jack carries me into the house, holding his hands over my eyes. It doesn’t matter, though. I’ve already seen her in my dreams. She’s way scarier in real life, though.  
We get inside, and Jerry shuts the door behind us. He locks all four locks on the door while Jack sets me down on the couch in the living room. I can hear sirens and screams in the distance.  
“Are you okay, Lily?” He asks me.   
I shake my head. I’m not okay. I’m scared, and I just want everything to go back to normal.   
“Yeah, I didn’t think so. We’re here, though, okay? We’ll get through this.”   
Jerry walks over to us. His hands are on his hips, and he doesn’t look relaxed like he usually does. He looks like my dad always looked when Roger got in trouble at school. Worried and annoyed.   
“Okay, Jack, you’ve got more experience in apocalypse scenarios. What’s our plan here?”   
Jack thinks for a second and then shrugs. He’s pacing around like a frightened cat. Which I guess fits because he’s still got cat facepaint on.  
“I’m not sure. This isn’t like anything I’ve seen before. It’s not just a raccoon in the gas station walls or a mimic or Spencer Middleton. We don’t know anything about what this is or what it can do. Even if we did, I don’t think we can really fight this without some sort of military equipment. We’d have to have a fuckin fighter jet.”   
Jerry sighs and sits down on the chair next to the couch.   
“Well, we’ve got to do something. I’m not happy with the idea of just letting this thing destroy the world.”   
“Yeah, I don’t really feel good about that concept either. Maybe there’s some other way to try and end this?”   
Jack thinks for a second, and I sit quietly, hugging one of the pillows Jerry leaves out on the couch tight to me. It’s quiet for a little while, and then Jack looks at me. He comes and sits next to me.  
“Wait… Lily, you said this came from the Veil, right?”   
“Yes…”   
“Do you think you could tell us what you know about the Veil? Maybe we can use what you know to stop whatever this is.”   
I try to remember. My head hurts when I think about it for some reason.  
“It’s a crossroads. That’s what Hekate said. She’s the witch queen that rules over it. There are monsters and spiders, and torches on the walls. It’s a big stone maze, a labyrinth. The first time the Veil broke, there was a hole in the sky when we came out. That’s happening now. So it’s got to be from the Veil.”  
“Is there any way we can get inside to fight this thing from there?”  
I try to think about how I got into the Veil. My head feels like someone’s cracking it like a nut.  
“I don’t know. I can’t remember. My head hurts.”  
Jack gets a focused look on his face. He rubs his chin. Jerry gets up and rummages through the closet. He pulls out a brown bag and goes to the kitchen. Jack goes to the closet and pulls out a purple backpack.  
“Go fill this up with your clothes and stuff. Wash up as best you can. I think you should probably change into clean clothes as well.”  
My clothes are all messy from eating fair food. That feels like it was years ago.   
I look at the backpack. It looks like the one I took to school.  
 _School!_  
“I KNOW HOW TO GET INTO THE VEIL… I think!”  
Jack’s head snaps up from helping Jerry, and he looks at me.   
“You do? How did you remember?”   
I hold up the backpack.   
“It’s just like the one I used to take to school! That’s where I was when I got into the Veil. I was in the nurse’s office at school!”   
Jack scrunches up his face, but he believes me, I can tell.   
“Your school? That’s how you got in?”   
I nod at him.   
“Do you remember how?”   
“I think so. It’s still a little fuzzy, but that’s where it was. My school. In the nurse’s office. The closet. It turned into my closet door, and then it was a portal.”  
Jack looks away from me and looks at Jerry. It’s like they’re talking to each other without saying anything.   
Jerry finally talks, but I don’t really understand what he means when he does.   
“This is going to be your call, Jack.”   
Jack sighs a little bit. He sighs a lot. I wonder if you can sigh yourself to death. If you can, Jack for sure will at some point.  
“We don’t really have any other ideas, do we? Where’s your school, Lily?”  
“Maryland.”  
They both look at each other.   
“Road trip!” Jerry says excitedly.  
I don’t know how great a road trip can be when the world is ending, and it’s easy to see that Jack thinks the same thing. I try to put on an excited face anyway, though.  
Jack rolls his eyes, but before he can say anything, his phone starts ringing.  
“Who is it?” Jerry asks him.   
Jack takes his phone out of his pocket and looks at the name on it.   
“It’s Rosa.”   
He hits the answer button and then presses the button to put her on speakerphone so Jerry can hear too.   
“Hey, Rosa—”   
“OH MY GOD! Thank goodness you’re okay! Jerry said you were going to the fair, and I saw what was happening on the news and didn’t know if you made it out okay! We’ve been so worried about you, we were starting to consider going to your house to look for you but—”   
Rosa was talking really fast, and she sounded terrified. Jack started talking, and she went quiet.   
“We’re okay, Rosa, we got out in time. Now, who’s we? Who all is with you?”   
“Amy and Benji! We’re all at the gas station, I was in the middle of my shift, and Amy was doing a check-in when everything went down!”   
Rosa is hyperventilating and sounds really scared.  
“Okay, listen. I think that Jerry and I have a plan. Sort of.”   
“You’re going to try and stop this? Jack, are you insane?! You guys are going to get yourselves killed!”   
Jack puts his hand over the phone speaker when Rosa says the word killed, but I still heard it.   
“Look, Rosa, somebody has to do something about this. And we know more about the situation than anybody else probably does. We have to at least try.”   
Rosa starts getting louder over the phone. She sounds scared and angry all at once. Scangry.  
“What do you mean you know more about this?! What do you guys know?!”   
“Listen, just give us some time to get everything we need together. We can meet you guys at the gas station to explain. I don’t think a phone call is the right way to do it.”   
For a second, Rosa isn’t talking to us anymore. It sounds like she’s talking to other people over the phone. Then she talks to us again.   
“Be careful, okay? I don’t want you guys getting in trouble on the way over here!”   
Jack nods. Then I think he realizes that Rosa can’t see him, so he talks out loud.   
“We will. Just keep yourselves safe until we get there.”   
“Okay. Be careful.”  
He hangs up the phone.  
“Lily, you go pack up your clothes and stuff and change. We all meet back at the front door in fifteen minutes.”  
I nod and go down the hallway to my room. I pack up all the clothes I have in the big closet, and I change out of the clothes I wore to the fair. I put on my white shirt with a little goat on it and the black shortie overalls. I wash the rest of the paint off my face and try not to cry too much.  
I come back out, and Jack and Jerry are packing their own bags. Jack is putting bottles of medicine into one bag, and there are two other big ones already full. Once Jack finishes packing his medication, he zips up the last bag and throws it over his shoulder.   
Jerry grabs the other two, and they both look at me.   
“Ready to go, Lilypad?” Jerry asks.   
“Wait, Mr. Possy!”  
I pick up his cage, and Jerry is smiling at me. Mr. Possy screams. It sounds scared. I feel bad for him. He’s small and doesn’t understand what’s going on.  
“Alright. Let’s go then.” Jack says.   
“Yeah, let’s shake our bacon.”  
I don’t know why we have bacon or why we’re shaking it, but I’m not questioning Jerry. Jerry opens the door and steps outside before the rest of us, checking to make sure everything is safe. The sky is still a bright, bloody red.   
“Don’t look at it, Lily,” Jack says.  
When Jerry is sure it’s safe, he waves at Jack, and he holds my hand as we both walk outside.   
The air feels even hotter than usual, and it’s way too quiet outside. The screams and sirens from earlier are gone. We don’t say anything while we walk to the car. I don’t know if it’s because nobody has anything to say or because we don’t want something to hear us.   
Jerry opens the trunk of the car and tosses one of the big bags inside, and then all three of us climb inside the car.   
It feels like an oven inside, and Jack gives me a face that says, “I’m sorry” when I burn my hand a little on my seatbelt. Mr. Possy is only letting out little squeaks.  
“You okay, Lil?”   
“I think so. We’re going to the gas station, right?”   
“Yeah, we have to talk to our other friends.”   
“Okay.”   
Jerry starts the car, and it makes an ugly noise like it always does, then we start driving.   
Jack makes sure I keep my head down as we drive.  
“I’ve seen her before, you know. In my dreams.”  
“Well I don’t want you seeing her more than necessary. Bad things happen when you make eye contact.”  
Jack sounds a little scared when he says it.   
_Did he see something bad?_  
I listen to him and keep my head down. I don’t know what the bad things are, but I do know that Jack wants to protect me.   
He wouldn’t tell me to do something if it wasn’t to keep me safe, and he’s done a good job of keeping me safe so far.   
I look at the car floor and listen to Jack talk to each other about what we’re going to do when we get to the gas station.   
The world might be ending, but I’m glad that at least I have good people to protect me while it does. Jack, Jerry, and Mr. Possy.


	32. A Gas Station Apocalypse

The gas station looked mostly the same when we made it there— trashed, but not destroyed. That was a relief, at least. Leave it to the gas station to be perfectly normal when the rest of the world was ending. Rosa was at the door in seconds, looking frantic, like she didn’t know what to do with herself. She ushered us inside as quickly as she possibly could and then closed and locked the doors behind us. Benji was busy blocking off the back door, and O’Brien gathering supplies.  
“Are you guys alright? How was the drive? Did you see anything!? Did you—”  
I put a hand up to stop her.  
“We’re fine. At least, as much as we can be right now. How are things here?”  
“So far, we’ve been okay, but I’m not sure how much longer that will last.”  
There was fear shining in her eyes. I wished there was a way that I could comfort her, but I was just as terrified. I didn’t know if I could say anything that would actually help. Even if I couldn’t provide any comfort, I still wanted to offer what little advice I could. Plus, I could tell things were going to get really bad really fast, and I didn’t want to drag more people into it than necessary.  
“Well, maybe you guys should try to get somewhere safer. This place is kind of a hot spot for monsters and bad luck.”  
Rosa looked like she wanted to say something, but then Amy stepped forward.  
“We aren’t leaving until you explain things to us. You said on the phone that you know something about what’s going on. We need that information, Jack. No more lies and half-truths. It’s time to get serious.”  
She was right. I had said that I was going to explain things to them. I just wasn’t sure the best way to go about it. I looked at Amy and then down at Lily. Amy followed my gaze and then raised an eyebrow.  
“Is that a possum?”  
“Yeah, it’s Lily’s pet. Mr. Possy.”  
“You know that’s not—”  
“I’m very well aware of the legality of it. I didn’t go along with the idea willingly. We have bigger fish to fry right now.”  
Amy sighed. She knew I was right about that. I shrugged the backpack off my shoulders, set it onto the ground, and then knelt next to Lily. She was holding onto the cage tightly.  
“Do you think you can tell them? You don’t have to, but you were the one who was in the Veil, so you might do a better job explaining.”  
Lily looked at me. I saw her hesitate for a second, but she nodded.  
“I think so.”  
She proceeded to explain her time in the Veil to Rosa, Amy, and Benji, just like she’d explained to us. The three of them listened as she spoke, not saying anything. When she finished, I scanned all of their faces.  
Benji looked the same as before. Stoic and ready to fight at any second. Rosa looked like she didn’t know whether to be terrified of the entire concept of the Veil or that a nine-year-old had been there.  
Then there was Amy.  
She looked skeptical, although I was reasonably confident it wasn’t directed at Lily’s claims. Instead, she was looking at me, eyes full of a diluted brand of that same anger she’d had last time we talked.  
“So, these are the people you’re keeping her from? Monsters in a… a veil Jack?”  
It wasn’t exactly accurate. The things in the Veil weren’t what I was initially trying to keep Lily safe from. It didn’t matter though, Amy wasn’t happy, and no amount of explanation about angels would help at this moment. She would need to cool off before I could really give her the full story, and we would have to stop the end of the world.  
“Amy, I’ll try to explain better later, but right now, we have other things to worry about.”  
I was tempted to remind her that our week wasn’t up either, but I was cut off before I could.  
“Damn right. We need to figure out how the hell to get this thing back where it came from.”  
Benji’s voice was gruff and determined. He was clearly ready to go monster hunting. Despite having no memory of who he was, Benji fell pretty quickly back into the monster hunter role. I guess it was just ingrained in who he was, whether he remembered it or not. I was pretty sure that this monster goddess in the sky was too much for even Benji to handle, though.  
It was a little unsettling how ready he seemed, but it was also a comfort.  
Still, there was something else that had been plaguing my mind since this started. I had a very strong feeling this wasn’t a monster Benji would be able to fight. If I was right, this was something much worse than anything we had faced before.  
“Listen, you guys, I think I might know what this is.”  
All eyes were on me after I said that.  
I had explained to everyone at some point or another the story of the Dark God, from the many Kieffers he spawned to the night of the zombie cultists. I also told them about the warning the Dark God had given me about the endless suffering the world would soon face. The reactions to that story were similar to the reactions they gave Lily, ranging from skepticism to terror. Eventually, they had all come to understand the truth and severity of the situation, which made what I had to say next a little easier.  
Maybe easier wasn’t the right word. Saying it still wasn’t easy, but at least I knew that they wouldn’t question it much when I said it.  
“The pain deity, I think she’s here. I can’t think of anything else this would be.”  
“Wait, dude. Are you sure?”  
Jerry looked shocked. Nervous. Just how I felt on the inside.  
“I’m pretty sure. It all lines up with what the Dark God told me.”  
“It’s a she?” Rosa asked quietly.  
“Dude, did you not see the gigantic ti—”  
“Jerry, I know you’re not about to say that in front of Lily. Also, do you really feel the need to comment on the anatomy of a _literal pain goddess?_ ”  
Jerry muttered something that sounded like “goody-two-shoes” under his breath, but I ignored it. Normally Lily would’ve been hounding me about what Jerry was saying before I cut him off, but she just sat there petting Mr. Possy. She looked like she was disassociating. The room was quiet for a little while. Everyone was processing this information.  
Then Amy spoke up.  
“Well, if that’s the case, we need a plan. If this thing is an all-powerful pain goddess, then we can’t run into things with no idea what we’re doing. Do you have a plan, Jack?”  
I looked at her, and I could see that most of her anger has faded, at least for the moment. She was all determined, and all business now, all about keeping everyone safe.  
I thought about it for a moment. I really didn’t have much of a plan. At this point, the entirety of the plan was to try and get to the veil. There wasn’t much more of a plan we could make until we knew more about what we were up against.  
“I’m going to be honest, we don’t have much, but we’re going to Maryland. That’s how we’re going to get into the Veil. That’s step one.”  
Amy had an eyebrow raised, and her arms crossed over her chest.  
“Really? That’s all you’ve got? You know you can’t come up with a step two if you get killed the second you step into the Veil. If you can even get in. Why Maryland? What are you gonna do if you can’t get in and are just stuck there? You can’t solve this from outside the Veil?”  
Lily finally spoke up. It was a relief hearing her voice. I could tell she was not taking this very well.  
“You can’t close the Veil from this side. Nathaniel told me that that’s like trying to close a bullet hole from the inside. Even if we can get it back in somehow, we can’t keep it in.”  
Amy looked at her and then back at me.  
“Is that all you’ve got?” She asked.  
I sighed.  
“Yeah, pretty much. But I don’t think we all need to go. If it leads to nothing, we need to have some sort of semblance of a plan on the back burner.”  
“Yeah, you’re right. Good thinking, Gimpy.”  
Thankfully Amy was on the same page. It would have been terrifying to face her if she wanted to go with us, and I tried to say no.  
“I think I have another way to help, though. I’ve got a friend. He’s a little more used to this supernatural crap than I am. He’s in New Orleans. I think he might be able to give us a hand over here.”  
“Okay, who is it?” I ask her.  
She’s quiet for a minute, glancing at Jerry before giving her answer.  
“Eric Riggin.”  
He was Vanessa’s uncle. I didn’t even have to look to know that hearing Vanessa’s last name set Jerry a little on edge. I did my best to keep the conversation moving so he didn’t have to dwell on it for too long.  
“Someone’s going to have to stay and watch the gas station.”  
“I’m going with Amy!” Rosa squeaked.  
Honestly, that was probably the best course of action there. Rosa was more than capable of handling herself, but she would probably be more comfortable with Amy.  
I turned to Benji.  
“You willing to stay behind and hold down the fort here?”  
He was busy loading up a shotgun. He continued to do so as he spoke, not meeting my gaze.  
“You say that like anybody else would be able to actually do the job.”  
Benji’s mouth slowly crept into a smug grin.  
He seemed incredibly confident in his own abilities to fight whatever may come his way. I didn’t know how grounded his confidence was in reality, but I was glad he was ready for the task at hand. _Someone_ had to have confidence around here.  
“Alright, so Amy and Rosa will go find Eric, Benji you’ll stay here, and the three of us will go try and get into the Veil. Does that sound like a decent enough plan?”  
Nobody said anything, but Amy nodded, and Benji was already pulling out guns and ammo.  
I felt like some part of the plan didn’t quite fit, but I couldn’t place it. Then I looked at Lily and the cage in her hands, and it hit me.  
“Benji, I think we have another job for you.”  
He raised an eyebrow. He looked confused for a second, but realization dawned on him when he saw me tapping Lily on the shoulder and taking the cage from her hands.  
“You expect me to keep this place and be on pet duty at the same time, Jack? The hell kind of operation are you running?”  
I set the cage in his hands and looked up at him.  
“Somebody has to do it. If this thing dies, Lily will be devastated.”  
Benji looked over at Lily, who was staring at her possum with nervous eyes. For a split second, I saw his face soften just a bit before returning to the hardened facade he had on before.  
“Fine then. I’ll keep the little rodent safe.”  
Lily’s face brightened. Mr. Possy voiced his feelings with another deeply unsettling scream. After he finished making his thoughts on the matter known, Jerry spoke up.  
“Actually, Mr. Possy isn’t a rodent. He’s a marsupial. I’ll let it slide this time, though, because we have to stay focused. Let’s all gather the supplies we need and head out.”  
All of us started to make like the Mathmetists right before a big celebration, cleaning off the shelves and gathering anything and everything we might need.  
Jerry busied himself going through the boxes in the storage closet, getting everything we might need from the various coded boxes in the closet. I could only stare at the Code Red box. I couldn’t bring myself to open it and take out its contents. That would make all of this too real. Sure, we might need it in the long run, but was it worth the mental anguish of giving in and opening it? I decided that no, it was not.  
Once the gas station was thoroughly cleaned out, we started to divvy up the supplies, ensuring everyone had what they might need for their assigned jobs. When everyone was fully prepared, we left the gas station to go to our respective cars.  
I don’t think any of us expected what we found outside, except maybe Lily. Lily was probably a lot more used to this shit than a nine-year-old reasonably should be.  
Standing in the parking lot were five humanoid figures. They were all eyeless, and their skin was a dark black like every inch of them had been burned to a crisp.  
“Holy Jesus fried chicken Batman,” Jerry muttered.  
“Dullahan” I heard Lily quietly gasp out from next to me.  
So she knew what these were. It didn’t help us much, seeing as we were already partially surrounded by the weird burnt beings.  
Before any of us could really react, they advanced. Rosa managed to escape the onslaught and sprinted to her car. If it was anyone else, I would’ve been mad. But Rosa wasn’t exactly built for these kinds of confrontations. She could deal with unruly customers or robberies and even the swamp creature that likes to hang outside the gas station sometimes with no issue, but whatever this was wasn’t the same. She was safer away from whatever this was gonna turn into. She got to her car just in time, slamming her door shut right as the Dullahan reached us. The first of them pounced on Jerry. It started digging its nails into his neck, and I screamed. Before I could do anything to help him, Benji swung the butt of some large rifle into the thing’s head, disorienting it and getting it off Jerry for the moment. I got him up off the ground. O’Brien pulled her gun out and started taking shots at one of the creatures. It had little to no effect on them. Lily had slipped away. I didn’t see her. _Where is she?!_  
Before the creatures— the Dullahan advanced any more on O’Brien, there was a dull roar. I looked over and saw Rosa’s little green VW shooting across the parking lot, engine revving. Her face was a mask of angry determination. Lily was beside her in the passenger seat, cheering her on. I watched three of the Dullahan disappear under the wheels of her tires. She reversed and ran them over, again and again, several times. It was obvious they weren’t dead if they could even die. But they were momentarily incapacitated.  
“Lily?! Rosa?! Oh my god, are you okay?!”  
Rosa got out of the car. She was shaking a little bit but still looked angry— angry enough to burst into flames.  
“Nobody hurts my friends.”  
She looked at Amy, and they shared a long glance. I knew that look.  
_’She’s thinking about how she would’ve never forgiven herself if Amy got hurt.’_ Lily thought to me.  
_Yeah, I figured._  
Benji had knocked the other Dullahan enough times in the head to incapacitate it as well. I could feel the ground shaking. I had no clue what it was from, but I’m not sure I wanted to with what was going on now.  
“Okay, we need to get the hell out of here while we’ve still got the upper hand. Benji, when you go back inside, board everything up. Alright, Jerry…”  
I looked around.  
“You guys, where’s Jerry?”  
I could hear a scream behind the gas station— a scream of agony. It was from Jerry.  
I didn’t think twice. Everyone was yelling after me, but I wasn’t listening. All of it melted into white noise. I took off. When I made it behind the gas station, I was alone.  
“JERRY?! JERRY, WHERE ARE YOU?! I’M COMING, JUST HOLD ON!!”  
The secret grease trap door was open. I went over to investigate, but something jumped out at me.  
Before I knew it, I was on the ground, staring into the maw of a rather large Dullahan. Hot saliva dripped from its mouth onto my face. I was pinned to the ground. I couldn’t move.  
“A little weak, but you’ll do for now. At least until we can get hold of your friends.”  
I was not expecting this thing to speak to me, and certainly not in a British accent. If I wasn’t sure that I was about to die, I would’ve laughed.  
This was it. This was the end of the line for Jack Townsend.  
_I just wish I could’ve done more to help._  
I closed my eyes as it poised and then struck.


	33. I'm Lily Madwhip and I'm a Warrior

We all try to yell after Jack to stop when we hear the scream and see him run behind the gas station. Jerry had just crawled out of the drink case somehow and was standing up. But Jack didn’t see.   
He’s running away to protect Jerry, but that’s not Jerry. He’s going to get himself hurt instead. I don’t see it, but I know it. I don’t really think about it, but my legs start moving on their own.   
I’m running after Jack, even though everyone starts shouting at me to stop now.   
I don’t want Jack to get hurt, and maybe I’m not the best fighter, but at least I know a little more about the Dullahan than everyone else. I might be able to help.   
I go the same direction Jack did, around the side of the gas station. I’m halfway there when suddenly I’m running anymore. I’m not even on the ground. Something’s got me by the back of my shirt and is lifting me up.   
For a second, I think it’s one of the Dullahan, but then I turn my head a little and see a huge, furry body right behind me glowing bright green.   
_Rita._  
She lifts me up higher and then tosses me up into the air before catching me on her back.   
I hold on tight to her fur as she starts running full speed around the gas station, right towards where Jack is.   
When we get to the back of the gas station, I see Jack. He’s lying on the ground, and one of the Dullahan is standing over him. Rita doesn’t think twice, digging her claws into the back of the Dullahan. It lets out a nasty howl, and ugly green spots start showing up all over it.   
“What in the bloody hell is tha—”  
She pulls it off of Jack and flings it aside like a little toy.   
Rita lets me slide off her back before going after the flailing Dullahan. I race over to Jack’s side. His shoulder is bleeding a bit, and his shirt is torn. There’s a big bite mark on it.  
“Where’s Jerry?!”  
“He’s okay! You’re bleeding!”  
“Are you okay?!”  
I brush myself off. A bit of glowy green still clings to my overalls.  
“I’m fine. But you’re not!”  
“You should have stayed with everyone else, Lily! You could have gotten hurt!”   
“You ran after Jerry! And you did get hurt! Worry about yourself for once, Jack!”  
I put my hands on my hips and give him an angry look. The kind my mom used to give me when I talked back to her. I usually wouldn’t look at a grown-up like that, but I don’t think Jack will get mad at me for it. He looks at me and sighs.   
“Yeah, you’re right.” He says.   
He actually sounds guilty.   
“How about we make a deal? Let’s both try not to run into danger like that anymore, okay? At least most of the time.”   
I don’t think we’ll actually be able to keep that deal. Everything right now is dangerous. We’re probably going to have to run into it a lot. It makes me smile anyway, though.   
“Deal.”  
I turn and look at Rita in time to see her bite down on the Dullahan’s neck. Her jaw is unhinged like a snake, and its whole head is in her mouth. Its body looks all green and melty. She pulls its head off and starts to chew. The neck hand flails around, but Rita just bites it off too. I look away, and so does Jack. We head back around to the front of the gas station to find everyone else fighting off the other Dullahan again.   
Benji has a big gun that he’s firing at some of them. It doesn’t do a lot. It looks like it just pushes the back a little whenever he hits one.   
Jerry has a baseball bat, the one Jack usually keeps behind the counter. He’s using it to keep one of the Dullahan away from Rosa. The bat isn’t working much either. Nothing anybody is doing is actually hurting the Dullahan, just keeping them far enough away to not get hurt.   
Then Rita comes out from behind the gas station and changes everything. She’s a big green furry blur as she attacks. Jerry jumps back as Rita charges at the Dullahan in front of him.   
“Hell yeah, Rita!” He shouts while she rips off the Dullahan’s head.   
She bites down on the head, cracking it like a walnut. She tears off the neck hand, then she whips around and swipes at another Dullahan that’s getting a little too close to Benji.   
It falls to the ground in two green, mushy pieces.  
“It’s like she’s their kryptonite or something…” Jack says softly.  
I don’t really know what criptonight is, but it’s probably something cool if Jack compares Rita to it.  
There’s a deep and loud growling sound coming from Rita, and she looks angry. Her ears are flat against her head.  
 _She must really hate them._  
They must not like Rita either because the two that are left look like they’re trying to get away.   
They aren’t fast enough, though, and Rita jumps right over Rosa’s head, her wings stretching out so she can glide directly on top of the Dullahan trying to leave. She digs her claws into their chests and lets out a vicious bark.   
The Dullahan get green and gooey, and Rita’s big paws squish right through their bodies. She barks again, and it’s so loud that everyone covers their ears.   
After that, there’s silence for a minute. Then Jerry goes over to Rita.  
“Who’s a good girl? Who’s a good little giant murder machine? You are, yes you are!”  
Rita’s anger goes away, and she bounces around like a happy puppy. Her tail smacks against the ground hard enough to shake it, and she tackles Jerry and starts licking all over him.  
Jerry’s laughing, and there’s a tiny smile on Jack’s face.   
Everything feels calm for just a moment, then Jack makes a sound that makes me think of a hurt kitten.   
It’s a little funny because he still has a little cat face paint on his face. But it’s mostly scary because I remember that Jack is still hurt. Jerry looks up from Rita, and he looks worried now.   
“Dude, are you okay?”   
He leaves Rita and rushes over to Jack, putting a hand on the shoulder that isn’t bleeding.   
“I’m alright, Jerry, but we should probably get this cleaned up.”  
Jack lifts up the tear in his bloodstained shirt to show off his nasty bite wound.  
“I’m not sure what kind of infection a bite from one of those could give somebody, but I definitely don’t want to find out. I just hope it doesn’t work like zombie bites do. I’d hate to be attracted to someone with skin the texture of fried chicken.”   
“What?”  
“What?”  
“What?”  
“Nothing, Lily,” Jerry says.  
Jerry opens the bag with the supplies from the box with yellow tape on it. He has Jack sit on the hood of the car, and he starts helping to clean the big bite on his shoulder. They’re looking at each other weird.  
O’Brien puts her gun back in her belt. She had it this whole time. I don’t blame her. I’m still shaken up from the Dullahan. She stares Jack down.  
“Alright, Hopalong, I think we both know that some explaining has to happen here.”   
Jack looks at her and sighs, but he doesn’t get to say anything before she turns and looks right at me.   
“You’ve had two chances to give me the full story, and you failed both times. Now I want to hear it from her. Lily, I have to know why you’re here with Jerry and Jack. Think you can tell me the truth here?”   
I fiddle with my fingers.  
“What do you want to know?”  
“Anything and everything you can tell me.”  
“You might wanna sit down.”   
She’s quiet the whole time I’m talking. I tell her about Paschar and the other angels, what happened to my parents, the group home, and how I met Jack and Jerry.   
I have to try not to cry during some parts, but I cry a little when I tell her about my mom and dad.   
The entire time there’s no emotions on her face. I might have thought she wasn’t listening at all, but when I’m done, she sighs and shakes her head.  
“That’s… that’s a lot, kid.”   
“I know.”   
She looks up at the sky, remembers why that’s a bad idea, and looks down at the ground.  
“I need a minute to wrap my head around all of this.”   
She looks at Jack again before she says the next part.   
“Don’t die while I’m gone, okay?”   
Then she walks away from us. I can hear her muttering under her breath while she does, but I’m not sure what she’s saying.   
“Alright,” Jerry says after Jack is cleaned up, “why don’t we weapon up and head out.”  
“That’s the first good idea you’ve had since I’ve known you,” Benji says, stepping forward.   
“Hey rude, I have lots of good ideas. You just have bad taste, so you don’t like them.”   
Benji didn’t listen. Instead, he walked right past Jerry until he was standing in front of me.   
He kneels down and pulls the long gun that’s strapped to his back off. This is the shotgun he had me shoot cans with.  
“You’ve got a dangerous mission ahead of you, kid, that’s for damn sure. You gotta have something to protect yourself. God knows these two idiots can’t do it on their own.”  
Jack and Jerry look all offended, but also not really. They know he’s just joking around. This next part isn’t a joke, though.  
He hands me the gun, and I take it very carefully, just like he showed me. Jerry, Jack, and Rosa look like he just gave me an angry beehive.  
I look at it. There’s a word carved very carefully into the butt. I think it’s funny that guns and people both have butts. Gun butts don’t look like human butts, though. Gun butts are made of metal or wood, and human butts are made out of… butt.  
“Violet?”  
Benji smiles at me.  
“I thought a lot about what you said. That name spoke to me. It’s a flower for a flower. Use her carefully. Don’t get yourself hurt. You remember everything from our lesson?”  
I nod.  
“Good. You keep these two morons safe. You’ve got a better head on your shoulders than both of them combined.”   
I take the strap and put the gun on my back.   
“HEY!” Jack and Jerry both say at once.   
“Lily, maybe you should give us that.”  
I put my hands on my hips and give them the Rosa face. Rosa doesn’t look very happy about her own trick being used on her.  
“He gave it to me. It’s mine to keep track of.”  
Jack and Jerry look at each other and make a funny face.  
Before they can say anything else, O’Brien comes back over.   
“Alright Jack, let’s talk.”   
Jack’s face goes a little white, and he turns around to look at Amy.   
“Yeah?”   
“Don’t look so scared. You aren’t in trouble. Not yet, at least.”  
Jack lets out a big breath.   
“Okay, what is it?”   
“You’re going to need these.”   
She hands Jack a set of car keys, and Jack raises an eyebrow.   
“We both know that your car is a piece of crap. It won’t get you all the way to Maryland. Take the cruiser.”   
Jack puts the keys in his hoodie pocket and nods.   
“Thanks, Amy.”   
“I’m still pissed at you for lying to me, but I still want you to be safe while you try and stop this shitshow.”   
Jerry looks at Amy with big eyes and a huge smile, his “I’m planning something” smile.  
“Can we use the siren?”   
“Considering the circumstances, I think you guys are going to _have_ to use the siren. It’ll get you there faster.”   
Amy doesn’t look happy about it, but Jerry lets out a loud cheer. Jack and Amy nod at each other before she turns to me. She kneels down so she can look me in the eyes.  
“Lily?”  
“Yes?”  
She’s quiet for a moment like she’s trying to figure out just what to say.  
“You’ve been through more than any kid I’ve ever known. More than any kid should ever have to go through. The fact that you’re still trying to stop this after everything shows me what a fighter you are. You want to help people, even if it makes things harder on you. You’re strong, and I think if anybody can do this, it’s you, and not because of what any angels have to say. You have more heart and more strength than most adults I know. You’re really a little warrior. Keep giving ’em hell.”  
She pats my shoulder and stands back up.   
She goes and walks over to Rosa, and I stand up a little taller while she walks away.   
Jerry is done patching up Jack, and he looks at me.   
“Are you ready to go?”   
I nod at him, and we all get packed up into the car. I hold Violet on my lap, making sure to be extra careful as Jerry starts driving. He runs over one of the mushy Dullahan bodies. It explodes icky green everywhere, and Rita is all too happy to go back to breakfast.   
As we get on the road, he turns on the siren. I listen to the loud sound and look down at the weapon in my hands.   
I’m scared about what will happen while we’re on this trip, but I can handle it. Amy was right.   
I’m a warrior.


	34. I'm Lily Madwhip and I'm So Sorry Meredith

Jerry is speeding down the highway. He gave me front-seat privileges. I keep my eyes away from the sky, just like Jack reminded me to. The tree hair (that’s what I decided to call the hanging grey stuff) whips in the wind as we go along. It all looks red now. Everything is red.  
Jerry turns on the radio, and surprisingly, it’s still playing music.  
“OH _SHIT_ , I LOVE THIS SONG!”  
He starts to sing along, and I smile because I actually know this song.   
“This was in Chicken Little!” I tell him.  
“Well, what are you waiting for, Lilypad? You gotta sing with me!”   
I start singing along with him. We sing all the way down the highway, zipping past cars people have left abandoned. Jack isn’t enjoying the ride very much, though. He looks kinda like he’s about to barf.  
The song ends, and Jack lets out a big sigh.   
“Thank god.”   
“What, Jack, too on the nose for you?”   
“Too on the nose, and you’re too off-pitch, Jerry.”   
Jerry pretends to be offended, but he isn’t really. He was singing it funny on purpose.   
_’It’s time **I** some time alone.’_ Jack thinks to himself.  
“I’ll have you know that I have the voice of an ang—”  
Jerry cuts himself off, then he makes a face like he’s thinking really hard.   
“A drunk goat?”   
“I was going to say a coked-up Marge Simpson, but that works too.”   
Jack lets out a loud laugh at this. I’m not sure what it means, but it’s nice to hear Jack laugh. He doesn’t laugh much.   
“Seriously though, can you sing normally? For the sake of my ears?”   
“If you insist. I’ll serenade you the whole drive, Jack. But I’ll make sure to sing _normally_.”  
“That’s not what I—”  
“Too late!”  
My stomach growls. It’s very loud. Not as loud as Rita was, but I think it’s pretty close. I bet if I heard Rita’s stomach growl, my ears would break.  
“Damn, either there’s a demon in your stomach, or we need to stop and eat,” Jerry says.   
“I think we can buy a pony with the swear jar after this trip,” I tell him.   
“Why don’t we stop, and I’ll make sandwiches?”  
Jack grabs the bag with the food supplies.   
“I’ll take a PB&P!”   
“I’m not making you that, Jerry. Even if it is the end of the world. Peanut butter and pickles do not belong together.”   
“Awwwww, come on, dude!”  
"Nope. Not gonna happen."  
Jack and Jerry argue about it a little more, while Jerry looks for a safe place to park. Once the car is stopped, Jack starts putting sandwiches together for everyone. Ham and cheese. I have two of them and a bottle of apple juice.   
While we eat, Jerry tells lots of bad jokes, ones that make Jack lean over and smack him. It’s only light smacking though, it’s not the kind that’s supposed to hurt.   
Jerry finishes eating first. He tells me a story about him fighting a team of ninjas and a shark with legs all by himself in the Everglades while I eat my second sandwich. I’m not sure if it’s true, but it’s an amusing story anyway. Sharks with legs sound really scary. I hope we don’t meet any sharks with legs on the way to my school.  
After we all eat, Jerry takes out the bat we brought, the one with the smiley face. It has a name. _Ricardo, I think?_  
He busts out the divider between the front and back seat, and then we’re on the road again.  
We drive for a while. It’s hard to tell how long because the sky isn’t changing at all, but I’m getting a little tired, so it must be late.   
“You probably need to get some sleep, Lily,” Jack tells me.   
I shake my head and hold back another yawn.   
“I’m not tired yet!”   
Jack doesn’t look like he believes me, but he doesn’t argue with me. I guess when the world is ending, bedtimes don’t matter.  
“Okay, well, make sure you do go to sleep when you get tired, okay?”   
“I will.”   
Jack nods and then opens up the book he brought with us again. Jerry reaches one hand into the backseat and takes the book out of his hands. Jack tries to take it back, but Jerry tucks it onto the other side of his seat.   
“You need to take your own advice and get some sleep, Jack.”   
“I was reading that, you know.”   
Jerry looks away from the road for a second to give Jack a face. It’s the kind my parents used to give me when they wanted me to do something, and I was complaining about it.   
“You’re running on less sleep than any of us, Jack. You need to get some while you can. I’ll give it back after you get some rest.”   
“What about you? You’re going to need sleep at some point.”   
“Like I said, I’m running on more than you. I’ll sleep once you’ve got your hour in, Jack.”   
“Seriously Jerry, I’m fine.”   
“You’re saying that because you want to keep reading.”   
“Once I wake up, I’ll have to drive so you can sleep.”   
“We’ve got a long ride ahead of us, and you read fast. Sleep, Jack.”   
Jack sighs, but Jerry’s voice says that he’s not going to let Jack win. Jack reaches into his backpack and pulls out one of the bottles of medicine. He takes two pills from the bottle and swallows them before lying across the backseat. Jerry has me drape a blanket over him.  
“Goodnight, Lily. Goodnight, Mom,” Jack says.   
I think he’s being sarcastic at Jerry.  
“Goodnight, Jack.”  
“Goodnight, you little shit.”   
It’s a mean thing to say, but somehow the way Jerry says it still makes it seem really nice. It’s the same way somebody would say sweet dreams. Jack makes me put Violet on the floor before he tries to go to sleep.  
After a little bit of moving around and getting comfortable, I can hear Jack snoring softly.   
I don’t think about it when I look up at the sky. I’m just wondering how pretty the stars are tonight, but I remember too late that there are no stars. I’m staring into the millions of eyes of a big pain goddess.   
Everything gets fuzzy, and then I’m not in the car anymore.  
I’m lying on the floor. My chest hurts. Oh god, it hurts so bad. I can’t breathe. I cough and gasp.   
_Is Lily okay?_  
What? That doesn’t make any sense. I’m Lily.   
I push myself up from the floor. These aren’t my hands. They’re smaller and paler. They have freckles. I’m wearing pajamas. And a dinosaur watch. I don’t have a watch, but I know who does. Well, who _did._  
 _Oh. I’m not Lily, am I?_  
I pull myself out from behind the couch. I don’t understand what’s going on. There are way too many people in this room and too much going on. The crispies are back, and there’s a man with a weird worm head. I watch as the doggie from earlier bounds into the room. The doggie that Lily talked to.   
She grabs onto its collar, and her skin gets all shiny. I try to call out to her, but she doesn’t seem to hear me.  
“Lily?! Are you okay?!”  
She doesn’t answer. Instead, both of our dolls fly across the room and stick to her outstretched hands like magnets. Is Lily a magician? Did she not tell me that she was a magician?   
I won’t be mad if she didn’t tell me. I just want her to be okay. She’s my only friend, my Lilybird. _Please be okay, please._  
Everyone else at school hates me. They bully me for my face. Lily never bullied me for my face. School seems so far away now.  
Lily’s skin begins to shine like the sun. It hurts my eyes, so I try not to look at her directly. I can’t really stand up. If I could, I would go over and try to help her. I think one of the crispies broke my leg.  
“The time of judgment has come.”  
It comes from Lily’s mouth, but it’s not her voice. It’s scary and loud, and it makes my ears hurt. Everything is too bright now. Lily’s hair is one big yellow flame.   
_That can’t feel good._  
I’d get up and help her put it out, but I can’t get up, and I don’t know if that’s Lily anymore, and I’m really scared. _What did you do with Lily, you big scary voice?!_  
Everyone is moving away from Lily. I’m not really paying attention. All I can focus on is her.   
_Is this hurting her?_  
“Woe unto you, Cian and Donnacha,” Lily says.  
But it’s not words. It’s more like thunder.   
“NO!” yells one of the crispies.  
I don’t know what’s about to happen, but it doesn’t sound good, and I don’t like it. If the scary crispy man is scared, then…  
“LILY?!”  
 _Lily is your best friend forever. She can’t die. Right? This is all gonna be okay, and you can laugh about it later, and you can tell her she looks funny with her hair on fire._  
“Behold his wrath,” she says softly.  
Something bad is about to happen. Wrath isn’t a good thing to be beholding.  
“Lily! I love you! Whatever happens, I forgive you!”  
She doesn’t respond. Instead, she raises her arms, and suddenly everything is on fire, and I’m on fire and oh god it burns it burns SO BAD _**PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME—**_  
I’m sitting in the car, staring out the window. The thing in the sky is grinning at me. It’s an awful grin, like when someone steps on a bug, but they enjoy it.  
Everything hurts. I feel like all the pain and agony in my body is just getting worse and worse. She’s feeding off of me. She’s feeding off of how upset and in pain I am. If I don’t look away, she’ll keep doing it till nothing is left. I don’t know how I know. I just do. I try to look away, but my eyes feel like they’re on fire when I do. I finally get my eyes off of her, and I scream.   
The car swerves, but I don’t care. All I can think about is what I just saw.   
_Her last words were that she forgave me._  
The tears burn my eyes as they spill out of them and down my face. I can’t get in enough air. I’m hyperventilating. I put my hands on the sides of my head to try and make it stop hurting. It hurts so bad, and I can’t make it go away or ignore it anymore.  
 _I killed her. I killed Meredith. I killed my best friend. The last thing she ever said was that she forgave me. I couldn’t even hear it because of the stupid angels. My best friend in the entire world is dead because of me._  
I pull at my hair. I can’t see anything. There are too many tears, and my throat feels like a desert with a rock in it.   
“I’M SORRY!”  
The car has stopped. I can hear Jerry talking, but it sounds so far away. It’s like I’m drowning underwater.  
“I’M SO SORRY, MEREDITH!”  
 _I just want to go back! I want everything to be normal! I just want my best friend back! I want to hold her and pretend like none of this is happening! I want all of this to go away! I hate this!_  
I’m kicking and screaming, and my head starts to hurt from how hard I’m pulling my hair. I don’t stop, though.   
_It hurt Meredith way more when I killed her._  
I can still remember the feeling of the fire everywhere and the burning. Meredith was in so much pain, all because of me. She shouldn’t have forgiven me. Maybe she wouldn’t have if she knew how much it would hurt.   
_I wish I could have heard her tell me how funny my hair looked when it was on fire. Now I never will._  
I’m not screaming words anymore, now I’m just screaming. My throat hurts, but I can’t stop. I feel hands try to reach out and stop me from pulling my hair. I think I might have pulled a little out. I don’t let go, though, and the hands stop. They reach for my shoulders instead, holding me steady.   
It’s Jack.


	35. Dead Best Friends and Monsters Unbearable

I woke up to the sound of Lily screaming like she was on fire.   
The car jerked violently for a moment until Jerry was able to steady it and pull over to the side of the road. Lily kept screaming the entire time, shouting apologies to somebody named Meredith. It only took me a moment to remember that part of her story.  
 _Oh god, wasn’t that her best friend that died?_  
Once we were pulled over, I unbuckled myself and tried to lean over and see what was happening. Lily grabbed at her face and hair and kicked at the seats. She continued to scream at the top of her lungs, and I looked at Jerry with wide eyes.   
“What happened?!”   
“I don’t know! She just started screaming, I don’t know why!”   
I tried to think of what could cause her to freak out like this, and I remembered the fair. Making eye contact with the eyes in the sky. The painful things I had been forced to relive in that moment.   
_She looked._  
I reached forwards and tried to pull her hands away from her hair, but she jerked them away and gripped at it even tighter.   
I could see tears streaming down her cheeks, and my heart ached for her. Whatever she had seen must have been truly horrible.   
I put my hands on her shoulders as I tried to find some way to ground her and calm her down. At least enough so she wouldn’t hurt herself.   
I tried talking to her, but she wasn’t listening.   
I reached over the back seat and pulled her in, and wrapped my arms around her.  
“Lily, you’ve got to calm down. _Please._ ”  
Lily’s screaming faded into a pained wailing. She clung to me like one of those little rhesus monkeys.   
After a moment, I was able to get her hands out of her hair, and then they dug into the fabric of my hoodie. I could see strands of hair tangled in her fingers still, ones she had managed to tear out before I could stop her. I smoothed out her hair with one hand and tried my best to comfort her as best as I could.  
I knew that nothing I did would be able to erase whatever she was forced to see, but at the very least, I could try to let her know she wasn’t alone.   
“What is it, Lily? What did you see? You can tell us.”   
Lily sniffled and whimpered.  
“Meredith. I… I saw her die. But I was her. So I felt it.”  
 _Oh god._ I knew that the thing in the sky was supposed to be an all-powerful pain deity or whatever, but this was just plain cruel.  
“Lily, I’m so sorry.”   
It wasn’t much, but I didn’t know what else I could say.   
“She’s dead because of me. I killed her. Her last words were that she forgave me! I don’t deserve forgiveness!”   
Her voice got loud again, and I was worried she was going to start kicking or tearing at herself again too.  
I kept her held tight to me, and I took a deep breath. Even though I didn’t believe it was her fault, her version of events made dark and somber memories surface in my brain. I knew what I had to do, even if it was difficult. It wouldn’t fix anything, but if anything, she wouldn’t feel alone.   
“I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I know a little bit. A long time ago, something happened, something that was probably my fault. I lost my best friend because of it.”   
I had blocked out the parts about Sabine in the books. It’s not that I didn’t trust Lily, I just knew she would ask me a lot of questions (like she did with everything else in the books), and I didn’t know if I would be able to handle that. What I didn’t realize then was that the sneaky little sneak had scratched off all the white-out, leaving her with the unabridged and uncensored version.  
“What happened?” She asked. Her voice sounded hoarse.  
I took a deep breath, opened the vault, and told her the whole story. About how I probably fell asleep at the wheel and caused a fatal car crash that put my best friend and love of my life in a coma.   
It hurt saying it out loud. It hurt when I told Jerry. It hurt just to think about. That night on his bus apartment felt like so long ago now. Jerry sat there quietly, just rubbing Lily’s back.   
Lily was quiet for a little while. But she’d stopped crying except for a few errant sniffles.  
“I’m sorry, Jack.”  
“It’s okay,” I told her, “sometimes bad things happen like that. What happened wasn’t your fault. I’m sure Meredith wouldn’t hold what happened against you. You had no control over the situation.”  
Lily pulled her face out of my shoulder and smiled a little.  
“Thanks, Jack. You always make me feel better. I don’t think Sabine would be mad at you either.”  
I smiled at her.  
“That means a lot, Lily.”  
Lily yawned again. I ruffled her hair and moved back to my place in the backseat.   
“Lily, everything is gonna be okay, alright? We’re gonna go save the world together and get rid of that stupid son of a bitch in the sky, okay?” Jerry said.  
“Swear jar gonna overflow,” Lily mumbled through a yawn.  
“Why don’t you get some rest?”  
Lily didn’t argue this time. Instead, I watched as she laid her head against the door and dozed off.  
We drove for hours after that. The only indicator of what time it was was the clock on my phone. The only sound was the harsh wind. The streets were devoid of life. There wasn’t much traffic where we were going now, so Jerry turned off the siren so Lily could sleep.   
We crossed the Mississippi border sometime after dawn. I was glad that we didn’t encounter anything super harrowing on our journey so far, but part of me knew that wasn’t going to last much longer.  
Jerry pulled the car over on the Vicksburg bridge. There was enough room, and the rules of the road weren’t necessarily important. He pulled out the food bag.  
“Wake Lily up, would you? She needs breakfast. We all do. Then she can go back to sleep if she wants.”  
I gently shook Lily awake. She yawned and stretched and looked out the window. The Mississippi rushed by like it always did. The reflection from the sky gave it a dark red sheen. It looked like a river of blood.   
“That’s a big river,” Lily said.  
“Yep, it’s the mighty Mississippi. I figured you’d want to take a gander at it while we eat breakfast.”  
Lily didn’t say anything else after that. She just nodded.  
Jerry took the chocolate milk from the cooler bag he’d taken from our house. We had chocolate milk, ham slices, apples, and granola bars for breakfast as we watched the Mississippi river run.  
It somehow managed to be peaceful and foreboding all at once.   
Lily was watching the river intently, eyes focused on the water. Her head was down slightly, so she wouldn’t risk catching a glimpse up at the sky. I couldn’t blame her, I knew how horrifying the experience could be, and I felt like she’d gotten a far worse experience than I had.   
We finished eating and packed everything else in the car, taking one look at the blood-red river before getting ready to continue our journey. Lily fell asleep again once we got back on the road. I was expecting her to. She was definitely still drained. That was good. She needed her rest.  
It wasn’t until about an hour later that she actually woke up and stayed awake.   
We drove for a while, and then Jerry let out a gasp. I saw the sign for the fireworks store a little too late to stop him. He was already on the exit. It was like watching the jug of milk fall to the floor in slo-mo when you drop it.  
Louisiana had specific firework laws. A lot of the bigger stuff wasn’t legal to have, even though people did anyway. In fact, the week before July 4th, lots of people went across the Louisiana-Mississippi border to stock up at one of the giant firework supply stores scattered along the main roads. It was a genius marketing technique, putting them all near the interstates.  
Jerry had tried to get some himself, but I had put my foot down on anything big enough to potentially get the cops called. I didn’t want to piss O’Brien off any more than necessary.  
“Where are we going?” Lily asked.  
“Jerry’s on his way to stress me out more.”   
“What?”   
“Jerry’s taking us to the fireworks store.”   
Lily’s eyes got big at the mention of fireworks.   
“We can’t have fireworks where I’m from. Only the big ones the city does when it’s not raining. My dad always wanted to go get some bigger ones where they’re legal, but my mom never let him.”  
“Your mom and Jack have something in common. He didn’t let me get any good ones on the Fourth of July either.”   
I rolled my eyes, but Lily giggled a little and hearing her happy after everything last night made it kind of worth it.   
We pulled into the empty lot outside the huge fireworks warehouse. Jerry was practically salivating. He parked the car and got out faster than I had ever seen before. The man was incredibly eager to get his hands on some explosives.   
Lily and I followed behind him. Lily quickly caught up with Jerry, clearly excited as well. I trailed back slightly, keeping an eye on our surroundings. I didn’t want to risk being snuck up on by anything.   
The lights were off, and the building was deserted. When we got inside, we were surrounded by brightly colored boxes plastered with names that make me nervous. I wasn’t sure what kind of firework would necessitate a name like “Grounds for Divorce,” but I really didn’t want to find out. The red light from outside didn’t provide much illumination.  
I watched Jerry pull out his Zippo and did a double-take.  
“Jerry, please tell me I don’t have to actually tell you why what you’re doing is just _such_ a bad idea. Use the flashlight, you _bonehead._ ”  
Jerry clicked it back shut and turned to me.  
“Look, Jack. You can’t always expect my usual brand of stupid. I gotta shake it up sometimes.”  
“On second thought, why don’t you just blow us all away now?”  
Lily was giggling uncontrollably. Jerry put away his lighter and grabbed the flashlight.  
“Alright, enough dicking around. Let’s do this.”  
I didn’t even have a chance to try to get some sort of hold on the combination of Jerry and way too many fireworks. He was already holding a colossal box labeled “Waking Up The Gators” in one hand and “God of Thunder” in the other with the biggest smile on his face. The flashlight was tucked under his armpit and shining right in my face.  
“We’re going to make Thor proud with these. Jack, get us a cart.”   
I was already starting to regret letting this happen.   
“Jerry—”  
“I like this box! Can we get these?”  
Lily held up a box with a snarling black cat on it.  
“Black Cats! You’ve got quite the eye for fireworks, Lily.”  
“I like the kitty.”  
“That is also perfectly valid. You’re a smart girl with smart tastes, Lily.”  
I sighed and found a cart, knowing that there was no way I would be able to win an argument here. They were getting their fireworks. The most I could do was try and make sure they didn’t blow themselves up when they set them off.   
When I brought the buggy over, Jerry immediately set the boxes they had already chosen in the buggy and then picked Lily up and set her inside too.   
“Alright, you ready to pick out some more?”   
Lily cheered, and Jerry took hold of the cart and started to race down the first aisle at top speed. By the time they were done, the buggy was full of firecrackers and bottle rockets, and various other dangerous explosives one would call “fun.”  
While they shopped, I did my own browsing. I hadn’t intended to pick anything out, but I had found myself drawn to one display.   
It was made up of big dark boxes, with the words “Hellhound Shells” printed on the side. There were pictures of big black dogs with fiery eyes adorning the sides.   
I’m not sure why I was so intrigued, I’m not even that into fireworks, but I picked up the box and tucked it under my arm anyways. It felt right to grab them. Plus, if we were spending time stopping here, I might as well contribute too.   
When Jerry walked up to me, he and Lily were both giggling like maniacs. It was nice to hear, even if this whole excursion was ridiculous.   
Jerry’s eyes lit up when he saw the box under my arm.   
“Look at you getting into the spirit!”   
“Yay for Jack!!” Lily shouted.  
I shrugged and put my box in the cart with the dozens of others.   
“I figured if the trunk was going to get filled with explosives, I should at least pick out one.”   
“Hell yeah! Except we’re probably not going to be able to fit all of these into the trunk. Some will have to go in the backseat.”   
I looked at the cart and realized that he was right. With the number of fireworks they had loaded up in the buggy, we were going to end up with more fireworks than regular supplies.   
“You don’t think this is overkill at all, Jerry?” I asked.  
“Nope! This is the perfect amount of fireworks. In fact, one might argue that it’s _not enough_ fireworks, but I’m not one to test your patience.”   
“You are _definitely_ one to test my patience. You test my patience every day, Jerry.”   
Jerry just shrugged and grinned.  
We went back outside and loaded what we could into the trunk. The rest got piled into the back seat. Jerry ended up relinquishing two huge boxes so that Lily could still have space back there. We pulled back out onto the highway and continued our journey.  
We rode along in relative silence. The radio stations had gone out at some point, and all that would play now was static. If we left it on for too long, we could hear voices in it. Strange voices. Unnatural voices.   
We left the radio off.  
Eventually, Jerry got tired of the quiet and tried to rope us into some road trip games. It was a half-hearted effort, but we had a little fun playing Twenty Questions. I actually learned some new things about Jerry. Lily came up with a couple questions I wouldn’t have ever thought of. Apparently, Jerry’s favorite dinosaur is a Corythosaurus. The reason being that they had crests on their heads that amplified the sound of their calls. Or in Jerry’s words: “they’re loud boys.”   
We rode through most of Mississippi in relative peace. Honestly, I was surprised at how long it took for things to fall apart.  
It started as a howl in the distance. And then a dark red glow on the horizon behind us.  
Then there were black shapes trailing behind the car faster than any of us were comfortable with.   
I couldn’t make out what they were at first, but the second I could, I wished that I didn’t have the eyes to see it. _Maybe Brick Roscoe had the right idea._  
Six black dogs were chasing after the car. Actually, beasts would probably be the better way to describe it. Sure, they looked like dogs at first glance. They were huge and black, with bodies similar to that of a Rottweiler. However, they were much larger and had muscles so hulky they ripped through the skin. Six-inch claws adorned each of their paws. But the face was the part that made it very obvious that these weren’t normal dogs. The muzzles were giant, filled with sharp teeth, and pulled into permanent snarls. A red glow emanated from their mouths, like their insides were on fire, or better yet, _made_ out of fire. Large horns adorned the sides of their heads, spiraled and sharp at the tips.   
Then there were the eyes.   
They glowed with the light of a thousand trash can fires, bright and angry. It looked like the pits of Hell were being reflected in them. The air was thick with the cloying scent of rotten eggs, or more accurately, brimstone.  
“Hellhounds…” I whispered to myself, realizing precisely what these things were.   
Jerry had his foot pressed onto the gas, and he was doing everything in his power to try and get away from them. Thankfully the car managed to keep us away from the hellhounds well enough. At least, it did for a while.   
Then, we started to slow down, and the dogs gained on us far faster than before.   
The police cruiser’s speed continued to fall, and one of the dogs was practically on top of the car now. Jerry had to swerve when it tried to slam into the back end.   
Lily was shouting, clutching the gun Benji gave her with white knuckles, and I could hear Jerry letting out a slew of curses as the car continued to decrease in speed. We hadn’t stopped yet, but we might if this kept going for much longer.   
“Jerry! Why are we slowing down!?”   
“For people who work at a gas station, we sure forgot that we needed to stop for gas!”   
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”  
“I’LL GUN IT AS LONG AS I CAN! BUT I THINK WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO RUN, DUDE!”  
Then, there was a loud noise from above us, and long claws sunk into the roof of the cruiser. One of the hellhounds had managed to launch itself onto the car, and it raked its nails through the metal above us, trying to get inside.   
I tried to reach for one of the weapons Benji had equipped us with but fumbled and ended up dropping it. It promptly slid underneath my seat, the Universe’s latest “fuck you” in his situation. I did my best to reach for it while Jerry attempted to get the beast off the roof by swerving. It didn’t help the hellhound’s efforts, but it didn’t really do much to deter it.   
Then Jerry swerved a little harder and ended up fishtailing. It wasn’t for long, only a couple seconds, but it was long enough for the cruiser to use its remaining speed to slam into the median on the side of the road. The front was crushed like a soda can. Jerry and I were showered in glass, leaving tiny cuts on our faces. Honestly, I had been expecting much worse.  
The whole car jerked, and the hellhound was finally launched off of the roof. I would have been sent through the windshield had Jerry not put an arm in front of me to keep me in place. I probably bruised Jerry’s arm with my chest, but at least I was still in my seat.   
“THEY’RE GONNA GET IN! WE HAVE TO RUN!” Lily yelled.  
Jerry and I weren’t about to question Lily’s accuracy on this. If she said something was going to happen, she was almost always right. I was pretty sure that I wasn’t going to get far with only one of two of my original legs, but I’d already accepted my own death so many times by this point.  
All three of us scrambled from the car, Lily holding onto her gun as she stepped out onto the pavement. We didn’t get out a moment too soon either, because seconds after we got out, one of the hellhounds crashed through the back windshield, right where Lily had been sitting. These things were terrifying, but they weren’t all that bright.  
We didn’t stick around to watch it get out of the car. We just ran. We moved as fast as our legs would take us, not daring to look behind us to see where the hellhounds were.   
The hellhounds quickly lost interest in the car when they figured out we weren’t in it. As I looked back to see them gaining on us, my leg gave out just like I knew it would eventually, and I went tumbling to the hard asphalt.  
Jerry turned around to try and help me, but it was too late. The hellhounds started to surround me, leaving no room for me to escape. Once again, I was a goner.   
I didn’t have anything to defend myself. Even if I wasn’t just a scrawny gas station owner, there’s no way I could have physically fought the massive creatures slowly closing in on me. I didn’t stand a chance.  
I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the impact. I hoped that Jerry and Lily would keep running. At the very least, the hellhounds tearing me apart would give them some extra time to escape. I’d been torn apart by wolves before. I could do this, couldn’t I? It would be a walk in the park.  
 _I’m sorry, you guys. Please don’t get killed for me._  
Then there was a loud bang, followed by two more in rapid succession. The hellhound in front of me let out a loud yelp after the last shot went off.   
I opened my eyes again to find that one of the hellhound’s horns had been broken, only half of it still remaining on its head.   
“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” I could hear Lily shouting.   
A clicking noise and another two shots, and the hounds started to retreat, leaving the circle they had formed around me one by one.   
I turned around to see Lily standing holding up the gun Benji had given her, the barrel still smoking, and a look of fierce determination in her eyes.   
She looked ready to take on anything.   
Once the dogs were gone, Jerry let out a low whistle. He looked a little pale, I could tell that he was still shaken up, but he was smiling.   
“Did you see that!? We’ve got a regular badass on our hands, Jack!”   
I gave him a weak smile back. It might have been stronger had I not been seconds away from getting my head ripped off.   
“Yeah, we really do.”   
Lily slung Violet back onto her back. She looked pretty pleased with herself after hearing Jerry’s praise.   
“Just doing my job. That’s what Benji told me. To protect ‘you morons.’ I don’t think you’re morons, but I’ll still protect you.”  
“Alright gang, the car’s toast, so why don’t we get what we can and start moving before the devil dogs decide they want Lily to tell them what’s good again?”   
Lily helped me to my feet. I wobbled a bit.   
“That sounds like a good idea.”   
The three of us made our way back to the wrecked cruiser. Looking at how smashed in the front was made me wince. The hellhounds didn’t kill me, but Amy would when she found out we wrecked her cruiser.   
“Yeah, there’s no way we’re gonna be able to drive this. We’re lucky it hasn’t exploded yet.”  
Just as Jerry said that the front began to smoke.  
“Do you ever get tired of jinxing us, Jerry?”  
“Name one other time I’ve jinxed us.”   
“I don’t think we have time for me to list them all right now.”  
“Just say you can’t name one, Jack.”  
The smoke turned black and thick. The air smelled burnt, and not just from the hellhounds.  
“Jerry!”  
The smoke was so thick you couldn’t see through it.  
“Okay. Well... whether it was because of a jinx or not is up for debate. But we need to get our shit _now._ ”   
We told Lily to stay back from the car just in case while Jerry and I got the bags out of the car. We knew we couldn’t carry all of it, so we had to leave some stuff. Jerry insisted we get at least some of the fireworks out of the trunk, and I couldn’t find it in my heart to deny him of a few black cats and bottle rockets.  
I cringed a little when I saw the box of “Hellhound Shells” sitting in the back of the car. _Oh very funny, Universe. You’re quite the fucking comedian, aren’t you?_  
When we got everything, we ran away from the car. It was smoking and making weird noises.  
Lily started to walk towards the car.   
“Lily! What are you doing?!” I called out.   
Seeing her so close to the cruiser while it sputtered and spit out those clouds of black made me nervous. She didn’t respond, just got closer to the car.   
“Lilypad it’s not safe next to that! Come on!”   
Jerry started to move towards her like he was going to scoop her up and carry her back if he had to.   
He didn’t get too far, though, because Lily knelt down next to the car for just a moment, paused, and then started sprinting back towards us before Jerry could get more than a few feet.   
When she got close to us again, we could see what she had done. Underneath her eyes, there were two black smudges of oil. She looked incredibly proud of herself.   
“If I’m going to be a badass, I should look like one!”   
Jerry couldn’t help but laugh.   
“Damn kid, you really are something else! I love it. You really do look like a certified badass!”   
I smiled a little too. It was honestly adorable. However, I still did my best to be firm when I spoke next.   
“It looks great, but how about we don’t get next to the smoking car next time?”   
Lily looked a little guilty, but before she could give an apology, there was a huge bang, and the car behind her went up into a fireball. We could feel the heat on our faces.  
“MOVE!” Jerry yelled, shoving us all back.  
I didn’t understand why until I did. Though the blast hadn’t hit us, the ensuing explosion of like a thousand fireworks at once definitely would have.   
Thankfully Jerry managed to get us out of the way before our shopping trip led to our untimely deaths.   
The sound was deafening, with tons of huge bangs all sounding off at once and explosions of color. Even once the impromptu fireworks display ended, I still had ringing in my ears. I looked at Jerry with a scowl on my face.   
“See, I told you there were too many fireworks.”   
After a beat of silence, Jerry burst out laughing, followed by Lily, and soon even I was laughing a little too. There wasn’t anything funny about the situation. In fact, the whole scenario was pretty fucked up. Still, almost dying together multiple times made everything feel funnier for some reason. Whether it was the adrenaline or just the knowledge that we’d get to live to laugh at another dumb joke and should savor it while we could, it was nice.   
We began the journey on foot in the direction we were initially headed. We moved out of the area pretty fast, because as Jerry put it: “zombie rules.” By that, he meant that whatever monsters were lurking around would probably be attracted to the loud noises of the cruiser lighting up like the 4th of July.   
Lily slowed down, and Jerry ended up carrying her when she was basically asleep on her feet. The hellhound attack had definitely worn us out, but her even more so. My watch said it was 4 in the afternoon, but she definitely still needed the rest.   
It was still a little hard to believe that she had fended them off on her own. Still, she was probably one of the toughest little girls out there.   
We probably walked for around two hours when we finally came across something.   
Jerry had a sleeping Lily in his arms. I walked along behind him, keeping watch for monsters as best I could. We stopped in our tracks as the shapes appeared in the distance. I immediately reached for the gun I had retrieved from under the car seat, in case we needed to defend ourselves.   
I didn’t put the gun away when I realized that the figures we were moving towards were human. In a time like this, other people could be almost as dangerous as creatures like the hellhounds. I was in full Super Defense Mode now.  
I kept the gun trained on the people until they were in full view of us. I only lowered it when I realized that one of the figures was a young boy. He couldn’t have been more than fifteen. He was short with very dark skin. With him was a woman, probably a few years older than Jerry and me. She was tall with tan skin and dark hair. Both of them looked worn down. Like they hadn’t slept at all. I wouldn’t have blamed them. Not with everything going on. They were standing next to a truck. It looked like it had broken down on the side of the road.   
Their heads snapped towards us when Lily made a soft sound in her sleep. The woman looked ready to attack if we got any closer. I was surprised they hadn’t noticed us before that. Then I realized just how quiet Jerry had been too. Usually, he’s whistling or talking about some off-the-wall thing, but he must’ve understood the possible danger we were coming upon.  
Jerry and I both froze, not daring to take another step. We didn’t know what these two might have to defend themselves with, and we didn’t want to risk getting hurt if they had any actual firepower.   
We stood in silence for a moment, all of us ready to defend ourselves if necessary.   
Then Jerry spoke up and broke the silence.  
“You two look like shit.”   
The boy shot back at him with no hesitation.   
“You guys don’t look much better.”  
Jerry chuckled.  
“I guess you’ve got us there. You two know how much a polar bear weighs?”  
The woman made a weird face. The boy responded with a timid “that depends on the age and gender.”   
I stepped in front of Jerry.  
“Forgive my dumbass friend. He’s really nice, but he doesn’t have much tact.”   
They both still looked suspicious of us.  
“Are you guys okay? Having car troubles?” Jerry asked.  
The woman kept her guard up but nodded.   
“Why, do you know anything about cars?”   
Jerry gave her a great big grin, the one he always gives to new people. It was the kind, clueless one, the one that made him into a friend most of the time.  
“I know a little bit. I can take a look if you promise not to kill us.”   
“How do we know you won’t try to kill us? Things haven’t exactly been kind the past day or two, that includes the people.”   
Jerry thought for a second and then took a tiny step closer. He adjusted Lily in his arms and brushed some hair out of her face.   
“Well, I don’t think witnessing us murdering you would be great for her. You have a kid with you. You know how that is. We won’t hurt you guys.”   
The woman’s facial features softened slightly as she looked at Lily curled up in Jerry’s arms. Jerry passed her over to me and moved to the hood of the truck. He started tinkering around with some things as Lily yawned and shifted in my arms, presumably to get more comfortable.   
The woman glanced over at the boy with her, a wistful sort of look in her eyes.   
“How old is she?”   
“Oh, she’s nine.”   
She smiled and gestured at the boy.   
“My boy is fourteen. They grow up fast, don’t they?”   
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I had no idea since Lily had only been with us a few weeks. I just nodded, and she nodded in return. It was a strange moment. Technically I wasn’t a parent, but there was a feeling of solidarity there.   
We were both here looking after kids in the middle of this shit show, trying our best to keep them safe.   
“Try it now!” Jerry shouted optimistically, his hands covered in oil. The woman went over to the car and turned the key in the ignition. The car roared to life.  
“Awh, bitchin’!” Jerry yelled over the car’s engine.  
The woman let out a relieved laugh, clearly excited to have her vehicle in working order again.   
“You work fast!”   
“Nothing to it. It was a pretty easy fix. I won’t even charge you guys.” Jerry said, giving her a friendly wink.   
She laughed again and then turned off the car before climbing out.  
“Thank you, really. I really don’t know how long we would have been stuck here if you hadn’t come around. Why don’t you guys stick around for a bit? Tahoma caught a big fish earlier, and there’s plenty to share.”  
I hesitated for a second but seeing the kind look on the woman’s face, I didn’t feel like anything bad would happen if we took her up on the offer. I turned to Jerry and raised an eyebrow at him, letting him know that whatever we did was his decision.   
He turned away from me and gave the woman a big toothy smile.  
“We’d be honored. It’ll be nice to have some extra company tonight.”   
I couldn’t argue with that. Plus, we hadn’t really had any fresh food for a while. Apples and ham sandwiches were great, sure, but the idea of fresh-caught fish made my stomach grumble its approval.  
Lily woke up, and we all pitched in to build a fire. We sat just beyond the edge of the road as the smell of open-flame roasted fish filled the air. The boy, Tahoma, had also found some sort of edible mushrooms, and we spared some saltine crackers and an apple or two. Jerry was disappointed that the mushrooms weren’t the psychedelic kind, but they were delicious anyway.  
It was a nice meal, and everyone was able to relax a little despite the circumstances.   
The woman, who we had learned was named Miakoda, was utterly enamored with Lily. It wasn’t hard to see why. Lily had been in an incredibly confident mood since our encounter with the hellhounds, and she had no trouble being insanely charming the entire time we set up our temporary camp. Lily let Miakoda brush out the tangles in her hair with a wooden comb, and we listened as she told us stories about her life. From what I gathered from her stories and how they talked, she and her son were from somewhere out in the Southwest, probably Arizona or Nevada. They’d been on a road trip when the sky had opened up. It was an interesting story, but it made me feel sick thinking about it. The thought that there were so many people whose lives got derailed and probably even cut short because of something we’d gone and done was a dark, sour one.  
We swapped stories until the fire burned low, and everyone was full and tired. Miakoda and I were the last ones left awake.   
She looked over at me. The flickering flames dancing in her brown eyes made her look wise beyond her years.  
“She’s a sweet little girl.”   
I nodded at her, glancing over at Lily. She was curled up next to Jerry, looking more peaceful than I had seen her in a while.   
“She really is.”   
“Treasure this time you have with her. You never know when it might end.”   
I blinked at her. For a second, I thought that she knew that Lily would get taken away after the end of the world was stopped. Then I remembered that there’s no way she could’ve known that. She thought Lily was actually my daughter. I wasn’t sure what to say in response, so I just nodded again.   
She looked over at her own son, who was asleep on the ground a few feet from her, and she got a wistful look in her eyes.   
“I almost lost mine, you know. Tahoma got sick when he was little. For a while, I didn’t think he would pull through.”   
“I’m so sorry...that sounds awful.” I didn’t know what else to say.   
There were tears in her eyes for a moment, as if recalling the memory was incredibly painful. It probably was. I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle that sort of thing. She really was a strong woman.   
“Well, there’s a lesson in that, Jack. Cherish each moment you have with her. You never know when it could be the last. Especially with what’s going on now.”  
I looked back over at Lily. She yawned and snuggled into Jerry.   
Her words meant more than she probably realized. I knew for a fact that when this was all over, there would end up being a last moment with Lily. O’Brien would take her back to wherever she would go, and I’d probably never see her again.  
The thought of that turned my stomach.  
I looked at her, trying my best to convey that I was taking in her message and understood.   
I wanted her to know her words weren’t falling on deaf ears.   
“I will.”   
“Good, now you should get some rest. We all have to be rested. Tomorrow is another long day.”   
“You first. We can go in shifts. It’ll probably be a long time before I can fall asleep.”   
She nodded and laid down on the ground with everyone else. After a few minutes, her breathing leveled out, and I was left alone with my thoughts.   
I watched as Lily and Jerry slept, Jerry seeming to shield her from any danger even in a deep sleep.   
I locked Miakoda’s words into my mind. No matter how fucked things got, I promised myself that I would make sure we kept Lily safe, and I would treasure every moment of it.   
I wasn’t typically sentimental like that, but a lot had changed since Lily came into the picture. She had affected my life so much in so little time. I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget any of it, even if our time together was running out.   
I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, but my eyes were sore and tired.  
My eyes opened instantly when I heard Lily gasp. She was staring out into the trees, her face pale.  
 _’Something bad is about to happen.’_  
 _What? What did you see?_  
 _’They’ll be fine, but we have to go. It’s the only way they’ll survive.’_  
 _What about us?_  
Lily didn’t answer.   
_Lily? What about us?_  
Instead, she got up and quickly grabbed her bag.   
I relented and followed her lead, grabbing my own bag and making sure I had everything together. I picked up Jerry’s bag too and then nudged Jerry awake.   
“Dude, wake up!” I whisper-shouted at him.   
He sat up groggily, looking at me with confusion.   
“Are we leaving? We didn’t even get to have breakfast! Why are we—”   
I shushed him and handed him his bag.   
“Lily saw something, we have to leave, or they’ll get hurt,” I spoke quietly, not wanting to wake Miakoda and Tahoma.   
The last thing we needed was them waking up and possibly bringing Lily’s vision to pass.   
Jerry didn’t question any further. He gave the two sleeping figures a nervous glance and then helped gather the rest of our stuff.  
We were about ready to leave, but Jerry stopped. He crouched down, opening up one of our bags and taking out one of the guns. He sat it on the ground next to Miakoda and then got out a box of ammo to set beside her as well. I watched him as he picked up the bag again and slung it over his shoulder. He looked up at me and shrugged.   
“They didn’t have any weapons with them. I want them to be able to protect themselves, just in case.”   
I nodded at him. I hadn’t needed an explanation. I wanted them to be safe just as much as Jerry did. We double-checked that we had everything and then turned to leave.  
I remembered the promise I made to Miakoda and to myself, then whispered a quiet goodbye as we started to walk away from the makeshift camp. I really hoped that they would be okay.  
As we walked down the highway, Lily got a pained look on her face. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know, so I didn’t ask her.   
Just as dawn was rolling around, we all noticed a foul smell in the air.   
It wasn’t like the scent from the hellhounds, but it wasn’t better by any stretch of the imagination. It was like sour milk and decay— gag-inducing with just a hint of that vile sweetness, not unlike a corpse.   
I guessed the scent was coming from the low hanging fog.   
I tried to ignore my sense of foreboding, but it became more demanding as the fog grew thicker. The smell became almost intolerable. Even Jerry was having a hard time dealing with it, and he had a pretty high tolerance for disgusting things. Lily was turning green and trying not to gag too much. I felt my stomach churning also.  
Lily looked on the verge of gagging, and I wished there was some way that I could make this a little less uncomfortable for her. Before I could even attempt to think of something that might help with the stench, we saw a figure off in the distance in the fog.   
I had a feeling we wouldn’t get lucky and run into some friendly travelers twice, and my suspicion was confirmed when a low growl came from the hulking shape. As it got closer, I could distinguish what we were dealing with a little better. I wished I hadn’t.  
The bear that was advancing on us made Koda look like a Build-A-Bear. Dark, coagulated blood clung to its sickly yellow fur. It had a shorter snout than most bears I’d seen, and its canines were as big as my forearm. As it growled, clouds of fog issued forth from its mouth. All three of us were frozen.   
When it stood up on its hind legs, I felt like an ant in the path of an approaching asteroid.  
It was probably around twelve feet tall, easily towering over us. If we were at the gas station, it wouldn’t have been able to stand like that without breaking through the ceiling. I heard Jerry mutter under his breath next to me as we stared at the massive creature, none of us able to move.   
“Holy dick on a pickle… is that [Arctodus simus](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bwhroQL44HOKkd4xvUD1AGKorRGBxNEA/view?usp=sharing)?”  
Jerry never ceased to amaze me with how idiotic and brilliant he could be in the same breath. Before I had time to question how the hell Jerry knew the specific scientific name of this monstrosity, the bear let out a loud roar.   
It shook the ground around us, and the sound was enough to jolt us out of our stupor. We started to move again, running like hell to try and escape the bear’s wrath. It had longer legs than any bear I’d ever seen, and I knew that we wouldn’t be able to outrun it.  
For a moment, I saw all three of us sprawled out on the pavement, gutted and half-eaten.   
_No._  
There had to be something I could do to stop that from happening.   
I pulled the pistol from the bag on my back.  
“SUCK ON THIS, BITCH!”  
I made sure that my aim was right, and then I chucked the gun as hard as I could at the bear’s face. For half a second, I felt pretty badass. The hit had been a good one, smacking the bear square in the face.  
Then I heard Jerry let out a loud sigh next to me, and I realized that _oh my god I fucking did it again._  
“Well, at least your aim is getting better.”  
Before I could say something to even attempt to defend my honor, the bear let out another earth-shattering roar. This one was far more agitated sounding than the first.  
There was a pothole in the road, and Lily was sent tumbling to the ground.   
She struggled for a moment to get up, and the bear saw its opportunity. It started lumbering towards her, snarling and preparing to attack.   
I was moving before I even realized it, throwing myself in front of where Lily was sprawled out on the ground. I didn’t even have time to brace for the impact before the claws came down.   
I felt the claws raking across my chest and felt the putrid fog spilling from the bear’s mouth hit my face. Aggie’s claws were nothing compared to this. I didn’t fully process the pain at first. My mind was stuck on making sure Lily was okay, but when I saw that Jerry had helped her up off the ground, the pain hit me like a brick straight to the soul. Blood oozed through my shirt and onto the road. I groaned. I tried to get up but flopped back down onto the road like a dying fish. The bear was moving closer to me, ready to lumber in for the kill.  
“GET AWAY FROM HIM!” Lily screamed at the bear.  
Violet was in her hands, ready to use.  
The bear let out a loud roar that shook the ground.   
_Or was the ground shaking before that?_  
Lily roared right back, puffing out her chest. She had a fierce look in her eyes, almost a match for the primal rage in the eyes of the giant bear.   
She aimed the shotgun and fired off two shots into the bear’s center mass. It didn’t react much at all, just let out an annoyed growl.   
Lily swallowed.  
“Oh no.”  
The bear took a massive step closer to where Jerry and Lily were. I wanted to try and help, but at this point, I was pretty much useless. The gashes the bear had left on my chest had done a pretty good job of incapacitating me.   
The bear took another step, and the ground continued to shake beneath us. The bear let out another tremendous roar, but it was slowly drowned out by another noise.   
It started as a low pitched growl but then transitioned into a loud barking. It was impossibly loud, and for some strange reason, familiar.   
I wasn’t sure if it was the pain of my injuries or something else, but I knew that barking.   
Then, I saw a green glow start to cut through the fog, and I realized why I knew the sound. Though the bear dwarfed her in size, her aggression more than made up for it. Rita slammed headfirst into the bear, and they were a blur of yellow and neon green fur. She blew a fiery breath into the bear’s face, and it roared in pain. My eyes were hot and sore. My face felt sticky. _Was that blood? Am I bleeding that much?_  
Everything felt so heavy. _I just needed to close my eyes, just for a minute._


	36. I'm Lily Madwhip and I Don't Like Alabama

The big bear ran off after Rita gave it some really nasty bites. It let out a thunderous roar that I took to mean, “looks like we’re gonna have to call this one a draw!”  
Now Rita is sitting next to me while Jerry tries to patch up Jack. She got pretty beat up by the bear. She’s got big scratches on her legs, and there’s a chunk torn off her ear. One of her wings is torn, and she’s bleeding green blood everywhere.  
Jack got scratched really bad. He’s passed out now, lying in the road. I’m trying not to look at it, because there’s lots of blood and the cuts look really deep.  
Jerry had gotten all the medicine and stuff out of one of the bags and taken off Jack’s ripped up shirt. Now he’s trying to clean up all the blood. He looks scared. I probably look scared too.  
Jack doesn’t look like he’s breathing much.  
_I really don’t want him to die. If you can hear me, please don’t die, Jack._  
He doesn’t say anything back to me. That only makes me more worried.  
Jerry finishes getting the cuts mostly clean, and then I hear him curse.  
“Shit. This is probably gonna need stitches.”  
He digs around in the bag, looking for the little kit that Jack used when he stitched up my back. He pulls it out when he finds it and starts stitching up the ugly gashes across his chest. Jack groans in pain, and his eyes flutter.  
“Yeah, well, I’ve got a pet dragon. Who’s the fuckboy now?” He mutters.  
He must be dreaming about the old lady monster.  
Jerry stitches up his cuts, and he spreads Vaseline on them. My mom used to spread it under my nose when I would get a cold. I’d blow my nose a lot, and it would hurt, but Vaseline always made me feel better. So would my mom…  
I try to shake the thought away because it makes me sad, and I really don’t want to cry again. I cried up all my tears after I looked up at the sky.  
Jerry finds a clean shirt in Jack’s bag and puts it on him once he’s all clean and bandaged up. Jack still looks really pale, but at least he isn’t all bloody anymore. I can see his stitches through the shirt. His chest still looks all messed up, but it seems less like he lost a fight with a tiger.  
Once he’s done, Jerry looks at me. There’s blood on his hands, and he’s a little shaky.  
“Okay, we’re going to let Jack and Rita rest for a little bit, okay? Then we’re going to keep moving.”  
“I think Rita needs some help,” I tell him.  
Rita does a little raccoony whine of pain.  
“Fuck, you’re right. Poor thing. Rita saved our asses, and I’ve been ignoring her. C’mere girl.”  
Jerry looks at all of Rita’s cuts, and then he brings the supplies over to her. He starts cleaning up the smaller cuts, and then he works on the big ones. Once he has her bandaged up in the worst spots, he begins to look at her wing.  
The tear in it is big and ugly looking, and when Jerry touches it, Rita snaps at him a little. Jerry doesn’t look scared, though. He knows she won’t actually hurt him. She’s just upset because it hurts.  
“Shhhh, it’s alright, girl. Daddy’s gonna take real good care of you.”  
Jerry scratches her behind her non-bitten ear, and she thumps her big tail against the ground.  
“Alright, alright, you deserve a treat before we go any further.”  
He digs into the food back and pulls out two slices of bread and a can of tuna. The tuna doesn’t smell very good to me, but Rita thumps her tail even louder when Jerry opens the can. Jerry drains the water into Rita’s drooly mouth and then puts the tuna in between the bread slices. He gives the sandwich to her, and once she’s happily munching, he starts to work on her wing.  
He very carefully stitches up the tears. Rita flinches a few times while he works, but she doesn’t snap again. Jerry is really careful with her until she’s all patched up.  
Once she’s fixed up, Jerry lets Rita lay down and rest for a little while. She curls up next to where Jack is lying, keeping him safe while she rests.  
It makes me sad to see them both hurt, but at least they’re together, and they’re going to be okay. I think.  
_I hope they’ll be okay._  
Jack tries to stand up, but Jerry stops him.  
“Dude, we gotta get out of here. That thing could come back.”  
Jack’s voice is weak and dry. Rita opens one of her six eyes and looks at Jack. She makes a rumbling sound in the back of her throat when Jack tries to get up, and she moves closer to him.  
“Jack, seriously, don’t get up,” Jerry says, his voice is a lot more serious than usual.  
“Even Rita agrees. Just get some rest, okay? We’ll be just fine, and we’ll keep going when you’ve got a little more strength.”  
Jack doesn’t try to move again, but I’m not sure if that’s because Jerry convinced him or if he’s just too hurt to try again. Rita starts making a loud purr sound, and Jack closes his eyes.  
“Are you and Lily okay?” Jack asks.  
He’s barely louder than a whisper.  
Jerry pushes some hair out of Jack’s face and nods.  
“We’re both okay, don’t worry about us. Just get some more rest, Jack.”  
Jerry makes us sandwiches and another tuna sandwich for Rita. We sit there for a few hours, doing not much of anything, and then Rita stands up.  
“What is it, girl?” I ask her.  
She barks in response and then scoops me up onto her back.  
“Wee!”  
I giggle as Rita sets me down on her back, and I scoot forward a little to make room for Jack and Jerry. I’m really careful to not press on any of Rita’s cuts.  
Jerry gently helps Jack up off the ground. Jack is awake, and he’s standing up, but he has to lean on Jerry a lot. Rita helps them both up onto her back, Jack first and then Jerry. Jerry lets Jack lean on him again once he’s situated, and then Rita starts to carry us all down the road. It’s a bumpy ride, and I cling onto Jerry’s back the whole time. Jack is drifting in and out of sleep almost the entire time. He never really goes to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time, but I know we’re all glad he’s getting rest.  
We ride like that for most of the day, Rita stopping to sniff bushes or lap at puddles. I’m just glad we don’t have to walk. Jerry feeds her a couple more times, and finally, we stop for the night. We’re in a clearing by a river.  
We all get off Rita’s back and start to set up a camp. Jerry helps Jack off Rita and onto the ground. He takes some shirt from one of the bags and creates a makeshift pillow under Jack’s head. Then Jerry starts to look for things around the clearing to try and build a fire with. He breaks some low branches off of the trees. Rita runs off towards the river.  
“Rita! Wait! You can’t get those wet! Son of a baby bastard in a basket, I’m gonna have to redo them, aren’t I?”  
I’m not really sure what a baby bastard in a basket is, but I giggle anyway. Jerry sighs and starts fixing up the fire. I can hear Rita splashing around in the water.  
Once the fire is built, Jerry starts to go through the food, looking for something suitable for dinner. He doesn’t have to do much looking, though.  
Rita comes over with a giant fish dangling from her mouth. Her tail is thumping, and she looks pleased about what she caught. She should be too. It’s a massive fish.  
“Good work, girl! We’re gonna eat like royalty tonight!”  
Jerry takes the big fish from Rita with a big smile and a scratch behind her good ear. Rita comes over and lays by Jack, who fixes up her stitches while Jerry gets a fire going.  
Jerry starts cutting up the fish. It has whiskers. I’ve never seen a fish with whiskers. It’s neat looking, in an ugly sort of way. He sticks each strip of fish meat with two long branches and has me help him hold them over the fire. He wraps the guts and stuff in some sort of cloth and sticks it near the fire.  
He gives the rest to Rita. She snaps it all up happily, licking her big green lips. Then he pulls a can of tomato soup out of the food bag. He’s worried about how light it’s getting, but he doesn’t say it out loud. He gets the can open with his pocket knife and sticks it near the fire too. I watch the soup bubble and steam as it heats up.  
As the fish cooks, Jerry fixes all of Rita’s snapped and wet stitches. When the fish is all hot and brown, we take it away from the fire. There’s one for each of us, and we eat it on the sticks like marshmallows. I miss marshmallows. I haven’t had any since my mom and dad…  
I don’t finish that thought.  
The fish is good. Jerry teaches me how to eat around the bones, and he also has us dip chunks of fish in the tomato soup to make them taste better. When it’s all gone, we pass the rest of the soup between the three of us. Jerry takes the last can of tuna and mixes it with the cooked fishy parts, giving Rita what he calls a Tuna 2.0 sandwich. Rita is very pleased with her dinner, and after eating it, she lays her head down and falls asleep. Her deep, rumbly breaths make me feel safe. I snuggle into her fur, and so does Jerry. He pulls me close to one side, and Jack close to the other.

*******

I’m standing on the side of a hill. I can hear someone whistling in the distance. I recognize the song! It’s Bear Necessities from the Jungle Book. As soon as I hear it, it gets stuck in my head.  
 _Look for the bear necessities, the simple bear necessities…_  
The sky is still dark red. Everything smells eggy and rotten like the scary black dogs did.  
 _Forget about your worries and your strife..._  
I walk up the hill towards the whistling. When I come to the top, there he is. He’s sitting on a big blue and white checkered blanket.  
“Hey there, kiddo! Missed ya.”  
“Bill Murray!’  
I come over and sit down. He’s got a big yellow basket sitting next to him.  
“Care to share a picnic?”  
“I’d love to!” I tell him.  
I love picnics. I’m starving. Also, my eyes hurt. Everything feels hot and shaky. Honestly, I feel awful.  
I try to look up at the sky. _I wonder if she’s still there._  
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, kiddo.”  
I look back down. Bill Murray is probably right.  
“Let’s try and get rid of that nasty sky, hm?”  
He waves his hand, and the sky is suddenly a brilliant blue. A few big fluffy clouds float by. It’s so beautiful it hurts my brain.  
 _It’s been forever since I’ve seen the sky anything but red._  
Instead of the dry and burnt grass, it’s all soft and green. There’s a big oak tree shading us, and I can hear birds singing. The side of the hill is full of wildflowers and butterflies.  
“Is that better, Lily?”  
I turn back to him. I have tears in my eyes. _It’s just so pretty._  
“It’s perfect.”  
He pulls out sandwiches, cheese crackers, fruit salad, and even Oreos! He hands me a bottle of strawberry milk, and he gets out one of those glass beer bottles for himself. Even the beer bottle is pretty. It sparkles in the sunlight. It reminds me of Jophiel, but I know Bill Murray doesn't suck like Johpiel does.  
I chew my mouthful of sandwich and take a sip of strawberry milk. It’s better than anything I’ve ever tasted.  
“Do you have to give me another message? Do you want me to tell Jack you said hi?”  
“No, Lily. I just wanted you to have a moment of tranquility.”  
“What’s tranquilly?”  
He ruffles my hair.  
“ _Tranquility_ , kiddo. It means peace.”  
“Oh,” I tell him, “okay.”  
I eat and eat until my stomach feels very full.  
“Things are about to get bad, Lily. I’m sure you know that.”  
I nod.  
“Yeah. Everything is scary and doesn’t make sense, and I think that’s only gonna get worse.”  
He paused to take a sip from his beer.  
“I just want you to know that you’ve got this, Lily. I know there may be times when you feel otherwise, but you’ve really got a great head on those shoulders. Plus, you’ve got some amazing people in your corner. You got me, first of all. Your parents and your friend are with you always, every step of the way. All those gas station folk you’ve met have got your back. But most of all, Jack. That guy would do anything and give up everything for the people he cares about. I’ve seen it first hand.”  
I finish the last Oreo. He doesn’t really have to tell me that about Jack. I already knew it. I feel like crying, but it’s a good cry feeling.  
“And I don’t know how this is gonna end. Hell, no one does. But my money? It’s on you, kid.”  
I smile.  
“Thank you.”  
He throws the bottle at the tree. When it breaks, all the glass pieces turn into dandelion seeds. They float away on the breeze.  
“As a wise man once said, it ain’t nothing but nothing, kid.”  
It gets quiet for a minute. I can hear the echo of a voice in the distance. It’s familiar.  
 **Godspeed, Lily. You’ve come this far, do not let yourself be swayed. You are strong. You are steady. With all that is lost now, I cannot let you be lost as well. You must continue on. For you and for those you care about.**  
 _Is that… is that Paschar?_  
His voice sounds weird. It sounds wrong. Like someone is hurting him.  
 **We both must fight through the pain. Know that I am with you, even now.**  
Then I hear a sound I’ve never heard before. It makes my whole body feel like someone dropped me in hot oil. It’s like the entire world is screaming all at once because someone is killing their best friend. It’s the kind of scream you only get with best friend murder.  
It’s the way I screamed in the car after my vision of Meredith. It’s not a sound I think people are meant to hear.  
“Hey, Lily?”  
I take my hands off my ears and look at Bill Murray. The sound is suddenly gone. He lets out a monster burp, almost as loud as Jack’s was at Cracker Barrel.  
It’s so funny that I forget about the awful sound I just heard. I can’t help but giggle a whole lot.  
“Good luck, Lily. I’m rooting for you.”  
I suddenly feel exhausted. I close my eyes and then open them again. My face is still snuggled against Jerry. Rita is gone. I sit up and look at him.  
“I was wondering when you’d wake up. We’re gonna head out in a few.”  
Jack sighs.  
“Yeah. I guess we’re walking now.”  
“I wish there was some way around it, especially with Jack’s stitches. But for now, we’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do.”  
 _That sucks. I don’t like walking._  
“I don’t like it any more than you do, Lily. But we’ve got to keep going.”  
I nod. Jack is right.  
We eat a breakfast of granola bars. But I only eat a little bit because my tummy is still full of picnic food. Everyone grabs their bags, and Jerry makes sure the fire is out before we start walking.  
When my feet get tired, Jerry carries me. When Jack’s feet get tired, Jerry carries him. We take turns being carried. When I’m pretty sure we won’t make it much longer walking, we find something.  
It’s a truck. At first, it’s just another one of the cars scattered along the road. But Jerry gets closer and finds out it still has the keys in it. The door is wide open, and there’s no driver in sight. There’s a lot of scratches on the side and inside of it.  
 _I hope whoever was driving this is okay._  
I’m pretty sure that’s useless to hope, though. The scratches are bad.  
“Praise Cthulhu, it’s still got some gas!” Jerry yells.  
I don’t know what a catulu is, and I don’t think I want to know. But I’m glad we don’t have to walk anymore. I’m pretty sure my feet were starting to get blisters from rubbing around in my shoes. I like my shoes, they have butterflies on them. Jerry bought them for me. But they’ve got blood all over them and aren’t great for walking this much.  
“Yay! No more walking!”  
Jerry helps Jack in, and then I climb in after. I love having the middle seat.  
“C’mon, baby, please,” Jerry says as he turns the key. After a few unsuccessful cranks, the engine whines and then roars.  
“Fuck yeah!” Jerry shouts.  
Jack smiles and gives a weak “woohoo!” Once Jerry has the car started, he has me move over so he can change his bandages. He’s got the cold air on, and it feels nice on my face. It smells a little funny, but I try my best to ignore it.  
Once that’s done, I get the middle back. Jack leans his head against the window, and Jerry starts driving. It feels nice to be back in a car. I feel a little bit safer.  
We drive all the way through Mississippi and into Alabama. I’ve never been to Alabama before. It’s pretty boring. After a while, I get tired of looking at trees and dirt and more trees. I fall asleep, but I don’t have any dreams.  
When I wake up again, I can hear Jack and Jerry whispering to each other.  
I can’t understand what they’re saying at first, because they’re quiet and I just woke up. I can tell that Jack sounds nervous, though. He sounds nervous a lot.  
After a minute, I finally understand part of what they’re saying.  
“... don’t know Jerry, they’ve been behind us for a little while now. I don’t like how close they’re getting.”  
“We’re on the interstate. They’re probably just going the same direction.”  
I look out the little window in the back and see another truck behind us. It’s really big, and it’s got a massive dent in the front.  
“Seriously, Jerry, I think they’re following us.”  
Jerry looks in the rear-view mirror at the car behind us and then nods.  
“Alright, let’s test it then. I’m gonna slow down, give them a chance to pass.”  
I feel the truck start to slow down a little bit, but the car behind us doesn’t drive around us. It slows down too.  
“Alright. You were right, Jack.”  
Jerry sounds a little nervous now too.  
I tap Jack on the shoulder, and he looks a little surprised to see that I’m awake.  
“What’s going on?” I ask him.  
“Well… we aren’t sure yet.”  
The truck starts to get faster again, and it reminds me of how my dad used to drive. He and Jerry both like to go really fast. After a minute, I can hear shouting.  
I don’t like what they’re saying.  
“Get off the road, bitches!”  
Their swearing isn’t nice, like when Jerry calls Mr. Possy a bitch. Theirs is mean.  
I’m not sure why they want us off the road. We tried to slow down for them and let them by. Why didn’t they pass us when we tried to let them?  
One of the guys in the car was hanging halfway out the window shouting.  
“We don’t need any fuckin fairies taking up our space!”  
That confuses me because none of us look like fairies, I don’t think. I’m pretty sure fairies are supposed to be tiny and have wings. Maybe even sparkle a little.  
I once got glitter in Jerry’s hair, and it was kinda sparkly, but it’s not there anymore.  
I didn’t think Jerry would mind people thinking he looks like a fairy, but he must not like it because he starts driving even faster, and he’s holding the steering wheel really right.  
Jack puts a hand on Jerry’s shoulder.  
“Just get us away from them, okay? They aren’t worth a fight.”  
Jerry nods but doesn’t say anything.  
For a while, we just drive while the guys behind us say confusing and mean-sounding things. They call us other things that don’t make lots of sense, like fruits and sissies. Roger used to call me that when he thought I was acting like a baby, but I don’t know why these guys would say it now. Paschar told me that sometimes people would call people something when it actually means something else. But that’s kind of confusing.  
I think they’re just saying weird things now.  
“Come on, Jack, let me talk to these assholes.”  
“Jerry, no, there’s like five of them and only one of you. They aren’t worth the time. It’s not like they can do much else besides shout anyways.”  
Jack probably shouldn’t have said that, though, because there’s a loud gunshot right after he does.  
Jack’s eyes get wide, and he turns around to look at the car behind us. I look too, and we both see a guy hanging out the window holding a big gun. It looks like Violet but bigger and blacker. He’s shooting at the back of our car.  
“Jerry, shit, they’re trying to pop the tires!”  
Jack sounds really panicky now. I don’t feel so great either.  
Jerry glances behind us at the man with the gun, then he looks at Jack and at me.  
“Alright, I’ve got a plan. Jack, I’m gonna need you to switch seats with me.”  
“What!?”  
“Just do it!”  
Jerry lets go of the wheel, and Jack grabs it so the truck doesn’t crash. Jerry climbs out of the driver’s seat and wiggles into the back seat next to me, and Jack squishes past him to get in the driver’s seat. It’s a little awkward. But after a second, Jack is driving, and Jerry is digging through the bags.  
“Jerry, what the hell are you planning on doing?!” Jack asks him.  
He’s got the same voice he always uses when he’s worried Jerry is going to do something stupid. Usually, Jerry ends up doing something stupid when Jack uses that voice. But I believe in him.  
“Just focus on keeping the car steady Jack, I’ve got this.”  
Jerry finds what he’s looking for and then opens up the tiny window in the back of the truck. He pushes the bag out into the back and then starts to climb out too.  
“Jerry?!” Jack shouts at him.  
Jerry doesn’t listen though, he’s already outside in the truck bed.  
Jack says a few swears under his breath, but he keeps his eyes on the road and keeps the road and keeps the truck steady like Jerry said.  
I turn around a little in my seat and try to see what Jerry is doing.  
He’s got the bag full of the fireworks we saved from the other car, and he takes a few of them out of the bag and sets them in the back of the truck. He’s lying down, trying to hide from the gunshots.  
“Hey! Lilypad!”  
My eyes get big because I’m a little scared he’ll ask me to climb out with him, but he doesn’t.  
“Can you get me the lighter from the cupholder?”  
I nod, even though I don’t think he can see me, and I lean forwards to grab the lighter. I try to be extra careful with it. I’m not sure how lighters work, Jack wouldn’t let Jerry show me, and I don’t wanna accidentally set myself on fire.  
I reach up and toss the lighter out the little truck window, and I hear Jerry say “Jackpot!” before I hear the crackling of the firecracker fuses.  
I’m a little nervous, but I want to know what’s happening, so I turn around again and peek out through the window.  
Jerry has a roman candle between his teeth as he’s lighting firecrackers. He throws them at the tires of the car that’s chasing us.  
The car swerves a little when Jerry throws the firecrackers, but they don’t stop following us. One of the other men in the car leans out the window behind the man shooting and starts shouting.  
“We aren’t the villains here, you know! You’re the real transgressor here!”  
“You guys started shooting at us! I feel like that makes you villains for sure!”  
“You’re the reason all of this has started! You’re the reason the whole world’s gone to shit!”  
I don’t think these people know that I ripped open the Veil. But what else could they be talking about?  
I can’t see all of Jerry’s face. But he looks furious. He takes the roman candle out of his mouth.  
“So you guys are Jesus freaks, huh?”  
Jerry stands up, steadying himself. He kicks down the gate on the back of the truck and walks out onto it.  
“Why don’t I give you a first-class ticket to meet him, and you can sniff his fuckin feet?!”  
He lights the roman candle, and it spits out a hot purple flame, right at the windshield of their truck. He lets out a loud, angry yell, like a war cry.  
“LICK MY DICK, FUCKOS!”  
He hits their windshield a few more times before they swerve. There are big cracks in it. When they swerve, Jerry blows off their left side mirror. They shoot at us again, and Jerry nearly loses his balance and falls out of the truck.  
“FUCK!”  
 _I have to help him._  
I pick up Violet from the floor of the truck and root through the bag with the weapons. Jack is panicking. His breathing is all heavy. Jerry is scared now. I can feel it.  
Jack tries to say something, but I can’t hear him over the yelling and fireworks. Then he’s in my head.  
 _'Please don’t, Lily! It’s not safe for you!’_  
 _I have to help him. They’re gonna shoot him, or he’s gonna fall if I don’t do anything._  
Jack makes a nervous whine as I load Violet.  
 _’Please be careful, Lily.’_  
I finish loading up Violet, and I kneel on the seat. I stuff a bunch more shells into my overall pockets, so I don’t have to dig through the bag again. I lean so I’m partly out of the window, and I shout to Jerry.  
“Move!”  
He looks at me, and his eyes are big. He seems shocked and a little scared, but he looks proud too. He gets out of the way, and then I aim Violet at the other car’s tires and pull the trigger.  
The other car swerves, and I don’t hit anything, so I try again. I shoot two more times before the men start to shoot back.  
They hit one of the side mirrors on the truck, and it flies off. Then the next time, the man in the car shoots right at me.  
He doesn’t hit me with the first shot, but he breaks some of the glass on the back of the truck. Then, he fires again, and my shoulder is suddenly on fire. _He didn’t miss that time._  
I scream, and then Hell breaks loose. That’s when things get really bad. Hell is a horrible place, and when it breaks loose, that’s even worse.  
The bullet that hit me keeps going and breaks the truck windshield, showering Jack in pieces of glass, leaving cuts on his arms and face.  
When Jerry hears me scream, he turns around to look right at me, and then he loses his balance. He goes tumbling out of the back of the truck and rolls onto the side of the road.  
“JERRY!” Jack cries out.  
Then Jack jerks the steering wheel on accident, and the whole truck swerves into the ditch on the side of the road. I’m worried that the car is going to flip over, but it doesn’t. The back end just flies pretty far up off the ground, and the front end gets stuck.  
I fall off the seat and bang my head on the plastic bit between the driver’s seat and the passenger seat. It hurts but not as much as it hurts to accidentally drop Violet so that the butt hits me right in the chin. My chin is all busted up now. It’s just like the first time I tried riding a bike. My dad took me out for ice cream after, when I finally got the hang of it, even though my knees and elbows and chin were busted up. I wish my dad were here to patch up my bloody chin.  
The truck stops. Jerry is lying on the ground in the tall grass beside the road. He isn’t moving, not even a little bit.  
 _Jerry?_  
Jack groans. I’m all leaned up against the dashboard. My shoulder _really_ hurts. I’m able to crawl out of the car. I’m scared that the fireworks we have left will explode too, but this time I’ll still be in the car, and I’ll end up all crispy like the Dullahan. Before I can try and get up off the ground, there’s a gun against the back of my head.  
“None of you shitbirds move! You wanna live in filth? Fine, you can stay down in the dirt where you belong!”  
“You guys are real assholes,” Jack says. He’s not that far away. He must’ve had the same idea. His voice comes out weak and quiet, but the guy holding his gun to Jack’s head hears it, and he jabs Jack’s forehead with the barrel.  
“KEEP QUIET!”  
Benji told me that sometimes it’s just best to do what the guy with the gun says. But he also told me not to let people push me around. And I’m scared they’re going to kill Jack.  
“Please don’t hurt him! Please!”  
The man glares at me and hands his gun to one of the other guys.  
For a second, I think that he’s going to listen to me, but then he kicks Jack in the stomach.  
Jack screams, and I remember the big scratches the bear gave him. His shirt already has blood on it from his cuts, but I’m worried his stitches are open again, and that’s where most of the blood is coming from.  
Jack is leaning over, holding his stomach, and the man grabs him by the hair and pulls him up.  
Then the man makes Jack look at me.  
“Take a look missy, this is what your daddy deserves. I don’t know what he and his filthy loverboy told you, but they’re sick. They hurt everybody when they pissed off God. Now we gotta pay ’em back! You better be careful before they hurt you too.”  
Jack is crying now, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s hurt or because of the mean things they’re saying. I don’t want them to hurt him. They can hurt me instead.  
“Jack didn’t do this! I’m the one who opened the Veil. I did this!”  
The man lets go of Jack and crouches down in front of me. He doesn’t even listen to what I said. He’s just like everybody else.  
“Nah, you don’t know the world yet. You don’t know what they do, and you don’t know that it’s against the Lord. You got time to save yourself, but they’re too far gone now.”  
“You don’t know anything about God,” I tell him.  
It’s true. Paschar is an angel, and even if he hurt me, he knows God. He knows what he really believes, and he says you should be kind to people. These men aren’t kind. Paschar wouldn’t like these people, even if he isn’t the best angel. I don’t like them either.  
“What did you say to me, missy?”  
The man’s voice is cold and dark, and it scares me a little. I don’t back down, though. I just cling onto Violet.  
“You don’t know anything about God! If you did, you wouldn’t be hurting people, you wouldn’t shoot at a little girl!”  
The man lifts up his hand, and for a second, I think he’s going to smack me. I’m pretty sure he would have if the big burst of light and sparks hadn’t flown past him right then.  
“Touch her, and the next one goes right up your ass.”  
Jerry is standing just a few steps away from him. The man stops for a second, looking Jerry up and down. Then he grabs me by the hair and throws me down onto the ground. He stares at Jerry as he does it. My nose starts to bleed.  
I’m losing a lot of blood, I think. I feel woozy.  
 _I wonder what’ll happen when I don’t have any more blood to bleed._  
They’re both looking at each other, and Jerry looks ready to kill. Then he snaps when the man takes a step closer to me and presses his dirty boot onto my shoulder, right on the spot where the bullet hit me. I can’t help but cry out in pain. I almost forgot that I got hit, but when he presses on it, I remember. _  
**It hurts so bad.** _  
My crying is drowned out by Jerry’s screaming.  
“I SAID DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HER!”  
He sounds like a wild animal. He charges at the man, punching him hard in the jaw.  
It knocks him off of me, and I can try to scoot away from him. The man’s going to have a nasty bruise now, and Jerry doesn’t stop there. He throws another punch, hitting the guy in the nose this time. It starts bleeding really bad.  
He tries to hit him a third time, but the man catches his fist and puts his knee right up in Jerry’s stomach. Then he grabs Jerry’s hair and pulls it, yanking his head back and spitting right in his face.  
This guy really likes pulling people’s hair. He’s worse than Roger was when we were little!  
“YOU FA—”  
“BUY ME DINNER FIRST, DICKFACE!” Jerry yells over him.  
He’s wheezing a little from getting hit in the stomach. I’m not sure what it means when he says that, but it makes the other guy really mad. He tries to hit Jerry again, but before he can, Jerry gets loose from the guy’s grip on his hair, and he headbutts him really hard.  
“MOTHERFUCKER!”  
The man grabs his face where Jerry hit him. Jerry rubs his own forehead a little, it must have hurt him too to do that, but he doesn’t wait very long before he starts fighting again. He rams his elbow into the man’s chest, leaving the man doubled over, just like he did to Jack.  
“Yeah, you don’t like that much, do you? Next time maybe you should think twice before you fuck with this _sissy!_ ” Jerry says to the man. He sounds really proud of himself.  
The other guys from the truck start running away now, getting into our truck that was in the ditch. They pull it free and jump in the back, and the man who had been driving the other car gets in the driver’s seat.  
He starts to rev the engine, shouting at their friend who’s still doubled over next to Jerry.  
“Cletus! Get your ass in the truck! The fairies ain’t worth our time anymore!”  
Jerry grabs the man, Cletus apparently, and throws him on the ground.  
“You fucking stay down! If we belong in the dirt, you belong right there with us!”  
The man scrambles up before Jerry can stop him and starts running towards the truck. Jerry tries to run after him, but the man jumps up into the bed of the truck, and the guys start driving away before Jerry can catch him.  
“COME BACK YOU HERE YOU FUCKING FUCKS! EAT MY FUCKING DICK! I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET EVER OPENING YOUR MOUTHS IN FRONT OF ME! I SWEAR TO YOUR PRECIOUS GOD I’LL—”  
“Jerry…”  
Jerry stops screaming when he hears Jack calling to him from where he’s still slumped over on the ground. He still looks angry, really angry, but he stops yelling.  
He rushes over to Jack and me and gets down next to us.  
“Are you guys okay!? Fuck, your stitches.”  
“We have bigger problems now, Jerry. They took our truck.”  
Jerry looks at Jack with scared eyes.  
“Oh shit. All of our stuff was in there, your medicine and our food and— SHIT! We got fucked over by a guy named fucking Cletus, Jack!”  
Jack sighs and puts a hand out.  
“Help me up, Jerry.”  
Jerry takes Jack’s hand and helps him back to his feet. He puts an arm around his shoulder when he stumbles a little to help steady him.  
“What are we gonna do, dude?”  
“Well, we’ve still got Lily’s gun.”  
“Do we even have any ammo for it anymore?”  
I look up at them. My voice is dry, and my throat has dust in it.  
“I stuffed some shells into my pockets.”  
“SHIT! Lily!” Jerry runs over to me and picks me up off the ground.  
Jack looks a little guilty as he wobbles over to us.  
“Are you okay, Lily?” He asks me. He sounds guilty too. Like I do when I forget to do something really important and know I’m going to be in trouble for it.  
“My shoulder really hurts…” I tell him.  
It does, and it’s bleeding too. There’s dark red staining my white shirt now. It wasn’t very white before, but now it’s _really_ not white.  
“Come on, let’s try to find something to clean you up.”  
We end up looking in the car the mean guys left behind. Jack finds a couple water bottles. Most of them are full of dirty brown stuff, but two have regular water in them, and he uses what’s left in it to clean up the blood on me.  
Jerry finds a flag I’ve never seen before in the back seat, and he tears it in half, throwing it on the side of the road.  
He mutters something under his breath about it that I can’t hear, but I’m pretty sure it’s not nice. I don’t care, though. Those men weren’t nice, especially Cletus. They don’t deserve for us to be nice to them after they hurt us like they did.  
Jack makes a funny face as he looks at my shoulder.  
“This is… not good. We’re gonna have to do something about this bullet. Did you find anything?”  
Jerry slams the back door of the car and lets out an angry sigh.  
“Nothing back here except racist memorabilia and empty beer bottles.”  
“Okay, well, what do we have on us? There’s Lily’s gun and the shells she grabbed. Do you have anything?”  
Jerry reaches into his pocket and pulls out a few things, setting them on the hood of the car next to me.  
There’s his phone, his lighter, and a pack of cigarettes.  
“Not much. It won’t get us very far.”  
Jack reaches into his own pants pockets and takes out his phone and wallet. Then he checks his hoodie pockets and pulls out two little bottles of pills and a tiny gnome. He lets out a breath of relief when he sees the pills.  
“Shit, guess they didn’t take one thing.”  
“Yeah, at least we got out with your meds this time. No Bedside Manor, huh?”  
I don’t know what a beside manor is, but Jack winces a little.  
“Sorry.”  
“No, it’s fine. Honestly, I’d let some alien bugs make a meal out of my head if it meant I had somewhere warm to sleep... some food... maybe some medical attention...”  
Jack wobbles a little bit more and wipes sweat off his forehead before continuing.  
“Not sure how the fuck the gnome got there, though. I’ve never even seen one this small. And we couldn’t be farther from the gas station right now.”  
“Maybe he can be our lookout.”  
“Maybe.”  
They look down at the small pile of stuff on the hood of the car, and both frown. We’ve all been doing a lot of frowning lately.  
“It’s not much, that’s for sure.”  
Violet is still slung on my back, but her strap isn’t in the best shape. I reach into my own pockets on my overalls and set some other things on the pile. I have the butterfly knife Benji gave me, the shells for Violet, and an Oreo.  
 _Where did this come from?!_  
Jerry shrugs and smiles.  
“Guess you’ve got a snack then, Lilypad.”  
I look down at the cookie in my hand and then pull the two cookie halves apart. I hand one of the cookie halves to Jack, then I scrape the cream part off the other half. I eat the cream part off my finger and then hand the other cookie piece to Jerry.  
“Now we all have a treat. The cream part’s my favorite, but you guys can have the cookie part.”  
Jerry takes the cookie from me and pulls me into a big hug. He’s careful to not hurt my shoulder.  
“The cream part’s my favorite too. But I’ll let it slide. You’re one in a million, Lily.”  
Before we get in the truck, Jerry sits me down on the ground.  
“Jack, hand me the knife.”  
For a second, I wonder if Jerry’s gonna kill me. But then I realize that’s dumb, and Jerry would never do that.  
“Lily, this is gonna hurt, but I’ve got to do it. Otherwise, you’ll get sick.”  
I move away from him just a little bit. I don’t like where this is going.  
Jerry takes the knife from Jack.  
“I’ve got to get the bullet out. Hold still for me, okay?”  
I’m scared, but I do what he asks. He slides the knife into my bullet wound, and I cry out in pain. I cling to his arm as he pops the little metal bullet out.  
“Okay, okay. I got it. You did good, Lily. I’m proud of you.”  
Jerry took off his shirt as I wiped my eyes with my good arm. He wrapped it around my shoulder and helped me stand up.  
“You’re a trooper, Lilypad.” 

*******

We’re not a whole lot farther down the road when the truck has no more gas to eat. It’s probably as hungry as I feel. It dies with a loud noise, and then we roll onto the side of the road. Jerry lets out a whole bunch of curses I’ve never heard before.  
“Well gang, guess we’re stuck walking again.”  
I let out a loud groan, and so does Jack.  
Jerry sighs. He actually sounds kind of sad.  
“I know you guys, but we have to keep moving. We can look for a new car on the way.”  
We get out of the car and start walking. After only a couple of minutes, my feet already hurt, and Jack has to lean on Jerry the whole time because he’s still hurt from getting kicked in his stitches. They’ve started bleeding again.  
“Jerry?” Jack says.  
He’s panting really hard.  
“I think I need a minute. I can’t—”  
Jerry doesn’t wait for him to finish. He stops and helps Jack onto the ground. Jack looks really white, like a ghost.  
“Alright, I think I see some vehicles up ahead. You and Lily wait here and catch your breath. I’ll go check them out.”  
“Don’t be too long, okay?”  
“I won’t. Promise.”  
Jerry smiles at Jack. It’s a worried sort of smile.  
“Right back, okay? You keep the two of you safe, Lily.”  
I nod at him, and Jerry starts to walk away from us.  
I watch him leave until he fades away into the fog. I can’t see him anymore.  
For a moment, I wonder if I’ll ever see him again.  
 _What?! That’s crazy talk, Lily!_  
I do my best to shake away the thought, and I sit down next to Jack. I take Violet and hold onto her, ready to keep us safe like Jerry said.  
Jack is breathing really heavily, and he’s bleeding a lot. I’m anxious. I just want him to be okay.  
I’m not sure if he can tell I’m scared, or he just looks at the right time, but he looks down at me and gives me a tiny smile.  
“Don’t worry, Lily. Knowing Jerry, he’s going to come back with an ambulance that’s also a food truck. That’s the kind of guy he is.”  
I laugh a little thinking about that. An ambulance that serves food sounds really weird— also kind of nasty. I think Jerry would like it, though. He likes weird and nasty things a lot.  
“They’d call it a hambulance.”  
Jack laughs.  
 _Haha, good one, Lily!_  
Jack groans as his stitches start to bleed some more.  
 _Okay, maybe not so good._  
We wait for a little while, and I think Jack is starting to get nervous when we hear a rumbling sound in the distance. I hang on to Violet tighter, not sure if it’s a monster or more mean people who might want to hurt us.  
Jack looks at me and puts a hand on my good shoulder.  
“Lily…you hear that, right?”  
“Yes.”  
We both look at each other with scared faces. Jack looks white as a sheet— whiter than before if that’s even possible. Then the rumbling gets louder, and something comes out of the fog.  
“What’s up bitches?! Guess who just found our ticket out of here!”  
Jerry stops next to us on a giant four-wheeler. I rode one a long time ago with my uncle. That was before his daughter got hit by a boat.  
Jack smiles a big smile and takes his hand off my shoulder, wrapping an arm around me for a side hug instead. He makes sure it’s not the side with my bullet wound.  
“Told you. It’s not an ambulance-food truck— excuse me, a hambulance —but it’s definitely something.”  
“Not sure what an ambulance-food truck— nay, a hambulance is, but this thing’s pretty close. You won’t believe how lucky we got finding this. It’s got about four gallons in the gas tank and a full tank. It had five, but I had to fill it up. There’s also a lockbox on the back. I figured we could use the knife to try and get it open. I wanna see what’s in there. It’s either supplies, or it’s somebody’s head.”  
“Jerry!”  
“What? It could happen!”  
“Let’s hope it doesn’t.”  
Jerry shrugs and then holds out a hand to me.  
“May I borrow your knife, Madam?”  
I giggle a little and hand him the butterfly knife. It’s still got a little blood on it where Jerry missed a spot when he wiped it off. He starts to use it on the lockbox, and after a few minutes, he actually gets it open.  
“Dude, hell yeah!”  
“Oh god, it’s not a head, is it!?”  
Jack sounds really scared for a second, but he relaxes when Jerry pulls a little box out of the bigger box. It’s white with a red plus sign on it.  
“Nope, but it looks like we’re gonna be able to patch you back up, Jacky-boy. You too, Lilybird.”  
I lock up. My chest feels all cold and sad.  
“Don’t call me that, please?”  
Jerry looks confused for a second, but he just nods and pops open the first-aid kit.  
Jack looks relieved, and he walks over to look inside the box. Jerry walks over to me with the first-aid kit and crouches next to me.  
“Let’s get you cleaned up first, Lilypad. Then we’ll get Jack when he’s done investigating the mystery box.”  
He pulls out some bandages and some cleaning pads and gets to work. He cleans up my shoulder and then wraps some of the white bandages around it nice and tight. It stings a bit, but it feels a lot better. When I’m done, he takes a bandaid from inside the kit and puts it on my chin and a little cut on my cheek I didn’t even know was there.  
“Alright kiddo, how do you feel?”  
“A little better.”  
“That’s good.”  
Jerry thinks for a second and then gives me a big smile.  
“Hey you know, we match now!”  
He leans down so I can get a better look. Jerry is really tall. He’s like a big, dopey giraffe.  
There’s a really big scar on his shoulder, covered up with a tattoo of a pretty flower.  
“We’ve both been hit by bullets now. I feel like maybe matching friendship bracelets would be better, but hey. We’re still matching.”  
I touch my hand to the bandages on my shoulder and smile.  
“Matching.”  
“Maybe you can get a tat—”  
“Jerry, first of all, no. Second of all, come over here.”  
Jerry stands up from where he’s crouched next to me, and he stretches. He fixes his shirt and walks over to Jack.  
“Alright, let’s see what you found, and then we’ve gotta check out your stitches.”  
I stand up too so I can see what’s in the box. I walk over and stop next to Jerry. Both of us stare at Jack and wait for him to show us what was inside.  
“First off, can you smell these, Jerry?”  
Jack holds out three little baggies with sandwiches in them. Jerry opens up one of the bags and sniffs. He makes a face, then sniffs again and shrugs.  
“They don’t smell freshly made, that’s for sure.”  
“Are they edible?”  
“Yeah. I’ve eaten enough expired food to know that those still have some life in them before they turn into puke pills.”  
Jack nods and sets the sandwiches on top of the box. Next, he pulls out a big metal canteen, like the kind army guys have in movies, and hands it to Jerry.  
“Dude, this is almost full!”  
“I know, pretty amazing, right?”  
They’re both smiling now, and I smile a little too.  
There are no scratches on the four wheeler or anything. It doesn’t look like anyone got knocked off it. It really feels like someone is looking out for us.  
We each take a break to eat half of our sandwiches, then Jack puts the rest into the little box for later. Then Jerry makes Jack sit on the four-wheeler while he tries to fix the couple of stitches that broke. There’s no stitch kit in the first aid box, so Jerry just has to bandage Jack up really nice. Jack doesn’t look much better, but at least there’s a little less blood. He’s still bleeding a bit, but Jerry did the best he could with what we have. After that, he cleans up my shoulder and puts real bandage on it and not just shirt.  
“Alright, let’s try not to get hurt anymore, okay Jack?”  
Jack rolls his eyes at Jerry.  
“I’ll do my best, not that these injuries were exactly by choice.”  
Jerry just grins and gives Jack a quick hug.  
“That’s what I like to hear.”  
We make sure that we have all our supplies, even if there aren’t many of them, and we all get onto the four-wheeler.  
It’s a tight squeeze, but it’s still better than walking. I look at the bandages on my shoulder again as Jerry starts driving.  
Things might be bad, but this is a nice bit of luck. I hope that we can keep being lucky a little while longer. 


	37. I'm Lily Madwhip and I Have a New Bus Driver

I wake up, my eyes feeling all crusty. I’m dirty and sweaty, and I just want a bath so _so_ bad. I’ll never complain about having to take a bath ever again. I swear. I remember being very tired and someone moving me around. I lift my head up. I’m sandwiched between Jack and Jerry on the four-wheeler.  
I can hear the two of them talking. Not about anything scary this time. Just random stuff.  
“—just saying, a porcupine could totally take an octopus.”  
“And I’m just saying that you’re full of shit, Jerry. An octopus has _eight arms._ ”  
“And a porcupine has spikes! You’re just hiding from the truth.”  
“No, I’m-”  
They both stop when I let out a huge yawn.  
“Hey, look who’s awake!”  
“Good morning! Or… uh… I don’t really know what time it is. But I think a porcupine and an octopus would be pretty evenly matched. That is if they ever got the chance to fight. I don’t think they live very close to one another. It’d have to be a zoo fight, but I don’t think the zookeepers would allow that.”  
“You’re right. They probably wouldn’t fight.”  
“Damn, guess we’ll have to ask Rosa to be our tie-breaker when we get back, huh, Jackhammer?”  
“Yeah, I guess so.”  
Jack doesn’t sound very excited about it. I look over my shoulder at Jack to see him looking a tiny bit annoyed. Not angry, just annoyed. Probably because he didn’t win the argument with Jerry.  
He looks down at me and gives me a small smile.  
“I think we’re almost to Atlanta, see.”  
We’re driving on a highway with a whole bunch of lanes. He points at some smoke off in the distance. It’s riding out from some tall buildings. I can see a building with a golden dome and a lady on top. I wonder if it’s real gold.  
“We’re starting to get closer.”  
We drive a little more until we’re driving into a big city. It doesn’t look quite right, though. No cars are driving on the road, and there’s garbage everywhere. There are no people either. All the sidewalks and shops are deserted. The cars are all abandoned, and the store windows are all broken. We don’t see a single person for a long time, but then I glance up at all the tall buildings and finally see somebody.  
A man is looking out the window of an apartment. He doesn’t look very nice, though, and he’s holding a gun. He’s wearing a pig mask. Normally I would think it’s funny, but now I just think it’s creepy.  
We see a few more people in the buildings as we drive, some of them look mean like the first man, and some of them just look scared. I try not to look at them too much. It makes me nervous. The four-wheeler gives out of gas. It dies with a “clung-clung” and rolls to a stop.  
“Well,” Jerry says, “guess we’re walking again.”  
Jack and I groan a “we have to walk now” groan.  
Jerry just hops off the four-wheeler and waits for us to get off too. He stands there with his hands on his hips, watching us slowly climb off after him.  
“There you go, you guys can do this. Just for a little while, then we can try and stop to rest.”  
My feet are going to have blisters the size of mountains by the time this is over.  
We start to walk down the street, keeping an eye on the empty buildings around us. Jerry tells me to keep a hold of Violet just in case.  
My feet start to get really sore by the time we reach a big clear area. There’s a big park between the buildings. The grass is tall and overgrown. _How long has it been since we left the gas station?_  
There’s a giant Ferris wheel towering over the park, right in the middle.  
I stare at it for a long while. It looks so pretty, and even though it’s empty, I can still picture it with lots of people on it.  
Then I look near the top of the big Ferris wheel, and I see the blood-red sky. It’s a lot bigger than the one at the fair…  
_The fair..._  
I’ve already cried so much. I really don’t want to cry again. But it’s too late.  
“Lily? Lily, what’s wrong— oh.”  
Jerry looks at the Ferris wheel and then back at me.  
Jerry and Jack stop moving and come stand next to me. Jerry puts his hand on my shoulder and tries to make me feel a little better.  
“Hey, don’t beat yourself up, Lilypad. This isn’t your fault.”  
I sniffle and shake my head.  
“Yes, it is.”  
Jerry crouches down in front of me and looks me in the eyes.  
“Okay, well, did you do it on purpose?”  
I shake my head again.  
“I didn’t think so. You had no idea this would happen, Lily. Even if technically you caused this, it still isn’t your fault because you didn’t know. Maybe it’s the people in charge of the Veil’s fault. Or maybe it’s nobody’s fault. But it’s not yours.”  
Jack pats my head.  
“Even if it was your fault— which it isn’t —at least you’re trying to fix it. That’s where the difference lies. That’s what makes you a good person. That you want to fix this mess and help people.”  
I look at Jack, wiping the tears from my eyes.  
“You really think so?”  
“I know so, Lily. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.”  
Jerry nods at me and gives me a big smile.  
“Same here. You’re pretty great, Lily. Don’t you ever let anybody tell you otherwise. Not even yourself.”  
I sniff a little and stand up a little taller. I look at the Ferris wheel again, and this time I don’t feel quite as guilty. I still feel a little guilty, but I won’t have to once I fix it all.  
“Thank you, guys.”  
Jerry pulls me into a great big hug, and it’s exactly what I need. Jerry gives the best hugs.  
We sit down on a bench. It’s covered in dirt, so Jerry brushes it off before we do. He pulls out the three halves of sandwiches we have left. They smell just a little worse, but Jerry says they’re still good. The ham only tastes a little funky. We pass the water canteen between us and take small sips.  
It’s quiet while we eat, but it’s a nice kind of quiet. The kind that you can have with people you’re comfortable with. It’s a good moment, and I feel a lot better once we’re done eating, and we get ready to start walking again.  
We walk past a few more buildings, and Jerry holds my hand when he can tell I’m nervous about more people with guns.  
The city isn’t as deserted as I thought.  
We finally stop when we get to a street with no people in the windows and lots of cars.  
“Alright, you guys wanna try and see if any of these might be lucky?” Jerry asks us.  
Jack agrees, and we start going from car to car, checking to see if any of them could get us to the next place we need to go. None of them have the keys in them, and Jerry says he doesn’t have the tools to “hotwire” them, whatever that means. We have to duck behind cars a few times when people with guns and masks run past.  
“Hey, you guys, I think I found something,” Jerry calls out to us. He’s standing next to a big white bus. On the side, it has a picture of the Geico lizard.  
No, it’s a gecko. My mom told me that one time. Well, I think geckos are a type of lizard.  
“The doors are locked, but I think I can bust them open.”  
Jerry takes off his shirt and wraps it around his hand.  
“Jerry, don’t—” Jack says, but he’s cut off by Jerry slamming his fist into the glass.  
It takes him a couple tries, but he’s able to break it enough to pry the doors open. Jerry goes in first before yelling out “all clear” to us.  
The bus is dark until Jerry finds the light switch. Jack sits down in the front seat behind the driver’s seat, letting out a heavy breath.  
“Oh, my aching feet.”  
“Don’t be a drama queen, Jack. Plus, this thing has still got the keys! There’s almost half a tank! Holy shitting shits, dude, this can get us all the way to Maryland no sweat!”  
“Yay!” I grin and clap my hands. Jerry takes a bow.  
Jack doesn’t look as excited.  
“Jerry, do you even know how to drive a bus? I mean, I know you lived in one, but it seemed kind of stationary when you had it.”  
“Oh, I have no idea. But I’m pretty sure I’ll get the hang of it.”  
Jack looks like he might throw up. Jerry gets behind the wheel and starts it up. I run to the back of the bus and start exploring. There’s a big, weird-smelling bag full of something heavy and a little green monster truck. I pick up both and bring them to Jack.  
“I found a new toy!” I tell him.  
He smiles before taking the bag and sifting through its contents. There are a big book and a few smaller ones, the kind you write in. There are also two water bottles, and two plastic containers of… something. Jack opens it and sniffs it. It’s a brown sauce with chunks of chicken and broccoli in it. He opens the other one, and it’s half yellow and half white rice. He closes them back up and starts reading one of the smaller books.  
_I hope we didn’t steal someone’s house._  
Jack is quiet for a minute or two, flipping through pages. Some of them are stuck together and smell really bad.  
_‘I don’t think they’re coming back, Lily.’_  
I know what he means by that, but I try not to think about it. Jerry’s already driving, and it’s a bit of a rough ride, but we’re getting somewhere.  
Maybe things will be better for us now. Maybe we’ll be able to ride the bus all the way to Maryland, and we’ll be able to close the Veil and save the world, no sweat.  
Jack doesn’t look so sure. I don’t feel so sure.  
_Ass._


	38. Nightmares, Waking and Otherwise

My phone screen said it was 3 AM. Honestly, we’d lost all sense of time. The sky always remained a dark, bloody red, and the temperature barely wavered from just hot enough to be uncomfortable. There were no sun, moon, or stars. There was only the giant pain god in the massive tear in the sky. Jerry had the air conditioner cranked up, and Lily was sitting on the floor, rolling around her monster truck toy. We were going to stop for the night soon. Jerry had proposed we build a fire, heat up and eat the food in the containers, and then Lily could sleep on the bus while he drove. We were headed into the mountains now. If we weren’t in the circumstances we were in now, I would’ve been mesmerized by the view. But now, it just made me uneasy. The vast hills were like monsters, poised and ready to devour us.   
Jerry was in charge of the route, and I didn’t have the energy to question which one he was taking to get to Maryland. Jerry’s shortcuts often got us into trouble, but I had faith that he wouldn’t risk getting us all killed for what might shave a few miles off the journey.   
“Do you think we’ll see any snow in the mountains?” Lily asked.  
Before I could remind her that it would be June soon and that this was Georgia, Jerry spoke up from behind the wheel.  
“Who knows? With this wild shit we’ve got going on right now, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it started snowing.”  
“So… maybe?”  
“Maybe, Lily.” I echo.   
Jerry had the right approach. There wasn’t really any need to crush Lily’s dreams. And who knows, maybe it would start snowing. The way things were going, I couldn’t put any sort of weather off the table.  
There was a small park area beside a lake. Jerry pulled the bus to a stop and parked in the parking lot before jumping up. For all of about two seconds, this felt like it could be just a typical camping trip sort of thing. That’s how long it took me before I caught sight of the blood-red lake. The water rippled and bubbled. Things were moving below the surface. I seriously doubted it was just normal fish.   
“Alright, let’s get dinner started.”  
And with that, Jerry walked into the tree line. The red light from the sky didn’t penetrate the thick trees much. He left the massive bus headlights on, so we could still see him as he gathered firewood. Lily was by the lake, looking out at the water and running her monster truck through the sand.  
“Be careful, Lily! Don’t get too close to the water!” I yelled to her. Even if she caught the reflection, I was sure it would still feed off of her. The thought of that made me feel angry and sick. Also, I was terrified that some Eldritch aqua-beast would rise from the water and snap her up like a saltine cracker.   
Jerry cut the branches to size with the butterfly knife and built a fire with the lighter. Lily ran over and sat down next to me. It took a little while, but we managed to heat up the food, with only a faint burning plastic aftertaste. Lily added in a few clams she found in the soft sand by the lake.   
“I’m sorry clams,” she told them, “but we have to eat.”  
Jerry passed the bowls between us, and we ate with our hands after rinsing them off with one of the water bottles. Lily found out very quickly that she did _not_ like clams and decided to “set the rest of hers free.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was a little too late as she re-buried the clams in the sand. We used the other to add to our canteen. Jerry refilled it the rest of the way with boiled lake water. I hoped that none of the things in the lake were excreting some sort of super-virus.  
We sat there in the glow of the fire and the headlights and the crimson sky.   
Jerry and Lily managed to get me involved in a game of I Spy. And then it started to snow.  
Little flakes landed in Lily’s hair as she squealed with delight. It took me about two seconds to realize it wasn’t snow that was falling. Lily stuck her tongue out to try and catch some on her tongue.  
“Lily, no. Don’t do that.”  
She frowned.  
“Why not?”  
“Just trust me. You don’t wanna do that.”  
I caught some in my hand and sniffed at it. It confirmed my suspicion. This was fluffy white ash raining from the sky. It smelled awful, like burning tires and hair.  
“Jerry, why don’t you put out the fire? I think we should go ahead and get on the road again.”  
I didn’t want to alarm Lily, but we also needed to get away from this stuff. There’s no telling what would happen if we stayed out in it too long.   
Jerry didn’t question me. I could tell he was mildly alarmed too. He herded a hyper Lily back onto the bus.  
“It really did start snowing! Jerry was right!”   
“I know Lily, come on though, we uh. We don’t want to get cold.”   
Lily looked at me, quizzically.   
“But it’s still warm out. And we had a fire.”   
I sighed. There was no point in lying to Lily. She was way too smart for that.   
“I’m just not sure how safe it is. Things are weird right now. Maybe it’s not dangerous, but I don’t want you getting hurt if it is. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”  
Lily thought about this for a second and then nodded and finished getting onto the bus. I followed behind her and watched through the window as Jerry used lake water to snuff out the fire. I couldn’t tell if he was doing it so we couldn’t be followed if someone were to be following us, or if he didn’t want to cause a forest fire. Jerry wasn’t particularly concerned about forest fires. I knew Smokey the Bear would kick him in the dick if he could. _Did Jerry think we were being followed?_  
The ash fell down, covering the ground in white-grey powder. It was pretty, that was for sure. But so are grizzly bears, or ravines, or poisonous flowers.   
Thankfully Jerry was fast in putting the fire out and grabbing the rest of our stuff. He climbed onto the bus, brushing ash off his clothes and shaking it from his hair before getting all the way inside.   
“See, Lily, anything’s possible!”   
Lily looked at Jerry with a big smile.   
“Yeah! We really got to see snow!!”   
Jerry returned it, although his smile had a note of uneasiness to it. I’m not sure if Lily picked up on it, but I hoped she didn’t.   
Lily’s eyes were glued to the window as we drove on, watching the ash flakes fall from the sky.   
“You should get some rest Lily,” Jerry said “we’ve got a long day today… tomorrow? A long day ahead of us. I don’t really know anymore. But you need rest.”  
Lily yawned a little.  
“I’m not tired, though.”  
Jerry chuckled a little and shook his head. For Lily’s sake, I hoped he has some sort of trick up his sleeve.  
“That didn’t sound like a very awake yawn.”   
Lily crossed her arms and pouted. Jerry looked at her through the rearview mirror, and I could practically feel his heart melting. He really had a soft spot for her.   
He thought for a second and then turned for a second to look at Lily.   
“I have a deal for you.”   
Lily raised her eyebrows.  
“What is it?”   
Jerry turned back to the road but kept talking.   
“If you can go 3 minutes without yawning, you can stay up. If you can’t, you have to promise to get some sleep. How’s that sound?”   
Lily thought about it for a minute before nodding. She had a determined look on her face, but I had a feeling her determination could only get her so far. She really did look tired.   
“Deal!”   
“Alright, the timer starts now. 3 minutes, okay?”   
“That’s nothing!”   
Turns out, it was a little more than Lily had thought because about a minute into the count, she let out a huge yawn. She tried to cover it up, but it was no use.   
“Alright, missy, you know the deal. That means sleep time.”   
Lily frowned but laid down across the seats.  
“Goodnight, Lily,” Jerry said triumphantly.  
“Goodnight,” Lily mumbled., the annoyance leaving her voice.  
After just a few minutes, she was snoring. I moved up into the seat closest to the front, adjacent to the driver’s seat. I unfastened my leg and let out a sigh of relief, rubbing the sore and bruised stump.  
“Hey Jerry.”   
“Hey.”   
We were quiet for a minute. The kind of quiet I was familiar with. The kind where I wasn’t sure what to say, and I could tell that Jerry was gearing up to say something funny or completely ridiculous to catch me off guard. That kind of silence was more comfortable than conversation with most other people.   
I stretched, and my jaw popped a little as I yawned. The yawn shifted into a groan when I moved wrong and felt a sharp pain shoot through my chest. The cuts and bruises there were still tender, not to mention the other countless injuries I’d sustained during this road trip from Hell. My stitches were not in what one would call prime condition.  
The atmosphere shifted when Jerry heard it. I could tell that he was worried.   
“You okay?” He tried to make it casual, but I could hear the strain in his voice.   
“Yeah, just sore. I’ll be okay.”   
“No, I mean—”   
He paused for a second like he wasn’t sure exactly how to phrase what he wanted to say.   
“Yeah, I meant that. But also, those guys said a lot of fucked-up shit earlier. Are you feeling okay after all that?”   
I tried my best to shake away the mental image of the man from before, holding me up by my hair and screaming in my face. _Lock that away in the vault, Jack._  
I knew the vault wasn’t going to be able to hold much more.  
“I’m… I’m gonna be okay, I think. I’m trying not to think about it too much.”   
We were quiet again. It wasn’t comfortable quiet anymore. It was tense and decidedly uncomfortable.   
I tried to read the expression on Jerry’s face, but it was difficult.   
“Jerry, are you alright? They said that shit to you too. More to you than to me.”   
He sighed, and he leaned his head back on his seat.   
“I hate that Lily had to hear all of that. I mean, it sucked for me to hear it, but I’ve heard it a lot. It’s not exactly new. But her? She just got to see for the first time how fucked people can be for no reason.”   
“Yeah…”   
I hadn’t thought about that. Not at this point, at least. I had been avoiding trying to dwell on it too much because I knew how I would feel after, pissed off, and more than a little depressed. Did Lily understand what they were talking about? I hoped desperately that she didn’t. She was smart, but she was still just a little girl.  
“I can’t believe they thought we were—”  
“FUCK!”  
Something big and black ran across the road and right in front of the bus. It didn’t look like any animal or person I’ve ever seen. It had too many limbs and too many eyes. There were two loud pops in succession, and the bus began to grind along the ground. The sound was horrid. I held my hands tight over my ear, wishing I had my earplugs.  
“Shit shit shit!” Jerry yelled.  
The light from the headlights was accented by an explosion of sparks. Lily sat up, scared and confused.  
“What’s going on?!”  
Jerry got the bus to stop, and it tilted and shook in a way that made my stomach do flips. But it didn’t tip over on us. Jerry and I stared at each other, waiting for some hellspawn to jump through the front windshield, but nothing came.   
“Jerry…”   
“Let’s just wait a minute, okay? Just in case.”   
We waited, and a minute turned into five, and still, nothing else happened. Eventually, Jerry stood up and walked to the door.   
“You guys wait here. I’ll take a look at the damage.”   
We agreed, and Lily sat down next to me. I quickly fastened on my leg, just in case Jerry were to need assistance at a moment’s notice. Jerry went outside to look. I watched him through the windshield as he assessed the damage, and I saw a dark look come over his face as he did. It was a look I rarely saw on him.   
He was incredibly pissed off about something.   
I was simultaneously relieved that he wasn’t being attacked and terrified about the state of our current transportation.   
I walked over to the door, not wanting to be left in suspense, and pushed it open.   
“Jerry? What happened?”   
He walked over to me and stood outside the bus with a look I can best describe as “barely-contained rage.”   
“Stay on the bus for another minute, okay? Keep Lily distracted. I don’t want her to hear this.”   
I was definitely caught off guard by that, but I didn’t argue. I shut the door and watched Jerry walk off to the front of the bus again, just barely lit by the headlights. I could’ve sworn that his face was actually turning red. I sat across from Lily.   
_‘Is the bus okay?’_  
 _I’m not sure. Jerry is still checking it out._  
 _‘Is there something out there?’_  
 _I think it’s gone. Why don’t we— oh shit._  
Before I could think of something good to try and distract Lily, my thoughts were abruptly taken over when the sound of Jerry screaming traveled into the bus. Needless to say, the vehicle wasn’t nearly as soundproof as Jerry must have assumed.   
I could see why he didn’t want Lily to hear. He was definitely not holding back on the profanity. Most people would already find the things he said around Lily inappropriate, but this was downright obscene.   
“FUCK YOU YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCK-SUCKING CUNT-LICKING— NO! Y’KNOW WHAT! GO SHIT YOURSELF! YOU DON’T DESERVE ANY OF THOSE PARTICULAR ACTIVITIES! WHATEVER BULLSHIT-SHITSTAIN ASS MONSTER IS OUT THERE, I WANT YOU TO HEAR THIS. GO CHOKE ON SHIT! FUCK YOUR FUCKING DICKHEAD ASS RULER AND HER WHOLE SHITTY JIZZPOCALYPSE. MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A WHORE! NOW WE GET TO WALK OUR HAPPY ASSES ALL THE WAY TO MARYLAND! WHEN WE GET THERE I’M SHOVING MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR FUCKING TAINT YOU’LL BE SHITTING OUT THE WRONG END FOR MONTHS. YOU BEST BELIEVE IF YOU HAVE GENITAL, I’M GONNA RIP THEM OFF. KISS YOUR SCROTUM GOODBYE YOU DOG-FUCKING BASTARDS! FUCKING _**FUCK.**_ HEY!! BITCHASS MEGAWHORE DICKFACE IN THE SKY I HOPE YOU’RE LISTENING BECAUSE I’M NOT EVEN CLOSE TO DONE!!!”  
I leaned over and covered Lily’s ears before she heard anymore.   
“Jerry’s gonna owe the swear jar a fortune,” Lily whispered.  
Lily was definitely right about that.  
I’d known Jerry for a long time, and I’d heard him say some pretty insane things, but this tirade had me practically blushing. I couldn’t imagine what somebody who wasn’t used to Jerry would be feeling at that moment.  
He wasn’t lying either. He wasn’t done.   
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT CIRCLE OF HELL YOU CRAWLED OUT OF, BUT I WANT YOU AND ALL YOUR BUTT-FUCKER MINIONS TO KNOW THAT I’VE HAD ENOUGH. YOU CAN ALL GO ROT IN CAT PISS AND GALLONS OF CUM FOR ALL I CARE. I FUCKING HOPE YOU DO. YOU ASS-CLOWN COCKSMOKING SHITBAGS ARE TOP OF MY FUCKING SHITLIST RIGHT NOW. YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST FUCK US AND GET AWAY CLEAN? FUCK NO. YOU DOUCHEBAGS AND YOUR CLITFACE QUEEN AREN’T GETTING AWAY WITH SHIT. END THE WORLD AND I’LL END YOUR FUCKING EXISTENCE YOU JIZZGOBBLING SHIT-WEASELS!”   
I took a deep breath, hoping it was over. When Jerry came back onto the bus, he was red and out of breath.  
“You know we heard all that, right?”  
Jerry looked like he’d been caught with his dick in the freezer again.  
“Sorry, dude. I didn’t think you’d be able to. Someone— no, _something_ slashed the front tires. They’re like totally popped and mangled. There’s no way this thing is making it any further. Something is trying to stop us from getting to Maryland, I think.”  
“Or someone…” Lily muttered quietly. I knew she was right.  
I wasn’t at all surprised by this turn of events. Of course, that would happen to us while we’re on this trip. Why wouldn’t that happen?   
Something clearly didn’t want us to get there. The same something that had given Lily and me those visions. The something that had created the monsters that mangled me and nearly killed us more than once. This was just another nail in the coffin it was trying to build around us.   
“Dude?” Jerry asks.   
I’m pretty sure he was weirded out by how quiet I was being. I felt weak and hot, and my eyes hurt a lot more than usual.  
“I… I need to sleep.” I said.   
Jerry looked a little surprised. I didn’t give him a chance to question it, though.   
“Just give me one hour. Let me sleep for an hour, and then we can start walking again.”   
Jerry just nodded and passed over the canteen. I opened my pill bottle and shook out two small round pills. I tossed them back and took a sip from the canteen. I unfastened my leg and laid it onto the floor next to me.  
I laid back onto the seat, and faster than I ever had before, I was asleep.  
I opened my eyes, and I was sitting behind the counter at the gas station. It took a second for me to register that fact and realize I wasn’t on the bus anymore, but once I did, I let out a sigh of relief.   
I was back home, and everything seemed okay. The gas station looked perfectly normal, right down to the drawings Jerry had taped behind the counter. A drawing of Rita that Lily did, and a very crude crayon drawing of me courtesy of Jerry.   
_Maybe that was all just a dream._  
I found myself even more relieved by the thought. The idea that all of that hellishness never happened, that Jerry and Lily were off somewhere playing hide and seek, and everything was okay? It was all I wanted at that moment.   
I sighed a little, closing my eyes to savor a moment of everything being alright.   
When I opened them again, I half expected everything to be messed up again, but it wasn’t. The gas station looked the same still. I smiled to myself and then stood up from my stool behind the counter.   
I wanted to find Jerry and Lily. I had to make sure they were alright before I could fully let myself relax again.  
They weren’t anywhere inside the store, but it didn’t really worry me. They liked exploring outside, sometimes to play with Rita and sometimes to bother Benji. It wasn’t rare that I would find them out back instead of in the building. I put the “be back in a minute” sign up on the counter and made my way outside to find them.   
I walked out the back door, but no one was there. I started making my way to the front of the building when I began to feel like something was off. I couldn’t understand what it was at first, but it hit me when I made it to the parking lot.   
There were people there now. Not just Jerry and Lily, but O’Brien, Rosa, and Benji too. I might have been relieved to see them had I not realized that their faces were all bathed in blood-red light.   
That’s what had been off. The sky was still a dark, vivid red.   
I felt dread start to rise in my stomach, and it only grew when I realized that none of them had acknowledged me. They weren’t even looking in my direction. Instead, they were all staring at the sky.   
They were all standing in a straight line staring upwards, none of them blinking. All of my friends, frozen in place and transfixed by the sky.  
I tried to grab their arms, to get any of them to look at me, but they didn’t move. They look drained of their life and starved. They looked like they’d been hooked up to the Bedside Manor bugs. Their glassy eyes reflected off the red light so well, it looked like they were solid red. I watched their muscles flexing under their grin and tears running from all of their eyes.   
“Wake up, you guys, please! Please wake up!”  
They still didn’t move, and I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate. I knew what they were seeing and the pain they had to be in, yet I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I tried to hold back my own tears as I leaned down and wipe the tears from Lily’s face.   
“Please wake up… I can’t lose you guys like this.”   
I couldn’t let the only other people in my life end up as hollow shells.   
_I can’t have more people I love end up like this._  
I took one last look at their frozen faces and then braced myself and looked up at the sky myself. I wanted to look her in the eyes while she did this, so she could know just how much hate I had for her.   
I waited for the horrible vision to come, but it didn’t. I was just staring up at the horrific being in the sky.   
“You know you’re not going to leave them like this,” I whispered.   
I knew that she could hear it.   
“I’ll walk to Maryland by myself if I have to. I’m not letting them stay here and get hurt by you.”   
I felt a shiver run down my back as a sound finally filled the silent air. It was a horrible sound, one that wasn’t supposed to be heard by human ears. It was like jumping into an endless cosmic void.  
She was laughing at me.   
“Oh Jack, why don’t you just face the facts? You’re never going to beat me.”  
I looked over at my frozen friends. Then I looked at Jerry, and then Lily.   
I put on my best iteration of Rosa’s shame look, squared my shoulders, and stared right back into her millions of evil, red-hot eyes.  
“ _Watch me, bitch._ ”  
I jolted up, looking around the bus wildly. Jerry was sitting outside, smoking a cigarette. Lily was looking out the window. Thankfully, she wasn’t looking up at the sky. She had her hand pressed to her forehead, shielding her gaze from it.  
I was breathing heavily, and Jerry looked at me with an eyebrow raised.   
“Hey, you okay, Jack?”   
I looked at him, seeing the way he was sitting, leaned back, and smoking. He definitely wasn’t like that in my dream. It’s a relief to see. I’m almost not mad about him smoking so close to Lily.   
“Jerry, put that out and then get our stuff. We have to go.”   
“Wait, what? Dude, slow down a little.”   
“No. I’m not letting this go on any more than it has to.”   
_I’m not letting you guys end up like that._  
I grabbed the bag with the journals and sketchbook in it and strapped my leg back on.  
“Come on. We’ve got work to do.”  
Lily got up, excited to finally be doing something. She picked up her toy truck.  
“Are we going to find a different car?” Lily asked us.   
I shrugged, not wanting to lie to her.   
“Maybe, but probably not for a while. We’ll have to walk for a bit.”   
Her excitement faltered just a little, but not much.   
“I hope we find something cool. Maybe we could find a real monster truck!”   
Jerry laughed from the other side of the bus, where he was gathering up the last of our supplies.   
“Fuck yeah! We could call it the Spencer-Crusher!”   
“Yeah!”   
I smiled at the two of them. The mental image of Jerry driving a monster truck with Lily in the passenger seat was a fun one. It was even more fun to imagine it driving over Spencer Middleton. I could practically hear them both cheering and having the time of their lives. Thinking about it just made me want to stop this even more. I had to make sure they got out of this okay.   
Maybe afterward, we could find some sort of monster truck rally and go celebrate. It would be loud and crowded, and I would probably hate it, but Jerry and Lily would deserve that much.  
We walked for a while. My stitches started aching not long after we left the bus behind, and so did my horribly bruised stump of a leg. We came to the top of the hill, and there was a green sign that was bent in several places.  
“Tallulah Gorge Scenic Overlook,” Lily read out loud.  
I looked at the sign and got a slightly uneasy feeling. Something was telling me that looking at a gorge probably wasn’t the best idea. At least not in the middle of an apocalypse. There was something else to that, though. A primal feeling that if we went on this detour, it would lead to nothing good.  
Besides, I really wanted to keep moving. I wanted to end this shit show as soon as possible.   
Lily didn’t seem to be in the same mindset, though.   
“Can we go exploring?” she asked.   
The excitement in her voice was palpable, but I still had a bad feeling.   
“I don’t know—”   
I didn’t get to finish that sentence because Jerry put a hand on my shoulder and stopped me.   
“Come on, dude, why don’t we look for a few minutes? I think we all deserve a break, especially Lily. Besides, there might be some supplies somewhere.”  
He was giving me a pleading face, and I couldn’t help but give in.   
My instincts were screaming at me to say no, but they were powerless against the combined strength of Lily and Jerry’s puppy dog eyes.   
I sighed. As sick as walking down that tree-covered path to what was probably the waiting jaws of some hell beast made me feel, I couldn’t just say no to Lily.  
“Alright. But if one weird thing happens, I say we bail.”   
Weird things would happen after I said that, and not once would Jerry or Lily take me up on my advice to bail. _But Jack’s overreacting, huh?_


	39. I’m Lily Madwhip and Marco Polo is Less Fun When You Play it Like This

Jerry says he has to go in front. He always likes to go in front when we go in somewhere new. I follow close behind as we walk down the shady road. The shade is pleasant. I think it’s getting hotter outside. There’s a parking lot on the right side. Well, it’s not really a lot, just four or five spaces against a rock wall. On the other side is a long building with two metal doors. There’s a huge black cut out of Bigfoot standing near the door. There isn’t a face, just an outline. It’s like one big shadow. Bigfoot’s shadow is just as big as he is!  
Jerry goes over to the door, pushing against it.   
“Damn, this shit is sealed tight.”   
“Jerry, if you’re about to do what I think you’re about to do, don’t.”  
But Jerry isn’t listening to him. He’s already backing up.   
Jerry even scrapes his feet across the ground like a bull! _I hope he doesn’t hurt himself._  
Jack yells at him to stop, but he’s already racing at the door. I squeal as his shoulder hits the door, and it flies open, making the building visibly shake. Jerry falls out onto the wooden floor.   
“Booyah!” Jerry yells, getting back to his feet. He looks around.  
“Alright, I don’t see anything. I think we’re good.”  
The floors and walls are wooden. There’s another metal door to the left that says, “keep porch door closed.” If you look straight ahead, there’s a front desk thingy, and to the right, there’s a bunch of wind chimes and old toys and other gift shop stuff. This is a gift shop!  
I get really excited because I really like gift shops. They’ve always got such cool stuff in them!   
This one’s different from some of the other ones I’ve been to before. There are big wooden shelves with lots of different things on them. There are t-shirts and little tiny cups with the gorge’s logo on them, and some with Bigfoot. There are some shelves with different small carvings and glass statues on them too, some of them are of the gorge, and some are just random things like birds and wolves. The first thing Jerry has us do is change into new shirts, ones that aren’t covered in blood. I find a white one with a wolf on it. It’s too big for me, but I take it and put it on anyway. I name my wolf Fern. She looks like a Fern.  
There’s a shelf by the wall with books and magazines on it, and past that is _so many toys._  
There’s a big part of the gift shop with just kids’ stuff, and I stare at all of it. My mom usually didn’t let me get things from the gift-shop. She said it was “overpriced.” Maybe Jack would, though.   
I look at the stand with little bags you can fill up with different, pretty rocks. That’s always my favorite part at the gift shops. I look at Jack with the most giant puppy dog eyes, and he sighs.   
For a second, he looks at the price tag, and I think he’s going to say no, but he just nods and gives me a tiny smile.   
“Normally I might say it’s too expensive, but… there’s not really anybody here to ring us up. So I say go for it, Lily.”   
“Alright! Thievery! Fuck late-stage capitalism! Power to the workers! Seize the means of production! Dismantle the establishment! La resistance! Vive la revolution!”  
Jerry says a lot of big words sometimes, and I have no clue what all that just meant, and I think some of them were in a different language. Except for the thievery part.  
Jack rolls his eyes.  
“Maybe don’t say all that to an impressionable child, Jerry.”  
I put my hands on my hips.  
“I’m not a thief! Look!”  
I pick up some pretty leaves I found on the way here and put them up on the counter.  
“There! It’s a trade!”  
Jerry and Jack look at each other and start laughing. I don’t know what’s so funny. This is a real business transaction. Jerry picks up a big wooden walking stick from a little bucket full of them and holds it up.   
“Hey Jack, maybe we can get you an old man cane!”   
“Put that down, Jerry.”  
I give him a big smile and take one of the little bags to fill up with the little rocks. I finish picking out the last rock to put in my bag, a really pretty purple one, and I stuff the bag in my pocket. When I’m done, the bucket tips over by itself, scattering colored rocks all over the floor. Just like in ghost stories. My head fills with a weird, buzzy sound, like an old TV.   
Jack and Jerry both look over. Jack looks really nervous.  
“Can we leave now?” He asks.  
“We haven’t even got food yet, Jack. We’ll do that and then go, okay?” Jerry replies.  
Jack sighs in a way that I’ve come to learn means “okay, sure, whatever Jerry.”  
My stomach growls.  
“I wanna help pick out food!”   
Jack is already walking away, and he waves at me.   
“Alright then, the food is this way.”   
We walk over to where the cash register stuff is, and all around it, there are all sorts of food. They have chips and candy and soda that comes in those fancy glass bottles. Some of it is stuff I’ve seen before. I pick the red one with the dragon on it. I look at it and wonder to myself why someone would call a lake Flathead Lake. I’d name a lake Unicorn Lake or Strawberry-Banana Lake. Flathead is just weird and gross. It’s like someone stomped on a head and made it all mushy and flat. But the dragon is cool. It’s got little bumps on its back, and its tongue is all stuck out in a yawn.  
Jerry is already picking out chips and Moon Pies and putting them into one of the bags. I’m looking at the candy with big eyes, and Jack nudges me a little.   
“You can go ahead and grab what you want, Lily. This stuff might not be the healthiest, but I think for right now, it’s okay. We need any food we can get.”   
He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I start to get all kinds of candies and sodas, and I carry them over to Jerry so he can put them in the bag. I put some of it in my pockets too, that’s the stuff I’ve never had before and really want to try. They had something called rock candy that looks like crystals! I’m not sure if it will taste good since it’s called “rock candy,” but it looks really pretty anyway. I tried to eat a rock once, and I had to go to the dentist so he could fix my tooth. But I hope these won’t break my teeth.  
Jack gets some of the stuff that’s a little healthier. He grabs lots of water bottles and some of the plain chips and stuffs them into the bag.   
Eventually, the bag is almost overflowing with different snacks, and Jerry looks really happy. It looks really heavy, but I know Jerry is strong.  
“Finally, an excuse to eat nothing but junk food and not get criticized for it!”   
Jerry is right, it’s pretty weird and bad, but the junk food is nice. I love eating junk food.   
We’re standing by the big tub full of handmade bars of soap when one of the Raggedy Ann dolls on the other side falls off a high shelf. Jerry looks at Jack. The door leading into the shop makes a weird squeaky noise, and my ears pop. I hear the fizzy TV noise again. It’s louder, and I whimper. Suddenly, I don’t like being inside this gift shop anymore.  
“Can we go look at the gorge now? I don’t wanna be in this shop anymore.”  
Jack looks more nervous.   
“I _really_ think we should leave, you guys.”   
“Come on, Jack, just a couple more minutes?” Jerry asks him.   
Jack looks at Jerry and then at me, and sighs that sigh from earlier, but gentler.  
“Okay, but… quick, alright? I don’t like how things have a mind of their own here.”   
“Don’t worry about it, Jack. It was probably nothing.”  
Jack doesn’t look very convinced, but he doesn’t argue, and we all leave the gift shop to go look at the gorge. We sit down on the bench and eat chips and sweets until our stomachs are full. I try the Moon Pie, and then I have three more. _They’re so good._ It's like eating a marshmallow pillow.  
When we’re done, and Jack and Jerry are cleaning up, I run over to the wooden rail. I wanna see what the fuss is all about. There are a lot of trees. It’s like someone laid a blanket of trees over both sides. The sides are very steep, and there’s a river running way down below. I keep my eyes away from the sky, just like Jack wants me to. I stand there for a long time, leaning over the rail and admiring the gorge. Everything else fades away. It’s just me and Mother Nature. I wish Mother Nature was a real person. Paschar said she’s not, and it’s just a person factation, but I think she’d be really nice.  
 _It’s so beautiful._  
When I look away, I’m alone.   
_Where did they go? Did they leave me?_  
I walk back into the gift shop. My body gets all cold and clammy.  
 _Something is in here, something not human. It’s watching me._  
It’s completely dark. Someone shut the front door.   
“CASPER VAN DIEN!” I hear Jerry yell from all the way outside.   
I can hear feet pounding against the floor, running towards me. My ears pop and are suddenly filled with the loud, fuzzy TV noise. This time it’s so loud that I scream and fall backward. The thing jumps on top of me.  
It’s huge, and its skin is made of the stuff old TVs have when there’s no signal. It opens its mouth, and the static gets louder. Its teeth are so big and sharp. Inside its mouth is just wet darkness.  
I kick it in the face and scream. It’s just enough of a diversion for me to throw myself over the wooden gate. I fall to the ground and bust up my nose. It stings, and blood runs down my face.   
If what I just came from was bad, what I just jumped into was much worse.   
They’re everywhere. There are at least twenty of them. They all start running towards me. The static is so loud I can feel it shake my chest. Jerry and Jack are standing up at the top of the path. Jack is slumped over a bit.  
“LILY,” Jerry yells, “CLOSE YOUR EYES! THEY CAN’T SEE YOU IF YOU CAN’T SEE THEM!”  
I shut my eyes tight. I can feel their breath on my face. It smells like rotty, maggoty lemons. But they’re not touching me. I start to walk forward. I have no clue where I’m going, but I can hear Jerry swearing under his breath. I’ll follow that.   
“WE’LL GUIDE YOU!”  
As soon as Jerry says that, I can hear his and Jack’s voices from everywhere, calling out to me to come this way from all different directions. My head feels dizzy, and I walk in the direction that feels right. But then I stumble. I… I’m not sure where to go.  
 _Which way do I go? God, what if they attack me anyway?_  
And then I hear it, weak but clear.  
 _‘This way, Lily… We’re over here...’_  
It’s Jack, and I can tell which direction it’s coming from. I turn and start running.   
_‘That’s it… Come on… This way...’_  
 _I’m coming!_  
When I know I’m close enough, I leap forward, opening my eyes. I land safely in Jerry’s arms, and he pulls me into his chest. The monsters behind us hiss and scream and give chase. We run away, losing the bag of food in the process.   
_There goes our food again._  
We get far enough out of the shade, and the monsters don’t follow us.  
“It’s gonna be okay, Lily.” Jerry says.   
He’s bruised and has a bloody nose.  
I look over at Jack. He’s doubled over, trying to catch his breath. There’s blood soaking his shirt, and it looks fresh.  
I have bruises all over my arms and legs, and a big one on my stomach. There are scratches all over the back of our legs.  
I don’t understand why the three of us are the Universe’s punching bags.


	40. Equines and Flatlines

As we ran, I tried to ignore the pain in my side. One of those things had bitten me as we ran away. It had gone deep, and every move caused searing pain to radiate outwards from it. I took my hoodie off and wrapped it around my waist, trying to hide just how bad it was from Lily. I looked up and could see shapes moving in the fog just beyond our line of sight.  
“I think they’re gone,” Jerry said, wiping sweat from his forehead.  
“Don’t breathe easy just yet. I see something up ahead,” I whispered.  
Jerry turned his gaze to where I was looking, keeping a tight hold on Lily. The shapes crept closer to us, and I mentally prepared for another possible attack. They were tall and dark, moving about slowly in the distance.   
“Keep your eyes closed, Lily,” I said. I knew I’d told her to do that enough times. But I was totally unsure of what we would find. I didn’t know if we were in for more static creatures or something new and horrific, but I wanted her to be safe just in case.   
She didn’t question it. She just kept her face buried in Jerry’s chest.   
I watched as the creatures started to emerge out of the fog, and I let out a sigh of relief as I realized what they were. _Oh, thank god, something normal._  
“It’s okay, Lily, you can look.”   
She very cautiously turned away from Jerry’s chest and opened her eyes. They were glazed with tears.   
Her fear quickly faded to childish glee as she saw the two horses approaching us. They were friendly, if extremely wary. They were majestic animals, probably some of the biggest horses I’d ever seen.   
“Horsies!” She shouted and started to move closer to them.   
Jerry rushed over by her, stopping her from getting too close. She looked a little disappointed, but he just smiled at her.   
“Just take it a little slower, Lilypad. We don’t wanna spook them. They’ve probably been through enough.”   
Lily nodded and started to approach the horses much slower. I walked with her and Jerry until we were right up by the horses. One of them walked right over and began sniffing her hair.  
“My hair probably doesn’t smell that good, Mr. Horse.”  
“She’s a Ms., Lily,” Jerry said.  
“Oh! Hello Ms. Horse!”  
Jerry checked the horses for horseshoes. They had them, and they looked relatively new.  
“I took a lot of riding lessons when I was younger. I think we just found our next method of transportation. At least, for a little while. We can’t ride them without a saddle for long, for both our sakes and the horses’ sake. But it should get us far enough away from here to feel safe.”  
The world was spinning. My skin felt really hot.  
“Hey, Jack, you don’t look so good, buddy,” the smallest horse said to me.  
“Yeah, well, what do you know? You’re just a horse.”  
“No, you’re a horse.”  
I started laughing. _Am I really a horse?_  
I tried to make a horse sound, but it didn’t sound right. It just sounded like a pained whine.   
Jerry turned to me, a look of concern on his face. Am I sweating?  
“Maybe we should give you a minute before we start riding. You’re gonna fall off the horse wobbling like that.”   
“Yeah… that’s a good idea.”   
Jerry let me lean on him for a second until I was a little less dizzy. I really wished that we hadn’t lost the food bag. My hip was still soaking my clothes with blood, and everything was starting to get yellow. My eyes hurt. Also, I was really thirsty.  
Still, I managed to regain my bearings a little.   
“You okay, dude?”   
“Just dizzy. I’ve lost more blood than most doctors would consider healthy. Also, I feel kind of sick.”   
Jerry’s face got all worried again.  
“Yeah, you really need to get some food in you, try to get some back. I’m gonna need to look at those stitches too.”   
I gestured to the general lack of any supplies, and Jerry sighed.   
“Yeah, I know. Do you think you’re good to ride for a little bit? We can search for somewhere new to find more food and supplies.”   
“Yeah… yeah, I… just help me on.”  
Jerry called to one of the horses, a speckled one, and it trotted over.  
“Good girl. Who’s a good girl? You are, yes you are.”  
The horse sniffed him and whinnied before Jerry ran his hand over its broad snout.  
“This one’s for you, Jack.”  
The horse seemed calm enough. I was at least reasonably confident that it wasn’t going to buck me off, which was enough for me at this point.   
“Alright, how do we wanna do this?”   
I turned to Jerry, and he had a pink tint to his cheeks.   
“Alright, well, stand next to the horse, and uh. Put an arm over its back and try to pull yourself up a little.”   
I raised an eyebrow, but I listened to him and stood on the side of the horse. I threw an arm over the horse and made a token effort to pull myself up. I don’t exactly have great upper body strength when I have a normal amount of blood, but still, I managed to pull myself up a tiny bit.   
Jerry was behind me, and before I was able to fully process what was happening, he crouched down and pushed me up. A cross between a squeak and a yelp left my mouth as he pushed right up on my… backside.  
I definitely hadn’t been expecting him to help me up like this, but it got the job done.  
Then again, my hip was still bleeding pretty bad, so he was probably afraid to make it worse if he lifted me up that way.   
“Sorry!” He said. He sounded almost as awkward as I felt.   
“Just try to get your leg over, okay?”   
It took me a couple tries, but I got my leg over the broad back of the horse. Jerry pushed me the rest of the way up, and I was seated firmly on its back, albeit with a very red face.   
Jerry gave me a smile that said _I know that was weird, let’s just move past it_ , and I tried my best to return it.   
“You’re officially a horseback rider Jack, how do you feel?”   
_Flustered? Like I’m about to die? Both?_  
I was feeling a lot of things, some of them very different than others.  
“About the same.”  
Then it was Lily’s turn to get on the other horse. Jerry was able to help her up much easier, lifting her up from under her arms and setting her down. Lily giggled the entire time, clearly very excited to get to ride a horse.   
I figured we didn’t have to tell her how uncomfortable it would end up being.   
Jerry was able to pull himself up. It was pretty easy for him considering his height and the fact that he had a little more strength in his arms than I did. Once we were all situated, we were ready to start moving.   
“Tally ho, Obsidian!” Jerry yelled before giving the black horse they were on a gentle nudge in the sides.   
My horse followed suit, and we made our way down the winding mountain highway. We didn’t go very fast. I could tell that Jerry had the horses’ wellbeing in mind just as much as our own. I tried to keep away the mental image of something racing past and shredding our horses the same way that it shredded our bus tires as we went.   
The ride was bumpy, and by the time Jerry decided to stop, I was sore in more than a few places. My back was killing me, and it didn’t do anything for my bleeding hip. The worst was in my leg-and-a-half, though, and in the delicate space between them. Needless to say, I was ready for a break.   
Thankfully, there was a perfect location to stop and take a rest that Jerry had managed to spot. A giant, mostly vacant Walmart parking lot. There were a few cars and semi-trucks scattered around.   
“Jackpot!” Jerry yelled. He and Lily hopped down off the horse, and then they helped me down. I wobbled and lost my balance. They helped me up from the baking asphalt, and I rubbed my face where it touched it. The horses trotted off to graze on the yellowing grass covering the hill that led up to the Walmart.   
“Should we try to hitch them up to something? For after?”   
Jerry shrugged.   
“They’re not gonna get us much further anyway. We don’t have saddles, and it would be cruel to ride them much farther without them.”   
I wasn’t sure how accurate that was, but Jerry definitely knew more about horses than me, so I figured I’d take his word for it.   
“Okay then, well, let’s go look for some supplies inside. We can stock up and then try to find a vehicle.”   
Jerry nodded, and the three of us made our way across the parking lot. I kept my watering eye out for anything that could be lurking, but the real trouble came when Jerry ended up tripping on something and falling on his ass.   
Under normal circumstances, that wouldn’t have been an issue. But these weren’t normal circumstances. Jerry would make some corny joke about it, and it would be fine. But when I looked at him, expecting the dumb quip, I saw his eyes glued onto the sky.   
So far, Jerry had done a good job of avoiding making eye contact with the entity above us, but now there was no helping him. I couldn’t do anything to save him from whatever hell he was being forced to witness. I tried to get in front of him and block his view, but even when he couldn’t see her eyes anymore, she had already gotten to him.   
His eyes were glazed over, but his breathing was starting to pick up. Tears began to slip down his cheeks. He was as white as a sheet, much whiter than he’d been during Doctor Howard’s weird and malicious story. I’d never seen him so pale.  
I kept his eyes shielded from the sky, so he wouldn’t be forced to see those eyes again when his vision ended, and I did my best to keep calm. He would need it when he came out of this.   
Lily was standing a few feet away, looking terrified.   
“He looked, didn’t he?”   
I just nodded.  
She whispered something I didn’t quite catch under her breath, and before I could ask about it, Jerry sat up from where he was lying on the ground. His breath came in violent gasps now, and the crying went from a few small tears to near sobbing.   
Before I could do anything, he had a tight grip on my shoulders, keeping me in place next to him. They ached. My whole body ached. My skin was on fire. It felt like bugs were crawling up my back.  
“Shit— Jerry, it’s okay!”   
“Jack!”   
His voice was strangled like it took him a lot of effort to even say that much.   
“Jerry, whatever you saw, it wasn’t real.”  
“You… you died and… and I couldn’t… it was my…”  
I took hold of his shoulders, trying to grip them as firmly as he was gripping mine. I could barely get them to hold on.   
“It wasn’t real, Jerry.”  
Jerry wrapped his arms around me, and I bit my lip as I felt a stitch pop. My clothes were soaked in even more blood now, sticking to my skin. I was gross. All I wanted was an icy shower, and maybe some strawberries— ice cold, juicy strawberries. All I could smell was an overpowering odor of copper and rotten eggs.  
I fought through the pain, rubbing his back.  
“It’s okay, Jerry… I just… I think I… I think I’m just gonna rest for… for just a minute… watch the register for me, okay?”  
“You’re dying, Jack,” the horse tells me.   
I don’t know when it got back over here. It’s black and has a mane and tail of fire.   
“Yeah… yeah, I know I am…”  
“Jack? Jack!”  
I was engulfed by the flames, and then everything went dark.


	41. I'm Lily Madwhip and I'm Going Grocery Shopping!

I’ve never seen Jerry so panicked. He’s holding Jack in his arms, trying to make sure that he’s still breathing.   
“Come on, Jack, stay with me!”   
He has two fingers on part of Jack’s neck, and he lets out a loud sob when he finds a pulse. I can feel how scared he is. He stands up, picking Jack up with him. His legs are so shaky that I’m worried they’re both going to fall over for a second. Jack looks _really_ bad. He looks like he got sucked on by a leech, only it sucked all the color out of him. I got sucked on by a leech once. It was awful, but I’d rather get sucked on by a thousand leeches than have Jack die.  
“Okay, it’s going to be alright, you’re gonna be fine, Jack,” Jerry says.   
I don’t know why he’s saying that. Jack’s just asleep. Yeah, he’s sleeping. He’s not dying. He’s fine. He’s gonna wake up, and it’s all gonna be okay!   
_Please wake up, Jack._  
Jerry does his best to smile at me, but it’s all weird and wobbly. Like he’s trying not to cry.   
“Come on, Lily, let’s get Jack inside, okay?”   
I nod at him, and he starts to walk towards the store. I have to run a little to keep up because he’s going really fast.   
I can’t hear what he’s saying, but I can hear him talking to himself. Or maybe he’s talking to Jack?   
Despite how upset he is, he looks back several times to make sure I don’t get left behind like they did at the gift shop. I’m not mad at them for it. I’m easy to lose, I think. My mom and dad left me at a gas station on a road trip once. It wasn’t for long, and they came right back. They didn’t notice I wasn’t in the backseat, which is okay because I’m 0quiet a lot.  
The Walmart only has the emergency lights on. There’s stuff all over the floor, and most of the shelves are empty.  
“Stay with me, buddy, stay with me, please!” I hear Jerry whisper. I think he’s talking to Jack.  
I follow him around, and pretty soon, we find the medical section. There’s not a whole lot there, though.   
“Fuck!” Jerry says.   
It’s not angry, though, not like it was when the bus got messed up. It sounds like he found a cat on the side of the road with broken legs and wants to help but doesn’t know how. He sounds desperate.  
He sets Jack down on the ground and then starts to dig around on all the shelves, trying to find anything that they might have. He ends up finding a bottle of the stuff my mom uses for headaches sometimes and a box with some of those extra big band-aids in it.   
He takes off Jack’s shirt and says, “fuck” again. I don’t think it counts if I’m just saying what someone else said. Also, Jack said we’d settle up with the swear jar once all of this was over. He better stay alive because I’m gonna be really upset if he gets out of paying the swear jar. _Don’t be a cheater, Jack, please..._  
One of Jack’s stitches is snapped, and Jerry looks at it. There are tears in his eyes again. His stitches are all red and puffy, and there’s gross yellow stuff in them. Jerry puts his head in his hands and shakes it.  
“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Jack…” He sniffs a little and then looks up at me.   
“Lily, I have to get something to fix this.”   
I nod, and he looks around us again. He looks even more scared. I know he doesn’t want to leave me. I don’t want him to either, but we have to save Jack.  
“Shit. Okay, you have Violet, right?”   
I take Violet off my back and hold her so Jerry can see. He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. It looks even messier than usual now. He glances down at Jack one more time and then takes a deep breath.   
“I don’t want to do this, but I have to patch up Jack, okay? I’m going to run and get something for him. I need you to keep an eye on yourself and on Jack, just for a minute, and if anything happens, you yell for me.”   
“Okay.”   
“I’ll be back, I promise. Be safe, please? I don’t want you to get hurt too, please Lily I—”   
I put my hand on his shoulder like grown-ups do when they wanna make someone feel better.  
“I’ll be alright, Jerry.”   
He gives me the tiniest smile and then stands up.   
“You remember the safe phrase, don’t be afraid to use it. I’ll be right back.”   
I don’t like how hard it is to see Jack breathing. I can hear the echoes of Jerry’s feet as he’s running around. At least, I hope that’s Jerry…  
Right before he comes back, I hear several loud metallic bangs and a colossal thud. I clutch Violet tighter and scoot close to Jack. His skin is so hot.  
Jerry comes back with a tube of greasy doctor medicine, a roll of clear fishing line, a sewing kit, a big bottle of water, and a new shirt.   
He sets everything down next to Jack and starts working. He begins by using the water to clean up all of Jack’s cuts. He pours some on a clean part of Jack’s old shirt and uses it to wipe away all the blood.   
He makes Jack take some of the pills in the bottle and washes them down his throat with water. He takes out Jack’s old stitches and rubs the greasy ointment all over the slashes. It doesn’t smell really great, but I hope it helps Jack.  
Then he has to stitch Jack up again. He does it pretty fast, but the entire time I can hear him whispering that he’s sorry. I’m not sure why, but he must feel terrible to be saying it so much.   
Once his stitches are fixed, Jerry uses the stinging brown-bottle medicine on Jack’s hip. Then he puts more of the ointment on both places, and Jack’s other cuts. He takes some of the big band-aids and uses them on the big bite on Jack’s hip. He puts a couple of them over the bite. He wraps his chest up in the long white bandages and then sighs.   
“I wish I could do more for you, buddy.”   
Jack doesn’t wake up, but he makes a tiny sound, and Jerry smiles a little.   
Jerry checks to see if anything else needs fixing, and then he takes the clean shirt and pulls it over Jack’s head.   
“I know you’d kick my ass if you woke up half-naked in a Walmart, so I got you this. There’s a cat smoking a tobacco pipe on it, so hopefully, you like it.” Jerry tells Jack.   
I don’t want to tell Jerry that Jack probably can’t hear him. I think he knows already, and I don’t want to make him sad if he doesn’t know.   
Once Jack is all fixed up, Jerry holds his hand for a second and stares at him. He looks really focused.   
“Don’t leave me now, okay, Jack? I need you,” He says. His voice is really quiet.   
Jerry sits down next to Jack and sighs.   
“We can get supplies and stuff in a little while. I just want to wait and see if Jack will wake up first. Is that alright, Lily?”  
I nod and sit down next to him. After a little while, Jack wakes up.  
“Argleblarg…” Jack mutters.  
I wonder what that means. Is an argleblarg a type of animal? I’d pet an argleblarg. No, maybe that’s an aardvark.  
Jerry jumps, but there’s a great big smile on his face when he sees that Jack is okay.   
Jack tries to sit up, but Jerry makes him lay back down.   
“Hold on there, give yourself a minute. You were out cold there for a while.”   
“Jerry, are you crying?”   
Jerry shook his head, but he’s definitely crying.   
“Nah, it’s just raining in here.”  
It’s definitely not raining in here.  
Jack tries to sit up again, slower this time, and he looks Jerry in the eyes.   
“Are you alright? You were really upset before… before I passed out, I guess.”   
Jerry’s smile gets even bigger, and he very gently wraps Jack in a side hug.   
“I’m just happy you’re alive, dude.”   
Jack smiles.  
“Well, I’ve woken up in worse places. Did you guys find any supplies?”  
“Jerry wanted to fix you up first,” I tell him.  
He ruffles my hair.  
“You alright, Lilybean?” Jack asks.  
I think he’s still woozy. But I’m not complaining. _Lilybean._  
“I’m fine. Just a little tired.”  
Jerry helps Jack up. He looks less pale, and when I take his hand, it’s not so hot anymore.  
“Alright, let’s go scavenge what supplies we can, and then I’m gonna hotwire one of those bad boys outside and get us moving again.”  
I follow Jerry and Jack out of the medical supplies. Jerry already has a few more boxes of bandages under his arm and more of that stinging brown-bottle medicine.   
“Everyone stick together, okay?”  
Jack nods and takes my hand. Jack picks something up off the floor as we walk. It’s a big brown bookbag.  
“We can put supplies in this.”  
Jerry looks back and gives him a thumbs up. He tosses him the bandages, and Jack catches them in the bookbag. He wobbles a little, but he catches his balance again pretty fast.   
We walk past a few aisles until we find the part of the store with all of the food.   
There isn’t much in the food aisles, just a few cans of food and…  
“Hey Lily, would these interest you?”  
Jerry holds out the bag of jumbo marshmallows.  
“Marshmallows!”  
Jerry grins at me. I take it and open it, sniffing deep. _It smells so good!_  
“Don’t eat too many, okay? I don’t think getting a sugar rush would be the best thing right now.”  
I sit down with the bag of marshmallows as Jerry and Jack load what little cans there are into the bag. This place looks like a tornado went through it. That’s what my mom would say about my room when it was messy, but my room is nothing compared to this.  
Jerry puts the bag on his back.  
“So we need water, new shirts, and I can probably find some jumper cables.”  
I follow behind them as we have our end-of-the-world shopping trip. Jerry picks me out a new white shirt that says, “Number One Hot Sauce Boss.” I tuck it into my shortie overalls, and we keep looking around. Jerry finds a new shirt for himself too, so we all have new clothes now. It’s a pink shirt with a butterfly on it. Jerry asks me how it looks on him, and I tell him he could be one of those fancy supermodels. Jerry lifts me up and puts me on his shoulders after that.  
We pick out a couple more things as we walk to the front of the store, and then we head out of the broken sliding doors back to the parking lot.  
“Watch out for potholes,” Jerry mutters. That must be why he fell and looked up at the sky earlier.   
Jerry goes straight to the big red semi-truck sitting at the back edge of the parking lot. Semi-trucks still make me nervous, ever since my brother Roger got t-boned by one.  
He sets me down, and he and Jack start arguing.  
“Jerry, no. You’ve already driven a bus. Can’t we please use something more normal?”  
“First off, I think the bigger vehicle we chose, the better off we’ll be. Secondly, this thing has a larger fuel tank and will probably get us farther. Thirdly, it should have somewhere you and Lily can get some rest. Here’s the plan. I’m going to get it started, and then we’re going to leave. While I drive, you and Lily can take inventory of our supplies. Sound gucci?”  
Jack sighs. Jerry makes good points, even though I can tell Jack isn’t happy about them.  
“Okay, Jerry.”  
Jerry unhooks the big white trailer from the back and opens the door. We keep getting lucky with unlocked doors and left behind keys. The keys aren’t in this one, though. Jack opens the hood, and they both start doing things I don’t really understand. My dad talked about cars a lot, but I never really understood what he meant either.  
Eventually, the truck makes a loud roar and is running.   
“C’mon Lilypad!” Jerry calls out as Jack shuts the hood.  
I try to put away my fear and walk over. Jerry lifts me in, and Jack shuts the door.  
“On the road again! Hell yeah! We haven’t got a whole lot of diesel left in the tank, but it’ll certainly get us farther.”  
Jerry starts driving, and Jack and I sit on the bed behind the driver’s seat. There are also several cabinets and things, but they’re all empty.  
Jack takes off his half leg. Then he opens up the bag and puts out all the stuff we gathered on our shopping trip. There’s four big bottles of water, two cans of peas (yuck), two cans of soup, one can of pineapple, two spare shirts, some bandages, two bars of soap, some kind of big thick wires, six packs of cigarettes Jerry took from the display in Walmart, and my marshmallows. Jack empties out his pants pockets. Inside are his pill bottles, the little gnome, and Jerry’s lighter, and other cigarettes. I take my shotgun shells, my butterfly knife, and my bag of color rocks out of my pockets and set Violet next to it all.  
Jack tells Jerry what all we have, and Jerry nods.   
“Alright, now pack that away, and both of you rest. Jack, you can take over after you wake up. Right now, you need rest.”  
Jerry’s words sound far away like he’s underwater. Out the windshield, I can see a white and silver blur heading right for us, surrounded by orange.   
Before I can get a good enough look, it’s gone. I’m seeing things before they happen again.  
 _I don’t think I like that very much._


	42. Out of the Frying Pan

I could tell Lily was trying to say something, but she was actively falling asleep as she spoke. I watched as she did her best to blink the sleep from her tired eyes.  
“Alright, Lily, I think it’s time for you to get some rest.”  
“No… I…”  
She let out a monster yawn, letting her eyes slip closed for good this time. I pulled back the worn bedding and had her lay down.   
“You need to sleep too, Jack.”  
“I can just read… oh, forgot I don’t have anything to read.”  
I sighed.  
“Please, Jack, get some rest.”  
I pulled out the pill bottle and dry-swallowed my sleeping medication. I laid down next to Lily on the outer side. That way, if some monster were to force its way onto the truck, Lily had a human shield.   
I closed my eyes and did the breathing exercises my doctor taught me. That felt like decades ago now. Anything and everything normal felt like it was light-years in the past.  
Pretty soon, I was asleep. There weren’t any coherent dreams, just me drifting in a black, endless void.  
When it melted into the ceiling of the sleeper cab, I breathed a sigh of relief. My injuries hurt a little less, and I felt better. I still was severely lacking in blood, and my stitches stung like hell, but I had crept away from Death’s door significantly.   
“You awake, Jack? Or is that some monster I’ve never met?”  
“No, Jerry, it’s just the monster you know and love.”  
I fastened on my leg and stood up. Jerry chuckled.  
“Yeah, you wanna take over?”  
His question was punctuated with a mighty yawn.   
“Yeah, I’ve got it. Don’t wake Lily up, okay? She needs all the rest she can get.”  
Jerry pulled to the side of the road and got up.   
“It’s not hard to drive. It’s pretty much the same as your shitty Nissan, just a bit bigger. If I can drive a bus, you can drive this.”  
I nodded and took his place behind the wheel.  
Jerry climbed into the bed, making sure not to disturb Lily, and I got us out on the road again. Pretty soon, he was snoring like a bear. The sound was oddly comforting.  
Jerry was right. It wasn’t that hard to drive. For a while, the ride was uneventful. We were already well into North Carolina. Jerry must’ve been driving pretty fast.   
My mind began to wander as I drove. Everything faded into the background. I didn’t realize we’d driven right into the middle of a forest fire until I heard the furious crackling of burning tree branches.  
“SHIT!” I yelled.   
I almost lost control of the wheel. The truck swerved, and sparks rocketed upwards from the branch I’d just run over. Jerry woke up with a start.  
“Huh?! What’s happening?! Oh shit…”  
Jerry got up from the bed, leaving a groggy Lily just starting to sit up in the little bed. He came to the front of the truck next to me.   
“Smokey the Bear would be pissed seeing this.” He said, gazing out at all the flames.   
“Well, Jerry, you’ve never had much regard to Smokey the Bear anyway.”  
“Touché, Jack.”  
I had managed to steady the truck, and now we were driving smoothly through the massive fire. It was coming in from both sides, and all we could do was power through and hope we made it. The sound of the trees burning was a constant roar around us, and occasionally I had to try my best to avoid a fallen branch smoldering in the middle of the road. It was like we were driving through literal Hell, even more so than it had been before now.  
I scanned the sides of the road, looking out for any sort of monsters like the others we had encountered throughout our journey. At first, there was nothing, just an empty burning forest.   
Then I spotted something. But I really wish that I hadn’t.   
In the rearview mirror, I could see a figure. Despite the fire and ash, the suit he wore was a pristine white. Everything about him was clean, bright white— his skin, his hair, all of it, except his wings. He had a pair of metallic wings spread out behind him and eyes that glowed so bright I could see him from this far away.  
If this was an angel, I’d never seen him before. I didn’t like the aura I was getting one bit. The angels pissed me off, sure, but I’d never felt such an _evil_ presence from one of them before. If this thing even was an angel. Maybe it was a demon. Maybe it was the Devil. But I swore I left that guy in a hole out behind the gas station.  
And then I heard a voice. It was soft and weak, like the voice of a dying child.   
After a minute, I was able to pick out where it was coming from. I pulled the little gnome from my pocket.  
The voice was faint, but it came again. I recognized it, though I’d never heard it in such a way. It was Paschar, Lily’s angel. I got the urge to toss the thing out the window and into the flames, but instead, I listened.   
He only said one thing.  
 _ **Drive faster.**_  
I didn’t hesitate to listen and pressed my foot down harder on the gas pedal. I mean, I was gonna do that anyway. But with the thing in white and the urgency in the angel’s voice, I was only going to go faster.  
I hadn’t agreed with Paschar on anything up until this point, and I didn’t necessarily trust his judgment, but this time I was pretty sure he had a point. Whoever that figure was, I had a strong feeling they were bad news.   
I kept glancing at the figure in the rearview mirror, afraid that if I looked away for too long, he would somehow end up disappearing and reappearing in front of the truck. Or worse, inside the truck. It never happened, though. The mysterious figure just ended up fading into the distance as we drove away.   
I thought we were in the clear until we were nearly out of the fire. That was when the same figure came swooping down towards the windshield. His eyes glowed with fierce, red malice.  
Lily screamed. It wasn’t the scream of “oh god, there’s a monster.” It was a scream of “oh god, the monster is back.”  
The thing in white missed at the last second, instead beating his heavy, metal wings against the sides of the truck. It tore into the sides, and through one of the cracks, a red hot eye stared in at us. I swerved all over the place, trying desperately to keep us on the road. That was when Jerry took the wheel back.   
He leaned over me, steadying the truck. I figured it would be a good idea to let him take the driver’s seat, so I did my best to get out of the seat and maneuver myself behind him until he could jump into it.   
I thought that I had been going fast, but as soon as Jerry had the truck under control, he really put the pedal to the metal.   
The pounding of the metal wings didn’t stop right away, the being next to the truck managing to keep up with the higher speeds to torment us.   
“Go away! Leave me alone! I hate you!” Lily cried.   
She looked terrified.   
“Hold on to your hats, folks!”  
The engine made a scary noise as Jerry pushed the pedal to the floor, rocketing us out of the fire. Our pursuer didn’t follow. I moved over to Lily, who was crying with her head in her hands.   
“It’s okay, it’s okay. The monster is gone now.”  
“No he’s not,” Lily croaked, “if he’s back now, he won’t go away.”  
“Who?”  
Lily didn’t answer, and I didn’t feel it right to press her for one.  
Instead, I just put an arm around her and let her cry into my shoulder. Jerry hadn’t slowed down at all, and honestly? I was thankful for it. I wanted us to get some distance from whatever that was. I didn’t want Lily to have to see whoever that man, or monster, or supernatural being was again.   
“Jerry?”   
“Yeah, dude?”   
“Think you can find us somewhere to rest? Somewhere far away from whatever that was? I think Lily could use a place to stop for a little while.”   
I didn’t admit just how badly I needed a place to stop and rest that wasn’t a sleeper cab on a semi-truck too. Lily sniffled against my shoulder and nodded.  
Jerry was quiet for a second, but then he gave me a thumbs up.   
“I’ll find us something, no problem.”   
He sounded confident, and I was really hoping he’d actually be able to find somewhere. We had been moving almost non-stop for a long time, and it was taking a toll. We deserved a night somewhere indoors and safe.   
I comforted Lily as best I could, and when she was calm enough, I told her the story of the first time I met a kangadeer, how he came into the gas station and bought a water bottle. Lily reminded me of how one had saved her life from the rougarou. I hadn’t taken them for heroes until she’d told me that story, and it made me feel a lot less nervous when they came around.  
After several hours more of driving, Jerry pulled into a parking lot. It was a motel. There were a few abandoned cars scattered here and there. The peeling sign once read, “Southern Comfort Inn,” but now it just read “out.” That didn’t make me feel any better when Jerry offered to go investigate.  
“You two stay in the truck, okay? I’m gonna take Violet and investigate. I think I saw some lights on.”  
“Jerry, maybe I should go with you.”  
“Jack. You’re hurt, and we shouldn’t leave Lily alone. Will you please stay here?”  
I sighed, and my stitches ached. Jerry had a point.  
“Alright, just be careful.”  
“I’m always careful!” He said a big smile on his face.  
I’m not sure if he was trying to make a joke to calm my nerves or if he was completely delusional. Either way, his words did very little to ease my worry.   
He took Violet, loaded her, and hopped out of the truck.   
_‘Do you think he’ll be okay?’_  
 _He’s Jerry. There’s nothing he can’t handle._  
I hoped I was right. We sat there together, our ears strained against the quiet.  
And then we heard the gunshot.   
Lily yelped. I bit my lip. It was just that, one single gunshot. It sounded like it had come from Violet.   
Lily looked at me with fear in her eyes, and I tried my best to stay calm for her sake. I couldn’t think of anything reassuring to say to her, though. Deep down, I feared the worst. We both watched, staring in the direction that Jerry had walked off in. It was a couple minutes of silence and staring before we saw anything.   
Lily was shaking. After the first minute, she grabbed onto my hand, and I let her hold it. After the second, she was shaking and squeezing my hand with a grip that no little girl should have. After three minutes had gone by, I was squeezing right back.   
I was about to get off the truck and try to find Jerry myself when finally, a figure started walking towards us.   
For a second, I worried that it might be the being from before, with his metal wings and fire surrounding him. Thankfully, I was able to let out the breath I was holding when I saw blonde hair and a big dopey grin.   
“Guys! This place will be perfect, no monsters in sight, there’s electricity, and the water is still running!” Jerry shouted to us as he started to jog towards the truck.   
He got to us, and for a second, I couldn’t help but smile knowing he was okay. Then I remembered why we had been so panicked in the first place, and aggravation broke the smile.   
“Hang on, you said no monsters, so why the hell did you fire off a gunshot? You had us worried sick, Jerry!”   
Jerry gave an awkward laugh and a shrug.   
“Oh well uh, there was a huge gang of raccoons, I had to scare them off.”   
“Jerry… First off, I’m glad you’re okay. But secondly, why the hell would you waste one of our bullets on raccoons? You _play with Rocco,_ Jerry!”   
Jerry looked offended and stuck out his chin.   
“I didn’t waste anything! Those little fuckers tried to attack me! Look!”   
I looked, and sure enough, several bloody scratches were on his cheek. They weren’t deep enough to warrant stitches, but they certainly looked painful.  
“Alright, that’s fair, I guess.”   
“Anyways, let’s get set up in a room! Then we can shower because I probably smell like a sewer right now. And no offense, but you guys don’t smell like roses either.”  
I hadn’t wanted to say anything, but he really did smell foul. We all did. A shower would feel heavenly right now.   
We got all of our stuff off the truck, which was pretty easy considering we only had one bag and Violet. Jerry picked out a room for us that was relatively clean, and we got everything situated. The TV had a VCR, and there was a tape of Looney Tunes still left in it. Jerry was the first to discover this.  
“Aw fuck yeah! We got water, lights, and cartoons!”  
Lily was ecstatic at this development. While they watched cartoons, I took the opportunity to take the first shower I’d had in ages. Usually, I took my leg off when I showered, but usually, I was at home when I showered. Usually, the world wasn’t ending when I showered. Well, _sometimes_ the world wasn’t ending when I showered. Plus, my leg was just as dirty as I was.  
I took off my bandages and clothes and got in. The water felt magnificent against my skin. I kept my back to it and did my best to keep my stitches dry. The water that ran down the drain was alarmingly dark. I must’ve been _filthy._  
I could have stayed under the water for hours, but I decided against it. I didn’t want Lily and Jerry to get stuck using cold water. If the hot water heater wasn’t working, there probably wasn’t much left in the tank, and I decided it better to be considerate for them just in case it was.   
Instead, I made sure that I was as clean as I could get with just the soap we got from the Walmart and then got out. I may have allowed myself a few extra minutes under the water, but not long enough to leave it cold for the next person.  
Jerry might have a minute or two of cold water, but he was the least injured out of all of us, so it felt like a fair trade-off.  
I came back out after drying my leg off and getting dressed to Jerry doing his Foghorn Leghorn impression for Lily. She was riding on his shoulders and giggling with glee.  
“What are you, I say I say, what are you doing on top of my head there, girl?!”  
Lily let out another childish squeal of delight.   
“Jerry, did you really have to pick that impression?”   
Jerry turned to me with a huge smile and started to walk over to me.   
“Now come on, boy! You need, I say, you need to lighten up! You learn to enjoy life, and it’ll leave you in stitches!”   
He had dialed the ham up to eleven now, and he pointed at my stomach where the stitches were.   
“Stitches, ya see ya see it’s a joke boy!”   
Lily was full-on laughing now, and I just let out a loud sigh. In all honesty, it was hilarious, but I had to play annoyed, or Jerry would never stop. He already probably wouldn’t stop for a while.   
“Don’t you see that it’s a joke, boy! Oh, that boy, he’s real sweet, but he’s I say but he’s a little on the dumb side. Hasn’t got all his eggs in the basket.”  
He said that last bit to Lily in an exaggerated whisper. She let out a particularly loud burst of laughter.   
“Alright, Lily, I think you need a bath.”  
Jerry picked Lily up off his shoulders and made an over-exaggerated “gross” gesture, to which Lily only laughed more. I went to the bathroom and started running bath water as Jerry continued to amuse Lily.  
As annoying as it was, I was glad that Jerry was keeping Lily in good spirits. She needed a break from having to worry about the end of the world. She was just a little girl.  
It was a tiny weight lifted to hear her giggling from the other room. It was a sound that we hadn’t heard for far too long.   
Once the water finished running, I called Lily into the room. I had gotten one of the backup shirts we had picked up at the store laid out for her to sleep in. It was about five sizes too big for her, so it would work as a nightgown. She still had a big smile when she came into the bathroom.   
“Alright, you ready to get cleaned up?”   
“I’ve never been so excited for a bath in my life,” She said.   
I didn’t have a hard time believing it.   
“Will you be okay by yourself?”   
She thinks for a second and then nods.   
“Okay, just call us if you need help with anything, okay, Lily?”   
“Okay!”   
I turned and got ready to leave so she could get in the tub, but she stopped me just before I shut the door to the bathroom.   
“Can you leave it open, just a little?” She asks, a note of fear creeping into her voice.   
I looked at her and felt my heart break a little. She shouldn’t have to be this afraid all the time.   
“Of course, Lily.”   
I left the door open a crack and then returned to the main room with Jerry.   
I went over to the microwave and started heating up the soup we were having for dinner. The smell made my mouth water.  
“So….”  
I turned and looked back at Jerry.  
“Hm?”  
“I just really wanted to apologize for getting us into this mess. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t taken us to the fair.”  
I shut the microwave and turned back to Jerry.  
“Jerry, are you sitting here and trying to tell me that you think all this… is your fault?”  
Jerry pulled a pain expression.  
“Would you be mad at me if I was?”  
“Yes, Jerry. I would be mad because it’s absolutely not true. In fact, I’d say this is arguably more my fault than anyone else’s. There was a prophecy. I didn’t really get a chance to tell you about it. The angels said that ‘when the one who sees crosses paths with another who sees.’ That’s what they said would unleash all of this. I think that when I grabbed Lily at the fair, that’s what sparked this.” I explained to him.   
He had a look on his face like I just told him I was thinking about voting for Trump. A little surprised and a lot pissed off.   
“That’s bullshit,” He said.   
“Which part?”   
“All of it. Mostly the fact that you didn’t tell me about this prophecy sooner, you know I love cryptic prophecies! Also, the fact that you’re actually listening to the angels. That’s bullshit too. You and I both know that those guys are full of shit. Nothing they say has any weight.”   
“I mean, yeah, but the prophecy came true, didn’t it?”   
Jerry scoffed and waved a hand dismissively.  
“Please! They’re the ones who gave you the prophecy, right? For all we know, they could have twisted it. Maybe they fucked something up, and the ‘ones who see’ just so happened to come together at the same time, so they blamed that instead of themselves.”   
Honestly? He was making a pretty good point there. That sounded like something the angels might do. Jerry walked over to me, crossing the room with the same energy somebody would put into crossing a warzone. He put his hands on my shoulders and gave me a stern look.   
“This isn’t your fault Jack. You didn’t do anything wrong.”   
I looked into his eyes, and there was a fiery determination behind them. I did my best to match his tone and intensity.   
“It’s not your fault either.”   
“Well then, it’s _super_ not your fault.”  
“Then it’s _super-duper_ not your fault.”   
Jerry poked me in the chest.  
“Don’t make me use Graham’s number, Jack. I’ll fucking do it.”  
I wrinkled my nose at him.  
“I’ll shove Graham’s number right up your ass!”  
“Oh yeah?”  
His voice sounded different.  
“Yeah.”  
Jerry opened his mouth to say something else, but then he faltered. I realized why a second later when I felt his breath on my face.   
We... were really close.   
“Jack… I uh…”  
 _God, had I really never noticed the tiny flecks of green in his blue eyes?_  
I panicked.  
“You… you know you can tell me anything, right, Jerry? We’re best friends.”  
Jerry blinked.  
“Yeah… best friends… I uh...”  
I could see that I’d made a mistake. Just like always, I’d gone and royally fucked up. But before I could do anything to correct it, Lily screamed. Jerry instantly rushed into the bathroom.   
It took me a second to regain my mental functions, and once I did, I ran in after Jerry. I had been expecting some sort of monster or horrifying demon, but instead, Jerry was holding a large and angry rat in his hands when I came in.   
“Is everything okay?” I asked, still a little worried.   
For all I knew, the rat could still be some sort of rat monster. _A frankenrat? A wererat? A vampire rat?_  
“Yeah, we’re all good!” Jerry said, cooing at the angry rodent l that was definitely trying to bite him.   
“It’s not good! The rat crawled out of the toilet! Why are there rats in the toilet?!” Lily said.   
She definitely seemed more disturbed by the rat than I would have expected, particularly from somebody with a pet possum. Still, I guess the idea of rats being in the toilet is an unsettling one. Plus, it was undoubtedly a hellish looking rat.  
She was dressed now, wearing the oversized shirt that I had left for her. The shoulders of the shirt had big wet patches on them from her hair.  
“Why was it in the toilet?” I asked.   
“He must have been in the pipes or something,” Jerry said.   
“Okay, well, why don’t we just, you know?” I made a sort of strangling gesture with my hands, and Lily looked absolutely horrified.   
“No! Don’t kill it!”   
Jerry shook his head and smiled at the rat one more time.   
“Nah, the little guy was just going for a swim. That’s hardly punishable by death. I’m just gonna take him outside.”   
He carried the rat back into the main room, and I followed.   
The second Jerry and I were alone again, I felt tense. The moment from before was unresolved, and I was pretty sure we wouldn’t get time to resolve it. Jerry opened up the door, the rat still struggling to escape his grasp.   
“Hey Jerry?”   
“Yeah, dude?”   
I hesitated for a second, unsure of what exactly I wanted to say to try and make myself feel a little less weird. In the end, I settled on the coward’s option.   
“Thanks. For handling the rat.”   
“Oh,” He said, sounding a little disappointed.   
“Well, uh, no problem. This guy is definitely easier to deal with than those raccoons were.”   
I nodded, and Jerry left. I let out a deep sigh, regretting everything I had said in the past few minutes.   
Jerry came back and helped Lily get dried off and into pajamas. Meanwhile, I put her overalls in the sink and added a little soap. They could soak for a little while, and then I’d rinse them and hang them up to dry. Jerry handed Lily the can of soup to drink from first, as he opened the can of pineapple.  
Lily wiggled her toes as she sipped the hot soup.  
“I’ve got duck toes!”  
I looked over at her, trying to process what she just said and make some sort of sense from it.  
“Huh?”  
She pointed to what looked like webbing between her big and second toes.  
“See? Duck toes!”  
Jerry looked shocked, and I’m sure I did too.  
“How haven’t we noticed that by now?” Jerry wondered out loud.  
“I was born with it. The doctors said it was a genetic deformity,” Lily said proudly.  
“Ooh, you wanna see _my_ genetic deformity?” Jerry asked.  
My eyebrows shot up.   
“You have a genetic deformity?” I asked him.   
This was the first I was hearing about this.   
“Yeah, check it out!”   
He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out, curling it so it looked sort of like the letter W. I’d actually seen him do this once or twice before, but I hadn’t realized it was any sort of deformity. I’d just assumed it was another one of Jerry’s many bizarre talents. I guess, in a way, it still was.   
“Wow!” Lily said, her eyes going wide, “That’s so cool!”   
“I know, right!”   
Then Jerry turned to me.   
“How bout you, Jackaroni? Got anything weird? That is other than the missing leg and missing pinky?”   
I hadn’t thought of anything, but it reminded me of something when he mentioned my pinky.   
“Oh, well, I’m double-jointed in my fingers,” I said.   
I wasn’t sure if it was quite as impressive as Jerry’s or Lily’s, but I showed them. Lily’s eyes got even bigger, and she was smiling. Apparently, my being able to bend my fingers in unnatural ways was just as impressive.   
“We’re all a little weird, huh?”  
“I just wish I still had all my fingers. Stupid Spencer.”  
“Spencer ruins everything, doesn’t he?” Lily said, putting her hands on her hips.  
I nodded.  
“Alright, enough messing around. Let’s eat dinner, and then you two can get some rest.”  
“Nuh-uh, you’re getting rest too, Mister.”  
I sighed and took the soup as Lily passed it over.  
“Alright, Jerry.”  
After eating, it didn’t take Lily long to pass out. Then it was just Jerry and me.   
There was only one bed, but it was big enough for the three of us. I unfastened my leg and laid down on Lily’s left side. Jerry laid down on Lily’s right. That way, she had protection on both sides.  
Jerry turned out the light, and for a little while, we just laid there in the quiet and silence.  
The only sound was me rummaging around to take my sleeping medicine, and then the only sound was Lily’s light snoring.   
“Hey… Hey Jerry?”  
“Yeah, man?”  
“I… I think I said some things I shouldn’t have earlier, and I’m sorry.”  
“S’okay, dude.”  
I bit my lip.  
“Can we like… can we save the world first?”  
Jerry was quiet for a while, so long that I thought he’d fallen asleep.  
“I think that might be best.”  
“Okay.”  
I couldn’t figure out why I had a lump in my throat so thick it was hard to breathe.  
I closed my eyes and fought off the wet sting in them.

*******

We woke up the next morning— if it even was morning —and got ready to continue our journey. I woke up first, much earlier than everyone else. I put on my leg, cleaned and rebandaged my wounds, and enjoyed the peace and quiet for a while, fixing myself a cup of watery hotel coffee-maker coffee. When I started gathering our stuff, Jerry woke up and started helping. Things were a little tense still after last night, but not so much that we couldn’t talk and plan out our next move.  
We decided to try and find another vehicle. Jerry hadn’t said anything yesterday, but the tires and the front of the truck were a little messed up from driving through the fire, and the metal wings caused some damage on the side too. It would probably be okay to drive, but Jerry wanted to find something else just in case. That was fine by me, the truck made me a little nervous, and I had a feeling it made Lily nervous too.  
By the time we had everything packed up, Lily was starting to wake up. She looked more rested than she had in a while.  
“You ready to get going, Lilypad?” Jerry asked her.  
She let out a loud yawn and then nodded. She didn’t come close to matching Jerry’s levels of enthusiasm. Still, I don’t think anybody would have been able to first thing after waking up.  
Once Lily was dressed again, we made our way outside to the parking lot. There weren’t many cars there, but there were a couple vehicles other than our truck that Jerry could try and get working.  
Jerry settled on the blue minivan, hotwiring it and jumping it off of the truck.  
It seemed fitting in a way that the only vehicle we could get up and running was a minivan. We had been mistaken for Lily’s actual parents so many times, we might as well adapt to fit the role.  
Jerry put the bag in the backseat with Lily. Lily had Violet laid across her lap.  
I got into the passenger seat, and Jerry hopped in the driver’s seat.  
“Out on the open road again, huh?”  
“Let’s go save the world!” Lily said excitedly.  
“Hell yeah!” Jerry shouted. 

*******

The ride started off calm enough. Jerry and Lily sang whatever songs popped into their heads. Jerry must have noticed the vein in my forehead starting to pop out because he convinced Lily to switch to road trip games instead.  
Their singing hadn’t been bad per se, but we hadn’t been awake for long enough for Jerry’s rendition of _Let It Go._ The games were definitely preferable.  
They started with that “I’m going to the picnic” alphabet game. After the fifth round, I shut it down when Jerry lost his filter and said he was bringing “big booty bitches” to the picnic. It was difficult convincing Lily that she didn’t need to know what that meant, and I smacked Jerry in the back of his head for his tactlessness.  
After that, they switched to playing some bizarre rendition of the license plate game. Jerry had come up with a new apocalypse-themed set of rules that made absolutely no sense to me, but it kept Lily entertained for a while.  
Once we passed the Virginia state line, it changed to I Spy, which they somehow managed to rope me into. It was fine for a while. I was actually winning.  
“My turn!” Jerry said triumphantly, having just guessed Lily’s overall shorts.  
“I spy with my little eye something…”  
Jerry paused.  
“M-mummified? Are those corpses?”  
On instinct, I reached back and covered Lily’s eyes. Standing in the road on either side of the car were crowds of people, their eyes turned up toward the pain deity. They were in various states of distress, death, and decay.  
I felt my heart drop into my stomach.  
I tried my best not to think about my dream and block out the mental images of Jerry and Lily in similar positions. I couldn’t fully get rid of them though, I was pretty sure I’d never be able to.  
“God, Jerry… we have to stop this,” I said.  
My mouth was incredibly dry. Jerry drove slowly past them.  
“What is it? I wanna see,” Lily said.  
“No, Lily. I don’t think you do.”  
In the rearview mirror, I saw it. All the people— if you could call them that anymore —looked away from the sky, all their heads snapping towards the car and eyes centering on us. My breath caught in my throat, and my heart sped up to dangerous levels.  
It reminded me of the nightmares I would have as a child. When I’d be in a shopping mall all alone, and suddenly I’d be surrounded by mannequins, and every time I blinked, they’d move closer until they—  
Suddenly, they weren’t people anymore. They were all pale, faceless mannequins.  
“Jerry. Drive. _Now._ ”  
I didn’t have to tell him twice.  
They followed our car for entirely too long. Every time I’d blink or look away, they’d advance, and I’d feel sicker and sicker. Only when we’d lost them, and I felt we’d put enough distance between them and us did I ask Jerry to stop. I needed to puke, and I didn’t want to do it in the car.  
I uncovered Lily’s eyes once we were far enough away, and she started asking all kinds of questions about what had been there. Jerry and I didn’t answer any of them. There were some things Lily didn’t need to know about, at least not now.  
Jerry pulled into a gas station parking lot. To our surprise, the lights were still on, and it looked as if there were someone inside. I threw open the car door and threw up soup and half-digested pineapple all over the pavement.  
Jerry came over and rubbed my back as I heaved up everything in my stomach. He didn’t ask any questions either, which I appreciated. Maybe another time I could explain, but now was not that time.  
When I was finished, and Lily was thoroughly grossed out, Jerry finally spoke.  
“Alright, you good?”  
I gave an awkward nod and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.  
“Okay, good. Well, why don’t we try to talk to whoever’s inside here? We might be able to get some gas out of them, the minivans still got about a half tank, but I’d feel a lot better if it was full.”  
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” I said.  
I sounded like complete shit. Thankfully, Jerry didn’t comment.  
We made our way inside the gas station, entering an environment that I was all too familiar with. The linoleum floors and the shelves of cheap snacks and drinks were comforting in a strange way.  
That comfort faded a little when I realized that there was something very off about this gas station. It looked completely normal. Nothing destroyed, nothing out of place, except for the average amount of clutter and dirt for a gas station. The clerk behind the counter definitely didn’t look like she was living in an apocalypse. Her name tag read Aurora in blocky black letters.  
“Can I help you?” She asked.  
She sounded rather annoyed. _Did she… did she not know the world was literally ending outside?_  
“If you’re here to use the bathroom, you gotta buy something, $2 minimum. Or just give me two dollars, I don’t really care. No exceptions.”  
I was a little taken aback by how blunt she was being. Not only that, but the rule seemed a little ridiculous. I mean, I understood company policy and everything, but two dollars to use the bathroom?  
“Well, uh, are your gas pumps working?” I asked, still slightly dumbfounded.  
“Yeah, did you guys pump already, or are you gonna pre-pay?” She asked, still incredibly disinterested.  
“We didn’t get any gas yet because we weren’t sure if they would be working.”  
“It’s a gas station. It would be kind of weird for us to not have any working gas pumps.”  
My mind wasn’t really processing the way she was acting. Had she even been outside?  
“Weird not to have— I’m sorry. Have you not realized that the world is ending right now? Nowhere else has working gas pumps.”  
I’m sure I sounded a little annoyed. But I just couldn’t understand how she was so apathetic with everything going on outside.  
“People keep saying that. I know things are kind of messed up right now. However, I’d say the world ending is a bit of an exaggeration,” She still sounded utterly disinterested in everything.  
“We aren’t exaggerating. The world is _literally_ ending! The sky is blood red, and there are demon creatures everywhere!”  
When I said that, she actually rolled her eyes at me.  
“Listen, you’re still going to have to pay. And you better do it quickly. Your kid is doing the potty dance.”  
I glanced at Lily, and sure enough, she was squirming a little where she stood. She’d drained half of a big water bottle earlier.  
“Jerry, do we have any money?”  
“Nope, hang on.”  
He didn’t give any more explanation before he walked back outside. We stood there awkwardly for a minute until there was the sound of shattering glass from outside. Jerry strolled in a second later, holding a wallet I’ve never seen before and whistling _Come On Eileen._ He pulled out a 20 dollar bill and slapped it on the counter.  
“Pump three, please.”  
The girl had no reaction to Jerry’s impromptu robbery, and she punched some buttons on her register and then looked back up at us. She took a key from under the counter and handed it to us.  
“Here, the bathroom’s all yours. Just try not to get blood in there like the last guy did.”  
Jerry took the key and walked Lily over to the bathroom, and I was left standing awkwardly in front of the girl behind the counter.  
“Did you need anything else?” She asked.  
I hesitated for a second and then decided to just say what I wanted to say.  
“No offense but, what’s your deal? There’s an actual apocalypse outside, and you’re just here working like normal?”  
“Look, man, I’m just trying to do my job. Some of us don’t have the time or energy for apocalypses.”  
I couldn’t say anything else after that. Her words felt all too familiar, and I knew exactly why.  
Once Jerry and Lily came back and returned the bathroom key, I rushed us back outside, not bothering to say goodbye to the girl behind the counter. She didn’t bother to say anything to us either.  
Jerry gassed up the minivan, and we drove off again.  
I didn’t say anything for a while in the car. Thoughts were eating away at my mind, and I wasn’t sure how to handle all of them.  
Eventually, I couldn’t handle it anymore, and I finally asked the question that had been plaguing me.  
“Jerry… Is that what I’m like?”  
He glanced at me and raised an eyebrow.  
“What do you mean?”  
“The girl at the gas station. Is that how I act when I’m at work? I mean, I know I can be kind of apathetic sometimes but, was I ever that bad?”  
Jerry didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then he gave me a shrug.  
“Sometimes. I don’t want to lie to you, dude.”  
I let my head fall onto the back of my seat.  
I’d never really noticed it until I was on the receiving end of things, but I really used to not care.  
I guess thinking I had nothing to live for had done that to me. Now I couldn’t imagine being so uncaring about everything, even if I had been only a few months ago. I looked at Jerry next to Lily and me in the rearview mirror. Then I looked down at my own hands. Hands that were going to be able to write and work for actual years, more than I thought I would ever have.  
I made a promise to myself right there that I’d never let myself be that apathetic again. I might be a little desensitized to the weird stuff, but I didn’t want to not care like that, not when I had things to live for again. 


	43. I'm Lily Madwhip and It's Ashes to Ashes

Jack is quiet, so I try to cheer him up with my fun facts about deer.  
“Do you know they lick their noses to help them smell? I can’t lick my nose, but maybe if I could, I would be able to smell better.”  
Jerry laughs, and Jack cracks a little bit of a smile.   
“That’s really fascinating, Lily. Where’d you learn that?”  
“From my mom.”  
They both go quiet again.  
I’m not sure why, but then I see it. Big shapes are coming from the side of the road. They’re heading right towards our car.   
Jerry has to slam on the brakes when one of them jumps and lands right in front of the car.   
It’s enormous, almost as tall as the minivan. It’s got a face kind of like a deer, but its eyes are bright red, and its antlers end in sharp points. The body is weird too. It doesn’t look like a deer body, and it doesn’t look like a kangadeer either. Instead, it’s like a deer’s head on a bird’s body. It’s all feathered, and it has huge talons with sharp claws on them. It’s got giant wings that are dark red and black. When they stretch out, they take up the whole length of the van.   
I stare at it with wide eyes, and then it looks right at me and licks its nose.   
Then it opens its mouth wider than it should be able to, and the mouth is full of sharp teeth like a shark’s. It makes a sound like a bird screech mixed with a baby crying, and it’s about a hundred times louder than both. Its wings stretch up to the sky as it screams at us, and it looks furious.  
I cover my ears. When it jumps on the roof of the car, everything goes crazy.   
Jack starts screaming, and Jerry slams on the gas. I get flung against the back of Jack’s seat. There’s more landing on top of the van, scratching at the windows, and making that same awful cry.   
“THEY’RE GONNA GET IN!” I scream.  
“DRIVE FASTER!” Jack screams.  
“WHO LET THE DEMON DEER-BIRDS OUT?!” Jerry screams.   
“WHO LET THE WHAT OUT?!” Jack yells back at him.  
“WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!”  
“NOW IS NOT THE TIME, JERRY!”   
I do the woof part for Jerry, and he grins and gives me a thumbs up.   
The fun doesn’t last long, though, because then the car is swerving like crazy, and I can’t tell which sounds are the tires screeching and which ones are the bird-deer.   
Well, that’s not true. I can tell. The problem is that I can barely hear the tires screeching, so sometimes that makes it harder.   
Jerry is trying to fling the deer off the van’s roof, but it’s holding on tight with its giant talons. I let out a scream as the loud sound of metal being broken comes from over my head, and the massive claws dig through the roof, leaving long scratch marks. It’s all grindy and makes my ears sad. Jack pushes me down onto the floor of the car. Not in a mean way. He’s just trying to protect me from the huge knife-claws.  
“JERRY!”   
“I SEE IT, JACK! I’M TRYING MY BEST HERE, OKAY?”   
He presses harder on the gas, and the car swerves again, but this time it doesn’t stop, and it starts to spin.   
“SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!”   
It feels like I’m on the dragon ride at the fair again. I’d be having fun if I wasn’t scared I was gonna die.   
_That seems like it was years ago now._  
Jack has his eyes squeezed shut, and he’s hanging onto the little handle above his door really tight.   
“We’re going to crash, we’re going to crash!” He’s talking quieter, but he sounds even more panicked than before when he was screaming. I really don’t want to crash. I’ve been in too many car wrecks. I don’t want to be in another! That’s four car wrecks!   
“WE AREN’T GOING TO CRASH!” Jerry says.   
He still is screaming, and he’s turning the steering wheel like a crazy person. He finally gets us to stop spinning, and then he starts to drive down the road faster than he ever has before, before slamming hard on the brakes and sending the bird-deer on the roof flying.   
“GET LOST BIATCH!” Jerry yells, and then he’s slamming his foot down on the gas.  
The car screeches forward before another bird-deer can try to jump on top again. We rocket away, and the only thing any of the bird-deer manage to do is beat against the back of the car. That’s because something else catches their attention. I don’t feel the ground shake, but I hear the barking.  
“RITA!” I cry.   
She’s fiercely holding off the rest of the bird-deer. Her tail whips back and forth, and she moves fast as lightning as she swipes at them.  
“ATTAGIRL!” Jerry yells as she begins to fade into the distance.  
Jack notices my worried face.  
“She’ll be fine, Lily. She can do anything. She’s Rita.” Jack says. His voice is still quiet and shaky.  
I nod. Despite how shaken he sounds, I believe him.  
“You guys…”  
“Yeah?” Jerry says.  
“We just made it into Maryland.”  
Everyone in the car seems to breathe just a little bit easier.  
“We’re almost there…” I say.  
I should be happy that this scary road trip is over, but I know we’ve got a long way still to go when we get into the Veil. If we can even get in, that is. I don’t know what to expect. I’m scared that we’ve come all this way for no reason. I’m scared that the portal won’t be there, and we won’t have any idea what to do next. I’m scared that I’ll have failed Jack and Jerry and the entire world.  
“We’re so close,” Jack says.  
 _‘Please don’t let us come this far for nothing.’_  
He was scared of the same thing as me. I couldn’t hear his thoughts, but I looked at Jerry and could see it on his face too.   
It made me feel a little better to know I wasn’t the only one who was afraid, but it scared me a little too.   
If we’re all afraid, maybe it means that there’s a reason for us to be. So far, it really seems like the universe doesn’t want us to save the day.   
But maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe we’re headed in the right direction. All the stuff that’s been trying to stop us would make sense. The evil monsters don’t want us saving the world. That’s what evil monsters do.  
Jack looks over his shoulder at me, and he reaches his hand out to me. I take it and squeeze it in mine.   
_‘We can do this.’_  
And I do my best to believe him.

*******

I’m getting payback for any of the times I was annoying on road trips.  
“Are we there yet, Lily?” Jerry asks me for the fourteenth time.  
“It should be next. Just turn right here, I think.”  
Finally, I’m back home. This was my home, or what used to be my home.  
Half of the Raven’s Ridge sign is missing.  
“Can… Can we go by my house? It’s just a burnt up lot, but I wanna see it.”  
Jerry looks at Jack. Jack looks at Jerry.  
“Sure, Lilypad. Whatever you want,” Jerry says.  
I watch all the familiar streets go by. There’s my bus stop.  
 _I wonder if Jamal is still alive._  
I hope so. Jamal’s like my fifth best friend, and I’d miss him if he died. I saw him die once, but it didn’t happen because I warned him. I hope so bad that he’s not dead.  
Jack looks back at me.  
 _‘Well I hope Spencer IS dead.’_  
I smile.  
 _We can only hope. Spencer is a super-butt._  
Jack laughs, and so do I.  
“What are you crazy kids laughing at?” Jerry asks.  
“We’re laughing about how Spencer is a super-duper-mega butt.”  
“Might wanna add an ultra on there, kiddo.”  
“Super-duper-ultra-mega butt!”  
We’re all laughing now, and it feels so good to laugh. But I’m not laughing for long.  
We go down my street and… _what?_  
It’s my house. It’s right there, still standing and not all burnt up.  
“My… My house… How is it here?! It burnt down!”  
Nothing makes sense anymore. My house was gone. But now it’s back. I hate when things get confusing like this.  
Maybe… Maybe if my house is back, my parents are too! I jump out of the car before Jerry can get it all the way stopped.  
“LILY, DON’T! IT’S A—”  
I don’t hear the rest of what Jack is saying. I rush through the front door. I have to see my mom and dad. Just once.  
 _Please, just one more time._  
“MOM! DAD!”  
There’s no answer. The house looks just the same as always— except a little bit dustier. I run around, trying to find where they’re hiding. I know they’re here somewhere. They have to be.  
My feet make little clouds of dust float up from the carpet. By the time I’ve looked all over and made it back to the living room, I’m breathing pretty heavy.  
“MOM! DAD! YOU KNOW I DON’T LIKE HIDE AND SEEK!”  
I feel my chest get tighter, and my throat begins to hurt.  
“THIS ISN’T A FUN PRANK TO PLAY ON YOUR DAUGHTER! PLEASE COME OUT!”  
There’s only quiet.  
“Please?”  
There’s a voice in my head now. It tells me what I already know. The voice sounds excited like I do when I’m about to eat a giant ice cream sundae. But it’s evil excited.  
“They aren’t here, Lily. They never were. Because you killed them.”  
I fall to my knees. It feels like someone has their hands on my chest and is pushing down.  
“You’re right,” I whisper.  
The tears burn my eyes and make my cheeks hurt. It feels like they’re made of acid.  
I did all this. I caused all this. It’s my fault. Lily kills her family. Lily opens the Veil because she didn’t learn her lesson from last time. Lily ends the world. That’s me. I’m Lily.  
I’m sorry, everybody.  
I try to wipe my eyes, but the tears won’t stop. I’m not even looking up at the sky, but I’m still being fed off of.  
 _She’s getting stronger._  
I get up off of the dusty floor and walk over to the coffee table. I pick up the framed photo of Mom and Dad and me and Roger. I can’t even get a good look at it before it turns into black ash. It stains my hands and falls to the floor.  
I shake my head.  
 _This can’t be happening._  
I’m hyperventilating now. I run up the stairs to my bedroom. I didn’t see it at first, but now I do. Paschar is sitting on the bed. Not Paschar the angel, Paschar the doll. _But maybe…_  
I walk over.  
“Why is this happening to me, Paschar?! I’m just a little girl! I’m just a little girl who wants her mommy and daddy back! Please! I don’t want any of this!”  
I fall down on my knees again, right in front of him. They’re not doing a great job of holding me up. If being knees was a job, they’d definitely be fired by now.  
I can feel a presence in the room. It’s not powerful or scary. It’s barely there, like a ghost or a flickering Christmas light. I hear a whisper, so quiet that I’m lucky I didn’t miss it.  
“You will understand everything soon, Lily.”  
 _I’M SO TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLING ME I’LL UNDERSTAND LATER! I WANT TO UNDERSTAND NOW, DAMMIT!_  
I pick Paschar up and throw him at the wall. He explodes into a cloud of black ash.  
I just want to go back to when things were okay. I want to go back to back before Roger died. I just want my family back.  
I run into my parent’s room. I just want to feel close to them again. I crawl under the covers of their bed.  
It smells like my mom’s perfume. I can’t breathe. It feels like something is draining me like dirty bathwater. I can barely move. All I can do is hyperventilate and cry.  
It’s hard, but I pull the blanket over my head. Maybe if I do that, Mom will protect me.  
Maybe she’ll take all this bad stuff away, or it’ll just be a nightmare, and I’ll wake up in their bed.  
 _God, why can’t I just have my mommy and daddy back?_  
The bed begins to fall apart and turn into more black ash. It’s in my hair and on my face and all over me. I can’t see anything anymore. Everything is dark. I cough and wheeze, trying to get in a breath. I can’t push it off my face. I’m buried alive.  
Then I feel someone pulling me out.  
“I FOUND HER!”  
My eyes are blurry, but I recognize Jerry. He brushes the ash off my face. Everything is starting to turn into ash. He pulls me in close to his chest, dusting the ash from his hair. His voice sounds funny. It’s all wobbly.  
“LET’S GET OUT OF HERE!”  
That’s Jack. Like Jack O’Lantern. I think about Jack with a pumpkin for a head. I try to laugh, but it doesn’t sound right. It sounds more like a scream.  
 _‘Lily, stay with us, please!’_  
I can feel us moving, and then we’re outside again. I let my eyes shut. Everything goes quiet. I can finally rest. 

*******

I feel water on my face. I gasp.  
“Hey! Not cool!” I say.  
Only I don't say it because I can't talk.  
“She’s awake!” Jerry says.  
He sounds like he did when Jack woke up. He’s sitting in the backseat with me. They're both covered in black dust.  
“Lily, we’re so sorry,” Jack says.  
He sounds scared.  
Jerry starts hitting my back, and I yelp. It makes me cough, and I cough up a lot of water. It’s not water though, because it’s black. I feel a lot better when it’s gone.  
 _What’s going on?_  
“It was a trap, Lily. The thing in the sky used your emotions and memories against you. That’s what it does.”  
I cough again. Finally, I can speak.  
“I think she’s getting stronger.”  
Jack and Jerry look at each other again. They’re quiet because they both know I’m right.  
“We have to stop this.”  
They both nod.  
“You’re gonna have to tell us the way to your school, Lily.”  
“Raven’s Ridge Elementary. It’s a few streets over.”  
I wipe my runny nose, and Jerry hugs me. It makes me feel better, even if things are only gonna get worse from here.  
Jack starts to drive. Jerry sits in the back with me, arms wrapped tight around me.  
He’s thinking about how they almost lost me. He’s thinking about how he doesn’t care about the end of the world. He just wants me to be safe and to be happy.  
I look up at him.  
“You make me feel brave, Jerry. You make me feel like I can do anything.”  
He smiles.  
“I’m glad, Lilybell.”  
Jack pulls into the school parking lot. He stops the car.  
I look at Violet. As much as I want to take her with me, I’m scared she’ll get messed up. Besides, I don’t think she’ll do much good against the monsters in the Veil. Maybe she’ll be safe out here.  
Jerry makes sure the coast is clear, and then we get out of the car. There’s a huge chasm in the earth between the front door and where the van is. A thought occurs to me.  
“I could make stuff in the Veil. Maybe we can do that now?”  
I look at Jack.  
“Maybe it would be smarter to try and use the car as a bridge?” Jack says.  
“What if it doesn’t work? What then? Come on, Jack. If that thing’s powers are getting stronger, then maybe ours are too!”  
Jack bites his lip. He’s just as afraid of failing as I am. I can feel it.  
“What’s the harm in trying, Jackrabbit? If it doesn’t work, we’ll find another way in.” Jerry’s voice is gentle. They share a look, and Jack nods.  
“So what are we doing?”  
“We’re building a bridge,” I tell him.  
He looks at me and then at the chasm.  
“How do we do it?”  
I think about it for a moment.  
“I think we just… wish it into existence. Really hard.”  
Jack nods and focuses on the chasm. So do I.  
 _Are you thinking about it? What does your bridge look like?_  
 _‘Just a normal bridge.’_  
 _Does it have rails?_  
 _‘Yeah, and wood planks with knots in them.’_  
Suddenly, I can see it perfectly. A few seconds later, a wooden bridge is over the chasm. It looks old, but I know it’s sturdy.  
“C’mon!” I tell them.  
Jack’s eyes bug out like a fish, and his mouth hangs open, but he follows. So does Jerry. We run over the bridge, and it stays steady, just like a regular bridge. The school doors are unlocked, and it’s pretty dark but mostly clean.  
“This way! To the nurse’s office!”  
Jerry and Jack run along behind me. I run through the hallway, glass crunching under my feet. Glass is very crunchy, but I don’t think it would taste good.  
I make it to the nurse’s office and open the door. I walk over to the quiet room— the room where Ohno first came to me. I grab the handle, but I stop. _This is it._ This is where we find out whether we came all this way for nothing. I can feel my hands trembling.  
 _I don’t think I want to open it._  
“Lily…” Jack says.  
He and Jerry are standing behind me.  
“What if this is a dead-end? What if this doesn’t work? What if I lost us time? Will you hate me?”  
I feel tears run down my nose. I’m already so tired of crying, and I’m sure that I’ll end up doing it again.  
“We could never hate you, Lily. This is the best lead you have, and if it turns out to be a dead-end, we’ll figure out what to do together,” Jack says, putting his hand on my shoulder.  
“We love you, Lily,” Jerry says, putting his other hand on my shoulder.  
I take their words and lock them away in my heart like a treasure chest.  
I feel brave. I feel strong. I feel loved.  
I close my eyes and throw open the quiet room door. 


	44. I'm Lily Madwhip and It's All My Fault

I’m expecting some evil whirlwind, or red light so bright it blinds me, or maybe zombie werewolves.  
But it’s just a dark, empty quiet room. Somehow, that scares me even more. I rush over to the closet and open it. It’s not my closet door. It’s just an ordinary school closet door.  
Inside are just old medical supplies— no portal, no monsters, nothing.  
 _No._  
“This… this can’t be right. It has to be here. It has to.”  
Tears start running out of my eyes again. I close it and open it again… and again… and again.  
“IT HAS TO BE HERE! WE CAN’T HAVE COME ALL THIS WAY FOR NOTHING! NO!”  
“Lily,” Jack says.   
It’s one word. It’s just my name. But the way he says it makes me fall to my knees all over again. It feels like someone put a huge rock on my back. My lungs feel way too small.  
“It has to be here! It has to be here! It has to!”  
I beat my fists on the ground.  
“This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare. I’m still in the ash house. No, no, I’m back at home. I’m in bed. My parents are still alive. The world isn’t ending.”  
“Lily,” Jerry says.  
I get up and start throwing the stuff out of the closet, trying to find whatever secret is in this closet that will make the portal appear.  
“Lily?”  
This time, the voice doesn’t belong to Jack or Jerry. But it is a voice I know.  
I turn around. There she is, standing in the doorway to the nurse’s office. She’s all shimmery. She always said that ghosts were scary. I thought they were too. But now she is one, and I’m not scared at all.   
Or maybe I am. But not because she’s scary.  
My throat starts to hurt, and my chest tightens. But it’s a different sadness than when I was being fed off of. It’s the kind of feeling you get when you have a bad fight with someone, and then they come and hug you after and tell you they’re sorry, and you’re still mad, but all you can think about is how much you love them. It’s deep, and it hurts. There’s no evil pain goddess to drain it from you. You drown in it.  
“M… Meredith?”  
“It looks like you could use a little help...”  
It’s hard to think. It takes me a minute to remember where I am and what I’m doing.  
“Can… Can you help us?”  
“Of course I can. That’s why he sent me here.”  
I move closer to her. I’m scared if I get too close, she’ll disappear, and the voice will come back and tell me how it’s my fault she’s dead. _Please don’t go._  
“Who sent you?”  
“Bill Murray! He told me I had to help you open the portal to the Veil. He said it can only be opened when the living and the dead join hands.”  
Jack looks like a monkey just smacked him in the face with a ruler.  
“THE GUARDIAN!” He yells.  
Jerry grins. I don't know who the Guardian is, but I do know Bill Murray. _Did he really send Meredith for me?_  
“Looks like we’ve got some allies in high places, huh?”  
Meredith walks around me and faces the closet door.  
“Are you gonna help me, Lily?”  
I fight back the tears and join her in standing next to the closet. It’s hard, and I can’t stop them all anyway. I’m clenching my teeth so hard that I think they’ll break.  
She holds out her hand, and I take it. She closes her eyes, and I do the same.   
I feel tingles all over my body and then wind in my face. Something feels different now too. I can’t figure out what, but my insides feel all buzzy.  
When I open my eyes, there’s a big red portal where the closet once was. A hot breeze blows out of it.  
“Alright, well, good luck! We’re rooting for you.”  
Jack and Jerry make their way towards the portal, and Meredith turns to leave.  
“Wait!” I call out to her. My voice sounds funny.  
She turns back and looks at me.  
“Meredith I… I’m sorry.”  
She looks at me for a minute, like she’s trying to figure out what to say.  
“You’re my best friend, and now you’re dead, and it’s my fault, and _oh my god I’m so sorry._ ”  
I can’t help it. I fall down on my knees again. They’re gonna be bruised forever by the time this is all over.  
“You’re my best friend too, Lily. I don’t think it’s your fault. I never did.”  
 _I’m so tired of it being hard to breathe._  
“I’m so sorry.”   
I can’t stop my voice from shaking. Meredith comes over and helps me up. She makes me look her in the eyes, and I try to stop crying so much. It doesn’t work.  
“You have nothing to be sorry for. And even if you did, I would forgive you. Don’t blame yourself for what happened.”  
Meredith moves her hair out of her face. Her burn scars are gone. She looks happy. I want her to be happy.   
“I love you, Lilybird. I’ll always be with you.”  
She hugs me. I thought her arms would go through me, but they don’t. I hug her back. I cling to her tight. I can’t help it.   
“I love you too, Meredith. I’ll always be thinking about you, I’ll never forget you. Ever.”  
She laughs.  
“You know, you look pretty funny with your hair on fire.”  
I laugh through the tears.  
“Do I? I thought you’d say that.”  
She pulls away.  
“I have to go now, but I have one more thing to say.”  
“Yes?”  
“We’re rooting for you, Lily. We all are. Your mom, your dad, and me. Even Roger.”  
I sniffle and wipe my eyes.  
“Mom and Dad? Roger? You… You’ve seen them?”  
“They believe in you. We all do.”  
I nod.  
Meredith hugs me one more time. I try to remember everything about it, to make it last forever. Before she can leave, I reach out and grab her hand one last time. I know I’m holding it tight, but I don’t think it can hurt her since she’s dead. Maybe I’m taking too long. Maybe I’m making her late for ghost practice or something, but I don’t care.   
“Please don’t leave me, Meredith. Please don’t. I love you!”  
The buzzing in my chest gets stronger. She holds it for a moment, looking me right in the eyes again. I can see that she’s trying really hard not to cry. There’s water at the edge of her eyelids. _Can ghosts cry?_  
“I won’t, my Lilybird. I promise,” She says softly.  
And then she’s gone. She fades away into nothingness, and with her goes my strength.   
I try to imagine that she’s still here with me. That she wasn’t just trying to make me feel better. That she’ll stay with me forever and ever, even if I can’t see her and we can’t play dolls together. But most of me knows that’s too foolish to hope. Most of me knows I’ll never see her again.  
 _I hate when people make promises they can’t keep._  
Before I fall, Jack is there to catch me. He picks me up and pulls me into his chest. I cry on him, and he just rubs my back.  
“It’s okay. I know. I know. Let it out. It’s alright.”  
I want to scream at him that he’s a dirty liar and it’s not alright. Nothing is ever alright for Lily. Nothing will ever be alright again. But I don’t, because he’s just trying to make me feel better.  
Jerry comes over and strokes my hair. I already feel better. I cling to him like a koala.  
When I can stop crying and breathe right, Jack sets me down.  
“We can wait a little while if you want, Lily,” Jerry says.  
“No,” I tell him, “no more of this.”  
My voice sounds all weird and nosy. I sniffle. Jack and Jerry look at each other.  
“No more dead best friends. No more monsters. No more evil lady in the sky. No more letting Lily do everything for everyone.”  
I stand and face the red, swirly portal. I put on my best warrior face.  
“This ends now.”


	45. Stupid Labyrinths and Bitch Queens

The three of us stepped through the portal, Lily between Jerry and me, holding our hands in hers. For a split second, while we passed through, it was like we were surrounded by fire, but we weren’t being burned. Then we were on the other side.   
We stood at the beginning of what looked like an endless hallway. The hall was lit by flaming bowls on either side of the wall. The walls themselves looked like they were made of stone. That was until I looked closer. It was twitching slightly, moving as if it were alive.  
“Yeah,” Lily whispered when she caught me staring, “the walls are weird here.”  
I tried not to overthink the idea that we were inside some sort of living being. I looked down the hallway, seeing no entrances or exits anywhere in sight besides the portal behind us, which was already starting to fade slightly. For a moment, I wondered how in the hell we would get out.  
“Okay, Lily,” I started, “you know more about how this place works. Do you know how we get to… wherever we need to go?”   
Lily looked around us like she was trying to remember where to go next.   
“Forward, I think. That’s really the only way to go. It’s a labyrinth.”  
Lily started walking. Jerry shrugged and followed her.   
I had a sinking feeling that we were woefully underprepared for what we were getting ourselves into. It was a feeling I knew all too well. I felt it regularly at the gas station. But it was strongest now.  
“This is such a cliche, you know,” Jerry mused.  
“What is?” Lily asked.  
“The whole dungeon/labyrinth aesthetic. Labyrinths are stupid. Really just so worn out. Ancient Greece called, it wants its gimmick back. I thought for the way everyone hyped this place up, it would wow me a little more.”  
“Jerry, are you really questioning the design choice of a supernatural realm?”  
“Yes. I am.”  
Leave it to Jerry to play interior designer in what was probably Hell. Lily turned around to face us.  
“It’s not gonna be easy getting to Hekate. But that’s what I think we’re supposed to do. I can’t explain how. I just know it.”   
“You don’t have to explain, Lily. We trust you.” I assured her.  
“Hekate? Like the… the Greek goddess of witchcraft? No wonder this place screams _middle school mythology book at the back of the library,_ ” Jerry said.  
Lily didn’t answer. She looked pale. I could feel her panic begin to build and run through me like we were parts of the same circuit.  
“Lily?”  
“Dog,” is all she said.  
“What?”  
“DOG! RUN!”  
Jerry and I stole a glance behind us. There it was, a big black dog running right toward us. Its eyes were full of rage, and its mouth was full of frothy spit.   
I was getting really tired of dogs. Which was saying something because I’m usually a dog person.  
Jerry picked up Lily and yanked me around a corner. He pressed himself up against the wall, and Lily and I did the same. I tried to hold my breath as best I could. The dog walked past us, sniffing the air intently. But eventually, it huffed and disappeared around another corner.  
“Fuck, that could’ve been bad,” Jerry said, voicing what was on all our minds.   
When the three of us could breathe easy again, we ventured on. Lily led us left, right, then left again. After what seemed like ages of walking, we came to what was effectively a dead end.   
The wall in front of us wasn’t a real dead end, but instead, it was a huge curve. The floor swept up and bent until eventually, it wasn’t the floor anymore, but the ceiling. It was like a U flipped on its side. We all stared at it, unsure of what to do before Jerry stepped forward to inspect it a little more closely.   
“Hey, guys... There’s another hallway up here,” He said.  
Lily and I both walked over to join him.   
Sure enough, when we stood at the foot of the curve, we could see that the ceiling above us cut off into a ledge. If you walked up the curve, you would effectively end up on the top of a completely new hallway. So it was less of an unyielding obstacle and more of an impossible detour.   
It was much too high to jump to. It would really suck if simple physics was what stopped us, after everything we’d faced this far.  
Jerry looked at Lily and me expectantly, and I raised an eyebrow.   
“What?” He said, shrugging.   
“You two are the ones with the powers here. I can’t create jack shit. Trust me, I’ve been trying the entire time we’ve been walking. Like, really hard. If I could do any of that, I’d have my comfort bong by now. You’ll have to find us a way up there. I suggest a pegasus.”   
Lily’s eyes got big, but I shut the idea down.   
“I’m not sure it’s a good idea to try and make any living things right now. We don’t want to have to worry about protecting something else along with ourselves. Besides, I’m not exactly skilled with this yet. Our pegasus could end up deformed.”   
Lily and Jerry both pouted, but they didn’t argue back, which was enough for me.   
I tried to think of an alternative that would help us get to the top. I meant to suggest something practical like a rope ladder, but before I could, Lily threw out something I would never have come up with.   
“Let’s make anti-gravity boots! I’ve always wanted to have those!”   
The excitement in her voice was palpable, and I honestly couldn’t see anything wrong with the idea. We wouldn’t feel bad if something happened to them, and the concept was pretty tantalizing. I nodded. I’d had to deal with low gravity at the gas station, and nine times out of ten, it sucked, but this seemed to be worlds different. It would be something we could control. _The world is ending, and you’re in some sort of weird hellscape. Live a little, Jack._  
She let out a squeal of excitement, and Jerry made a similar sound that made me more than a little nervous. He wasn’t exactly the first person I would trust with anti-gravity boots. Still, there wasn’t a lot of time for me to worry about what kind of shenanigans he would get into.   
Lily and I both closed our eyes and concentrated.   
_So, boots that will make it so we can walk up the wall?_  
 _‘Yep. Like spaceman boots!’_  
 _Okay._  
We both focused on the picture. My concentration broke for a second when Jerry’s voice cut through the silence.   
“Make my boots pink!”   
I tried to keep focused after that, and after a few more seconds, we both opened our eyes.   
On the ground in front of us were three pairs of big clunky boots. There was a plain white pair, a deep purple pair, and some that were bright sparkly pink.   
“Sweet!” Jerry shouted, picking up the pink pair.   
“Alright, guess now we just have to test them out,” I said, picking up the white ones.   
We all put the boots on, and when we did, the bottoms lit up with a gentle glow. They hummed and buzzed softly.  
“Who wants to try first?” I asked.   
Jerry didn’t even wait to answer. He just a few steps back and then ran straight at the curved wall.   
I braced myself for him to crash and burn, but he didn’t. He ran right up the curve until he was upside down on the ceiling above us, his messy hair hanging straight down and a massive smile on his face.   
“Holy shit, this is so cool!”   
_‘Jack, do you know what ‘the Spiderman thing’ means?’_  
 _What do you mean? Where did that come from?_  
 _‘Jerry is thinking about how he wants to do ‘the Spiderman thing’ with you, whatever that means.’_  
I thought for a minute, trying to figure out what Lily could have meant. And then I did.  
Lily may not have understood, but Jerry and I had watched the first Spiderman movie together more than once. Once I realized what Jerry was thinking about, the mental image was easy enough to conjure. I couldn’t come up with a good response for Lily. I just stayed quiet, staring at Jerry.   
Lily giggled at him, and then she started to walk up the wall as well. She stumbled a couple times, not quite used to the anti-gravity, but she didn’t fall. Eventually, she made it to where Jerry was standing upside down above me, and it was my turn.   
I did fall off the wall. Because _of course_ I did.  
Thankfully I hadn’t gotten very far, but I definitely bruised my ass falling down. The second try went a little more smoothly, and eventually, I made my way to Jerry and Lily. We all stood there on the ceiling, upside down, and I couldn’t help but crack a tiny smile. It really was cool. Jerry was giving me a huge grin, and I couldn’t help but think about Spiderman for a split second before shaking the thought away.   
_After we get through this. We have to save the world first._  
“Alright, looks like that’s one problem solved. Hopefully, we don’t have to deal with many more,” I said.   
The three of us walked the sides of the new hallways. They wound their way along like corkscrews. It took what seemed like forever until we were no longer on the ceiling and planted firmly on the ground again, and up was up and down was down.  
We continued on our way, with Jerry occasionally walking up the sides of the walls with his boots just for the hell of it. Lily even joined him once or twice. I chose to stay on the ground. Being upside down was fun in small doses, but I wouldn’t place it on the list of my favorite experiences.   
We walked for ages. It felt like we were walking in circles. Lily told us that was just how the labyrinth worked, but I was becoming less and less sure.  
I was very uncomfortable with the number of human skeletons and abnormally large spiders I’d seen since we entered this stupid place. I’d seen plenty of skeletons before this, sure. But the sheer amount was, in a word, startling. It put my gas station graveyard to shame.  
“So you’re saying she’s a witch queen, right? And she wanted to kill you?”  
“She probably didn’t stop wanting to kill me.”  
I hadn’t caught the beginning of this conversation, but it was easy enough to understand.  
“She tried to have stupid Lisa Welch do it.”  
“Hmm. Hekate sounds more like a bitch queen to me.”  
Lily giggled.  
“Good bitch, or bad bitch?”  
“Definitely a bad bitch. And not a _bad bitch._ Just a _bad_ bitch.”  
“Yeah, definitely a bad bitch,” I echoed.  
I wasn’t sure if what Jerry was saying made sense or if being in this labyrinth for too long was making me crazy enough to understand complete nonsense.   
We continued walking along, Jerry filling any silences by telling dad jokes or whistling random showtunes. He was halfway through _Animal Crackers in My Soup_ when we came to another end to the hallway. This time instead of curving up, there were two openings on either side that went into what I assumed were new, incredibly lengthy hallways.   
“Alright, which direction should we go in?” I asked.   
When I turned to Lily, she looked as if deep in thought, and then she pointed to the right side.   
“I think we should try that way.”   
Neither of us questioned her judgment. At the moment, there wasn’t a reason to. Instead, we went with what she said and walked down the path on the right.   
I couldn’t blame Lily after the fact. It was probably just one of the many tricks of the labyrinth. But in the end, it may not have been our smartest decision to go right.  
The right didn’t lead to a hallway like I had been anticipating. Instead, there was blackness in front of us. It wasn’t like a wall painted black either. It was like the space in front of us had had all the light sucked out of it, leaving an inky, vantablack void in its place. The three of us froze in place, looking at it, and immediately we tried to turn around and head the other direction. But the hallway we had come from and whatever was on the left side wasn’t there anymore. It was a dead end behind us now.  
“Oh no. I messed up again.”  
Lily hung her head, but Jerry patted it.  
“Don’t worry, Lily. I was thinking right too. It’s not your fault. I think it’s this labyrinth.”  
“Well, what do we do now?”  
Neither of them got a chance to answer.   
“J?! J is that you?!”  
It… It was _Sabine._ She was calling out to me from the darkness. My Sabine, she was here, in this awful place.   
My voice went weak.  
“Beanie? Beanie, is that you?!”  
“Help me! Help me, please! It hurts! Oh god, it hurts!”  
Lily grabbed my wrist.  
“Jack, whatever you’re hearing, it’s a—”  
Lily didn’t get to finish her sentence. I ran into the darkness in desperate search of Sabine.  
 _I have to save her._  
As I ran, my steps got slower. I was sinking. My anti-gravity boots did absolutely nothing.  
Whatever I was sinking into wasn’t water. It was hot, and it smelled awful, like tar.  
“Sabine?! Where are you?!”  
There was no answer. I tried to free myself from the muck, to try and save her. The more I struggled, the deeper I sunk. Pretty soon, my head was just barely above the surface. And then I sunk in all the way.  
Oily black ooze filled my nose and mouth. I felt the air being quickly snuffed out of my lungs.   
_I guess this is the big one, huh?_  
 _‘No, it’s not.’_  
I felt small but steady hands tugging me free from my sticky black coffin. I spat and coughed as the tar left my lungs as ash and smoke.  
“Whatever you heard, it’s not real, Jack. You gotta believe me!”  
I did. I did believe her. This was a trap. The labyrinth had tricked me in the worst way.  
I was suddenly steady on my feet, like some kind of weird Jesus. Funny, I was even barefoot. The black sludge would move whenever I walked, but I wasn’t sinking. My boots were gone. It was a miracle I hadn’t lost my leg.  
“We have to help Jerry!” Lily cried.  
“Jerry?”  
 _Oh god. Jerry._  
I was moving again before I could think about it, but I wasn’t sinking this time. This time I wasn’t searching for an illusion.   
I couldn’t see where Jerry was, but it was like I could sense his presence. I started to move in the direction he was in, and Lily moved with me.   
“Can you hear him?” She asked me. She sounded as frantic as I felt.   
“You can?”   
“It’s his thoughts! You have to focus!”   
I stopped moving for a second and closed my eyes, trying to hear his thoughts. It took a moment, but then I could hear it. It was like a whisper at first, but it got louder the longer I listened.   
_‘Jack?! Come on, dude, where are you?! Please don’t leave me like this, man!’_  
 _He’s looking for me._  
As soon as I could tell which direction his thoughts were coming from, I started moving towards them. Lily moved with me, and eventually, it was like we were right on top of it. I could sense Jerry right below us. I plunged my hands into the tar, taking a tight grip on Jerry’s wrists.  
I pulled with all my might, but it wasn’t enough. He was only coming out a little.   
Then Lily moved next to me and started pulling too. Jerry began to slide out of his tar prison like a hot knife through butter.  
When he was finally free from the tar, he started coughing and wheezing, in the same way that I had, but he didn’t stay incapacitated for long. He tried to get back up after just a couple seconds.   
“Jack! Jack?!” He was calling out like he didn’t realize I was right there in front of him.   
I could see him very slowly starting to sink down again, and I tried to think fast to keep him from falling right back into the tar. I grabbed both sides of his face and forced him to look at me.  
“Jerry! I’m right here!” I said, probably raising my voice more than necessary.   
After a second, he blinked, and then it was like he was really seeing me.   
“Jack? You’re… You’re alright?”   
“Whatever you were hearing wasn’t me. It was the same thing that trapped me down there. It uses people we… people we care about against us. I’m right here though Jerry, I’m fine.”   
He lets out a breath of relief and smiles at me. It’s a shaky smile, but it’s real. His feet steadied underneath him.   
“Don’t scare me like, Jerry. I thought I was gonna lose you.”  
“Nah, you’re never getting rid of me.”  
Lily pointed ahead into the darkness. I couldn’t see it, but I could sense what direction she meant.  
“This way, come on! I think we’re getting close. I can feel it.”  
“Close to what?” Jerry asked.  
“Hekate,” I answered, “I can feel it too.”  
We started to move faster, heading in the direction that Lily had pointed in. The more we walked, the stronger the feeling got. It was the same feeling you get walking down the dark hallway when you found your front door wide open when you got home. You’re moving closer to evil, but you have no idea what it is or what it’s capable of. I knew deep down that we were getting closer to a confrontation, and I wasn’t sure whether we would be able to handle it or not.   
But it was too late to second guess anything now. We had to keep moving and fight, no matter what the outcome ended up being. We at least had to try. When we made it back out into the fire-lit hallway, Lily made us both new shoes. Jerry got purple combat boots, and I got a pair of comfy sneakers.   
Eventually, we came to another dead end. There was nothing there, but a closer look at the wall in front of us showed that there were two hollowed-out handprints. One was small, like a child’s. The other was large, just large enough to fit my hand. Around them was a giant wheel carved into the wall. There were strange runes all over it.  
I looked at Lily to find her staring back at me, and we nodded at each other.   
Stepping forwards, we each put a hand in our designated handprints and waited. We waited until it was honestly a little embarrassing that we were still waiting.   
“I don’t think that’s gonna work, guys,” Jerry said.   
“Yeah, you’re probably right. No way it would be this easy.”  
“The last time I was here, the wall just unzipped. Maybe it changes. That seems like something Hekate would do,” Lily wondered out loud.  
We were about to move our hands away from the wall when suddenly a sound pierced our ears. It was a booming voice, but I could tell from the way he stood completely unbothered that Jerry couldn’t hear it.   
It took me about two seconds to realize it was in Lily and I’s heads. I could tell Lily could hear it too by the funny look she gave me.   
The voice spoke in a language I couldn’t understand, but it repeated the same phrase in our heads.   
_**Uias transeundi.**_  
The words echoed in my mind, and I wasn’t exactly sure what to do with them. Then Lily nudged me, and I looked down at her.   
_‘I think we have to repeat it.’_  
 _Oh. That makes sense._  
We listened to the phrase one more time before both of us repeated it aloud.   
“Since when did you guys know Latin?!” I could hear Jerry say behind us.   
His words were drowned out by the sound of the wheel on the wall beginning to turn. The runes on it started to glow a dark and vibrant purple, and Lily and I both jumped back.   
Like a bank vault, the wall slowly opened, revealing a massive cavern full of the same purple glow.   
“That’s Hekate’s lair…” Lily said softly.   
We were finally there.   
_I hate this._  
“Are you guys witch queens too?”  
“Shut up Jerry,” I said softly, nudging him.  
Suddenly, we weren’t standing in the hallway anymore. We were in the middle of a cavernous throne room. At the center was a throne made out of dark marble. Around the room was a crowd of people cloaked in animal skins. Sitting on the throne was a tall, gorgeous-looking woman in a long, purple dress. She had long dark hair that flowed around her like water. On her head, she wore a crown with three moons on it. There was a big black dog on her lap, which I’m pretty sure was a Doberman. Its pointed ears twitched as it stared at us. Her eyes glowed bright, and in the hand that wasn’t petting the dog, she held a staff made out of a gnarled root with a purple crystal ball on the end.   
The best thing I could think to compare her to was the form the Guardian took right after Sagoth left, but that also didn’t do it justice at all. So not that.  
“Ah, so our little knife has returned, hm?”  
Her eyes were fixated on Lily.   
_I really hate this._  
 _‘Tell me about it.’_  
Jerry took a step forward, and I bit my lip.  
“If you have noticed, lady, that’s a little girl, not a knife. Anyone with eyes could see that.”  
She paid Jerry no mind. It was a relief if a small one. I was terrified that the minute Jerry opened his mouth, she’d turn him into a frog or a pile of ash.  
“And you’ve brought company. Ah, yes, I knew I’d see this one soon enough.”  
Hekate rose from her throne like morning fog rises from the ground. She came over and grabbed my face by the chin. She was a lot taller than I first thought, taller than even Jerry. She stared into my eyes. Her gaze was intense.  
“For a queen, you sure don’t know anything about personal space, do you?”  
She narrowed her eyes.  
“He’s got a mouth on him too, just as insolent as I expected.”  
And then she slapped me. It was hard enough to send me to the ground. Lily gasped.  
My whole face burned like someone had curb stomped me into a hot fireplace.  
“HEY!” Jerry yelled.   
Hekate flung her hand to the side as if she were dismissing him. He fell to the ground, and several of her cloaked subjects subdued him into silence. Jerry was strong, but he wasn’t ten people strong.  
“You shouldn’t hit people! It’s not nice, Hekate!”  
She whipped towards Lily, her eyes burning with powerful light. She grabbed her wrist and lifted her up off the ground. Lily struggled and squirmed.  
 _“You dare to address me in such a way, you brat?! I’ll rip you limb from limb with a single glance! I am not one of your schoolyard playmates!”_  
I stood up, rubbing my face.  
 _ **“DON’T YOU TOUCH HER, YOU BITCH!”**_  
My voice came out a lot louder than I expected. The ground shook. Hekate paused, looking surprised for a moment. Then a malicious smile crossed her face.  
She flung Lily hard at the twitching wall. She hit it hard and flopped to the ground. She wasn’t moving.   
_**“NO!”**_ I cried. It was loud enough to shake the walls and make the torches flicker.  
I could hear the sounds of Jerry struggling to free himself from the iron grips of Hekate’s subjects.   
“It would appear I’ve found your weakness, Jack. For the power you possess, even you are not immune to silly, human attachments.”  
I put on the shame look. I hoped it was one Rosa would be proud of.  
“I won’t let you win.”  
“Pity, that’s what Lily thought too, isn’t it?”  
I charged at her. In retrospect, that was a bad idea. Her arm grew into a long tangle of roots. It shot out and grabbed me by the neck. The coils of it wrapped around my windpipe and arteries. It was cutting off blood flow and airflow, slowly and methodically like a python on crack. Hekate lifted me above the ground. I kicked my legs and pulled with weak fingers at the roots.   
In the corner of my eye, I saw Jerry shaking Lily, and then her eyes popped open. Jerry got her to her feet, and my body went weak with relief, and also lack of air. Lily’s voice filled my head.  
 _‘Sword?’_  
 _Sword._  
Lily was moving towards Hekate, her eyes still closed. I knew that Hekate knew she was coming, but she was more occupied with squeezing the life out of me.  
I could see the sword in my mind. It was big and fearsome, shining with the blood of ancient gods. But then it started to change.  
 _Wait, why is it a butterknife now?_  
 _‘I’m sorry! I’m trying, but this is hard!’_  
 _Okay, Lily. You can do it. I believe in you._  
The butterknife melted away, and there the sword was again.   
“LET HIM GO!”   
Lily charged forward, sending the silver sword slicing through Hekate’s root arm. I fell to the floor and tore the roots from my neck, gasping. Her arm regrew instantly, snaking out from where it had been cut like a worm out of the dirt.  
“You think that puny sword will stop me? Maybe a step up from your butterknife, but pathetic nonetheless.”  
Lily grinned.   
“It won’t...”  
Jerry finished her sentence.   
“But this will.”  
He was wielding the legendary sword Lily and I had conjured.  
He sliced Hekate right across the middle, and she hissed at him.  
“You don’t like that, do ya bitch?”  
That’s when all hell broke loose. Hekate’s subjects— who were watching with bated breath before —joined the fray. Lily kept them away from Jerry, who was cutting away at Hekate. I joined him, Lily, and I, making a sword for myself.  
Lily would cry out, “I’m sorry!” or “I don’t want to!” every time she would cut down one of the cloaked people.  
“JERRY, CAN YOU HANDLE THIS?!” I yelled out to him.  
I couldn’t listen to Lily cry like that anymore. I had to help her. She shouldn’t have to be doing that.  
“NO PROBLEM! FOR A WITCH QUEEN, SHE SURE FIGHTS LIKE A BI—”  
Hekate let out a screech that sounded like a thousand eagles being burned alive. I moved towards Lily as fast as I could. I knew what was going to happen.  
Everything went solid white.


	46. I'm Lily Madwhip and Lots of People Want to Protect Me

Hekate screams. It’s really loud, and it hurts my ears. I drop my sword.  
Everything gets loud and bright, and I fall to the floor. Not because it’s loud and bright, but because Jack jumps on me. He’s on top of me, and it’s kind of hard to breathe, but not because he’s on top of me. It’s because of the huge explosion that just happened. When I can see again, there’s smoke and fire everywhere. Jack is holding onto me tightly.  
I try to speak, but I can’t hear it over the ringing in my ears.  
 _Please don’t leave me, Jack! Please don’t!_  
I don’t get any answer for a minute. I’m scared he’s dead. I hate being scared that Jack is dead. It’s not a good feeling.  
 _‘I won’t leave you, Lily. I promise. Everything is going to be okay.’_  
I cling to him. Everything hurts.  
Without any warning, he’s ripped away from me. I scramble forward, trying to grab back onto him. But he’s gone.  
“NO!” I yell.  
I feel something snake around my wrists and ankles, and then my neck. I flail as they drag me across the floor. The stones are rough and bumpy and hot. They hurt my back, and I cry. One of the snake arm thingies grabs my hair and pulls me up onto my knees. My head feels all sore now, and I _hate_ when people pull my hair!   
The smoke begins to clear. Jerry is on my right, roots wrapped around him just like me. Jack is all tied up the same way on my left. They’re on their knees too.  
Hekate is back on her throne. She’s bleeding, but she looks angrier than I’ve ever seen her. A lot angrier than she did when I messed up the Veil, and she put me in a world where my mom was dead. I guess my mom is dead in this world now too.  
“I will not allow you to continue further.”  
She looks at me.  
“You’ve failed once, and you will fail again, no matter who accompanies you. I will not let you steal what has been promised to me.”  
I cough, and my eyes water.  
“I don’t wanna be in the Veil! I don’t wanna take your place! I hate it here! I just want to save the world! You can keep your stupid throne!”  
Hekate laughs. It sounds like how villains laugh before they turn around and say, “I’ve been expecting you,” and pet their cat. It doesn’t ever feel like they’ve actually been expecting them, though, because the hero always beats them.  
I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to beat Hekate. I couldn’t last time.  
“You think this is about who will take my place? _No one_ will take my place. Once your pathetic world ends, there will be no more knives to cut my Veil. I will be the ruler of the Veil and all the worlds beyond. It is He Of A Million Eyes who told me so.”  
I try to remember where I heard that. It sounds familiar. And then I do remember.  
 _Oh no. No no no no no no!_  
“He’s lying to you! Can’t you see it?! He just wants to use you!”  
Hekate shakes her head and goes, “tsk tsk tsk.” I hate when adults do that.  
“Your lies and tricks will not fool me. Now it is time for your stories to end.”  
“Lily, I’m sorry!” Jack says. It sounds all strained.  
I feel the roots around my neck begin to tighten. I gasp and try to move my hands up to pull them off. The roots around my wrists get tighter too.  
As my vision starts turning fuzzy, something happens.  
The ground in front of Hekate’s throne begins to crackle and break. I can’t help but think it’s a monster, and Hekate has decided to end us in a bloodier way. But Hekate looks just as surprised as we do.  
When the figure crawls out of the earth, I can’t believe my eyes. His body is all cut up and beaten. He’s bleeding black blood in more than one place. One of his golden wings is all broken. His once-white robe is all torn and dirty. He turns and looks at the three of us. His white hair is all tangled, and some of it is torn out. His face is all scratched up, especially around his eyes. They don’t glow nearly as bright. It doesn’t hurt to look at his face.  
“P-Paschar?” I gasp out.  
He waves his hands, and the roots begin to unravel and die. Jack and Jerry tear them from the ground and jump up. I pull them out and get up too.  
“Go. I will hold her off. All of Heaven is with you, Lily, and so am I.”  
Hekate screams angrily and lets out another blast of fire, but Paschar blocks it from us. I can hear his back sizzling, and I know it hurts him really bad, but he’s trying not to show it. My eyes sting with tears.  
Before I can do anything to try and help him, Jack is tugging me away. A huge hallway is on the right side of the throne room now, and Jerry is already halfway down it.  
“Come on!” Jack yells.  
In the commotion, I lose his hand. And then the labyrinth does what it does best, leaving me lost and alone.  
I know there are monsters around every corner, and Hekate could come and snatch me up at any moment. I feel defenseless.  
I close my eyes and focus hard. I focus on what I want, and I focus on believing in myself, just like Jack believes in me.  
I feel the cold metal and smooth wood in my hands. I run my fingers over the name scratched into it.  
“Violet! I missed you!” I tell her.  
She doesn’t say anything back, but that’s okay because she’s not supposed to. I make sure she’s got ammo inside.  
“I feel a lot better with you around. You’ll protect me. Let’s go kick monster butt!”  
If guns could smile, I know she’d be smiling at me.


	47. Copycat

“She’s not here either!”  
Jerry slammed another door shut.  
“God, I can’t believe we lost her like that,” Jerry says, putting his head in his hands.  
I walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. The distress was radiating off of him in waves. I could practically feel it under my own skin. But that could also just have been my own panic.   
We had been searching for Lily for a while now. I had no way of knowing exactly how long, but it was definitely too long. My phone never left “6:66 AM,” which was weird and dumb and gimmicky and above all else, not even a real time.   
We had already opened countless doors with no sign of her. I had been trying my best to reach out to her mentally, trying to hear her thoughts or feel her presence, but I hadn’t been able to.   
“We’re going to find her Jerry, we just have to keep looking,” I didn’t sound particularly convincing.   
I was extremely anxious that the words would turn out to be false in the end. I tried not to think about that too much.   
Jerry took a moment and then nodded, turning to the next door.   
Before he could even get his hand on the knob, the door in front of him burst open, revealing a sobbing Lily.   
“JERRY!” She cried out before throwing herself at him and wrapping him in a huge hug.   
“Lilypad! We were so worried!”  
Jerry picked her up and held her tight. I couldn’t figure out why something felt wrong.  
I had no evidence. It was just a deep, gut feeling.  
I tried to push the feeling away. I just wanted to be happy that we had Lily back.   
I walked over to the two of them and tried to ignore the slight feeling of nausea welling up in my stomach.   
“Are you okay, Lily?” I asked.   
“I’m okay! Wh-why did you leave me?”  
I stroked her hair back. The feeling of wrongness I had got stronger.  
“Don’t worry, Lilypad, we aren’t letting you out of our sight again.”   
“Yeah, we aren’t going to lose you again.”   
She continued crying into Jerry’s chest, and I tried to figure out why part of my mind told me that we did have to keep an eye on her, just in case she tried something. What could she possibly try? This was Lily. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt us.  
 _Right?_  
Eventually, Jerry got Lily calmed down, and we were able to keep moving. Jerry tried to keep spirits up with jokes and stories. It did little to quell the uneasiness I felt, but it seemed to keep Lily happy enough. She was still acting a little off, her normal giggling not quite right. I figured it was because she was still shaken up from being all by herself here.   
That’s what I told myself, at least.   
As we journeyed on, the corridors got darker. Jerry sat Lily down and let her walk on her own. I rubbed the dark red ring around my neck.   
We came to a t-intersection just as I realized Lily didn’t have a matching ring.  
“Which way do we go now?” Jerry asked.  
Lily pointed to the right. The hallway that way was even darker.  
“That way, I think.”  
That way would get us killed. I could sense it. Why couldn’t Lily?  
Because it’s not her.  
 _Lily, can you hear me? If you can hear me, touch your nose._  
The Lily sitting on Jerry’s shoulders didn’t touch her nose.  
“You’re not Lily.”  
“What?” Not-Lily asks.  
“You. Are. Not. Lily. You’re an impostor. Who the fuck are you?!”  
Jerry looked at me. It wasn’t an _are you crazy_ look. It was an _are you sure_ look.  
I looked back at him, giving a slight nod, and I could see the belief settle into his face. He was on my team here. I turned my gaze back to the fake Lily and stared her down.   
At first, she just seemed confused, looking up at me with those big, brown, Lily eyes. I didn’t let it phase me though, I kept my gaze trained on her, waiting for her to give up the ruse.   
After a few tense moments, her confused expression shifted, and her mouth curved into a sinister grin.   
Before I could do anything, Not Lily’s mouth opened up, and a long tongue shot out right at me, wrapping around my neck and pulling more towards her. The face changed the closer I got to it. The eyes went from brown to a vivid, cats-eye green. The open maw filled with predatory teeth that were ready to bite down the second I got close enough.   
Before Jerry could punt the fake Lily across the hall, a shot rang out. The tongue loosened from my neck enough that I could pull it off. The fires in the bowls in the corridor to our left reignited like runway lights.  
Lily was standing there, Violet raised. The fire from the bowls flickered in her angry brown eyes.   
“HEY!” She yelled.  
Not-Lily fell to the floor, writhing around in pain from the gunshot wound. Her body began to morph and change, and it was really a grotesque sight. Bones broke and rearranged. Skin melted and regrew.  
“I think I’m gonna hurl,” Jerry said.  
“Have you met my bud-dy? Her name is Violet!” Lily yelled, a triumphant look on her face.  
Jerry let out a loud whistle.  
“Woahhh, you’re all kinds of ugly, aren’t you?” He said.  
She was a woman, at least I was pretty sure she was. She was rake thin and had milky white skin and long white hair to match. She looked almost like a ghost, but a bizarre ghost. One of her legs was twisted and broken at an odd angle. Blood was pooling around the gunshot wound in her gnarled right foot. Her face was the part that was the most unsettling. Her eyes bulged from her head, and she had pinpricks of black for pupils. The eyes darted every which way, and the sight of it made me squirm. Her nose was nearly flat, reminding me of Voldemort in a way that only made me feel more uncomfortable, and then there was her mouth. Still wide open and crying out in pain, it was full of pointed teeth like a cat’s, and the long tongue was hanging out to the side, writhing like it was still trying to reach out and grab me again.   
Lily came closer to us. I knew this was the real Lily.  
“I don’t think you pretending to be me again is fair, Ohno.”  
The pale woman looked up at Lily with a snarl.  
“You of all people should know this place doesn’t play fair, Lily,” She rasped.  
“Yeah?” Lily said.  
She raised Violet up again.  
“Well, neither do I.”  
The sound of Violet going off was a lot louder this time. My ears rang. The woman fell limp and still. Lily made a gross-out face at all the blood and brain matter.   
She leaned down and closed her eyes before slinging Violet back onto her back.   
“I don’t like how used to murder I’m getting.”  
“Welcome to the club.”


	48. I'm Lily Madwhip, Take Me Instead

We walk for a while. The whole time Jerry tells me that I’m a badass for shooting Ohno. I feel kind of bad about it still, but I know I had to do it. My stomach was starting to growl as we kept moving, and I really wished we had some food with us.   
I see a change in the path up ahead. It’s not another hallway, but a big room. My mouth starts to get all dry as we get closer.   
We all move a little faster until we get inside. It’s a big circular room with a well in the middle. The well is full of clean, cold-looking water. I don’t really know how it _looks_ cold. I just know it’s cold.   
Jack, Jerry, and I all look into the water for what feels like a long time. The longer we stare at it, the dryer my mouth gets. After a few minutes, I can’t even think about how hungry I am because I’m so thirsty. My mouth is a super-desert.  
“Do you guys think it’s safe to—” I start to ask, but I don’t get to finish.   
Jack reaches a hand into the water and starts to drink from it. I look at Jerry, and he’s watching Jack with anxious eyes.   
“Dude, do you think that was a good idea?” He asks.   
Jack takes another long drink of water and then looks up. He looks a little surprised at himself.   
“S-sorry. I couldn’t help it. It... tasted normal?” He says. He sounds a little confused.   
He said the water tastes normal, but he looks a little sick anyway.   
My mouth still feels really dry, and I look down at the water again. My hand is reaching out without me even thinking about it, but Jerry grabs my arm and stops me.   
“Don’t, Lily. I don’t trust this,” He says.   
I listen to him and take a step away from the well, so I don’t get tempted again.   
Jack starts to wobble. His eyes look far away.  
“Jack? Buddy?”  
Jack doesn’t answer him. He falls to the ground.   
I don’t feel thirsty anymore.  
Jerry steps forward to try and help Jack, but he steps back again when Jack laughs. It doesn’t sound like his normal laugh. Even if I haven’t heard it that much, I can tell.   
This laugh sounds scary.   
Jerry grabs onto me and makes me step further away from Jack. He shakes like people do when they get a seizure. My cousin got seizures, the one that got ran over by a boat. They said she had something called epilessy, and flashing light or loud sounds made her have seizures where you shake a lot and foam at the mouth, and your eyes get all weird.  
The laughing gets louder, and then two big lumps start to press out from his shirt on his side. Two more big lumps show up, and the laughing sounds half like laughing and half like screaming. His shirt tears off of him.   
“Shit, what’s happening to him?!” I hear Jerry whisper.  
He sounds really worried.   
The two lumps right under his arms grow even bigger before they finally burst, and two arms shoot out from Jack’s side. They’re a little different than his normal arms, though. They’re longer, and the nails are sharp and pointed. They also end in two hands.  
The lumps that are lower on him, near his hips, burst too. His pants rip in half, and now he has a new pair of legs. His feet are different, but not in the same way the hands are. The toes on his feet are longer, more like fingers but on feet, and it looks like they’re broken. Some of them are curled all the way forwards, and some were twisted backward. It was like trying to make a fist, but none of the foot fingers knew what they were supposed to do. Jerry rushes over to his side.  
“Jack?! Buddy, are you okay?!”  
Before I can tell him to get back and that that’s a bad idea, one of the hands reaches out and grabs Jerry by the neck faster than it should be able to. It squeezes tighter and tighter until Jerry’s face is all red.  
“NO! STOP IT!” I cry.  
I can hear Jack groan out like he’s in awful pain, and then he tosses Jerry down onto the floor. Jerry gasps for air and scrambles back to my side.  
Jack begins to stand up. He lets out a groan of pain, and I watch the skin on his legs start to burn. It’s all dark red and bubbly. I can hear it sizzling. Then it turns black.  
The room starts to smell really bad, like how the backyard would smell when my dad grilled but a lot worse. There’s a bunch of loud popping sounds and a gross wet sound. Jack turns around.   
I thought the burnt skin on his legs looked bad, but his back is so much worse. There are little holes all over it like he’s a piece of swiss cheese, only not yummy at all. I stare at it, and I think that must hurt really bad. It probably hurts even more when those little white bugs start to crawl out of the holes.   
There’s another laugh-scream, and then the top of Jack’s body and his arms start to twitch. There’s a loud sort of sizzling noise, and I’m worried he’s going to get burned up on his arms too, but instead, dark red scales start to come out of his skin. Now his bottom half is like a Dullahan, and his top half is like a snake. I don’t know _what_ his back is like. Something dead.  
Jack is facing away from us still. He doesn’t move much. He just twitches.  
I want to help him, but I’m not sure how.   
“Jack?” I ask.   
It comes out like a scared whisper.   
“Jackrabbit, please,” Jerry says. It’s strained and desperate. He still hasn’t gotten up. He’s just sitting next to me, trying to catch his breath.  
Jack doesn’t say anything. He just keeps twitching.   
I wish this was happening to me instead of Jack. He’s already missing a leg, and he got the most beat up on the way up here.   
Jerry tries to reach out to him again, but Jack moves as soon as Jerry puts a hand up.   
His body starts to bend backward until there are several loud cracks. His top half falls backward, and the back of his shoulders press right up to the bottom of his back. It’s like he got bent in half. In the middle of his stomach, there’s a spot where you can see something poking up like his bones are trying to break and come through his skin, but something is stopping them. His left eye is glowing red, and his right eye is solid black. I watch as more eye sockets open up on his face, and he grows more eyes. Two lumps bust out of his head, and he grows a pair of ugly, gnarled horns. They scratch the ground as he grinds his teeth. His teeth are bigger now too. They make Ohno’s teeth look like bunny teeth. His ears get all pointy, too, like a vampire or goblin.  
I can hear Jerry gagging behind me, and I start to feel sick too. Whatever stole Jack’s body begins to laugh.  
“He’s not here anymore.”  
It sounds like Jack, but also not like Jack. It’s like two different people. It makes me not want to believe what the voice is saying. If it sounds like Jack, then Jack has to be there still, right?  
“C’mon Jack, prove this liar wrong. You’re still there, right dude?”   
Monster Jack furrowed his eyebrows.  
“You doubt my power? I can snuff out the light of a million lives in a single second if I so choose.”  
Jerry shrugged. I think he’s trying to put on a brave face. Or maybe he’s really just that brave.   
“I mean, I doubt it a little. If you can do that, then you’re really drawing out this whole’ end of the world’ thing.”   
Not-Jack licks its lips. The tongue is pointier than it should be.   
“Where’s the fun in that, Jerry? Why end the world so fast when you can enjoy its slow, deliciously agonizing death?”  
Jack’s head spins backward, making an awful crack noise.  
I double over and heave. There’s nothing in my tummy but stomach juice. It burns my throat when it comes out.  
His head swivels around the right way, but not backward. It goes around all the way, snapping more bones in his neck. He stares at Jerry, his eyes glowing.  
“Your world doesn’t stand a chance. The thought that you pathetic humans could save it with your little witchy powers is fucking laughable.”  
The words sound so wrong coming from a face that still looks like Jack.   
“Let him go!” I say before I can stop myself.   
Not-Jack’s head snaps to look at me instead of Jerry. The bright, evil eyes feel like they’re burning into me.   
“Jack, I know you’re still in there! You gotta fight this thing!”  
He starts moving closer to me. He’s still laughing.  
“You think you can save your worthless little friend from my grasp? His wretched soul is mine now. I am Algol, the Cosmic Demoness. The Medusa of the Milky Way. I am the Daughter of Hatred. The Devourer of Pain and Misery. You may have made it this far, but you’ve only seen the start of what I’m capable of. The agony of your world fuels me. I grow stronger with every passing minute. It would be generous to even call your efforts futile. I will feast on the suffering and anguish of your entire planet until there is none left. And when I am done, I will crush it like a bug.”  
I take a step forward. Jerry tries to stop me, but I don’t let him.   
“Jack isn’t worthless. He’s my third best friend. And I know you didn’t kill him. He’s in there. _And I’m not scared of you._ ”  
I hope she doesn’t know that it’s kind of a lie. I am scared, but I’m gonna stop, for Jack.  
I move closer to Algol. She hisses at me.  
“Jack, I know you’re in there! You have to fight this!”  
I can hear Jack groan. But it’s just Jack’s voice.  
“You won’t stop me forever.”  
I ignore her because she’s wrong. We will stop her. Forever.  
“You can do it, Jack! I believe in you!”  
“So much faith in him, but it won’t get you anywhere! Ants in the cosmic spiral!”   
She yells in my face, but I know that she’s just trying to get me to stop. I can hear Jack’s voice a little louder, and hers is getting quieter.   
“Please, Jack? I know that you can do this. We need you to do this, Jack!”   
Jerry is using me as a distraction. He hits Jack hard on the back. Like, really hard. So hard that Jack falls.  
He coughs and spits and then screams. It doesn’t sound even a little like Jack, though. It all sounds like Algol.   
Then Jack starts to gag, and after a second, all of the water he drank comes right back up and falls onto the floor under him. It’s all red and icky looking. For a minute or so, he doesn’t move. He looks like he’s in the most intense pain ever.  
 _‘Ow.’_  
His extra limbs and horns fall off of him, shriveling up into ash. His ears turn normal again, and so do his teeth. The burnt bits on his legs and the scales on his arms slowly start to flake away, leaving red, raw skin where it used to be. Jack lets out a low groan as the holes on his back slowly start to close up, the little white bugs crawling out of them before they can get trapped on his back. There’s a bunch of loud popping sounds, and his extra red and black eyes roll out of his head and onto the floor. The eye sockets close up. Jerry covers my eyes as Jack’s normal ones grow back. His neck swivels around to the right position with a loud crack, and he rubs it.  
The messed up part where his back bent all the way over starts to go back to its regular shape, and Jack looks like he might cry when his back snaps all the way back into the right place. He slumps down on the ground, shaking.  
Jerry rushes over to him, and so do I.   
“Lily, he needs water. Not evil, pain deity water either, just regular water.”  
I think about holding one of those big water bottles that Jack gave me when we first met.  
Then it’s in my hand. I uncap the bottle and drain some of it into Jack’s mouth.   
Jack swallows and sits up.  
“I’m fine. We have to keep going.”  
“Jack, you’re hurt,” I say  
“We can rest a minute,” Jerry says, backing me up.  
Jack tries to stand up, but he slumps back down right away. He’s definitely too hurt to keep moving right away. He sighs and nods.   
“Okay fine. Just for a minute. We can’t wait for too long. Algol said it herself. She’s getting stronger.”   
I make sandwiches for us, and Jerry makes Jack drink the rest of the water bottle. I also make Jack new clothes. He really likes the purple hoodie.  
Jerry and I finish our sandwiches really fast. I remember how hungry I am as soon as I make them. Jack eats his sandwich a lot slower, and I think he almost throws up a couple times, but he doesn’t. When we’re all done, Jack makes Jerry help him up. Jerry tries to get him to rest a little longer, but Jack acts like I used to at bedtime and refuses.   
Jack is really shaky on his feet, and Jerry has to help him, so he doesn’t fall over.   
And so, we keep going.

*******

We’re walking along a normal hallway, as normal as it can be here. I can’t really remember how long ago we left the well room. It feels like we’ve been walking years since then.  
We ate again, so I know it has to be at least a few hours. I still think it’s been years, though. Jerry has a sort-of beard now. I begin to get a feeling in my gut, but it’s not hunger.  
 _Something bad is about to happen._  
I feel the ground shake underneath me. _God, how I wish it could just be Rita._  
Before I can warn Jack and Jerry that something will go wrong, I feel the ground under me crumble, and I start to fall through. For a second, I can hear Jack shouting my name, but it fades away as I drop down into darkness, and the air whooshing past my ears gets too loud to hear over. I feel like Alice falling down the Rabbit Hole, only it’s a lot scarier. The only thing I can see is the little pieces of the floor falling with me.  
 _Is this really it? Is this how I’m going to die, after everything?_  
I fall for a while, and then I land on a cloud. I always thought it would be nice to lay on a cloud. But I don’t like this. It’s cold and wet, and water droplets stick to my skin, and it feels all gross. It makes me feel like I do when I have a fever, and I get all sweaty under my bunny pajamas.  
I try to get up so I can try to keep moving, but I’m not used to being on a cloud, and I fall over when I try to stand up. I want to cry. _Why do things like this have to keep happening to me? Aren’t good things supposed to happen to people who try to save the world?_  
I guess bad things usually happen first, but I feel like this is the part where good things are supposed to start, and yet I’m only getting more bad things.  
I get up again, and this time I can stay on my feet. That’s when I hear the screaming. There are like a hundred voices, and they’re all screaming in pain. Some of them I know, some of them I don’t. I cover my ears. I’ve heard enough screaming in the past week to last the rest of my life.  
I start to run. I don’t know which direction is the right one. I can’t feel anything except for pain all around me, so I just choose a random path and start to move. The fog from the cloud gets in my eyes and makes me cry. The tears make it hard to see where I’m running, but there isn’t much to see, so I guess it doesn’t matter that much.   
I try to close my eyes for a second to keep the fog out, but as soon as I do, a picture fills my mind. It’s a little boy on the side of the road crying. He’s holding a puppy in his arms, but the puppy looks hurt, and I don’t think it’s breathing. It got hit by a car and died. I don’t know how I know, but I do.   
I can feel how sad the little boy is, and it makes my chest get tight.   
I open my eyes again to try to get rid of the picture, but I can still remember it. I take a few more steps, and then another image fills my head. This time I don’t have to close my eyes for it to happen. It just comes to me.   
It’s another little kid, a little girl this time. She’s in a hospital bed, sleeping. No, not sleeping, in a coma. My dad was in a coma once, and remembering it makes me cry real tears, not just tears from the fog in my eyes.   
I can feel the pain of whatever put the little girl in the coma. I can feel her family’s pain and fear because she’s in a coma, just like me and my mom were with my dad.   
I try to shake the image out of my head and keep moving, but another picture replaces it with the very next step I take.   
This one is another kid, a little girl again. She’s crying, and blood is running out of her hair and onto her face. She’s lying on the ground outside. A man is standing over her, holding a rake. That’s her dad. I don’t know how I know that. He tells her to “get up, bitch.”  
I don’t think he means it in the good way.  
I take another step, and the picture changes. They all flash through my mind so fast— some of the things I don’t even understand.  
A car wreck. A lady being attacked. A homeless guy being stabbed. A girl falling off the top of a high building. A bear ripping open a lady’s skull. A man jumping off a bridge. A pregnant lady being pushed down the stairs. A baby lying in a crib, cold and blue and bruised. A scary-looking guy burying a lady alive.  
I keep running.   
I can see the light from the torches up ahead. I take another running step.  
Everything gets so bright. My eyes ache. An endless, flat ocean is spread out before me. I’m standing in a little white boat. There’s a boy huddled on the other side, burnt and dying. I can hear a whisper all around me.  
 _He will not be rescued._  
The voice sounds familiar, but I can’t figure out where I’ve heard it.  
I take another step, and it’s gone. Instead, I’m standing in a field. There are a little girl and a little boy in front of me. They look a little younger than I am. They’re holding hands, and in the distance, I can see a big puffy cloud rising up into the sky. It looks like a giant mushroom.  
After a second, everything goes white, and my ears ring.  
 _They are just two of thousands._  
There’s that voice again.   
For a second, the visions stop, and I can see what’s ahead of me. There’s light not too far away. It’s a big stone stairwell. The light from the torches looks so warm and inviting. I can hear voices. These ones I recognize, it’s Jack and Jerry. They sound far away, but I take another step, and they sound a little bit closer. I get closer and closer with no more awful visions.  
One more step, and then I’ll be out of this awful place.   
I take that last step, and suddenly I have a vision. This one isn’t from this place. This one is real.  
It’s Jerry. He’s sprawled out on the stone floor. A white shoe has him pinned down. I can see tears running down his face.   
He’s all bruised and beat up. I can see that same look on his face that I saw that night in my vision, the look of hopeless sadness.  
“Don’t let them win. You have to save the world, even if I’m not there to help.”  
Jerry swallows. I wish I could stop seeing this. I don’t want to see any more.  
“I’m sorry,” He says. It’s so quiet, I can barely hear it.  
The foot moves from his back and crushes his skull like a watermelon. He twitches once, twice, and then dies.  
I stop. All I can do is stand there and watch the smoke swirl against the barrier between this place and the hallway.  
 _He will not be spared._  
“No. NO!”  
It’s Dumah. I know the voice now. It’s Dumah. Dumah is the Angel of Death. Dumah knows who’s going to die. He knows, and now he’s saying that...  
 _Jeremy Pascal will die._  
“YOU’RE WRONG! YOU’RE WRONG!”  
I cover my ears, even though I know it won’t stop me from hearing him. It won’t stop the fact that I already saw it happen. It won’t change that I know deep down that Dumah is right. Dumah knows. Dumah doesn’t lie.   
“NOT HIM! PLEASE! PLEASE DON’T TAKE HIM TOO! TAKE ME! TAKE ME INSTEAD!”  
 _This is the way it must be._  
“NO IT’S NOT! IT’S NOT! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! YOU CAN’T TAKE HIM FROM ME TOO YOU CAN’T! YOU CAN’T YOU CAN’T YOU CAN’T!”  
This hurts worse than anything I’ve seen in this stupid smoke world so far. _So much worse._ My body feels like someone is squeezing it, and I can’t breathe. I’ve lost so many people already, I don’t want to lose anybody else.   
I fall down onto my knees.  
“Why?” is all I can say.   
I get back up, and I push through the smoke and into the stairwell.  
“LILY?!’ I hear Jerry call out.  
I race up the stairs as fast as my weak legs will go. I follow Jerry’s voice and try to ignore Dumah’s words ringing in my ears.   
_I don’t want Jerry to die._  
It’s all that I can think of. I keep running to Jerry’s voice because I want to see him alive again. I don’t want the picture of him from my vision in my brain anymore. I just want Jerry.   
I get closer to the top of the stairs, I stumble and almost fall over, but I catch myself and try to go faster. I have to get out of here. I have to get to Jerry.   
“LILY?!” I can hear him shout for me again.   
I want to call back to him, but I can’t make my voice work. I just keep moving.   
I see them at the top of the stairs. Jerry holds his arms out.  
“Lily, oh my god, we were so worried!”  
I’m finally able to cry, so I do. I slam into Jerry and hold onto him as tight as I can. I sob so hard my whole body hurts.   
“Ah!”  
He holds onto me, letting me cry into his chest. He strokes my hair and tries to comfort me, but it doesn’t help. All I can think about is that I don’t want to lose him, which makes me cry harder.   
“Shhh, It’s okay. I’m here now, Lilybell, it’s okay,” He whispers to me.   
_You won’t be here much longer, though._  
The thought comes before I can stop it, and it makes my heart break. I’m crying so hard I’m almost screaming into Jerry’s chest now.   
I can hear Jerry whisper to Jack.  
“Dude. What the hell do you think happened to her?!”  
I start singing songs in my brain, so Jack can’t see what I saw in my thoughts. I don’t want him to have to see it too.  
 _‘Lily?’_  
 _Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony! Slipped a feather in his hat and called it macaroni!_  
Jack scratched his head.  
“I don’t know, man. We just need to get this over with.”  
We start walking again. Jerry holds me in his arms as we walk. He rubs my back, and even though I’m still so sad, I stop crying. Maybe I’m out of tears.  
I peek my eyes over Jerry’s shoulder.  
“Hey Jack?”  
“Yeah, man?”  
“When we get out of here… when you guys save the world, there’s something we really need to talk about.”  
Jack is quiet for a minute. But then I can see him smile in the very corner of my eye.  
“For what it’s worth, Jerry? I feel like I already know what it is.”  
Jerry is thinking about how much he loves Jack. Jack is thinking about how much he loves Jerry.  
But they’ll never get the chance to tell each other because Jerry’s gonna die, and all of this is all my fault.  
“Jerry?”  
My voice sounds all weird like there’s a froggie in my throat. I’d talk like this the rest of my life if it meant Jerry could live.  
“Yes, Lilybell?”  
“I love you.”  
He pats my head.   
“I love you too, Lily.” 


	49. I'm Lily Madwhip and He Knew

We keep moving for a while longer. Jerry holds me the whole time. I feel bad making him carry me, but I don’t want to let him go. I want to hold onto him forever because I wasn’t holding onto him in the vision, and maybe if I hold onto him, it won’t happen.  
The more we walk, the worse I feel. At first, I think it’s just because of what I saw, but after a little bit, I realize that it’s different. I can feel us getting close to something, and it’s making me even more scared than I already was. I know that Jack can feel it too, even if he doesn’t know what it means. I know, though, I’ve felt it before. We’re getting close to Samael. He knows we’re coming. He’s waiting.  
He wants to destroy us.  
_We’re getting close to Samael, Jack._  
_‘Samael?’_  
_A bad angel. He wants to hurt us. He doesn’t want us to seal the Veil._  
_‘Fuck.’_  
_Fuck._  
“You guys look like someone just shit in your cornflakes. What’s going on?”  
I want to warn Jerry. I want to stop what’s going to happen, but I know it won’t work. Dumah said he wasn’t going to make it, and I don’t think me saying anything will actually be able to change it. Not like I could when I thought Jamal was going to die.  
All I can do is cling onto Jerry tighter as the feeling gets stronger. I can at least try to have a little longer with him.  
If I wasn’t out of tears, I probably would have started crying when I could feel that we were almost there.  
“It’s Samael. He’s the only thing left to stop us from sealing the Veil, besides Algol. He’s the bad angel. He’s not supposed to be here anymore. But he’s here, and he wants to kill all three of us.”  
Jerry is quiet for a minute.  
“Well, we’ll just have to kill him first, won’t we?”  
He ruffles my hair. I’m suddenly struck with the knowledge that it’s the last time he’ll ever do it.  
More tears squeeze out of the corners of my eyes.  
Jack looks at Jerry, and then at me.  
“Well, I guess we’d better—”  
We aren’t standing in the hallway again. We’re in a large oval room with high ceilings. Standing in the middle is Samael. He got tired of waiting.  
He’s smiling at us. His teeth are like fangs, and he looks like a shark when he smiles like that.  
“There you are. I’ve been expecting you three. You made me wait a long time, you know.”  
He’s wearing the same white suit. His metal wings are spread out behind him. Even his skin and hair are glistening white. But his eyes glow red.  
“Oh, we made _you_ wait, huh? Didn’t show up in a timely enough manner for you to kill us? Weren’t punctual enough to the slaughterhouse? Fuck you, dude. And the horse your white ass rode in on.”  
“The rumors of your insolence truly do you no justice.”  
“Good, I try my best to make sure my insolence is at its peak. I doubt you’ve ever tried as hard at anything as I try at my insolence.”  
“Jerry, do you want us to get killed?” Jack whispers.  
Samael moves closer. I cringe.  
“You could lay down and beg at my feet right now, and I’d still kill you. I couldn’t care less about this one’s petty insults. It’s just more weights on the scale.”  
“You’re not gonna kill us. Jack and I are gonna fix the Veil. We’re gonna save the world.”  
Samael grins at me, getting down to my level. I don’t like it.  
“Save the world? Is that right? Tell me, Lily, why does the world need saving in the first place?”  
My mouth gets a little dry, and I remember the carnival, how the Veil tore when I played my trumpet.  
“It was you, wasn’t it, Lily? You see, you and Jack here are the ones who tore open the Veil. You both fulfilled the prophecy. The convergence of your powers woke Algol from her celestial slumber. And I? Well, I merely showed her the door.”  
Jack looks over at me. He looks sad and angry. I see that look on his face a lot. I should give it a new name. Sangry.  
“That’s what I heard in my dream, the one with the stairs and Paschar,” I say.  
I’m not really talking to him. It’s more like I’m thinking out loud. I wish I had just thought in my head like usual, though, because when Samael hears me say Paschar’s name, his smile gets even bigger. He laughs. It’s an awful laugh. Like Roger would laugh when I broke a dish, and he would go tell Mom, but a lot worse. Roger was mean. But this… it’s pure evil.  
“He said that in a dream, did he? You must not have gotten the full story then, or you would have heard what he and the other angels planned to let happen to you.”  
“Don’t tell her that. Don’t you dare fucking tell her that,” Jack says.  
Samael ignores him.  
“What… what did the angels plan about me?”  
Jerry and Jack were making pain faces.  
“You sweet child, you really thought they were your friends, didn’t you?”  
_‘Don’t listen to him, Lily.’_  
But I have to listen to him. Even if there’s a huge chance that he’s lying, I have to know.  
“They intended to use you as a sacrifice. Your lifeblood would seal the Veil and leave Algol dormant once again. And you dear patron Paschar was not unaware of this. In fact, he knew what the angels intended to come to pass from the moment you took your first breath, little one.”  
I don’t really understand at first. What Samael’s saying doesn’t make sense. The angels don’t use people as sacrifices. That isn’t what angels do.  
Then I think about my parents. About Meredith. About the doggie. Weren’t they sort of like sacrifices?  
Then I understand, and it feels like somebody pulled the ground out from under me. I know what that feels like now, and this is really close to that.  
Paschar knew. He knew what would happen to my parents before, and that hurt me more than anything, but this? Him knowing that the angels wanted me to die? Him being okay with it?  
Every time he talked to me, every time he helped me or taught me about things, he knew that eventually, I would end up dying. And not like old and in a hospital bed with everyone I loved. He knew that I was gonna be a sacrifice, and I wasn’t even ten yet. He never even tried to stop it. Everything around me feels so far away. I’m lost in my own head.  
I thought I’d ran out of tears, but it turns out I was wrong.  
I was wrong about a lot of things.  
“Lily.”  
It’s Jack. His voice is desperate and angry.  
“He’s not telling you the full story. He’s leaving things out to his benefit. Far be it from me to defend Paschar or any of the angels. They’re dickholes. But there’s more to this that you’re not getting. You have to trust me.”  
I want to listen to Jack, but I don’t know if I can. Everything feels turned upside down. I don’t know who is right or who to trust.  
“Please, Lily, you have to believe me. You know that this guy is just trying to hurt us. He’s going to say whatever he wants to get you to give up.”  
I look at Jack’s worried face, and then I look at Samael. He still has that toothy shark smile. He’s happy that I’m in pain. He’s smiling because he made my crappy life even worse.  
I wipe the tears off of my face and try to stop shaking. I’m still hurting. It feels like somebody put a knife in my heart. I can’t think about it now, though. Now we have to keep moving.  
We have to stop Samael before he can do anything else to hurt us.


	50. Don't Mention It, Jerry

Lily looked ready to kill as her eyes locked with Samael’s, and I felt about the same way. He would have definitely deserved it after what he said to Lily. We didn’t have any sort of epic battle with him though, we couldn’t even tell him to fuck off before Jerry stood in front of us.  
Jerry threw a glance back at me.  
“You guys go. I’ll hold him off, okay?”  
Lily ran to Jerry’s side.  
“Please don’t! Don’t, Jerry!”  
Samael was observing us with an air of impatient annoyance. I didn’t like how he acted as if he knew in a matter of minutes, our severed heads would be at his feet. Like this battle was already decided in his favor.  
Jerry crouched down and pulled Lily into a tight hug.  
“Go save the world, Piglet. I believe in you.”  
Lily wiped her eyes. She didn’t look reassured at all.  
“Okay, Tigger.”  
He pulled away from her and wiped a few stray tears that she missed off her cheeks, and then gave her his brightest, most Jerry smile.  
“Don’t you worry. I’m gonna pounce this guy so hard he won’t be able to think for a week.”  
Samael scoffed, but Jerry ignored it, just like I knew he would.  
He turned towards me. The smile he gave me was different than the one he gave Lily. I knew what it meant.  
“See you on the other side, Jack.”  
I nodded and picked Lily up. Jerry cracked his knuckles.  
“Alright you sad Mr. Clean cosplayer, let’s tango!”  
I ran down the hallway that had opened up to the left.  
It was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life— more than the blog, more than the crash, more than anything I’d done in my shitty existence.  
Lily began to squirm.  
“No! No! We can’t leave him! **_We can’t leave him!_** ”  
I sighed.  
“I told you, Lily, Jerry can handle anything. I’m sure we’ll look back at this later and laugh.”  
“No,” she says quietly, “we won’t.”  
We reached the tear in the Veil. _Tear_ didn’t do it justice at all. It was like the labyrinth gave way to night sky. I could see thousands of stars in the blackness. Bits of ceiling and floor and wall were breaking off and floating into the abyss of space. Algol’s gigantic body floated in the expanse of darkness. The top half of her was already through the rip, no doubt at her observant, hungry post in the sky. Lily’s mouth hung open wide, and I’m sure mine did too. I couldn’t tell you how long we stood there, mesmerized by the incredible sight before us. It had to be a pretty long time.  
“So, what do we do?” She asked me.  
Before I could answer her, there was a sound from behind us.  
It was a low groan from a voice that I knew all too well. I didn’t want to turn around and see what I knew was there. I couldn’t stop myself, though. I turned around to face Samael, dragging a beaten and bloody Jerry behind him.  
I wanted to tell Lily not to look, but she had already turned to see it too.  
The smile on Samael’s face was sadistic, and he tossed Jerry onto the ground in front of him.  
“Sorry to disturb you two, but this is something I must do.”  
He didn’t sound the slightest bit sorry.  
“No,” Lily said. It was barely audible.  
_Had she seen this? Did she know what was going to happen next? Was that why she was acting so weird? Oh god._  
I looked at Jerry crumpled on the ground. His left eye was blackened and swollen shut, and there were cuts all over his face. His nose was almost certainly broken. The confident smile he had been wearing when we left him was replaced with a pained grimace and eyes full of tears.  
I couldn’t tell for sure, but it looked like one of his legs was broken, and he had a dislocated shoulder. I wanted to try to help him, to go pick him up and patch him up like he had done so many times for me. I had a feeling that if I tried, it would only get him hurt worse for the trouble, so I resisted the urge.  
Jerry tried to lift himself up, but Samael placed a foot on his back, pressing him into the ground with almost no effort. I felt my blood boil.  
“He put up an almost impressive fight, you know. I think you two would have been proud. He still couldn’t win, though. Now, I may not play fair, but I’m not without manners. I asked him if he had any last words. He asked that he be able to deliver them to you.”  
My blood had gone from hot to ice cold. Jerry made eye contact with me. Blood ran down from a gash on his forehead, mixing with the tears as they trailed down his face.  
“Go on now. I’m not going to give you forever,” Samael says.  
He presses harder onto Jerry’s back, forcing a pained cough through his lips.  
“Jack. I—”  
His words cut off when Samael dug his heel into Jerry’s spine, making him cry out in pain.  
The angel let out a laugh that made me want to tear his metallic wings off his body before letting up on Jerry’s back.  
“Oh, is that making it hard to talk? My apologies.”  
He looked like he was ready to lay his head on the floor and bawl like a baby.  
I’d never seen Jerry so broken.  
“Go on. I’ll let you tell him now.”  
Jerry didn’t speak at first. It was like he was waiting to have his breath stolen again at any second. But then he did.  
“I don’t have much time left, buddy. I wish I did, so I could tell you this the way I wanted to, but this will have to work. If I don’t tell you now, I probably won’t ever get to. You’re my whole world, Jack. I don’t know if you know that, but it’s true. I just… god Jack, I’m in LOVE with you. I’m madly in love with everything about you. I’m totally and completely and hopelessly yours. I love you so much it hurts, and now it hurts even worse because I’m not gonna get the chance to love you like I wanted, like you deserved. I’m so sorry. I… I should’ve told you sooner. But I was a coward. Look where that got me…”  
I could feel my eyes well up with tears as he spoke, but I tried my best to blink them away. I wanted to actually be able to see him, not just a blur.  
My chest felt so tight.  
Part of me knew how he felt, had known for a long time. Hearing him say it was so much different, though. I thought about all those times I had managed to mess things up, all those times we could have said these things and had more time. I would have given just about anything to go back and change things, so it didn’t have to happen like this. I would’ve given everything to go back and have him mention this before now.  
I wanted to reply, but the lump in my throat was impossible to talk around.  
“Keep going, okay? You have to stop this, and I know you can. You can do anything, Jack. You and Lily can end all of this.”  
I could hear Lily crying next to me, and tears were starting to stream down my cheeks now too.  
“Jerry…” I choked out. It was all I could manage to say.  
“Don’t let them win. You have to save the world, even if I’m not here to help.”  
He took in a deep breath and then swallowed. He looked at me, and I felt like I was breaking in half.  
“I’m sorry.”  
He closed his eyes, and I saw Samael raise his foot off of Jerry’s back. I threw my hands over Lily’s eyes.  
A choked sob escaped my lips, and I struggled to catch my breath. I knew I didn’t have much time. I had to get the words out before it was too late.  
“Jerry I lo—”  
I couldn’t finish before Samael brought his foot down on Jerry’s head hard. The sickening crunch drowned out everything, and in that split second, I felt like a part of my universe was ripped away.  
He didn’t even get to hear me say it back.  
Lily screamed. I screamed. The ground shook.  
The deity floating in the Veil let out a deep, satisfied rumble. Samael threw his head back and let out a loud, indulgent, malicious laugh. I wanted so badly to wring that bastard’s white neck. Lily’s tears ran through my fingers. I turned her around and took my hands off her eyes.  
_Take my hand. This ends now._  
_‘What do we do?’_  
_We try. We believe. We work together. I don’t think we have to know what to do. I think it will happen if we focus our energy hard enough._  
Lily nodded and grabbed my hand. I focused hard on the torn Veil.  
“You know if you seal the Veil, you’ll be stuck inside forever, right? Algol’s last act will be to keep you here.”  
Just hearing his voice made me fume with rage. Lily answered for both of us.  
“It doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is saving the world and defeating _you._ ”  
She spat that last word out like it was a nasty swear.  
I closed my eyes. I could feel a powerful light building in my chest. I knew Lily could feel it too.  
“I can bring him back, you know.”  
My breath caught in my throat.  
“He’s just as easy to bring back as he is to kill. I can bring him back, and you can go back and live what little time your world has left together.”  
_‘He’s lying, Jack. Even if he were to bring Jerry back, he’d never let us leave.’_  
The offer stoked my selfish hope. But I knew Lily was right before she even said it.  
I’d protected Lily as best I could. Now she was protecting me. Desperation was creeping into Samael’s voice. It was cathartic to hear.  
“I can bring back anyone you want, Lily. I can bring back your family. I can bring back Meredith—”  
“KEEP HER NAME OUT OF YOUR FILTHY MOUTH!” Lily screamed.  
She gripped my hand tightly.  
**“ALL I WANT IS TO SEE YOU _FAIL!”_**  
In a split second, Lily and I were connected. We were like one person instead of two. One powerful being joined at the fingers. There was an explosion of sound and light. I could feel it explode from Lily’s chest just as easily as I could feel it explode from my chest. Everything went white, and my ears ached.  
I knew we were headed in the right direction, but this wasn’t the end. Samael still had one trick left up his sleeve. Lily and I knew he did. But we could handle it.  
If for no one else, for Jerry.  
_Jerry._


	51. I'm Lily Madwhip and I'm Home Again

I sit up in bed. It's a Saturday, so I know that means I don't have school.   
Delicious smells are coming from downstairs. I look over and see Paschar sitting next to me.  
"Good morning, Paschar," I tell him.  
For some reason, I feel like I was mad at him. _But why would I be mad?_  
My head hurts. I rub my eyes.   
Paschar's voice is funny. He sounds like he did when he told me to take the collar.  
 _Wait, what collar? Huh?_  
He says it really fast but I don’t get to catch it all.  
 _Lily, something is very wrong here. You need to—_  
"Lily! Breakfast!"  
It's my mom. I don't know why hearing her voice makes my eyes water. I jump out of bed, forgetting Paschar. I run down the stairs. My dad is standing at the stove, flipping a pancake. My mom is sitting at the table, sipping coffee.  
Roger is sitting at the table, picking at a syrup-covered pancake. A choked sob escapes my lips.  
"Lily? Honey, what's wrong?"  
I can't figure out what's wrong either. I just know that I'm so sad.  
"Nightmare," I say.  
She sets her mug down and comes over to me. She picks me up and holds me in her arms.   
She said once that I was getting too big for this, but she would still do it sometimes.   
"You know those things aren't real, sweetie. They can't hurt you,"  
She dries my tears and sits me down at the table. Dad puts a stack of fluffy pancakes in front of me.  
"These pancakes will make you feel better, bumblebee. I promise. I think they're the best I've ever made."  
Mom sips her coffee again.  
"You're gonna have to get a bath after breakfast, Lily. The Lakes are coming over to visit later."  
I wipe my eyes.  
"Meredith is coming over?"  
She nods. Something doesn't feel right. I hear a whisper in my ear. No, that's not quite right. It's inside me. It's a soft, friendly, familiar voice. But I can't figure out just who it is. My brain doesn't want to work like it's supposed to.  
 _You have to get out of here, Lilybird._  
"Mom?" I ask her.   
"Yes, sweetie?"  
"Where is Jack?"  
She looks at me for a long minute.  
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, honey."  
I remember everything now. Tears fill my eyes again because I know this won't last.  
Roger, Mom, Dad, they're all staring at me. My face feels all hot, and I try not to meet their eyes. I hear another voice. This one is familiar but in a bad way. It's Samael.  
 _This can be yours again, Lily. You've been through so much. All the hurt and suffering you've endured can end here. All you have to do is stop._

*******

"So, this phone is 25¢ a minute. No exceptions. Even if someone runs in here barefoot saying they're being chased or abducted by aliens. You just tell them that they should've gotten kidnapped with a little spare change."  
I nod, looking at the black phone in Jack's hand.  
"If you ever have to use it when there's an emergency, just let me know, and I'll put in the change for you after. I own this place now, but it's something I like to keep in place. In honor of the people who used to own it."  
Both of us look outside where Jerry is playing fetch with Rita.  
"Alright, now this thing will ring forever if you don't answer it. We don't have an answering machine."  
"So what do you do if it's someone you don't wanna talk to?"  
"Usually, I'll just answer and then hang up."  
Jack lets me put the phone back in its holder on the wall.  
"You got all that?"  
"Yep. Got it," I tell him.  
"Good. Now, if you ever need to call here, the phone number is—" 

*******

"I uh… I gotta use the bathroom." I say, standing up from the table.  
I need to get out of here. All their faces have no emotion. They're just staring at me with cold dead eyes, like a fishy.  
"Okay, well, don't take too long, sweetie. Your pancakes will get cold."  
I nod and walk out of the kitchen. When I'm out of sight, I run. I take the stairs two at a time, as quietly as possible. I can hear Paschar call out to me from my bedroom.  
"The phone, Lily."  
"I know! Also, don't talk to me!"  
I get to the phone in my parent's bedroom. I dial the little numbers on the keypad.  
 _870_  
"Lily? Lily, where are you?"  
It's Mom. She's getting closer, and she sounds weird. Like she's in pain, almost.  
 _907_  
"Lily? Lily are you in here?"  
It's Dad. He's right outside the door.  
 _0877_  
The door bursts open. My parents and Roger rush in, but their skin is melting off, revealing red eyes, claws, black skin, and sharp teeth. What was probably never my mom grabs me by my pajama shirt and flings me against the wall. I press the call button.  
" **NO!** " They all scream at once. It's in their voices, but it sounds so wrong.  
"LILY?! LILY IS THAT YOU?!"  
It's Jack. I put the phone to my ear and hold it tight as they begin to drag me down the stairs. My head hits each one, and I feel like passing out.  
"IT'S ME, JACK! IT'S LILY! WHERE ARE YOU?!"  
"I'm at the gas station, but it's all wrong! Jerry isn't Jerry! They're all monsters!"  
He sounds scared. I can hear voices in the background. It sounds like someone is trying to say forget, but with a weird accent. It doesn't sound like forget at all.  
"ME TOO! IT"S MY PARENTS AND ROGER!"  
The monsters drag me down to the kitchen and throw me onto the table. Not-Dad tries to pull the phone from my hand. I scream at him.  
"LILY, YOU HAVE TO FOCUS!"  
He rips the phone out of my hand and throws it into the other room. It goes flying, like a phone-frisbee. I feel like crying.  
But I remember what Jack said. I close my eyes, and I focus, just as I feel my family ripping their sharp teeth into my arms and legs. 


	52. The End of the Beginning

The Not-Jerry that was busy devouring my arm and hissing insults (and a specific slur that I don’t care to repeat) at me while doing it disappeared. The whole fake gas station disappeared.  
I was falling through an expanse of darkness. I felt the presence of great evil here. _She_ was here.  
But I also felt another presence. Like a candle flame in a frosted-over December window. Small, but impossibly bright.  
Lily flew past me.  
“JACK!”  
I tried to make myself fall a little faster, ending up in a nosedive. When I got close enough, I wrapped my arms around her tightly. I held her tight to my chest. She was crying. Hell, I was probably crying too. There was no way she’d be able to hear me over the sound of the wind.  
_It’s okay. I’m here. Everything is gonna be alright. The hard part is almost over. I can feel it._  
_‘She’s here. She doesn’t want us to win. She’s gonna try and stop us.’_  
As we fell, I could see the tear growing closer. Looking at it made me feel dizzy. To my surprise, there was no giant cosmic demoness poking halfway out of it. Yet, I could feel Algol’s presence. Even if we couldn’t see her, she was there. And she was enraged.  
_‘How do we seal it?’_  
I had no idea.  
A rush of thoughts filled my mind, none of them making much sense. I didn’t exactly have a frame of reference for how to solve this. We had to think of something though, after everything we had been through, after what we had lost, I had to think of something. I did my best to push away the little voice in the back of my mind telling me it was pointless and focus on thinking of something, anything that could work.  
It felt like I spent hours racking my brain, even though in reality it was likely only a few seconds. In the end I fell back on instinct and tried to go with the simplest solution possible. It wasn’t much, but at least it was something and in this moment that was good enough.  
_Maybe we just need to focus, if we use our connection the same way we did when we created things that might do something._  
_’Do you think it will be enough?’_  
She was looking up at me with uncertainty shining in her eyes, and I did my best to have enough confidence for both of us. I think she could still sense my unease regardless of my efforts.  
_It’s worth a try._  
Lily nodded and we both closed our eyes, clinging to each other with our hands and minds as we tried to focus.  
_Just focus on the tear and imagine it sealing shut. Don’t think about anything else._  
It was easier said than done with the wind whipping past and the looming presence of Algol all around us. It felt like wind at the beach. The kind with sand in it that feels like knives against your skin. Lily squeezed my hand tighter and we both tried to use our connection. I could see the image of the tear clearly in my mind, I was sure that the image would never fade, even if I wanted it to. I tried to imagine it slowly sealing itself shut, like a wound healing, focusing all my energy into it. I knew that Lily was doing the same. We kept our concentration until a booming voice filled the air all around us.  
**“DO YOU TRULY THINK THIS PATHETIC EFFORT WILL EVER BE ENOUGH TO END THIS?! YOU ARE FAILURES, THE BOTH OF YOU!”**  
I could hear a whimper escape Lily’s mouth, and the image was torn away from my mind. It wasn’t enough, we needed something more. I opened my eyes and they locked onto Lily’s. They were clouded with tears and I knew we had to keep trying.  
_Lily can you think of anything?  
‘I’m not sure…’_  
I could sense the fear radiating off of her more strongly than I ever had in the past. I squeezed her arm and tried to reassure her as much as I possibly could in this kind of scenario.  
You can do it Lily, you’ve got so much imagination. If anybody can think of something, it’s you.  
For a moment Lily looked lost in thought, and then I could hear her voice ringing out in my mind once again.  
‘Maybe we’re being too normal?’  
She had a point there. The situation we were in was the furthest thing from normal. Maybe we needed to try tactics that fit the situation better. Something more fantastic or outlandish.  
_Okay, what did you have in mind?_  
For a moment the air whipping past us was the only sound that filled my mind, then once again I could hear Lily, clear as a bell in my head.  
_’How about a spell? Like magic! We can use a wand and try to fix it with that!’_  
_Okay, let’s do it._  
Lily and I both squeezed our eyes shut, and focused on the image of the wand. Because of our connection, I was able to know exactly which wand Lily was picturing in her head. It made sense, Lily absolutely loved Cinderella. After a moment I opened my eyes again and a long white wand appeared in her hand just like the one the Fairy Godmother has in the movie. Lily mustered the closest thing to a smile that she could, and gripped the wand tightly.  
_‘You know the spell, right?’  
Yeah, let’s try it out._  
Lily did her best to wave the wand while still hanging onto me, still focusing hard on the task at hand. The two of us kept our eyes locked on the tear in front of us and spoke the magic words. It felt a little ridiculous to say out loud while we were plummeting towards the ground. The situation was so dire, the phrase ‘bibbidi-bobbidi-boo’ felt incredibly out of place. Still, it was something, so we had to try it.  
I pushed out the idea that this was completely ridiculous. I knew that I had to take it seriously if it had any chance of working. I recited the spell like it was the last thing I’d ever say. Considering the situation we were in, that was a possibility. I could hear Lily’s voice, and the determination was obvious, managing to edge out her fear and uncertainty.  
For a brief moment, it felt as though it was working. The air around us seemed to shift, and it reminded me of every description of magic I’d ever read.  
But the inkling of hope died quickly, as the bright shimmering wand started to change, turning black and dim in Lily’s hand before crumbling into dust.  
I could see tears forming again in Lily’s eyes, before the voice broke out around us once again.  
**“A PITIABLE EFFORT, BUT YOU STILL FAILED! IT’S PATHETIC TO WITNESS, YOU’RE TRYING SO HARD AND YET YOU STILL WON’T EVER SUCCEED. YOUR LITTLE FRIEND WILL HAVE DIED FOR NOTHING, YOU WILL FAIL EACH OTHER AND THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE WORLD!”**  
I didn’t want to hear what she had to say, I wanted to block it all out and try to find another solution. Still, some part of me was telling me to listen. I didn’t understand at first, but I went over her words in my head again and found the answer. Tears threatened to form in my eyes when I thought about our so-called little friend. The idea that Jerry died in vain was one of the most painful things I could comprehend, but I knew I needed to hear it. Thinking about Jerry hurt, but it also sparked a new idea.  
Lily, think about Jerry, what would Jerry do right now! How would he fix this?  
The possibility that this could lead to yet another failure wasn’t lost on me, but for some reason this felt like the right thing to do. Jerry was always the one who managed to fix things I thought couldn’t be fixed. He could do the impossible. It was one of the many things I admired about him. I knew that if he was with us he would propose some ridiculous solution, and I would probably shut it down. That was how we operated. At that moment I would have given anything to hear one of his hairbrained schemes.  
That wasn’t possible anymore. Lily and I would just have to figure something out ourselves.  
It took a moment for Lily to understand what I meant, but then I could hear her in my head.  
_‘Jerry likes to put those kitty stickers on things that break. He says a sticker can fix anything!’_  
I couldn’t help but smile just a bit at the thought. Yeah, stickers and duct tape. That’s how he fixed the toaster after he broke it.  
_‘Do you think it could work?’  
I think it’s worth a try._  
It didn’t take any prompting this time, Lily and I both just closed our eyes tightly, and thought hard about what we needed to happen. It was easy to picture the brightly colored duct tape that Jerry used. He plastered it over everything, sometimes things that were in perfect working order. I could practically hear the sound of him tearing off a piece of it as I pictured it covering the tear.  
I didn’t have to talk to Lily to know that she was imagining Jerry’s cat stickers. Those sparkly cats that were all over our house and the gas station. I tried to ignore the way my chest tightened when it crossed my mind that there wouldn’t be any more of them now.  
Lily squeezed my arm, and I opened my eyes to look at her. She was smiling.  
I looked to the tear in the veil only to see it wasn’t there. Instead the place where it had been standing was plastered with duct tape and cat stickers, as if Jerry had been right there painstakingly working to patch it up in his own unique way.  
_‘We did it.’_  
A smile broke out on my own face as I stared at what we had done. The expanse of darkness was silent, and after a moment I realized that Lily and I weren’t falling anymore. We were suspended in the air, staring at the colorful patch-job.  
_Thank you Jerry._ For a moment, everything remained still and blissful.  
Then a massive arm launched past the two of us where we were suspended. Lily’s eyes went wide and then the chamber we were in was filled with the sound of the stickers and tape being shredded, re-opening the sealed tear.  
“NO!”  
The word tore past my lips before I was able to stop it, and then a new sound began. Sickening laughter came from all around us. The arm pulled back from the tear as the laughing got louder, and then we finally saw her.  
She was colossal. Her size made Lily and I seem like ants. She towered above us with a terrifying, animalistic kind of grace. We could only see the top half of her body, and that was enough to make all the air leave my lungs. I could feel Lily shaking in my arms.  
She gazed down at us with hundreds of glowing eyes, each and every one of them filled with malice. There was no way to avoid eye contact, everywhere we looked there was a new set of eyes burning with hate to meet our own. They covered her face and neck, and even portions of her chest and arms.  
She had so many arms. There was no way I could have counted them. Even if I was in the right state of mind to try, I’m not sure I would have been able to count high enough to cover all of them. They were huge, just like the rest of her, and each one ended in a set of black, razor sharp talons. It was no surprise that she had managed to tear through our barrier so well, she could have just as easily torn us to shreds with those nails if she had wanted to.  
The air around us was filled with sound. The ripping sounds had ended, but in their place came the noise of hundreds of snakes, all hissing in unison. I felt every hair on my body stand up as I realized that the snakes were a part of her. Attached to her head, creating a crude recreation of hair. It was like all the most unsettling pictures of Medusa combined and multiplied by a thousand. The snakes were the same black as her claws, and had blood red eyes to match her own, adding to the near infinite of eyes already watching Lily and I. A few of the snakes attempted to strike at one another, a clear show of the misery and hate that the goddess possessed.  
It wasn’t until she began to speak that the hissing went away. It didn’t stop, not even close. I’m pretty sure the snakes only grew more agitated. Still, it was impossible to hear them over the roar of the pain deities' many voices. Millions of them all joined in to form on monstrous amalgamation as she spoke.  
She did so from a wide grin, stretched open to the point where it split her face into two. Inside her mouth were jagged teeth, sharper than any knife.  
I remembered a time that Spencer Middleton had managed to cut me. The knife he used was so sharp I hadn’t even realized that I got cut until the blood started running down my arm. I had a feeling that her teeth were sharp enough that they could cut me in half and I wouldn’t even feel it before the life left my body.  
**“IDIOTS! DON’T YOU SEE HOW MISERABLE YOU ARE! IT IS OVER, YOU’VE LOST TIME AND AGAIN, AND ALL YOU’VE DONE IS RUIN YOUR OWN MISERABLE LIVES MORE THAN THEY WERE BEFORE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND, OR MUST I SHARE WITH YOU JUST HOW PATHETIC YOU TRULY ARE?”**  
She didn’t give us time to reply. I doubt we could have even if she did. In an instant the world around me melted away, replaced with a vision of something new.  
It was something I had seen before, and hoped I would never have to see again.  
I was outside the gas station, with my friends all lined up before me. They stared into the blood red sky with eyes completely devoid of life. Their bodies were like dried up corpses, sucked dry by the entity above them.  
Guilt came crashing into me, and I felt my throat get tight. I knew what she meant when she said she would show just how pathetic we were. She wanted to show us exactly how we had failed our friends by failing to stop her. I hated how much it was working.  
I walked down the line, passing each of them and trying to find signs of life. It was ridiculous. I knew that none of this was real, it was a vision being planted into my head. Something I was being forced to live through. It was meant to break me. That much was clear.  
It didn’t change anything. I still wanted to help them.  
Rosa and O’Brien stood still as statues, and I couldn’t help but wonder if part of this was real. If maybe somehow they had gotten into trouble on their part of the mission and they were out there somewhere, husks of their real selves. It hurt to think about.  
Benji was emaciated beside them, all of his intimidating presence lost. He didn’t look like the monster hunter I knew. He looked vulnerable and afraid. It was more unsettling than it might have been to see him holding a gun against my head. I wanted to look away from him, but I hesitated. I knew that when I did I would be forced to face another vision of somebody I cared about. One that couldn’t possibly be real, because I had watched him die in a different way.  
It was the last thing I wanted to see, but I turned to look at him anyway.  
I didn’t have to see Jerry’s pale, emaciated face. He didn’t have it.  
Instead, his headless body hung limp, as if being held up by a string. His clothes were covered in blood and everything above the neck was a gorey mess. Even in this cruel vision, there was no chance to save him. There would never be a chance to save him. She wanted me to remember that.  
I felt bile building in my throat as sobs began to wrack my body.  
I wrapped my arms around him and he turned into grey mist in my arms. I fell to my knees and shut my eyes tight. Then something changed. I felt it.  
When I forced my eyes open, I was relieved that Jerry was no longer in front of me.  
That relief died when I realized who was in his place.  
She was standing where Jerry had been, eyes up towards the sky. She looked horrible, and yet somehow still beautiful. Yet again I was forced to confront the illusion of her, and yet again I couldn’t stop myself from trying to reach out.  
In the back of my mind I heard a faint voice. _Don’t..._  
I didn’t listen.  
I put a hand on her shoulder before I could think about it clearly, and to my shock, she moved. She turned her eyes down from the sky, looking down at the asphalt beneath our feet. She moved her hands to rub her eyes, and I felt a spark of hope in my chest.  
“Sabine?”  
I pulled my hand off her arm, and waited for her to look up at me.  
She did, but the eyes staring into my own weren’t Sabine’s.  
They were too full of hate for that.  
Then another set of eyes opened on her skin, and another, and another. They blossomed over her arms and neck like goosebumps, all glaring at me with malice. She reached a hand out to me, and her brightly colored nails blackened and grew sharp. Her hand was on my chest, and I let out a pained gasp as the talons sunk into my heart.  
The vision was gone in an instant, and I was back inside the chamber with Lily in my arms, and the massive pain deity looming above us. I felt the hot tears on my cheeks, and wanted nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs.  
I looked at Lily and fear shone in her eyes. She wasn’t looking back at me though, she was looking up at Algol.  
_‘No, no, no!’  
Her thoughts were frantic and pained. Before I could try to figure out what was happening, I wasn’t seeing through my own eyes anymore. I was seeing through Lily’s.  
It looked as though she was in some sort of pit, the shattered remains of household furniture and picture frames scattered all around her. I could sense every emotion within her, the fear and sadness radiating as if it was my own.  
Then there were voices.  
“Lily! God Lily please help us! You have to save us!” “Lily it hurts, make it stop!”  
“Why aren’t you stopping this Lily?! Why!?”  
I didn’t recognize the voices, but I didn’t have to. I knew who they were, because Lily knew them. Her family, her parents and older brother. They were all crying out in agony, begging for her help. It only grew louder, as bodies started to emerge from the shadows. People, her family, with patches of burnt, blackened skin. The staggered towards Lily, and she stumbled back. I could feel her tears just like I had felt my own.  
Lily’s voice rang out, and I felt as though I was the one speaking, sharing in her pain and suffering.  
“I don’t know what to do! I’m sorry! _I’m so sorry!_ ”  
Then suddenly a new set of voices rang out. This time I recognized them for myself, not just from the connection I had with Lily. They came out of the darkness just as her family had. Amy, Rosa and Benji, sharing the same charred skin and horrified expressions.  
A skittering sound came and a loud scream rang out. Mr. Possy was there too, looking mangled.  
“Please, make this stop!” Lily and the voices of all her loved ones cried out in unison.  
I wanted so badly to help her, but I couldn’t. All I could do was share in her pain.  
I realized after a moment that she must have been there with me, just like this as I suffered through my own visions of guilt and torment. I hated that she had been forced to witness those awful things too.  
_I’m so sorry Lily._  
All she could do was cry as they got closer and called out for her to help them, to end the pain.  
Then in an instant they all went quiet, and the area around us was completely still. I felt the fear gripping at Lily’s heart as she looked around.  
A final shape emerged from the shadows, and Lily took a step back. I felt her horror, along with my own as Jerry appeared in front of her. He wasn’t burnt like the others, he looked normal. The only difference was the look of hatred on his face.  
“Look at what you’re doing to them Lily. You’re killing them. You’re going to let all of them die, just like you let me die.”  
_Don’t listen to him Lily, it’s not really Jerry!_ I knew she didn’t hear me though— not completely.  
“I don’t know what to do! I’m sorry Jerry!” Lily sobbed.  
“You failed them Lily, that’s what you always do, you fail the people you love.”  
Lily couldn’t get out another word to try and defend herself, not before Jerry doubled over and began to change.  
His body warped, and where his stubby fingernails used to be there were claws. He cried out in pain as his face started to break open, revealing a gaping maw beneath. In moments Jerry was gone, and standing before her was a creature that Lily and I both recognized. One that Lily knew far better than she should.  
_“Roogaroo…”_ She whispered.  
Then the creature lurched forwards and tore into her, before once again the vision was torn away. Lily was crying hard, face buried into my chest. I hated knowing that she had been forced to experience that. I hated knowing just how defeated and empty she felt even more. They had only been images conjured to hurt us. They were meant to break us, and despite what I wanted to feel, I knew that it had worked. I felt hollow, and I knew Lily felt the same. There was nothing left to do, and even if the visions we had been shown were only fabrications, part of them still rang true.  
We had failed.  
Vicious laughter rang out around us, basking in our misery.  
**”YES, NOW YOU SEE IT! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE NOW. FAILURES! MISERABLE, PATHETIC FAILURES! I WANT YOU TO BASK IN IT, WALLOW IN YOUR REGRETS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!”**  
I held Lily tight, trying to somehow shield her from what was being said. It was pointless though, Lily had already seen and heard enough.  
**“PERHAPS I WILL SHOW YOU URCHINS SOME MERCY… YOU WON’T HAVE MUCH LIFE LEFT TO CHOKE ON YOUR OWN REGRETS!”**  
Just like that, we were falling again, plummeting towards the ground faster than before. There was no time left, and we both knew it.  
_I’m sorry Lily, I’m so sorry.  
‘So am I.’_  
Lily clung to me even tighter, and I held her close to my chest. If these were going to be our last moments, I wanted her to know just how much I cared about her. I needed her to understand that I would never see her as a failure, even if the rest of the world did.  
I tried to tell her, but the words never left my mouth. They were silenced by another rush of pain as Lily squeezed me even tighter, and one of my stitches popped. _My stitches…_ I suddenly had an idea. It felt crazy, and I knew that we didn’t have much time left. Still, we had to try. Even if it failed, we would be no worse off than we already were.  
Lily pulled her face away from my chest and looked up at me. I knew that she was on the same page. The connection between us was stronger now than it ever had been, and I knew that she understood.  
_MY STITCHES! Lily! We’ve been stitched up enough on this trip! It’s time to stitch something else up!  
‘Jack! You’re right! Let’s try it!’_  
We tumbled towards the rip, nearing the end of the line. As we got closer, I could feel hands reach out of the darkness. They tore at the both of us, leaving deep red gashes all over our bodies. Lily cried out in pain.  
I did my best to take the brunt of it for her.  
Every time we would try to focus, we’d be torn up some more. Claws would dig through our skin like rakes on a beach.  
_‘We’re gonna fall through! We’re gonna fall out of the sky and be mush on the ground!’_ Lily thought desperately.  
_Lily, we won’t. We have to try as hard as we can this time. I’ll protect you._  
I pulled Lily in as close as I could manage, shielding her with my body. I could see it perfectly this time. A shiny needle, as long as my arm. A length of shimmery white thread was threaded through it. I could feel it in my hand.  
I held in my screams as the hands dug away at the flesh of my back, tearing away massive layers of skin and muscle. The harsh wind on my exposed spine was an agony I’ll never be able to fully do justice in words. I knew I should probably be dead, but I wasn’t.  
When we fell into the rip, I dug my needle into the side of it. It twitched like I’d stabbed an animal. Lily was clinging to me like a koala as we dangled. Below us were miles of sky and a long, fatal fall to the ground. I pulled both of us up. I could feel the entire Veil reverberate with Algol’s mighty rage.  
**”NO! NO! YOU WILL FAIL!”** She roared in anger. I knew we were on the right track.  
“HELP ME, LILY!”  
She leaped over to the other side, and together, we sealed the Veil— with horizontal mattress stitches.  
Each stitch took more out of me than even my worst encounters at the gas station, and the pain was more than I had ever felt at once. Still, we kept going, and along with the pain I felt something else. A deep sense of power. I knew that it was working, more than any of our previous attempts this was truly working to close off the Veil from our world.  
We were nearly half way finished and I knew that tears were spilling down my face, and down Lily’s as well. The hands tore into me more ferociously, and I could tell that a few of them had managed to reach Lily again. I couldn’t completely protect her while working to stitch the Veil. Nevertheless she worked through it, helping me every step of the way.  
We knew we had to keep fighting through the pain, because Algol’s screams of fury continued, and that meant that it was working.  
I heard Lily’s thoughts in my mind, pleading for the pain to stop, for this to finally work and end everything.  
With the last stitch, our minds were completely in sync.  
**_Please, let this be the end._**  
Then the energy in the Veil changed. The snakes in Algol’s hair let out ferocious hisses, and Algol herself cried out. Her voice didn’t have nearly the same power as before. It still roared like a jet engine, and yet in comparison to what it was before, it was practically a whimper.  
Lily and I could feel Algol weaken in defeat. Her channel to our world had been closed. Her power drained, and she began her own slow and agonizing death by starvation.  
We had won.  
I collapsed. Lily ran over to my side.  
“We did it, Jack! We sealed the Veil! We did it!”  
She saw what a horrible state my back and the rest of me was in. I smiled at her.  
“Yeah, Lily. We sure did it. You and me, the perfect team.”  
I reached my bloody, tingling arm up and ruffled her hair.  
“I love you, little river.”  
“I love you too! Jack, no! Please don’t leave me too! Don’t leave me alone!”  
I saw a fiery white steak in the darkness, a streak with metal wings and glowing red eyes. It was headed down towards us at lightning speed.  
"Lily, look out!"  
I was too late. Samael snatched her away from me before she could even respond. I watched him pull her up into the air, and then he let her go. She free-falled, but not for long. I listened to her scream as he tore her to shreds, like a hawk with a mouse. Her blood and bone fragments rained down on me. It was still warm. After everything we’d been through, she’d still been torn from me.  
“ ** _NO!_** ” I screamed at him.  
Reality shook violently. Stars exploded. The force of my rage and anguish amplified by the most potent reaches of the Veil was enough to send him hurtling back into the darkness. That was his last act of defiance, taking Lily from me. I’d made sure of it. I watched him burn up into little pieces as he disappeared into the black expanse.  
I began to fall. Everything got way too bright, way too fast. The ground was soft underneath me when I landed. My ears rang.  
I sat up. The pain quickly faded. All my injuries began to knit back together, including the old ones. I was left extremely scarred but unhurt.  
“Lily?”  
She was sprawled out next to me. Her tattered overalls were soaked in blood.  
“Lily?!”  
She sat up. I got up and ran over to her. She was bloody and scarred like me, but okay.  
“I thought I’d lost you. Oh god. Lily, thank fuck you’re okay.”  
She held onto me tightly. I held on just as tight. There was a note of uncertainty in her voice.  
“Jack? Where are we?”  
I stood up and gently set her down. A soft, feminine voice answered her question.  
“This is your victory lap. You’ve saved the world. Now, you can rest for a while.”  
It was a voice that was so familiar, but one I hadn’t heard in so long.  
“S… Sabine? Is it really you? Not a trick?”  
“Yeah, J. It’s me.”  
I looked up and saw her. She was wearing a thin white dress. The same one she was wearing the day we had our first kiss. She was haloed in light, and I’d never seen her so radiant.  
Sabine walked to me and wrapped her arms around me, pressing her face into my chest. Tears stung my eyes.  
I looked over at Lily. She was kneeled down again, crying. A woman who I easily recognized as her mother, Katherine, held her in a warm embrace and stroked her hair. She was short, with dark hair and tired eyes, but the look on her face was one of relief. They were both in tears.  
“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Lily cried. I was sure it was the only thing she could manage to say.  
“You did so good, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you. You saved the world, my sweet baby.”  
She sat there with Lily, holding her and stroking her hair. She was telling her what a good job she did and how proud of her she was.  
I turned and saw another familiar face. It was old and wise. It didn’t look as tired as it had the last time I’d seen it. His salt and pepper hair was now a dark brown. His wrinkles had reduced to crows feet.  
“You did good, kid.”  
“Tom?”  
He reached out and patted my shoulder. Sabine was still clinging to my side.  
“I couldn’t be prouder of ya. You’re a real hero.”  
I wiped the tears that were running down my face away. Lily was talking to Meredith. She was sitting next to her, holding her hand.  
“And then he said ‘but this will!’ and he cut her into pieces!”  
Both of the little girls collapsed into a fit of giggles. For a second, I’m barraged by seemingly unrelated information. Meredith had something important to tell her. But Lily would fall asleep, and she wouldn’t get the chance. I listened in more as Lily told the story of the fight with Hekate.  
Hearing Lily talk about Jerry made a tight pain build in my chest.  
“Sabine?”  
She looked up at me, her green eyes shining.  
“Yes, J?”  
“Where is Jerry? Shouldn’t he be here?”  
She was quiet for a moment.  
“Jerry isn’t meant to be here, Jack.”  
I swallowed hard. _Did that mean he was in..._  
“What is that supposed to mean?”  
She paused again.  
“You’ll find out soon enough.”  
I sighed. I knew I wasn’t gonna get a better answer than that.  
Lily was telling her story to an audience of her mother, her brother, and Meredith. Roger had her nose pinched between his thumb and forefinger and was shaking her head back and forth. He was happy to see her. It was a gesture of love in that way that only petulant big brothers can express. It reminded me of some of my foster brothers.  
“C’mon, don’t make me sound like Squidward!”  
I couldn’t help but wonder where her father was.  
“Jack.”  
That answered my question.  
I turned towards him. He was a tall, tired-looking man with unkempt brown hair and brown eyes. Both of her parents looked so world-weary. I could only hope that Lily’s life could be normal now and that they could rest easy.  
“Oh… you’re Lily’s father. I-It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Madwhip.”  
“Please, you can call me John.”  
“Oh, okay. I’m Jack. But you already know that I think.”  
He looked over at Lily.  
“That’s my little girl, you know. I wasn’t the best to her in life. I try and protect her as much as I can now, but it’s hard when you can’t even so much as pull a blanket around her shoulders when she’s cold.”  
He looked back at me. There were tears in his eyes.  
“Take care of her, Jack, won’t you? Don’t be like me. Please keep her safe.”  
I nodded. John smiled and nodded in return.  
“Thank you.”  
He went over and joined the rest of his family. I could see the tears of joy running down Lily’s face.  
I wished that she could be this happy always. But I knew we wouldn’t be here forever.  
“Jack!”  
I blinked away the tears and saw Lily waving me over.  
“Come over here!”  
I looked around.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Of course!”  
And so I joined them, Sabine and Tom following me. We whittled the hours away there together, just enjoying being in the company of those we loved again.  
But we both knew that someone was missing._


	53. I'm Lily Madwhip and This is My Favorite Still Life

I’m standing on a sidewalk.   
I look around. I’m in a big city. I see cars going by and hear city noises. There are no people around, though. It’s like a city of ghosts. The buildings reach up to the sky. I can see the sky again! It’s so blue and pleasant, and clouds drift lazily by.  
I feel taller. I look up at my reflection in the glass doors. I _am_ taller. I’m wearing fancy high heels that look like black snakes are slithering up my ankles. I’m also wearing a pretty dark blue dress with sunflowers printed on it. It’s short, and you can see my shoulders. I’ve got lots of bracelets on my wrists and a necklace with a little glass pendant. It’s green, like a Sprite bottle. I’ve got on a big black hat with a wide brim. My hair is a lot longer, and my face has makeup on it. I’m wearing earrings that have silver eyes on them. _I don’t even have my ears pierced yet._  
Someone drew an eye on my forehead to match my earrings. There’s a paintbrush tucked behind my ear. It’s stained with a bunch of different colors.  
I’m an adult. That much is easy to see.  
I have a strong urge to go inside these glass doors. So I open the door and go inside. My jewelry jingles as I walk. I’m scared that I’m gonna fall in these heels, but I can walk in them just fine. I do a little twirl, and my dress puffs up like a flower.  
As I walk in, I find myself whistling a tune. It’s one of the songs from Puff The Magic Dragon. I haven’t watched that since I was tiny.   
I look around. This is an art museum, but it’s not like any I’ve seen in pictures. There are big windows and tons of sunshine, and the paintings look so familiar.  
The first painting I come to is a possum. It’s sleeping in the morning light shining out of a window. He’s fat and happy-looking.  
“Mr. Possy!” I cry.   
The colors are so lovely. It looks like if I reached out, I’d be able to touch his soft fur.  
I stand and admire it for a minute, and then I move down the corridor. I pass by a beautiful still life of a field of wild violets. I stop and turn back to get a closer look.  
I see Benji, sitting in the middle. Tiny violets are threaded into his hair. He’s smiling, and his eyes are closed.  
I keep going. Next, I come to a painting of a flock of birds. They’re flying against an evening sky. The clouds are orange and pink and purple. Leading their flock is Meredith and me. We’re flying off into the wild pink yonder with the birds.   
I lean in close and look at the little plate under the painting.  
 _Lilybird_  
I feel my eyes water a little. For a second, I don’t feel as alone. I keep going.   
There’s another painting. It’s got darker colors. It’s me, but little Lily. I’m sitting around a campfire, and next to me is Roger and a kangadeer. The kangadeer is making a funny face, and we’re laughing.  
I keep going. There’s one more painting before the corridor opens up into a big room.   
It’s a road, covered with lonely cars. The sky is red. There are little white explosions in the sky above. Rita is turned around, wings spread up towards the sky. It looks like her six eyes are staring right at me.   
I’m almost a little surprised when the ground doesn’t start shaking, and she doesn’t come bounding out at me.   
I touch the little nameplate.  
 _Starburst_  
I wonder to myself who could’ve done paintings so lovely.   
I walk into the big room. There’s a wall in the middle of it.   
Around the room are many different paintings, but I don’t get the chance to look at them. Someone is standing in front of the wall.   
She’s not as bright as the last time I saw her. Her armor is gone, and she’s just wearing a long, golden gown. It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. It looks like it was sewn out of sunlight. Her eyes don’t shine as harshly, but the light spilling out of them is warm and fills up the room. Her wings move slowly as if swayed by a breeze. Her gold hair spills out over her shoulders like a waterfall. She turns and looks at me, and her smile is gentle. I let out a choked sob.   
Having her look at me like this makes me feel truly seen for the first time.   
It’s Gabriel, the Messenger Angel.   
“Lilian Madwhip.”  
I move to her side.   
She gestures to the two paintings in front of her.  
In the middle of both of them is me. On the left, Mom and Dad and Roger are behind me. They look really happy, and Mom and Dad each have a hand on my shoulder. Behind us is Paschar, his wings still spread out around the four of us. His smile is soft and caring. I feel a twinge on my heart when I think about Paschar. He knew I was gonna be a sacrifice ever since I was born. That’s what Samael said. I don’t know if it’s true, but it hurts anyway.  
On the right is me. I’m older, Roger’s age, I think. I have a laugh on my face and behind me are Jack and Jerry. Mr. Possy is snuggled comfortably into my arms, a lot fatter than he was the last time I saw him. Jerry is telling a joke, and Jack is grinning.  
 _I miss Jerry._  
Behind us is Rita, grinning a sharp-toothed, raccoony grin. Her wings are spread out around us, just like Paschar’s were.  
There’s one question burning in my mind. I turn and look at Gabriel.  
“Who painted these?”  
Her smile widens, and my soul feels full and light.   
“You painted these, Lily. Every painting in this room was lovingly brought to life by your steady hand.”  
 _Really? I didn’t even think my still lifes were that great._  
“You will be the artist of your generation— a modern Van Gogh. This is what lies in your future. I am here to give you this vision and a message.”  
I can’t help but feel a little scared. The last time I got a message from an angel in my dreams, my parents and Meredith were dead. That was Megatron who told me that, but he looked like my principal. Gabriel just looks like Gabriel.  
“Rest assured, I come bearing no apology, Lilian. Instead, I bring you a message of overwhelming gratitude.”  
She takes my hands.   
“All of Heaven and Earth is in your debt, Lily. You and Jack are truly heroes for all of humanity. We have seen to it that your valiant deeds do not go unrewarded.”  
For a second, I can hear all the angels. They’re singing choruses of hallelujah, celebrating in earnest.  
“I must return to my watch now. Take some time to look around. You could see this museum as a still life of what lies in store for you, little one.”   
I felt sick when Samael called me little one. But with Gabriel, it makes me feel warm and loved. She leaves through the long corridor. I follow her advice and journey around the room, admiring the gorgeous art that I’ll paint.   
Someone shakes me out of my dream. And then I understand just what reward Gabriel had been intending.


	54. Gains and Losses at the Gas Station

I wasn't sure how long we had stayed in whatever realm that was supposed to be. I didn't even remember when we said our goodbyes to the friends there. That place could've been Heaven, but with the angels I'd had the displeasure of meeting so far, I wasn't sure Heaven would be that nice.  
All I knew was that we had been there, and then I was waking up behind the counter at the gas station.   
I rubbed my eyes and looked outside. The sky was a deep black, filled with stars. It was a massive shift from the sickening red I'd been so accustomed to over our journey. The dark seemed endless, and it nearly moved me to tears. I wanted to run out and dance in the parking lot, but now wasn't a time for celebration. This victory wasn't without its price.  
I felt stiff and sore all over, but at the same time, I felt more rested than I had in a very, very long time. I stretched and cracked my neck before taking a good look at my surroundings. The gas station was in its usual state of disorder. Three lawn gnomes stood next to the back hallway. I'd seen them just about everywhere, but never so neatly arranged out in the open. I inspected the area behind the counter, finding nothing of note— only the same old gas station. But it wasn't the same old gas station. My eyes fell on the employee schedule on the wall, and I felt like someone had just thrown a brick full-speed into my stomach.  
Jerry's name scribbled out in flowy handwriting in the pink glitter pen he kept just beneath the register had never been something I paid attention to before. Now that I knew I would never get to see it again, I suddenly couldn't tear my eyes away from it.   
I managed to look away before my grief could consume me. I scanned over the gas station. Lily was asleep in the booth, her body curled in around itself. She looked fragile, like a rabbit exhausted from the hunt. After seeing her so brutally killed only hours ago, watching her chest rise and fall slowly was pure relief.   
She'd been through so much. She'd saved the world. I couldn't have done that at nine years old.   
I took off my jacket and walked towards her. I gently lifted her head, slipping the rolled-up jacket underneath it. She rolled over and muttered something about painting before going back to sleep.   
I sat down next to her for a minute. That's when I realized something. Then again, realize wasn't the right word. I knew all along.   
Amy had told me before that Lily wasn't my daughter. Legally, that was true. But who cares about legality? Was anything that happened at this gas station legal? Was anything that happened in our lives legal? As far as I was concerned, Amy couldn't have been more wrong.   
Although Lily had come into the gas station only a short while ago, I couldn't imagine not having her around. Besides, this month had felt like a year.   
For a long time, I would imagine what it would be like to have a family, but I knew it wouldn't happen. I would be dead before it could even be an option, and I knew fertility was one of the first things to go with my disease. Once I came to the staggering realization that I wasn't knocking on Death's door, I had come to the conclusion that I would be a terrible dad.   
Genetics were against me, even now. Besides, I wouldn't even put myself in charge of a housefly, much less a child.  
But with Lily, it was different. She had a lot of her own damage and issues, but something about her clicked. She was weird, just like me— just like everything and everyone else in my life. She fit. I wasn't afraid of the idea that I would be a terrible parent for her. What I was afraid of now was that I wouldn't get the chance.   
I'd only just decided to go to the storage closet and get her a packing blanket when I heard it. It sounded like something falling off a shelf and shattering. Lily whined but didn't wake up.  
I quickly went behind the counter and grabbed Ricardo. The gnomes by the back hallway suddenly made sense. _After all we'd just been through, what could it possibly be now? Couldn't we catch a break?_  
I crept towards the storage closet before noticing a scent hanging in the air. It was as familiar as the scent of the gas station. It was ingrained into my clothes and into my house and into my car and into my brain and into my heart. It surrounded me like thick morning fog, and I felt myself start to warm up. It was hope. It was happiness.  
 _It was fresh cigarette smoke._  
I threw open the storage closet door.   
It took me a second to process what I was seeing, and when I did, I couldn't stop the smile from coming.  
It was a sight that has caused me endless annoyance before. Seeing him sprawled out in that goddamn hammock when he was supposed to be working, filling the whole closet with smoke, leaving me coughing for days. But now, annoyance was far, far away. Jerry stared at me with wide eyes and more than a little confusion, and I couldn't think of a time where I had been happier to see him.   
I didn't say anything at first. I wasn't sure I would have been able to without my voice cracking. I just looked at him. We held eye contact for who knows how long, until eventually, Jerry tried to move and fell off the hammock and onto his ass. He stared up at me dumbly.  
"No," I said. It was all I could force out through the lump in my throat.  
"No?" He asked.  
"No," I replied.  
He looked away and took a puff off his cigarette, a defeated look in his eyes. I watched him blow the smoke out of his pretty lips, and I found my voice properly.  
"No," I tell him, "I'm not gonna mess up. Not this time."  
He looked back up at me.   
"Listen, Jack I—"  
"No. Let me finish what I was trying to tell you in the Veil. Before things go wrong and I lose my chance or mess up again."  
He stayed quiet, eyes glued to me. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a toothpick.  
"I love you too. I think I have for a while now. I've just been afraid. I was afraid I would do something wrong, afraid you wouldn't feel the same way, afraid I would lose you. I lost you anyway, though, and it hurt so much more that I never got to tell you. I screwed up too many chances before. I'm not losing any more time. I love you, Jerry."   
The minute the words left my mouth, I felt relieved, as if someone had lifted a house off my shoulders. Jerry stood up. When he got closer to me, I could see tears welling up in his eyes.   
He threw his cigarette down and ground it out on the storage closet floor. At any other moment in time, I would've gotten pissed off. But right now, there was no room in my brain to give a damn.   
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that, Jack."   
"Well, there it is. What do we do now?"  
"Well, we should probably shower and get lots of therapy after everything we just went through. But before all of that, I have something really important I have to do."   
"What?"   
Jerry looked at me like the answer was the most obvious thing in the entire world. Then he took a step closer to me, and I realized that it was.   
"Oh."   
"Yeah, oh," Jerry gave me a big dopey smile and then moved in closer to me.   
He put a hand on either side of my face, and now we were only about an inch apart. He didn't close the gap though, he just lingered there, like he wasn't sure if he should continue.   
The air in the tiny closet was so tense, and I could practically hear my own heartbeat through the silence. I could so easily have just leaned in, but I didn't. I wasn't afraid at all, not this time. I just wanted to savor the moment.   
"This isn't a dream, right? Because I'm going to be really upset if I wake up, and this never happened."   
"It's not a dream, Jerry."   
"Thank god. Because if it is, I'm gonna have to find Mr. Sandman and give him a double-decker knuckle sandwich."  
I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips.   
"I love you, Jerry."   
He didn't say it back. He didn't have to. I knew it already. If I hadn't, the way that he pressed his lips softly to mine would have been all that I needed to figure it out.   
It wasn't a perfect kiss, far from it. I didn't want a perfect kiss. I wanted Jerry to kiss me. I wanted it to be a little weird and taste a bit funny. If it was the best kiss on Earth, it wouldn't have been Jerry.  
It was imperfect, which was perfect for us.   
Jerry pulled away from me, looking like he was on Cloud Nine. I was sure I looked the same way.   
"Forget showers. You have to brush your teeth. You smell like nine packs worth of Marlboros."   
Jerry let out a loud laugh. I did my best to try and look wholly grossed out, but I doubt it was convincing.   
"Yeah, well, it's probably been about nine packs since I last got the chance to brush my teeth. Plus, I probably went through almost a full pack since I've been here. Also, I kind of died. And we aren't forgetting showers. No offense, dude, but you reek."   
I rolled my eyes at him, but there was no ire behind it. That came when I fully registered his words.   
"Wait, Jerry, how long have you been sitting in here?!"   
"I dunno. Long enough to smoke a whole pack."   
"That's too long, Jerry! Why didn't you leave? It would have been nice to wake up not thinking you were dead."   
Jerry's face took on a pained expression. He let out a low sigh and shrugged.   
"Honestly? I kinda thought I was in Hell. Or at least a ghost. I didn't wanna leave and see a bunch of fire and brimstone. Or worse, leave and find out you couldn't see me. Honestly, that would be just as bad as Hell. Maybe worse. I figured I would have a smoke and then leave. Then I had a lot of smokes. After I started the third one, I decided to wait until they were out before facing my fate. You came in when I was on the last one. Pretty great timing, Jackrabbit."   
"Jerry, I— I cannot believe you," I said.   
He pouted and opened his mouth to make what was surely a brilliant and witty comeback, but I didn't let him.  
I just pulled him in and pressed our lips together again.   
He was absolutely ridiculous, but I couldn't help myself.  
As we walked out of the storage closet, Jerry grabbed my hand, interlocking our fingers.   
"You're gonna have to brush your teeth before I do that again."  
"Fair enough. Hey dude, check it out."  
I raised an eyebrow.  
"What?"  
"You just came out of the closet!" Jerry said enthusiastically.  
I tried my best to hold it in, but I failed. Jerry looked proud that he'd made me laugh.   
"I guess I did."   
"And you're holding my hand."   
"Also true."   
The smile on Jerry's face was the brightest thing I had ever seen. I returned it, and we walked over to the booth where Lily was sleeping. Jerry looked down at her and cooed.   
"Look how adorable she is, drooling all over your jacket!"   
She was, in fact, drooling on the jacket. I had to wash it anyway, so it didn't bother me.  
"I think you should be the one to wake her up, Jerry."  
Jerry nodded and then leaned over and gently shook Lily's shoulder.   
She shifted, opening her eyes for a moment before almost closing them and falling asleep again. But after a second, they shot open, and there was a look of shock on her face.   
"Hey, Lilypad! Listen, I know you just woke up. But I have to ask you something very serious," He paused for dramatic effect before continuing.   
"How much do I owe the swear jar again? If I remember correctly, it was a hell of a lot, and that bastard isn't gonna let me get away with not paying."   
Lily didn't bother answering him. She just launched out of the booth and threw her arms around his neck.   
"JERRY!"  
He wrapped her up in a bear hug, practically squeezing the life out of her.   
"That's my name, kiddo!"   
She pulls away and looks at him with watery eyes.  
"I thought you were—"   
"Nah, nothing can keep this guy down. Besides, I can't leave you alone with Jack. You'd never eat a proper breakfast again. You'd eat nothing but gas station burritos until you were 21, and you'd be 5'4"."   
I scoffed, even though I knew he was probably right to some extent. Lily looked at me then, and she untangled one arm from around Jerry and held it out to me. I wasn't much of a hugger, but I would never have been able to say no to her. I leaned in, and the three of us stood there huddled together. It was the happiest the gas station had probably ever been.   
I could see that Lily was crying, but I wasn't worried about comforting her for once. The smile on her face made it pretty clear that she was crying out of joy rather than fear or pain. It was good. It was the kind of crying she deserved after so much suffering.   
Jerry was crying too. It was a little hard to tell which sounds were him laughing and which were him crying, but they were both coming from the same place of pure elation. And if a few tears managed to slip from my eyes too, well, that's nobody else's business.   
Our group hug was interrupted by a gruff voice from the back hallway.   
"Not to interrupt a sweet moment here, but just to check, you all stopped the end of the world, right? Sky's back to normal, but I know that doesn't always mean anything." Benji asked.  
We separated from each other, and Jerry gave Benji a triumphant grin and a thumbs up.   
"Damn right we did!"   
"Good, I was getting tired as hell of looking after this."   
He walked over to us and then reached into his pocket. We all knew what he was about to pull out before he even did. The screaming was a pretty clear indicator.   
"MR. POSSY!" Lily shouted, reaching out to hold him.   
When the possum was in her arms, he made an entirely new sound. It was almost like he was purring. And then, true to form, he let out a horrendous scream.   
"I missed you too!" Lily told him before cuddling him close to her chest.   
I looked at Benji, and for a split second, it looked like he was smiling. The expression went as quick as it came.   
"You have any idea how bad that thing smells? It's like death." Benji said.   
It was hard to believe he was actually annoyed. There was no real malice in his voice.   
Lily's head shot up when he spoke again, and she handed Mr. Possy to Jerry. I looked at Jerry, but he just shrugged.   
Lily got down and started looking around underneath the booth before she stood up again. She was clutching Violet, and she smiled as she walked the gun over to Benji. I didn't know how she got it back, but I wasn't going to question it.   
"Here, thanks for letting me take her. She was a lot of help," Lily told him.   
Benji didn't say anything. He just took the gun from her hands and looked it over. After a thorough inspection, he nodded and then handed the weapon back to Lily.   
"Keep her. It looks like you took good care of her, plus you saved the world. I think you've earned her."   
Lily looked up at him with big excited eyes.   
"Really?!"   
He nodded again. I didn't know how well-advised it was to let a nine-year-old child keep a shotgun, but I didn't have the heart to take it from her. Lily looked like she was ready to start jumping up and down, but she didn't. Thankfully Benji had taught her proper safety when holding a weapon. She very gingerly set it down on the booth table, and not a minute later, I saw Rosa's little green Beetle roll up to the gas station.   
I was happy to see both Rosa and O'Brien step out looking relatively unharmed. They looked a little disheveled, but they were all in one piece. They were talking to each other as they walked towards the building. I couldn't make out any of what they were saying, but Amy was smiling at Rosa and watching her like she was talking about the most interesting thing in the world. They were both bruised but alive. It was good to see them.  
Rosa finished up their conversation as they came into the gas station, and I caught the tail end of it.  
"And I mean, I know it isn't broken completely, but I still think we should buy a new table. I mean Mittens left those scratches on it, and there was that time we spilled wine on it, and it's— there you guys are!"  
I smiled at them and gave a little wave.   
"Here we are. You guys okay?"   
Rosa nodded, giving me a bright smile in return.   
"Yeah! Things got a little bumpy, but nothing the two of us couldn't handle, right Ames?"  
Amy nodded, and I noticed that they were holding hands just before they let go.  
"I assume you three managed to save the world? What with the sky being back to normal and the monsters being gone and all." Amy asked.  
"Yeah. Lily's the real hero here, though. We couldn't have done it without her."  
Lily walked over when she heard her name, and Amy gave her a look of approval.   
"So, you saved the world?" She asked her.   
Lily nodded.   
"I couldn't have done it without Jack, though. We were a team."  
"You seem like a pretty decent team if you can end an apocalypse like that. But don't undersell yourself. You're a real hero."   
Lily was practically bursting with pride when Amy told her that. It was true. Lily really was a hero. She had done more than any kid her age should have had to, and yet she was still here grinning like she couldn't have been any happier.   
"I don't know where I'd be without Jack and Jerry. Probably in the belly of a roo-garoo or still stuck in a—"  
Before Lily could finish her thought, the sound of a siren filled the air. She had turned ghost white.  
We all looked up to see a police cruiser and a grey SUV pull into the lot. Everyone grew uneasy. I looked over to Amy, and she shrugged.  
"I didn't call for anybody to show up here."   
I felt dread pool in my stomach. I knew that nobody here had called the police, and Amy said she hadn't either. That meant somebody else put in a call, and there weren't many reasons that anybody in this town would do that. Only one came to mind.   
The officer stepped out of the cruiser, and then a young woman stepped out of the SUV shortly after. She was tall and thin with long black hair. She was wearing business casual, and she had a clipboard in her hand.   
I swallowed. They both came into the store. O'Brien immediately pulled the deputy aside, and they went outside to talk.  
The woman came over to me and introduced herself as Sadashi Abiko, a social worker from the New Orleans area.   
I tried my best to not panic as I introduced myself.   
"Oh um, Jack Townsend."  
I wasn't sure what else to say. I didn't want to be rude, but talking to a social worker was the last thing I wanted to do. I felt nauseous just thinking about what I could possibly say to her. There was only one reason she was here, and we all knew what it was. I lost my voice. But I didn't have to say anything. because she took the lead.   
"Now, I want you to know that we aren't pressing any charges. Lily looks just fine if a little dinged up. But given her history, I was expecting that. There were some allegations made, but I'm familiar with how misinformation can spread in small towns like this. From what I've seen and what I'm seeing now, they're pretty baseless accusations."   
My head was already starting to spin, and she'd only spoken a few sentences. On the one hand, I was relieved that she wasn't pressing charges, but on the other, I was more than a little pissed at the idea that any _allegations_ had been made. But I wasn't too surprised by it. There was a lion's share of rumors about me. This was just the cherry on top of the shit-cake.   
"Accusations?" I asked.   
I wasn't sure I actually wanted an explanation, but morbid curiosity got the best of me.   
Sadashi waved her hand dismissively and gave me a bright smile. It may have been nicer to see were we in different circumstances.   
"Nothing to worry about. I'm not here to attack you or listen to rumors. I'm just here to make sure Lily ends up back where she belongs."  
I fought the frustration. I wasn't in any sort of trouble, and I didn't want to complicate that by getting overly emotional. But no matter how I fought it, those words were a slap to the face.   
_She's already where she belongs. She belongs here._  
I looked back at Lily. She was as silent as a church mouse. I think we all were. Outside, I could hear a heated argument between O'Brien and her deputy.   
"Actually," Sadashi's words caught my attention again.   
"I want to thank you. It looks like you've done a good job looking after Lily. I'm not sure how she turned up here, but from what I've read in her file, she'd been dealt a bad hand in life. She seems happy around you, though. You must have done quite a number on her."   
I knew that this was just her softening the blow before she delivered it. Maybe it was sincere, but that didn't change the fact that she was about to explain that she would have to take Lily away.   
Just as expected, the next thing she did was give a sympathetic smile.   
"I hate to do this, it seems like you've gotten to be close to Lily, but I have to relocate her."   
Those words were the concrete blocks that sunk me down to the bottom of the ocean.   
Whatever foolish hope that might have been hiding somewhere in the back of my min shriveled and died.   
After everything we'd been through— after we'd defeated a cosmic super-deity hellbent on ending the world in pain and agony —this was the one beast we couldn't slay.   
I had dealt with the powerful and supernatural, and I'd gotten way too familiar with my own mortality and imminent death.  
But now was the first moment where I truly felt totally and completely powerless.   
The room was as still and quiet as death, and then a whimper cut through the silence. Lily sat at the booth table, staring out into nothingness. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, but she was barely making a sound.  
Sadashi turned her attention away from me over to Lily. She walked over to the booth table and crouched down in front of her.   
"Lily, it's going to be okay. I know it was scary being in the home last time, but I'm going to make sure you end up somewhere where you'll be much more comfortable, alright? It's going to be okay."   
Lily didn't respond. She didn't even look at Sadashi. It was like she wasn't even there.   
Sadashi sighed and stood up, then she turned to me. The smile she gave me was a little strained.   
"She's obviously been through a lot. Think you can talk to her? She seems to like you."   
She was really asking me to try and comfort her like that? Telling me that I was good with her and she liked me? She and I both knew full well that she was going to take Lily away after this. It felt almost cruel.   
I walked over to Lily anyway. I hated seeing her upset.   
I crouched down in front of her and waited. After a moment, she looked at me. She wasn't looking through me the way she'd looked at Sadashi. She acknowledged me, even if she didn't say anything.   
"Lily?" I said softly.   
I waited for her to reply. When she did, I felt my heart break a little.   
"I don't want to leave, Jack."   
"I know. It's gonna be okay, though. We'll figure something out. We always do."  
I tried not to let her see just how unsure I was of those words.  
She went quiet again, and then she threw her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her for a second before pulling away again.   
"Let's save the big hugs for goodbye, okay? This isn't goodbye yet."   
She sniffled and nodded at me before walking with me over to Sadashi. I was grateful that Lily wasn't looking at me anymore. I didn't want her to see the tears starting to well up in my eyes. I crammed everything I was feeling into the vault.  
"Alright, Lily. I think we should get your things together," Sadashi said to her.  
Lily nodded solemnly, and then her eyes darted over to the table where Violet was resting. I knew what she was thinking. I didn't need a psychic connection to her for that. She wasn't going to be able to take Violet with her.   
Sadashi followed Lily's eyes and raised an eyebrow when she saw the shotgun. She didn't get time to ask any questions before Benji reached over and picked it up off the table.   
"Sorry, that's mine. We were going to have a little target practice but, maybe some other time," He said. His voice didn't betray for a second that he was lying.   
He looked at Lily and winked. It was quick, and I doubt that Sadashi noticed it, but Lily did. A tiny smile crept onto her face for just a moment before her lips returned to a frown. Then Lily turned and actually looked at Sadashi for the first time since she arrived.   
"All of my stuff is at h—" Lily started, but she cut herself off.   
She was on the verge of tears yet again. I could physically see her breath caught in her chest.  
"At Jack's house."   
"Okay, well, why don't we go and get your things, then we can say our goodbyes? How does that sound?"   
Lily just nodded and stood up. Then she looked to Jerry, who was still standing to the side holding Mr. Possy.   
Sadashi noticed the possum cradled in Jerry's arms with a little collar around its neck and frowned. It wasn't a frown of irritation, rather one of pity.   
"I'm sorry, Lily, but we won't be able to take your… pet with us."   
Lily didn't really look too surprised by this development, just a lot sadder.   
Jerry walked over to her, and for the first time since Sadashi and the deputy had shown up, I got a good look at his face.   
He did an excellent job of hiding it in front of Lily, but I had never seen a faker smile on his face. I knew him. He was breaking down.  
His smile widened when he crouched down in front of Lily. Somehow it made it sadder.   
"Don't you worry, I'll take good care of him for you. I won't let Jack throw him out any windows. I know he's been daydreaming about it."   
And then, to cap off what was already a very obviously painful interaction, Mr. Possy let out the saddest, most pitiful whimper I'd ever heard any animal make.  
Lily scratched him behind the ears. He licked at her fingers and whimpered again.  
"I'm gonna miss you too, buddy," Lily said, her voice breaking.  
Lily turned away quickly. She wiped her eyes and did her best to keep it together. It wasn't the best attempt, but nobody else was exactly keeping things together well. The gas station felt like a gravesite with how many of us were crying or trying not to cry. The vault wasn't doing its job.  
"Come on, Lily, let's go get your things."   
Lily followed behind Sadashi as she walked to the door, but she paused before opening it.   
"Actually, why don't you get in the car. I'd like to talk to Jack a little more."   
Lily did what Sadashi said and made her way outside to the grey SUV parked right next to my Nissan. Jerry pulled the keys to the Nissan out of his pocket and looked at me.   
"I'll uh, I'll go get the car started up. We can lead the way back to the house."   
His smile had dropped off almost as soon as Lily couldn't see him anymore. He was trying to hold it together for her, but he couldn't keep up the act when it was just us.   
I nodded at him, and he made his way outside. I saw him take a shaky breath before pushing open the doors and heading to the car.   
Sadashi glanced over at Rosa and Benji, and the two of them got the hint that she wanted to talk to me alone. They left pretty quickly. Rosa went outside to her own car, and Benji returned to his tent, Violet clutched tightly in his grip and a solemn look on his face. _Was he crying?_  
Once it was just the two of us, Sadashi turned her full attention to me.   
"I can see that this is hard on you. I just want you to know that there are channels you can go through. I would be more than happy to help you look at your options. I want Lily to be safe and happy. I think she is with you."   
I shook my head and looked down at the ground. I couldn't make eye contact. The pity I would see in her eyes would have been too much. There were cracks in the foundation. I couldn't bear to let it all out, but I knew that soon I'd have no choice.  
"I've looked into some of it already, but… I really don't have the money for that kind of thing," My voice started to break as I said it aloud.   
I don't know how it wasn't obvious, what with my cheap clothes and the nametag pinned on my chest. I wish she hadn't said anything at all.  
Sadashi didn't say anything else. After a quiet and tense moment, she pressed a small card into my hand.   
It had her name on it, along with an email address and a phone number.   
"Well, if anything changes, let me know," Her voice was soft when she said it like you'd talk to a wounded dog.  
I nodded and placed the card in my pocket. I didn't say anything to Sadashi. There was nothing left to say, and no strength in me left to say it.  
She gave me one last sad smile before making her way outside.   
I stood alone in the gas station for a few minutes after that, trying my best to push away the feelings that were trying to force their way out. I didn't want to be falling apart when I said goodbye to Lily. I didn't want our last moment to be full of pain. She didn't deserve that.   
I looked around, trying to find something to take my mind off the tears building in my tear ducts. In the distance, I saw a silhouette standing just beyond the treeline. It was tall and glowing a vibrant green.   
Rita and I made eye contact. She stood there for a moment before looking at the ground. She shook her head and turned, running off deeper into the woods.   
A sob broke through. It was choked, and I did my best to force it back before another one escaped. The cracks grew larger. I took deep breaths until I was confident enough in my ability to not completely break down and then walked out to join Jerry in the car.   
He was waiting, eyes closed, and his head tilted back against the seat. I could see him mouthing something to himself, but I couldn't make out what it was.   
He didn't say anything when I got into the car. I think he knew that neither of us would be able to handle a conversation. He just gave me a half-hearted smile and then pulled out of the gas station parking lot.   
We drove in silence, the grey SUV following closely behind. I did my best to distract myself. I thought of everything except what we were on the way to the house to do. I did a decent job of it, then I looked down at the floor of the car to see that a bright blue crayon had rolled out from underneath my seat.   
"Shit," The word left my mouth before I could stop it, and a few tears forced their way out and rolled down my cheeks.   
I tried to wipe them away quickly, but Jerry had noticed already.   
He took one hand off the steering wheel and took one of my hands. It was shaking.  
"I know, Jack. I know."   
We pulled into the driveway, and the SUV pulled in behind us. I rubbed my face and took a deep breath before getting out of the car. Mr. Possy was still snuggled in Jerry's lap, being unusually quiet.   
Jerry carefully scooped him up and got out of the car, following me up to the front door. He handed me the keys, and I unlocked the top and bottom locks on the door. Lily and Sadashi left the SUV and walked over to us. We all stepped inside and slowly started to help gather all of Lily's things.   
Nobody spoke. The house was filled with only the sound of shuffling feet as we moved from room to room. We got Lily's clothes packed up and all of the drawing supplies that Jerry had gotten for her. Lily took down the couple of drawings she had taped to the walls of the guest room. She was careful to avoid tearing any of them. She looked at one that she had done of Rita for longer than any of the others and started to sniffle before quickly taking it down as well. When her things were all packed up, Jerry handed Mr. Possy over to Lily one last time. I thought he couldn't top the sound he'd made earlier, but I was wrong. He let out a little squeak, as if someone had punched him in his tiny possum heart.  
"I wish I could stay too, buddy," Lily said, her voice barely even a whisper.  
I turned to Jerry, who was watching Lily with misty eyes.   
"I'm going to go get her stuff from the living room," I said.   
I knew that if I stayed and watched her say goodbye to Mr. Possy, I wouldn't be able to keep it together. Jerry nodded at me, and I left the room. As soon as I was out of earshot, I let out a breath.   
I started to walk around the living room, gathering drawings and other various nicknacks. A few loose hair clips were scattered on the coffee table from Jerry and Lily testing out different bizarre hairstyles. It had been an experiment when Lily was worried she wouldn't be able to do anything fun with her short hair.   
I went to the bookshelf next. I took the copies of Volumes One through Three that I had edited for her off the shelf and put them with everything else. I found a few other books I thought she might like and took them too.   
After a minute, they came out of the hallway.  
"I think that's everything," Lily said quietly.  
Sadashi took the bag Lily was holding and then came over and took the one that I had.   
"I'll take these out to the car and give you three some time to yourselves."   
She walked outside, and now it was just Lily, Jerry, and me. We stood in silence for a moment, until eventually, Jerry broke it.   
"You know, you're one of my favorite people in the entire world, Lilypad."   
He managed to keep it together right up until saying his nickname for her before the tears started. A sob broke past his lips before he covered his mouth. He was fighting to keep it together, but it was a losing battle.   
He gave up and let his tears fall, scooping Lily up into a tight hug.   
"I'm gonna miss you so much, Lily," He managed to choke out.   
I'd only recently seen him get this upset.  
"I'm gonna miss you too, Jerry!"   
They held onto each other like they were life preservers, and they were both trapped in a vast ocean.   
Eventually, Jerry planted a soft kiss on the top of her head and then pulled away from her slightly.   
"You stay safe, okay? And anytime you need to tell somebody what's what, I'll be right there with you cheering you on."   
There were no jokes from Jerry now. Even Jerry's wit couldn't rescue the situation now, and he knew that.   
"I love you, Jerry."   
"I love you too, Lily."   
He pulled her into a tight hug again before finally letting go and taking a step back. He wiped furiously at his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears. It didn't do much, considering he was still crying pretty hard. His eyes had never been so red before, even when he was high.  
"Alright, I think I need a second Lilypad. I don't want to drown us. Plus, you have somebody else to say goodbye to."   
Jerry walked out the back door of the house. I could see his hands shaking as he pulled out his lighter and pack of Marlboros.   
Then it was just Lily and me. I walked over to her and took a deep breath.   
I sat down on the floor, and she followed suit, sitting across from me. We sat in silence for a moment, and I could hear Lily.  
 _'So… do you have a plan?'_  
 _Huh?_  
 _'What's the plan to rescue me?'_  
I swallowed. Of course Lily thought this was all an act in some grand rescue plan. That's the kind of thing that Jerry and I would usually do. But… that wasn't going to work this time.  
 _Lily… honey… there is no plan._  
For a moment, there was radio silence.   
_'So I really do have to leave you guys?'_  
 _I'm so sorry, Lily._  
I could hear Lily starting to sniff a little across from me, but her head was down, and I couldn't see her face.   
"You won't forget me? Right, Jack?"  
I lifted her chin so I could see her face. Seeing her watery brown eyes made me think of the Bathroom Cowboy's goat. That felt like too long ago.   
"Lily, how could I ever forget you?"  
She gave me a weak shrug in response, and I did my best to smile at her despite the pain. It was only a matter of time before I broke. I knew that now.  
"I promise. Nothing will ever make me forget you. I love you. Don't forget that."  
She looked a little surprised, but she didn't hesitate for a second to say it back.   
"I love you too, Jack."  
I couldn't hold back anymore, and I pulled her into a hug. She held onto me, and we both sat there for what felt like hours just holding each other. Lily cried softly, and I kept myself together like a tree in a tornado.  
I don't know for sure when he came back, but eventually, Jerry was right there with us, wrapping his arms around us. It was so different than the hug we shared not even two hours ago.   
It didn't last long enough. Nothing ever does.   
Before I even knew what was happening, I was outside watching Lily and the silver SUV winding away down the dirt road.   
I watched until they were out of sight, and then the vault broke. The walls I'd put up collapsed, crumbling into dust. I fell to my knees, and I didn't land right, which sent me face-first into the gravel driveway. The tears that were running out of my eyes made gravel and dirt stick to my face. Violent sobs wracked my body as I tried to pull myself up. I coughed and spit out bits of rock. This was worse than any vision Algol could've conjured. This was reality. Reality and I had never been on good terms.  
Just as I felt Jerry's slightly shaky hands underneath me, helping me up, everything began to melt away.  
I was standing in the dark, looking into the doorway of a room lit only by moonlight. There were two small beds, a window, and cinder block walls. I could hear a soft voice.   
I walked forwards, despite part of me not wanting to see any more of what this was. In the bed to the left was a small figure, curled into the fetal position.  
She'd kicked the blankets off and was laying there in the pajamas Jerry had bought for her. Her head was tucked against her knees. Her eyes were shut tight. I could hear her soft whimpers.   
"Baby mine… don't you cr-cry…"  
I moved closer to her, trying to reach out to her, to comfort her, to do anything. But I knew these things didn't work like that.  
"Baby m-mine… dry your e-eyes…"  
She let out a small hiccup and gripped onto her ankles tighter. At that moment, I understood her frustration. She thought if she wished hard enough, she could make me appear. But we both knew that it didn't work like that.  
Then I was standing in the driveway again. It felt like someone had thrown me off a cliff, but I never hit bottom. I just kept falling and falling and expecting the crash, but it never came.   
Jerry was hanging onto me, keeping me upright. I was still sobbing, and I turned my face into Jerry's chest to try and block out what I had just seen.   
I couldn't help but think about Lily's last desperate request to not be forgotten.   
_How long until my brain betrayed me?  
How long until it all slipped away like everything else did? How long until I unwillingly lost the seconds, minutes, hours I'd spent with Lily?_  
Jerry was trying to comfort me. I could hear him talking, but I couldn't make it out through his own crying.  
The first sound to register to me through the tears was tires on gravel. For a split second, I felt hope rise up in me, a flicker in a frosted-over window of a dark winter house. I could picture the grey SUV pulling back into the driveway and Lily jumping out, but the image was ruined when I lifted my head to see Rosa's VW. I didn't have to see her to know who was driving it.   
Phrases like _one week_ and _she's not your daughter_ ran through my mind and made my deep sadness slowly burn into a manic rage.   
Before O'Brien was fully out of the car, I was scrambling to my feet. When she walked up to me, I didn't give her a chance to speak.   
"WHY?!"  
The word erupted out of my mouth like a bullet. It was all I could get out. The mix of despair and fury I was feeling was volatile. I felt like punching something and collapsing again all at the same time.   
"Jack, I know you—"  
"YOU DON'T KNOW! IF YOU KNEW THIS WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT!"   
In the past, I would never have dared raise my voice like this to Amy. I didn't have any room for self-preservation in my mind right now. I didn't care what she did or said when I was finished. I wanted her to know just how much this hurt.   
"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT! WE HAD A CHANCE TO TRY AND FIGURE SOMETHING OUT, SOME WAY FOR HER TO STAY! NOW THAT'S GONE BECAUSE YOU HAD TO GO AND—"  
When I went to take a breath, Amy stole the wind from my sails.  
"I didn't do this, Jack. I would have never done something like this to you— not after what happened."  
I wanted to believe her, but the part of me that was still seething struggled to do so.+  
"THEN HOW? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!" I asked her.   
"I talked to that deputy, and apparently, some locals saw Lily with you guys at the gas station. You know how this town is, Jack. They made some calls to the department. I don't know how they got it around me. I didn't even know it was happening until that deputy showed up today with the social worker."   
I couldn't hold onto the rage anymore. There was nobody to direct it at anyway. O'Brien was uninvolved with this whole mess, and whoever was involved wasn't around for me to tear into. I felt myself sinking away from the anger back into pure sadness.   
I looked down at my feet and then felt a hand on my shoulder.   
I looked up to see O'Brien giving me a sympathetic look.   
"I'm sorry, Jack. If I could have stopped this, I would have. I was wrong before, okay? She belongs here with you."  
"Well, it's too late for that now," I said.   
I felt utterly defeated. We had stopped the apocalypse, but my world was still coming to an end.   
O'Brien bit her lip.  
"I… let me see what I can do."   
I didn't figure there was much she could do. She was just trying to make me feel better.  
It wouldn't work. The only thing that would make things better right now was for Lily to be standing here with us.   
O'Brien talked to Jerry for a little while. I didn't listen to what they were talking about. I was lost inside my own thoughts. I gave up and surrendered myself to the ocean of moments. When I washed up on the shore, I was sitting behind the counter. I did what I was best at. I ignored it.  
I had to avoid looking at the drawing taped under the counter the entire night. Looking at it made me feel the echoes of an impending breakdown, but I couldn't bring myself to take it down. I just kept my eyes away. Eventually, Jerry showed up hours later to take me home, and I gave it one long look before leaving.


	55. I'm Lily Madwhip and I'm Making Compromises

"Give them back, Jazmin!" I shout.  
I'm all red in the face, and I'm trying not to cry. I'm not sad, but sometimes when I'm really angry, I want to cry too, and Jazmine is making me really angry.  
"No! You're just going to put them up on the walls again!"  
Jazmin is sitting on her bed on the other side of the room. Her arms are crossed, and her nose is sticking up in the air. She does that when she thinks that she's right about something. I really hate it.  
"You have your pictures on the wall!"  
"My pictures aren't creepy!"  
My drawings are stuffed under her pillow. They're getting all crinkly, and I know I'll never get them on the wall right again.  
"Yes they are! It's my room too and—"  
The door opens. It's Mr. Herald, and he doesn't look very happy. He's probably mad that he has to break up another little girl fight.  
Mr. Herald is the guy who runs this home. Or, he's one of them. It's big, and there's more than one person who runs it. He's just the person I see the most. He's tall and has dark skin and short fuzzy hair, and big brown eyes. His glasses make him look just a little like an owl, but a wise and nice owl. He's always dressed in a collar shirt and tie, and he smells like really fancy laundry detergent. He's nice to me, and I like him.  
But he's not Jack or Jerry.  
He lets out a long sigh and makes the finger-curly gesture for "come here."  
"Alright. Let's see what it's about this time."  
We both walk over and stand in front of Mr. Herald.  
"Lily, do you want to explain first?"  
"But—" Jazmin interrupted.  
"Ah ah ah, I said Lily, not Jazmin. Go ahead."  
I smile a little. Mr. Herald is always really fair to me, even if he does get tired of having to break up arguments. I don't stick my tongue out at Jazmin, even if I really want to. I don't want to lose my chance to explain by being rude.  
"Jazmin took down my pictures off the wall, and she won't give them back to me," I explain.  
Jazmin makes a face, but she doesn't say anything. She can't lie because the drawings are still under her pillow.  
Mr. Herald nods and then looks at Jazmin.  
"Okay, and why did you take down Lily's pictures?"  
"They're freaky! They scare me! I don't want to look at them!"  
"Rita's not scary!" I yell at her.  
"Is too!" She shouts back.  
"IS NOT!"  
"IS TOO!"  
"Girls!" Mr. Herald says.  
He doesn't shout it, but he says it in that voice grown-ups sometimes use when they want kids to stop shouting. He has to be loud so we can hear it, but he isn't yelling at us.  
"Jazmin, give Lily back her drawings. And when she gets back, I want you to apologize. You both need to come up with somewhere to put the drawings that will satisfy you both. You need to _compromise._ "  
I look back up at him.  
"What do you mean when I get back?"  
"I didn't come up here to break up a fight. I came to tell you that you have a phone call."  
I feel my anger fade away when he says I have a phone call. Nobody else really calls me. There isn't anybody else who would want to, so I know exactly who it is.  
"Really?! I have a phone call?!"  
"Yep, so you'd better hurry downstairs. After that, though, we're going to solve this argument. Understood?"  
"Understood!" I say, and then I push past Mr. Herald and head downstairs to the room where the phone is. He shouts something to me as I leave, but I don't really listen. I'm sure he'll repeat it later anyway.  
I get downstairs, and one of the other grown-ups who works at the group home is holding the phone, talking to the person on the other end. When she sees me, she smiles.  
"Yep, here she is now. I'll hand her the phone. You have a nice day, Mr. Townsend."  
I hear Jack's name and grab the phone out of her hands. I know that it's rude to grab things like that, but she doesn't seem upset. She just laughs and shakes her head.  
"JACK!"  
"Heyyy there, Lilypad!"  
This is the seventh time Jack's called me since I got here. I made sure to count.  
They've visited me three times. The first two times, we sit in a room with white walls and a big blue couch and one of those wire toys with the beads you slide around them. It's supposed to be for little kids, but I still like moving the beads. Sometimes another adult will come in, and they'll all use big words like "placement study" and "environmental adjustment" and "home visitation" and "application forms." I don't really know what those mean, and Paschar isn't here for me to ask him. I don't know if I want him here anyway.  
But those big words don't matter. I'm just glad they actually want to see me.  
The third time they came, I got to go back! It was only for a little while at their house, and I didn't get to go to the gas station or see Rosa or Benji or O'Brien or Rita or any of my other friends, but I did get to see Mr. Possy! Jack and Jerry had to talk to this lady in a suit a whole lot, and they used all those big words again.  
She asked me stuff too, mostly things like if Jack and Jerry treat me nicely and if I like it here. I told her that my dad told me once that home is where the heart is, and my heart is here. It's not actually here. It has to be in my body, or I'll die. But this is where my heart and the rest of my body wants to be. She got a little sniffly and patted my shoulder.  
We didn't get to spend a bunch of time together because Jack and Jerry talked a lot to her, and she had them walk her around and stuff. But Jerry made spaghetti again, and we got ice cream on the way back to the home!  
"How's it going?" Jack asks me.  
I let out a big sigh. I'm not actually upset anymore, but I know it will make him laugh.  
I'm right because he does laugh a little.  
"Let me guess, Jazmin?"  
"Yeah, she hid my drawings today! She says that they're creepy!"  
Jack is quiet for a minute.  
"Well, maybe she just isn't as brave as you."  
Hearing that makes me smile even more than I already am. I like being brave. I _especially_ like it when Jack says I'm brave.  
"Yeah, you're probably right."  
"I'm sure you'll work it out. You're good at that. Anything else interesting happening?"  
I think for a second and then start listing off a couple things.  
"Well, we got to have pizza yesterday cause it was Evelyn's birthday. There was cake too, but it was kind of meh because Evelyn can't have chocolate, and chocolate is my favorite."  
I pull the phone closer to my ear and whisper.  
"The pizza wasn't as good as Jerry's pizza, though."  
"It's kind of hard to get pizza as good as Jerry's," Jack whispers back.  
Then I hear another voice, it's a little further away, and I can't understand it.  
"Dude, give me a minute! You can talk to her—"  
Jack doesn't finish, though, because the phone gets pulled away from him.  
Now I can kind of hear the other voice, it's kind of far away, but I know who it is.  
"You hogged the phone last time! I want to talk to her! She's gonna forget my voice if you keep taking up all the time!"  
"HI, JERRY!" I yell into the phone.  
I probably don't have to yell, but I want to make sure he can hear. I'm not sure who's holding the phone, it kind of sounds like they're both holding it.  
I hear Jack swear on the other end, and then Jerry's voice is louder in my ear.  
"Hi, Lilypad! How's it going? Do you want to hear about the new trick I taught Rita?" His voice sounds really excited and happy.  
"Yes!" I say.  
"I taught her how to do a backflip. Shit is _crazy._ "  
"That's so cool! Is Jack okay, though? He used his swear for the day, you know."  
"He's fine. He's just mad that I stole the phone from him like the super cool ninja I am."  
I giggle and imagine Jerry in a ninja costume. He already has the katana for it. He could be a real-life Leonardo! Jerry and I could be ninja turtles for Halloween!  
That is if I ever get out of here. I'm starting to lose hope, though.  
"When are you guys coming back to see me?" I ask him.  
Jerry gets all quiet. I feel my stomach get all heavy.  
"Sorry! I was trying to do some math. You see, I didn't tell you this yet, but Jack and Mr. Possy are actually getting married. There's lots of planning involved in setting up the wedding, so it might be a while before we get a chance to visit. We'll try and bust you out for the wedding, though."  
I'm a little sad that he says it will be a long time, but it's hard to be too sad when I'm laughing so much. I can imagine Jack and Mr. Possy in suits, and Jerry walking Mr. Possy down the aisle. I know that Jerry is just being weird, so I won't be upset, but I'm glad. Now I can draw Mr. Possy and Jack getting married, so when they visit, I can show him and maybe make him laugh.  
_Will Jack be Jack Possy now? That sounds like a weird superhero name._  
"Jerry, can you help me figure out this W2 shit?" I can hear Jack say in the background.  
I don't know what a w too is, but it sounds complicated.  
"Yeah, dude, one second!" Jerry says.  
"Do you have to go now?" I ask him.  
I try not to sound too disappointed.  
"Yeah, sorry it was a short phone call this time, kiddo. I'll make sure the next one is extra long, okay?"  
"Okay. I miss you."  
"I miss you too, Lilybug. Jack does too. I promise you'll see us soon."  
"I love you guys."  
"We love you too, sweetheart."  
I sniffle a little when he hangs up. Mr. Herald comes back and takes me back to my room.  
When I get there, Jazmin is standing with my drawings in her hand, and she gives them back to me.  
"Now, what do you have to say, Jazmin?" Mr. Herald asks.  
"I'm sorry I took your drawings, Lily," She holds them out to me.  
They aren't as crinkly as I thought they would be. I smooth them out.  
"I'll hang them up somewhere else. Just please don't take them again."  
Jazmin nods. She rubs her foot in little circles on the brown carpet.  
"Do you… wanna play Candyland?"  
Mr. Herald smiles and nods before leaving.  
"Okay, but I wanna be purple."  
She crosses her arms.  
"I wanna be purple!"  
I sigh and remember what Mr. Herald said about compromises.  
"Okay, you can be purple."  


*******

Jazmin and I play Candyland until my eyes hurt. She even lets me be purple a couple times.  
I crawl into bed and close my eyes. Suddenly the mattress is gone.  
I'm lying on sand. I open my eyes. The moon is huge in the sky. I'm on a beach, but the sand is all black. The waves lap gently at the shore. I can see out to sea for miles.  
There are big chunks of ice all over this beach, like baby icebergs. In the distance, away from the beach, I can see big snowy mountains.  
It's really weird seeing mountains next to a beach, but I think it's cool. Also, this beach has black sand. I don't think it's dyed black either.  
I feel like I should feel cold, with all the ice and the snowy mountains, but I don't. I just feel calm. There's a breeze that makes my hair and nightgown blow a little, and I can feel my bare feet squish into the dark sand. I wiggle my toes a little, and it makes me smile. I like the way the sand feels between my toes, all soft and mushy.  
I like this beach a lot.  
I hear a voice behind me. It's familiar.  
"Lily."  
I turn around. He's sitting on a big piece of ice. He's still wearing that tattered robe, and he still has bruises. There's some weird metal thing holding his broken wing back in place. His hair is short. It's the shortest I've ever seen like someone shaved his head. His eyes glow softly like candles.  
He looks exhausted like he just ran a marathon. He's staring out at the mountains. When he turns to look at me, he makes a face like moving hurts him a lot.  
I remember that he stayed back to protect us from Hekate in the Veil. It must have been a nasty fight. Then I thought about what he looked like when we saw him in the Veil. He was already hurt pretty bad.  
"Are you okay?" I ask him.  
I still don't know how I feel about him, not after everything I learned. I didn't like seeing him in pain, though, even if I didn't like him much right now.  
"I'll heal. This is my judgment," He says.  
It wasn't an answer to my question exactly. It just gave me another question.  
"Your judgment?"  
Paschar looks up at the sky and then back at me.  
"I disobeyed the will of God."  
I really don't want to talk to him. I forgot how mad I was at him, but now I remember.  
"Was the will of God killing me?"  
Paschar gives me a sad look.  
"Samael wasn't lying, was he? You knew. You knew, and you were fine with it!"  
I feel my hands ball up into fists.  
"You knew the whole time! I trusted you, Paschar! You were just going to let me die?! What kind of guardian angel does that?!"  
I pick up a handful of black sand and fling it at him. It hits him in the cheek, and some of the sand sticks to his face. He doesn't flinch or even wipe it away.  
"Lily… "  
"You knew! Even when I was a little baby! You guys were gonna kill me! And you didn't even need to!"  
For the second time ever, I see Paschar cry. The little streams of silver drip down his face and onto the black sand.  
"I had no say in the matter, Lily. My purpose is to carry out the will of Heaven, not to question it. Doing so is what put me in this state."  
As hurt as I am, what Paschar says makes sense. I remember when he told me, "sometimes you have to do things you don't want to."  
"Is that why you were in the Veil?"  
"Yes, Lily. Think of it as… a time-out corner."  
I remember when my parents would put me in the time-out corner when I didn't eat my vegetables. I thought that was bad, but it looks like the time-out corner for angels is a lot worse. I'm not sure what to say. I think about saying "I'm sorry," but I don't. I'm really not that sorry. I'm still mad at him.  
I don't have to say anything though, Paschar keeps talking.  
"It was a blessing, in the end. Being in the Veil made it so I could be there when you needed me. I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of you, Lily. Upending a prophecy is not an easy feat."  
I just nod. Paschar keeps going.  
"I did not approve of what fate you'd been assigned. I never did. But I knew that I could not change it. All I could do was try and be a friend to you."  
He looks down at his bruised and bloody hands.  
"And even on that, I have forsaken you."  
"Well…"  
I didn't want to tell him he did a great job. He did really hurt me. Still, for a long time, he was my best friend. I decide to be honest with him.  
"You did a really shitty job."  
Paschar nods.  
"But… in the spirit of things being okay again and me not being destined to die—"  
I stop.  
"I'm not still destined to die, am I?!"  
"Not for a very long time, Lily."  
I sit down in the squishy black sand next to him.  
"Okay. Well, like I was saying. In the spirit of things being okay again… I might let you have another chance."  
"I would be incredibly grateful for such a blessing."  
"Okay. You won't be my best friend anymore, though. You'll be my sixth best friend. It's pretty low, but you can work your way up. At least you'll be higher than Jazmin."  
Paschar smiles. He's missing his two front teeth. I don't know how he doesn't have a lisp.  
I had a lisp when I lost my front teeth.  
"Lily, you are truly a hero. The bravest person I've ever met."  
"You haven't met Jack then."  
"You are both incredibly brave."  
"That's better."  
Paschar and I sit by the ocean, watching the water carry away pieces of baby iceberg.  
I shiver a little bit, and he wraps his unbroken wing around me.  
"Hey Paschar? Can I ask you something?"  
"Yes, Lily?"  
I look up at him.  
"What is a 'placement study'?"  
Paschar closes his eyes and gets a serene smile on his face. It's the kind of smile I get when I wake up on a school day, and I'm sleepy, and the bed is warm, but I know I have a field trip today.  
"Think of it like a puzzle piece, Lily. You've got to take a look at the pieces around it before you put it in place."  
I know Paschar, and I know that's the best answer I'm going to get.  
"Paschar, do you know how to talk like a normal person?"  
He laughs.  
"I love you, Lily."  
I pout. But it's nice, being here with Paschar.  
"I love you too. Even if you make me mad sometimes."  


*******

I sit up in bed, my hands closing around something smooth. I hold it up to the moonlight. Little prisms of green scatter across the room. It's a small and smooth glass pebble.  
It's green, like a Sprite bottle.  
"Lily?" Paschar says.  
"I'm here," I tell him.  
"Okay."  
"Are things gonna be okay now, Paschar?"  
"Yes, Lily."  
He doesn't hesitate for a moment, and I know he's right. 


	56. Book of Revelations

I sat next to Jerry in the car, my leg bouncing at a rapid pace. Jerry had tried more than once to tell me to relax a little, but it was no use. There was too much going on in my head to fully relax.   
"How far are we, Jerry?"   
"Not much further than we were two minutes ago, Jack,"   
Jerry sounded incredibly amused.   
I don't think he was used to seeing me like this. In truth, I wasn't used to feeling like this either.   
I sighed and let my head fall back against my seat.   
"I'm sorry I keep asking. It's just… you know."   
"Yeah, I do."   
Jerry flashed me a quick smile before returning his attention to the road.   
I did my best to stop my leg from bouncing again, but I was only still for a few seconds before I started tapping my fingers on the center console instead. I couldn't keep still. I was too anxious.  
I didn't even realize that I was doing it until Jerry reached over and stopped my hand with his own.  
"Forty minutes away," He said, and then he squeezed my hand in his.   
"Forty minutes," I repeated.   
The last month or two had dragged by like a slug in a molasses factory. Ever since that morning, when I found what I found under the counter.

*******

It was a slow morning. I was trying to keep my thoughts away from Lily, who'd only left four days ago. The wound still stung like I'd only just watched her drive away. I was in a vicious cycle of trying not to forget her and struggling to suppress the painful memories.  
I felt under the counter for my book. It had been my only saving grace.  
Every time my emotions got to be too much, I would reach for the book. I'd let my mind melt into the plot of some senseless sci-fi novel from the early 2000s. I had done it enough times at this point that I knew exactly what it felt like. So when my fingers didn't connect with the worn cover, I was thrown off.  
I still grabbed onto a book. I had held enough books in my day to know that. It wasn't my book, though. It was different. It was a sturdy hardcover instead of the cheap paperback I was expecting. The outside was smooth and glossy, and as I pulled it out, I read the title.  
 _Alice In Wonderland._  
I tried to remember if I even owned a copy of Alice in Wonderland.  
As I looked the book over, I noticed something peeking out of the top. I opened it to where the edge of what looked to be some sort of paper was poking out.  
Looking back now at all the things we'd been through, if I had to rate my level of surprise at things on a scale of one to ten, the sky ripping open would've been about an eight.  
This was a solid twelve and a half.  
The bad things never seemed to surprise me. I was always expecting them. I always knew things could and would get worse. That's why when the good things happen, it throws me off entirely.  
Nestled between pages 125 and 126 was a check made out to me for an ungodly amount of money. Underneath it, a sentence was underlined in purple pen.  
 _"But it's no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then."_  
The check was made out in messy handwriting, but it was readable enough. The signature at the bottom read "T. H. Guardian."  
On the memo line, there were just three words.  
 _Go get her._  
Behind the check was the business card I'd misplaced.  
I stared at the pieces of paper, not quite believing what I was seeing, but the second I was sure I hadn't imagined it, I called out for Jerry.  
He didn't answer right away, and soon I was practically screaming for him. I would have just gone and got him, but at that moment, I was worried I wouldn't be able to stay upright if I tried to get off my stool.  
Eventually, he came racing out of the storage closet, smoke following behind him. He ran up to me, looking panicked.  
"What is it? Are you alright? What happened?!"  
He started to inspect the area around me like he was searching for something horrific. With the typical events that take place at the gas station, I wasn't surprised. Still, I reached out and waved in his face.  
"Jerry!"  
He finally looked me in the eye instead of searching for the nonexistent threat.  
"Dude, are you crying?"  
"Just look, Jerry."  
I held the book out to him, still open to the check and the business card. He took it from me, and then after taking a good, long look at it, he very gently set the book down on the counter.  
Then he proceeded to do a cartwheel… directly into the display of pork rinds.  
I didn't even have to ask if he was okay because he picked himself up from the crash landing with the biggest smile on his face.  
Once he was standing again and had picked up the knocked-over display, he returned to the counter and picked up the check.  
"Alright, let's go!" He said.  
I shook my head. Even though I was just as eager as he was, I'd grown up in the foster system most of my life. I knew it wasn't that simple, no matter how bad I wanted it to be.  
"Jerry, you know that doing this is probably going to take a long time, right. We can't just go grab her right now. We have to do it right."  
I was trying to be logical, even though what I really wanted to do was storm the group home, throw the check at the first person I found, and then leave with our girl.  
"I know, which means we have to get started right now. Close up shop. We have more important work to do."  
I couldn't argue with that. I got up from behind the counter while Jerry turned everything off. I put up the closed sign, and we both left. 

*******

Forty minutes passed more like a few hours, and by the time we finally arrived outside the group home, I was about ready to jump out of my skin. Jerry parked the car, and I immediately reached for the door handle. I stopped when Jerry grabbed onto my shoulder.  
"What? We're here! Let's go!" I said.  
I couldn't understand why he felt the need to make us wait any longer than we already had.  
He gave me a soft smile and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.  
"You're gonna be a great dad, Jack. You already are."  
I felt my heart swell up, and I connected our mouths again. When we pulled away, I replied.  
"I'm not the only one, you know."  
Jerry was beaming. We stayed like that for a moment, just long enough for me to revel in the joy that was radiating off him. Finally, I pulled away and threw open the car door.  
"We have to get her first, though, so move your ass, Jerry!"  
He let out a loud laugh as he stepped out of the car, following me as I started to race up the steps of the group home.  
"Let's go get our girl!" 


	57. I'm Lily Madwhip and I Have a New Last Name

I pulled the blue crayon from the box. I had to finish Mr. Possy's bowtie.   
"Who's laughing?" Jazmin asks me.  
"Huh? What do you mean?"  
"Don't you hear that?"  
For a moment, I feel nervous. I grip my green Sprite stone tighter.  
"Do not be afraid, Lily," Paschar tells me.  
I nod a little in response to Paschar and to Jazmin.  
"I hear it."  
It's only the very end of it, but I catch a little. It's a loud, happy laugh. It doesn't sound like it's one of the kids at the group home, but it does sound kind of familiar.   
I give Jazmin a shrug and try to keep working on my drawing. I feel like something is off, though.   
Not off in the wrong way, like when something bad is happening. More like something good is happening, but you can't remember what. Like when I wake up excited and can't figure out why until I remember that it's my birthday.  
"Excuse me, but I'm looking for a little girl. She's about this tall, cute as a button, she saved the world not too long ago? Think you could tell me where to find her?"   
I could hear him from all the way in the front.  
"JERRY!" I yell out before I can even think about it.   
I get up and jump up and down excitedly, surprised that Jerry lied about coming to visit. Mr. Herald opens the door, smiling wide like I've never seen him smile before.  
"Lily?" He asks, looking at me.  
His smile gets even bigger when he sees me jumping up and down.   
"I know! I have visitors!"   
I start to walk to the front hallway, where I heard Jerry, but Mr. Herald puts out a hand and stops me.   
"Actually, they aren't here to visit."   
I stop and look up at him.   
"Huh?"   
"You've been adopted, Lily."  
For a moment, I feel my mouth go kind of dry.   
"What? Who adopted me?"   
Mr. Herald just keeps looking at me with that big smile, then my eyes get big.   
"Oh."   
"That's right, Lily."   
"OH!"  
Then I'm pretty sure my smile is even bigger than Mr. Herald's.   
I don't wait for even a second. I run out of the room.  
When I get down the stairs, I see them.   
Jack and Jerry are standing at the bottom, with bright smiles and open arms. It feels like I fly across the room to them. They hold me tight, and I start to cry.  
It's a good cry, though. It's the "I got a new puppy" or "I finally have a family again" kind of cry.  
I can feel tears fall onto the top of my head, and I can see that Jack and Jerry are crying a little too.   
"I missed you so much, Lily," Jack says.  
He sounds happier than I've ever heard him sound.   
"I really get to go home with you guys now?" I ask.   
I'm a little scared that somehow I didn't understand right, or maybe none of this is actually happening.   
"Yep. It took us longer than we wanted it to, but you're ours now. We aren't letting you go any time soon."   
Jerry picks me up and sits me on his shoulders. Jack fills out some stuff, and Jerry lets me play with his hair.   
He walks back with me to help me get my things. Jazmin is sitting on the bed, playing with a loose thread on the blanket.  
"Hey," I tell her, "I've got something for you."  
She raises her eyebrow, and I go over to the wall and take down the drawing of the kangadeer. She thought my drawings were creepy, but she liked this one.  
"You can have it. I'm gonna miss you."  
She smiles at me, and for the first time since I met her, she gives me a hug.  
"Don't worry. I'll call you every day. Maybe I can even come to visit! Can we Jerry?"  
"Sure, Lilypad."  
She puts the drawing up next to her bed.  
"I'd like that. Thanks, Lily."  
Jerry takes me back to the waiting room, and then we're walking to Jack's car. It still smells bad, but I don't care one bit.   
The whole drive back, we talk and laugh. I tell them all about the other kids at the group home and all the drawings I have to show them when we get to the house. Even the ones that Jazmin crinkled up a little.   
Jack and Jerry tell me about some of the weird things that happened at the gas station while I was gone, and Jerry tells me the whole story of Jack and Mr. Possy's wedding. I know that it's a made-up story, but it still makes me smile.   
It makes me smile even more when we stop at a stoplight, and Jerry turns to look at me.   
"Actually, Mr. Possy is probably going to be pretty mad."   
"How come?"   
Jerry winks at me.  
"Watch this."   
Then he gives Jack a quick kiss before the light turns green, and he starts to drive again.   
My eyes get big, and I want to jump up and down all over again.   
"Turns out you were right Lilypad, Jack does like me too."   
Jack's face was a little red, but he was smiling still. He and Jerry were holding hands now.   
"Yay! Now you can get married!"  
Jack makes a funny face. I look at Jerry, and his face is red.   
"What? You said you wanted to be married!"   
"Ooookay! Some things are still our secret, Lily."   
Jack is staring at Jerry now, and Jerry is paying really close attention to the road.   
The drive back from New Orleans is a long one. I don't remember when I fall asleep, but I remember Jerry shaking me awake.   
"Come on, kiddo, we've got to get your stuff in your new room."   
Hearing him talk about my new room makes me wide awake. I unbuckle my seatbelt and jump up out of the car. Jack is already outside, getting my bags out of the trunk. He hands one of them to Jerry, and we walk up to the house together. We stand on the doorstep, and Jerry starts to unlock all the locks.   
He pretends like he doesn't know which keys are the right ones, and it makes me laugh. Then he gets the door open. We all stop when we hear the screaming. It comes fast from down the hallway and into the living room.   
Mr. Possy climbs up my side with his little claws and latches onto my shoulder, screeching loudly.  
"I missed you too, buddy!" I tell him, petting his little head.  
I catch up with Mr. Possy as we walk inside. I tell him all about the group home, and he lets out little screams just like he's talking back.   
Then Jack and Jerry show me my new room.   
It's not exactly new. It's the same room I slept in when I was here before. It looks like a new room, though.   
The walls are painted a light purple instead of the boring white they were before. There's new furniture too. The bed is new, and it has big soft-looking blankets on it. Plus, there's a canopy that hangs over the top of the bed that I've always wanted!   
There's a little desk in the corner and a dresser to put all of my clothes with a big mirror on top of it. Sitting on the desk is Mr. Possy's cage, and the door is wide open.  
"I closed it when we left," Jack says.  
Jerry shrugs.  
"He's an escape artist, a regular Houdini. Good for him."  
They set my bags down in the room. I open one up to start unpacking everything, but Jack stops me.   
"Actually, Lily, before you get settled in, we have to go."   
I look at him, and I'm a little confused and kind of worried.   
"Go? But we just got back."   
"I know, but there are some people who want to see you. We've got to get to the gas station before I start getting angry phone calls."   
The worry goes away. I stand up, smiling when I think about who all would be at the gas station to see me. We walk right back the way we came and get back into the car. This time Mr. Possy is with us. I don't think Jack is very happy about it, but he doesn't say anything. He just makes a face when Mr. Possy screams at him.   
When we get to the gas station, everyone is outside. There's a big purple banner stretched out above the front doors. It says, "Welcome Home, Lily."   
Rosa, O'Brien, and Benji are all smiling. Well, Rosa and O'Brien are smiling. Benji isn't, at least not all the way. He's smiling with his eyes, even if his mouth is a straight line.   
I run over and give all of them big hugs. Rosa squeezes me really tight and then pulls a container out of her purse. It's filled with cookies!   
"I didn't know your favorite kind, but Jerry helped me out with what you might like."   
She hands me the container, and I give her another hug. I like Rosa a lot, she's always so nice to me. She also gives me a whole, brand-new pack of Tic-Tacs!  
O'Brien hugs me next. It's quicker with her, and she gives me a firm pat on the back.   
"It's good to have you back. Somebody has to take care of those two, you know. God knows I can't do it all the time. You're good at it, kid."   
She points to Jack and Jerry, then she winks at me.   
"Don't worry," I tell her, "I'll make sure they don't get in too much trouble."   
She chuckles, and then I turn to Benji.   
I want to hug him right away, but I can't. Because he's got something in his hands.   
It's Violet! There's a bow on the handle, one of the big silvery ones you get on Christmas presents. He holds Violet out to me and gives me a tiny smile. I take her from him, making sure to be careful. When I take her, he gives me a quick but strong hug.  
"Told you I'd keep her warm for you. What do you say we see if she still works?"  
I look at Jack and Jerry, and they're both smiling and nodding at me. Then I look at O'Brien, and she shrugs. She's smiling too.  
"I don't think the sheriff will have any problems with that."   
I put on my best warrior face and then aim Violet at the sky. I fire two loud shots right up into the air, and everybody cheers. It makes me feel all warm inside.   
I laugh a little, and then the ground under my feet starts to shake.   
A long time ago, that might have made me really afraid, but now it just makes me even happier. I look at the forest and see a giant green monster come running right towards me— our giant green monster.   
Rita tackles me and starts to lick my face. It's slimy and gross, but I can't help but laugh anyway. I missed her a lot, and even if she's getting glowing slime on me, I'm so happy to see her.   
When she's finished giving me all the love anybody could get from a giant, fuzzy raccoon monster, Jack helps me up off the ground.   
I look at Jack, and then Jerry. Then at all of our friends, and at our monster, and my pet. Not too long ago, I thought I would never get to have a family again, but now I know that I've got a really good one. They can't replace my mom and dad, or Roger. But they don't have to. They're a whole new family, and they love me. And it feels like I finally have a home again.


	58. A New Chapter at the Gas Station

Lily had fallen asleep on the couch, Alice in Wonderland left open facedown on her chest.  
Jerry was busy in the kitchen, fixing up some fancy cocktail for both of us. I'd been doing my best to cut down on any sort of alcohol, but tonight called for a celebration.  
I figured now would be a good time to go ahead and take Lily to her bed since Jerry had proposed we have some "alone time," as he put it, and I had a few ideas as to what that entailed. Besides, Lily needed to be tucked in.  
As I picked her up, the book fell to the floor. The first thing I noticed were the words "to Jack."  
I gently sat Lily back down, and she muttered something in her sleep that sounded suspiciously like "cinnamon rolls."  
I sat down next to her and read what was on the page. It was the dedication. I was pretty sure Alice in Wonderland didn't have a dedication. And if there was, it sure didn't say what this said.  
_To Jack,  
I know you remember what I told you that night before I was captured, that I don't like to meddle in the business of humans. In some ways, that's still true. I don't know how much more you'll hear from me after this. But I wanted to give you one final message and explain to you why I did what I did. Your world was destined to end in eternal pain and agony. There was nothing I or any other of my kind could do about it, much less any humans. But I remember what you told me the night before I rewrote reality. You said that giving up is for chumps and that you would find a way. I thought it was foolish and impossible, but you proved me wrong. You and Lily persevered, like salmon against a tidal wave, and defeated what no person should've been able to defeat. Your struggle moved me, and I did my best to lend aid where I could.  
Lily didn't deserve to be shuttered away in an orphanage for her sacrifice and bravery. The best place for her is with you, so I pulled a few strings. She'll need you, always. I know you and Jerry will take good care of her.  
I'm sure you already know that the worst is over. No more Algol, no more Samael, no more Collector. The boss battles have been won, so to speak. But the gas station is still a Crossroads. The weirdness will never truly go away because that's what the gas station thrives off of. But as far as that goes, I'm sure you're already well prepared.  
My final word of advice to you is this. Relax. Take a breather. Get a dog. Go to Europe. Skydive or something. Stop being so hard on yourself. You did good. Now it's time to take a step back and live your life.  
Tell Lily I said hi._  
I sat the book down on the coffee table, next to the grinning armadillo. It wasn't signed, but it didn't need to be. I knew who it was from.  
I picked Lily up and carefully carried her to the bed. She snuggled her face into my chest, and I laid her down in bed, kissing her forehead and pulling the blanket up.  
"Jack?"  
Lily opened one sleepy eye and looked at me.  
"Yes, Lilybell?"  
"Are things going to be okay now?"  
I rubbed my chin for a moment before responding.  
"Yes, Lily. Things are gonna be just as weird as always, but the normal weird."  
She smiled.  
"That's good. I love you. Jerry too."  
I smiled too.  
"We love you too."  
I turned on her night light and shut the door. I could hear Jerry singing as I sat down on the couch and picked the book back up again, reading over the message.  
Jerry waltzed in with two champagne flutes full of some cocktail I didn't know the name of. I thought about all we'd been through, everything since I stepped foot in that shitty gas station for the first time ever all those years ago. So many bad things had happened, but in the end, it had turned out alright. I was safe, I was happy, and I felt more loved than I had in years.  
Life was finally looking up.  
"Whatcha looking at?" He asked me.  
"Nothing important. I think I'm gonna start on a blog post."  
I set the book down and opened my laptop.


	59. I'm Lily Townsend and This is an Epilogue

Mr. Possy makes chittering noises from his cage. I can tell he doesn’t like his bowtie, but he has to wear it anyway. I finish brushing my hair, and I start to tie in the blue ribbon the Bathroom Cowboy gave me.  
The bow matches the dress that I got perfectly. I look at myself in the mirror, watching my dress billow out as I do a little twirl. I smile at myself in the mirror, and then there’s a soft knock on the door to my room.  
I go over and answer the door, and Rosa is standing there in her own soft purple dress. It’s almost the same color as the walls in my room and the special rack that holds Violet.  
“Absolutely lovely. Now come on! You can’t start a wedding without the flower girl.”  
I scoop Mr. Possy out of his cage and grab my little basket full of rose petals.  
As I walked with her through the house, we talked about how much fun we would have when I slept over at her and Amy’s house tonight.  
Jack was standing by the back door, looking very nervous.  
We made eye contact.  
_It’s gonna be alright, you know?  
‘I know, but I… I’m so fucking nervous.’  
Don’t be. Jerry loves you. Nothing else matters.  
‘You’re right. Thanks, Lily.’_  
He ruffles my hair like he always does. I don’t think he’ll ever stop doing that, even when I’m 40.  
_‘And Jack?  
‘Yes, Lily?’_  
I grin.  
_You owe the swear jar a quarter._


End file.
